Dazai is grinning from ear to ear, proudly showing Chuuya a handful of chestnuts he’s collected from the ground, and this is such an unexpected view, that Chuuya has to do a double take.
A chestnut falls on the ground, - no wonder, Dazai's hands are overflowing with them, - and Chuuya picks it up, his eyebrow raised with scepticism.
When he reluctantly agreed to hang out with Dazai after a mission, he didn't expect him to start running around under a chestnut tree like a rabid squirrel, collecting chestnuts with such zeal as if they were no less than precious diamonds.
Chuuya doesn’t get to finish the sentence. His eyes meet Dazai’s, and the uncovered eye’s shine is hypnotic, its colour perfectly matching the chestnut’s, the dull colour turned into a rich hue of brown Chuuya’s never seen before.
On second thought, collecting chestnuts doesn’t look like such a lame idea.
They start frequenting the park, and every time their pockets get filled with chestnuts, and their hearts with warmth.
Suddenly, autumn is not about gusting winds and rainy days anymore. For Dazai, autumn is about the fiery foliage of the trees that complements Chuuya’s hair so beautifully, and even though clear skies are a rarity in this season, Chuuya’s eyes are blue enough to make up for it.
For Chuuya, autumn is about the deep brown of chestnuts, the colour he never knew was so warm - as warm as Dazai’s hand in his, as warm as the way he looks at him with timid adoration, as warm as the lively spark in his brown eyes.
For them, autumn is about prickly husks leaving scratches on their hands, hot chocolate in paper cups, and sharing an umbrella on a rainy day, and always, as years go by, it’s about collecting chestnuts.
It’s always about chestnuts.
Their first kiss under the chestnut tree when they were 16. Their first “I love you” at 17 as they were lying on the grass, breathless, after relentlessly bombarding each other with chestnuts, smiles on their faces lighting up the gloomy Yokohama sky.
Autumn is about chestnuts, warm hands and love.
Chuuya is 18, and he doesn’t go anywhere near the park anymore.
Seeing chestnuts in the grass doesn’t feel like a treasure hunt, but rather a bitter reminder of what he used to have. Frankly, he’d pay all the money in the world to cut down every single chestnut tree in this godforsaken city.
Autumn is a shit season, if you think about it.
Years pass, but Chuuya still can’t bear seeing a certain shade of brown. Much to his annoyance, it’s everywhere - in the colour of his desk, in the leather of his car seats, in the fallen leaves in the puddles of water on the ground.
When he sees that shade again - the shade, as he looks Dazai in the eye in the Port Mafia dungeon, he tells himself he didn't miss it. He tells himself the colour doesn't look even more striking now that he can see both brown eyes looking at him with such longing, that he even lets himself reminisce for a split second.
One day they are heading to the ADA office after a joint mission. They aren’t speaking - they don't have anything to talk about. Not anymore. With the corner of his eye, Chuuya sees a familiar tree - it grew taller, but the way its leaves show off their autumn dress is the same as it used to be when they were younger. Before Chuuya knows it, Dazai is gone, running toward the tree with his trench coat comically fluttering behind him. Chuuya just rolls his eyes. Such a manchild.
Dazai is grinning from ear to ear, his hands are full of chestnuts, and the way he’s showcasing his treasure to Chuuya wakes something up inside of him. Something that was dormant for so long. Something that he, deep down, missed so much.
“You idiot,” Chuuya mumbles, intently looking at Dazai’s lips.
The chestnuts fall on the ground.
It feels like their first kiss all over again. It’s chaste. It’s sincere. It’s perfect.
“Can we start again?” Dazai whispers into Chuuya’s ear, his warm embrace defeating the chilly September afternoon.
Autumn is about forgiveness, warm hands and love.
Autumn is about chestnuts.
It’s always about chestnuts.
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