A few hours has past since I left Harlow's and we agreed on trying this thing (?) we have going on(ish). I'm kinda confused and really just wanna fucking get to know this girl. I don't know why she's got me so damn intrigued and I know I'm still trying to figure her out. What do girls like? Average girls like her...uhh they like surprise lunch date things, I think.
I look out the window at the apartment complex's parking lot and I see her car still there, so I assume she's probably just chilling at home. I get up and pull my leather jacket on over the white tee and make my way to her place.
I get to her door and I knock. I stand there and wait a few minutes and I knock again, I don't even her her dog barking? What the fuck? I put my ear to the door.
I jump a bit at the sound of her voice and I quickly turn around and see her standing there with a leash in hand and her keys in the other. Roman is at her side sniffing the ground. "Uh, hey." I mumble
"What are you doing?" She looks at me with furrowed eyebrows. The big frames she had on earlier are gone and her long locks are once again formed nicely into the two braids at her shoulders. Her figure hidden under the oversized hoodie.
"Um...I don't know" I shrug and lean against the wall.
"Yeah...whatever." She rolls her eye and walks past me to unlock her door. I start to follow her in until I'm bumping into her.
"Calum, what do you want?" She sighs.
"I—" I bite my lip, "wanna go out to lunch?"
"What?" She looks at me confused.
"I just said babe" I sigh and look at her. I notice her cheeks turn a few shades pink and I can't help but smirk.
"Um...come in...I— let me just...fix myself." She says quickly and sprints off to I assume her bedroom and I go inside and close the door, Roman jumping at me and I chuckle as I take a seat in her loveseat. He jumps up into the couch with me and I smile,
"Hey buddy, hope you don't mind if I take her for a bit." I chuckle softly and pet him. A few minutes pass and she's still in her room and I sigh, why is it taking her so long? She was already dressed and shit,
I groan and get up and go down the hallway to her bedroom and knock on the door "Hey...uh Harlow? You okay babe?" I ask through the door and I hear her drop something "Crap!" I hear her say quietly and I snort at her choice of words.
"Y-yeah, just a minute!" She says a bit louder and I groan, "you were already dressed, you look fine." I open the door to see her sitting in the floor in her underwear and my eyes widen at the simple, lavender, cotton panty and bra set on her porcelain skin.
"CALUM!" She screams and I quickly close the door and go to the living room. "Fuck" I mumble to myself.
Focus Calum. Why did I open the door? I just fucked this up, now she definitely thinks I'm trying to fuck with her. Damnit!
Oh no. Oh course this has to happen. I was just trying to put makeup on...which is something I'm not very good at and then find something cuter to possibly wear and of course Calum has to walk in just as I'm trying to open a new bottle of foundation. Of course.
I was only mostly clothes-less because whenever I put makeup on I get my clothes kinda messy and I was trying to avoid that this time. Now he probably left and I honestly don't think I wanna go anywhere now because Calum just saw everything.
He probably stood there looking at how fat and disgusting I look...he definitely wants nothing to do with me now. I just ruined whatever tiny chance I had with him...not that it really matter because I guess he would've found out anyway and ugh. I hate my life.
I look at myself in the mirror and look at my pudgy stomach and my stretch mark covered skin; they're all over my stomach and thighs, my breasts and even some on my arms. Nobody would ever really want that. I feel the familiar tight feeling in my throat and I look down and start to cry.
This is what I get for looking this way.
Time goes by, and I have no idea how much and I hear a light knocking on my door "Harlow...hey, I'm really sorry for startling you and walking in like that...I-I know I should've just waited...are you crying? Oh please don't be crying, I'm so sorry love" I hear him sigh "I keep fucking everything up, fuck!"
I get up and pull shorts and one of my giant sweatshirts on and I open the door and face Calum with my tear stained cheeks, he looks at me with confusion and pity? I'm not completely sure, but I end up just forcing myself in his arms as I cry into his chest and I feel him rest his arms around me and eventually he pulls me closer.
"Hey, hey it's okay love, don't cry." He mumbles softly and rubs my back. "I'm sorry for making you cry." He says quietly and I sigh and keep my face hide. against him "It's not your fault Calum" I mumble.
"Then what is it babe?" I feel him playing with one of my braids. "It's just me...you saw me looking like that." I cry out
"Like yourself? There's nothing wrong with the way you look Harlow." He says to me, which has to be a lie. I don't care how much body positivity bull crap there is out there, nobody wants to look like me and even if it's technically 'okay' to look the way I do, doesn't mean I enjoy it. I do crazy things to try to look the way I would want and nothing works.
"Yeah right." I mumble and then I hear him sigh again. "You know my sister had issues with the way she looked too, for years, and she still struggles with that, but she realized that whatever shit you see in the media or whatever is just shit. You know Harlow, I may have only seen what I saw for a split second, but there was nothing wrong with you that I could see. You look different to me than you do to yourself."
I look up at him and sniffle, I feel him wipe the tears off my cheeks "No need to cry baby" He whispers softly as I nod.
Without even thinking I'm leaning into him and we're kissing, yet again, but this time I put my hands around his neck and I feel him pick me up and as nervous about my weight as I truly am, I push that thought behind me and wrap my legs around his waist, he doesn't seem to be struggling to hold me, so I'm probably a little safe with this.
VERY long awaited!! soooo soo sorry for all my procrastinating!! i suck, i know, just been through a lotta shit for a few months, life got busy and funnily enough, it’s about to get busy again. so much has happened, all i’d say are pretty good things, so that’s cool, i really hope y’all read this chapter, i’ve really, truly been working on it for way too long and it really needs some loving. made sure she was a bit of a longer one too....mostly to compensate my long absence, again i’m sorry please forgive me and enjoy! - grace
