tell my parents i have hope

(BEA)TRIX HARLAND a survivor is born.

[deadgirlwalkingxx]

[ welcome home, sucker ] [bea + rae ]

[deadgirlwalkingxx]

rae-deaton‌

They were just as kind as Bea had always said that they were. As soon as narrow shoulders slumped down and her eyes welled with tears, the other girl’s mother pulled her into her arms. She smelled sweet, like her perfume was something intended to smell like a garden in spring and her hold was tight. She couldn’t remember what it was like to be coddled by someone matronly, Vanessa Deaton hadn’t had the capability; she loved little more than herself and it showed in her parenting. “Jude,” Bea’s mother said over her shoulder, her hands rubbing at the knobs of Rae’s spine. “Why don’t you make some tea?”

And they invited her in, making a spot on the couch for the lost girl, offering her tissues to dry the tears that stained her cheeks and tracked down dark mascara. She murmured her thank you’s and had to remind herself not to tuck her feet up onto the couch— instead, she brought her elbows in and focused on quieted her heart, making herself small in other ways.

“How do you know Bea?”

She blurted the question as if she would be afraid of the response and Rae was startled by it, looking up to find a sad set of curious eyes studying her features. She wanted to speak, to fill in the puzzle piece that she knew was missing— I recognize you too, Schaefer; she wanted to say, your locker was right across from mine in tenth grade. She took a sip of the tea, willing her shaking fingers to slow. “She’s my friend.”

She could see the way that the word made Bea’s father wince, he wanted to say was, to correct her— to give a reason for his pain. But the door opened, and the past-tense no longer applied. Rae’s tears, momentarily stopped, now threatened to overflow, terrified by the way that dark red clung to Bea’s clothing and skin. What had happened? Had it happened again? She knew that her friend had been murdered, but she didn’t look hurt, instead, she folded into her parents’ ready arms.

When she spoke, Rae shook her head. “I don’t know.” The words were muddied, her hand rubbed at her cheek. “I woke up and I was home, but it’s not my home anymore.” Dark brows tugged in and she trembled. “Someone else lives there.”

She didn’t want to let go of her parents because she was scared if she did then they would disappear. For years she’d dreamed of this moment. One where she got to hold her parents and be with them. It was something that she’d accepted wouldn’t happen, but somehow it was. Somehow they were there, and so was she, and so was Rae. Bea’s eyes closed as she took in everything that was going on. She listened as Rae spoke, remarking that she’d woken up at home. Bea let go of her parents and took a half step back, breathing out. “I woke up where I was-” She stopped herself, looking at her parents. It had to have been incredibly difficult for them in the years she was gone. She didn’t want to say something that would hurt them. But they looked back at her and it was clear that they knew where she was going. “-murdered.”

The moment she said it, she felt sick to her stomach. Something else she hadn’t dealt with since the day she died. There was no sickness in the In-Between. No physical pain either. The second she said it out loud, her thoughts shifted to him. The person who had done terrible things to her, hadn’t cared that she was begging for her life. Porter Anderson. “Did they arrest him?” Bea said to her parents, biting at the inside of her cheek.

“Who?” Her mother replied.

 Devastation. She could tell by the way they’d said it that hadn’t. Bea shook her head, choking back fresh tears. “Porter Anderson.” Her father swallowed hard, his face blanking slightly. “He’s the one who did this to you?” It took him a minute to get the sentence fully out, but he did. And when he did, Bea felt years of blindness being lifted from her. In that moment she saw all of the hurt, and the pain, and the devastation, that her parents had went through. Up there she’d thought about it often, but it was different seeing it in person. Real. 

He’d gotten away with it, Bea thought. She collapsed onto the couch and buried her face into her now folded arms. For years she’d held onto the hope that he had been caught and put away. 

[deadgirlwalkingxx]

[ welcome home, sucker ] [bea + rae ]

[deadgirlwalkingxx]

rae-deaton‌

Rae’s heart hammered against her ribs, ricocheting against the cage that kept it intact, mimicking the slam of her fist against the door. In her ears, she could hear it’s voracious beat, but the whole rest of the neighbourhood seemed to slow– and then stilled as if shocked that a girl as poorly put together as she dared to disturb the afternoon’s peace. It waited with bated breath and Rae tasted fear, stepping back from the door. A moment stretched by, sticky as tar, and then another. She debated bolting, heading in any direction– but as she looked quickly over her shoulder, the door swung open.

Bea’s father answered. He looked just as she imagined, just as described. Rae wanted to reach out– to touch him, make sure that he was real. He looked tired, a little older. Dark brows tugged in as he looked her up and down. “Is everything alright?” 

Rae’s mouth opened, but she found herself wordless. Dark eyes threatened to grow crystalline, she could already feel the threat of a tear at the corners. Instead, she tugged at her sleeves, pulling the fabric into her palms and balling them up. “Where’s Bea?” Her lip trembled, she could see the man’s face break a little too. Maybe he’d forgotten about her for a moment, grief was like that– you started to think less and less of those that had passed; until they were no longer the most present thing in your mind. To speak her name felt like she was inflicting a new wound. “Scaefer?” He called behind him, “Can you come here?”

And then there were two of them, standing in front of a girl whose body shook like a tuning rod. Rae’s mouth felt dry and she looked between the two of them. “Where’s Bea?” Her voice was raised a little more now, demanding an answer from two people who likely tormented themselves with the same query. Their own eyes looked glassy, Rae could feel tears on her cheeks. 

“Is this a joke?”

She was lost. Frightened, her arms wrapped around her shoulders and she shook her head, keeping it down to hide the way her features crumpled in despair.

Bea snapped her eyes open, drew in a breath, and immediately became very confused. She was staring upwards, her view of the sky obscured by trees. She looked around herself from her spot on the forest floor. That’s when she begun to panic. At that moment it clicked- she was in the spot she died in. Bea jumped up in a panic, whimpering. What was going on? Would Porter show up at any moment? Before anything else could happen, Bea took off. She was barefoot as she ran through the woods. Nothing was making sense. What was going on? Was this some place after the In-Between? Where was everyone else? But then she exited the forest and ran onto Cape Jane’s main street. She stopped dead when her feet hit the store-lined street. Lights, sounds, voices- all of them were overwhelming her brain. But that’s when she realized...she was alive. 

That’s Bea Harland? She heard someone say in a whispered voice. Bea looked over towards the road that would have taken her home and took off. She was crying now, her tears stinging her cheeks as she went. Even as she ran she could tell that everything looked the same. The same, but somehow different. Bea stopped as she approached her street. She could smell the ocean water. Any kid who grew up on the docks could. She’d forgotten the smell during her time in the In-Between. But now it was coming back, hitting her in the face full force. If she hadn’t already been crying then that would have done the trick. Memories came rushing back to her, a million at a time. 

But there was one thing she couldn’t stop thinking about: where was Rae? Where were all of them? Then she took off again, oblivious to how terrifying she must have looked. A girl with dried blood over her face, arms, and legs. She had scars from wounds where Porter would have stabbed her. Her sweatshirt, the one she’d left school wearing that day, was completely bloody. Her jeans too. Finally she came to her own house. The tiny blue and white thing with faded shutters and the old porch. She ran up the steps and to the front door, immediately opening it. 

When she did, she was struck by a sight that took her breath away. Her parent and Rae. The moment the door burst open, her parents had jumped in surprise. But the real shock came when they saw her. Their daughter who had been murdered almost eight years ago was standing in front of them. They seemed confused, happy, and terrified. Maybe they thought they were hallucinating. Both moved towards her and after a few seconds of inspecting, burst into tears and hugged her. Bea was shaking, completely overwhelmed with everything that was happening to her. “I don’t understand,” she finally said, looking away from her parents and to Rae.

[deadgirlwalkingxx]

[ welcome home, sucker ] [bea + rae ]

[deadgirlwalkingxx]

rae-deaton‌

The streets were different now. Rae walked along the sidewalk, shoving her hands deep into her pockets. Had they been visible, she was certain that she would have seen her digits, adorned with rings, tremble in fear. What had happened? Her eyes widened when she realized that the home she had careened into was none other than her own. It looked newer now than it had a quarter century ago, having benefitted from a fresh coat of paint and a new roof. When she had lived there it had been characterized by the porch, sagging like a smile and a front lawn that was more weeds than grass.

It was nice to see it being taken care of– she didn’t even recognize the name on the mailbox. Rae began to move, looking around to pick out anything else she knew. Cars that she didn’t know of lined the street and the toe of her scuffed sneaker tripped over an uneven sidewalk. The world had changed, and the impact against the asphalt shocked her. It stung.

Pain, when absent for so long can flood back and feel almost exciting. She rammed her foot against the sidewalk again, feeling a jolt like electricity. She was alive. Rae’s heart hammered inside her chest– she had to find Bea. Picking through the neighbourhood she crossed through the park and down the streets: had they lived at the same time, they’d of only been a five-minute walk away. 

The girl stopped at the front door, wiping her fingers under her eyes to clean up the makeup before pounding hard on the door. 

For the second time in her life, she felt the pain that comes with death. It was like the entire town around her had died. All of them gone, yet she was left standing. Of course, there was a chance that others were still left in the In-Between, but just tucked away in their homes or elsewhere. She’d stayed at Rahi’s home for a bit, hoping that somehow whatever had taken the others would find her. But didn’t. So she sat in this once warm home that was now blanketed by coldness. She stared at his patchwork couch, zoning out for spaces of time. Getting up and leaving the room meant leaving the house, which meant venturing out into the In-Between. She knew she wouldn’t see anyone else, and the truth was that she didn’t want to accept that.

Eventually, though, she did. The weather now was wild. Snow was raining down in droves. If there was anyone else left, they’d, no doubt, be indoors. Bea hung tighter onto her sweater, sights set on her own home. The one that was now haunted. She didn’t want to go back, but she really didn’t have a choice. Town Hall was closed off, and she didn’t have the mental wherewithal to dream something up. Plus, it didn’t feel right to do that without Rae. As she flopped down onto her couch, her thoughts drifted to her brunette friend. The two got along like a house on fire. One moment they hadn’t known each other and the next they were the best of friends. It was what Bea, and Rae, had needed at the time. 

After a time, she stood up and made her way towards her picture window. The snow was covering the bottom portion of it now. She begun imagining the fun her and Rae would have had. Bea stood with a blanket around her, looking out at the snow covered neighborhood around her. Then something odd happened. She felt the blanket disappear, giving a gasp of surprise. Then she was gone in the blink of an eye.

[deadgirlwalkingxx]

[ welcome home, sucker ] [bea + rae ]

[deadgirlwalkingxx]

rae-deaton‌

“When it’s good, it’s good.” Rae lifted a shoulder and grinned. She’d run through Leon the Professional about a hundred times a year, followed by Pulp Fiction and every other terrible film that had come out before ‘95. They were little things that stayed tethered to the past, but the familiarity of them was jarring. The people in a movie were stuck in their universe, trapped in a time that would never alter. Like her, they would never know anything more or less than the span of their film. She waved off Bea as she walked off, grabbing some snacks to begin to chew on.

Beneath her, the chair disappeared. Rae’s arm careened outwards sending groceries and plates flying off the counter. She gasped, and like a faulty light bulb– blinked and disappeared.

She had expected an impact, but instead, her eyes opened to a dark room. Bare arms pressed to a cold surface, she was cramped into what felt like a coffin. Rae gasped, tucking air into lungs that felt compressed. Wildly, she felt around, letting her gaze adjust before coming to a conclusion as to where she was. This was a bathtub. “Bea?” She called softly, pushing the curtain aside to glance into the room. 

This was nothing she recognized from the In Between. Warm sunlight spilt into the room from the open window and she squinted at the tiles. A repeating pattern of pastels made her brows draw in, the layout seemed awfully familiar. Long limbs stretched out and joints cracked as she stepped out of the tub, glancing into the mirror. Her clothes had changed. The hoodie and leggings had been replaced for a tattoo choker, her eyes were lined with smeared makeup. 

Recognition hit like a bullet to the chest and she gasped. This was where she had died. Rae bit into her lip to swallow down a noise, looking instead at the array of products on the countertop. She didn’t recognize them, nor did she the images that were taped to the side of the glass. Confusion made her head begin to ache, and she did what any reasonable person would think to do.

Rae slipped out of the house through the skinny window in the bathroom.

No reply. This didn’t immediately worry Bea. She turned to double check that the DVD player setting was correct. When she turned around and there was still no response from Rae, Bea felt something odd settle in her stomach. “Rae?” She didn’t move, stood waiting in the living room fully expecting to hear Rae call back at any moment. When silence continue to ring throughout the room, Bea knew something was up. Rae wouldn’t do something like this as a joke. As she approached the kitchen she tried to think of excuses that would explain away the crash and no response from Rae. 

When she entered the kitchen, that’s when the true horror started. On the floor was the now broken bowl from which Rae had been eating out of only moments prior. Bea knelt down, touching the shards of the bowl. “Rae Deaton?” ‘Come on, answer me’ she told herself. No answer again. Bea walked through the kitchen and into the front living room- no sign of Rae. Maybe she went upstairs without me knowing, she thought. She took the steps two at a time, searching through every single room. Nothing. Panic really started to set in now. Something like this had never happened. There hadn’t been a disappearance in the In-Between. No one had ever just disappeared without a trace. So Bea ran down the steps and out of her house. Jumping off of her porch- completely skipping the steps, she ran to Rae’s house. It took a mere two seconds given that the girls lived right next door to one another.

Bea gently pushed open the front door, still hoping that she’d see Rae there. I forgot something, thought I’d just quickly run over to get it, maybe her friend would say. “Rae? Are you here?” Bea closed her eyes and waited for a response. Nothing again. Even though she knew it wouldn’t matter, she check every room in Rae’s house. Where was she? It wasn’t possible to simply disappear. “No, no, no, no.” She mumbled to herself as she ran out of Rae’s house. Bea ran into town, hoping that she’d see someone. Maybe Jake or Rahi. Maybe they would have an idea as to where she could be. The moment she stepped foot into the town square, she knew something was off. It was still snowing, and the wind was picking up now. It was whipping her curls around her face. She stood staring at the building, chest heaving. “Hello? Anyone?”

The only response she got was the howl of the wind. It scared her. Again she asked herself, what was going on? She couldn’t simply give up, so she found herself running from building to building. Each one she was met with a similar showing- emptiness. It was eery. She decided to check someone else’s house, running to Rahi’s. When she entered she felt her blood run cold. It seemed, just like Rae, he’d disappeared on the spot. The TV was still playing and right in front of the couch, as though he’d simply dropped it, was a spilled bowl of Cheetos. She collapsed onto the floor and started to sob. Where had they gone? And why was she left alone?

[deadgirlwalkingxx]

[ welcome home, sucker ] [bea + rae ]

[deadgirlwalkingxx]

rae-deaton‌

“Are you sure you’re not projecting?” Rae teased, freeing another grape to bite into it. She remembered the last party she had been dragged to attend, how the sickly sweetness of the punch clung to her teeth and the terrible music had grated her nerves– but because it was easier to please Chrys than to complain, she’d told her that she’d had a great time on the way out and promised to attend the next event. The lie was fervent, but still, she glanced at the windows worriedly, visualizing curtains to drape over them to hide the spill in of sunlight. Better safe than sorry.

“Leon the Professional,” the brunette answered with ease. It had been one of the last films that she’d seen before she’d died and it was one that remained the most prevalent in her mind. Her fingers reached up to touch the cropped ends of her hair– a recent rewatch had inspired her to take up a Matilda-esque look, and so far, she found that it suited her. “Unless of course, you want to see something different.”

“Should have known you’d say that movie.” The two of them never ran out of movies to watch, but somehow managed to watch the same one every now and again. There was plenty of time for them to watch any number of movies. They had forever, after all. These sort of days were the ones they spent with only each other. Hours upon hours of movies, talking, and eating. Some days were meant to be more private, but it wasn’t like that always. There were days where all of them got together and played board games. Days where they went to some corner of the In-Between and dreamt up something wild and spent ages playing around. But today she was glad to just have Rae. 

Bea pushed herself away from the pastel purple countertop and walked towards the entrance to the living room. “I’m gonna get the movie set up and I’ll be back.” She made it to the wooden archway before she turned around and looked back in Rae’s direction. “Do not eat all of the muddy buddies in my absence!!” With that she turned back around and walked into the living room, fingers sifting through the DVD shelf. After a few seconds of searching she managed to locate the movie Rae had picked out and had plucked it from the shelf. Bea popped the DVD into the system and stood back to make sure everything was in order. CRASH. She jumped as she heard a clatter coming from the kitchen. Bea fully expected to hear Rae give a shout of some kind, but there was nothing. “Rae, you okay?”

[deadgirlwalkingxx]

[ welcome home, sucker ] [bea + rae ]

[deadgirlwalkingxx]

rae-deaton‌

The days stretched out mercilessly, and Rae found herself at the mercy of the world that they had crafted. Today, she donned a band tee– faded and worn not from age, but rather, from design, and she flipped through records. It devastated her that the collection that she had dreamed up for Bea’s home would never be as complete as she would like. There were discs that sat on the shelf with songs only known half to completion when they played loud in the living room she found herself jolted from whatever daydream she sunk herself into when the songs screeched to a halt. Today, it was the Four Seasons and she crooned along to the words, pausing only when she heard the door open.

Rae sprung from her chair, loping into the kitchen with the words on her lips, “Late December, back in sixty-threee–” She grinned widely, reaching into one of the bags to pluck a grape from its packaging, popping it into her mouth and chewing. “Hm,” she considered, settling onto one of the kitchen barstools with her feet swinging out to maintain the beat. “Maybe everyone’s decided to take it easy today.” Her head canted, “I think I heard a few people walking by earlier, you might have missed them.”

“That’s definitely the reason, but I’d like to think maybe we escaped a last minute party thrown by her.” It wouldn’t have been a first time. Bea remembered fondly to a night some time back when she found herself just exiting an alleyway, her sights set on a candy shop just across the road. Rahi saw her and frantically whispered- ‘She’s here. Run. It’s not too late for you.’ Bea was initially startled. That was until she heard Chrys’s voice. She was screaming about some event she’d thrown together. Rahi had been too late to avoid her gaze and too kind to tell her that he didn’t want to attend. And if it hadn’t been for him, Bea would have went the same way.

Bea started to put the groceries away, humming along to the song that Rae had been singing. Back when she was alive, Bea hadn’t been music obsessed. The only time she really listened to it was at iceskating, and that was typically if she was rehearsing for a solo or show of some kind. Other than that music wasn’t a big part of her life. Which was quite odd because her father had been fanatical about it. She’d wake up and hear him getting ready for work whilst listening to some song from the 70′s. One time she walked by her parents door and saw the two of them, arm-in-arm, dancing. “So what movie are we watching today?” She turned to her friend, back pressed up against the counter. “Old or new-er?” New being something from before she’d died, but after Rae’s death. 

[deadgirlwalkingxx]

[ welcome home, sucker ] [bea + rae ]

Bea had spent the beginning hours of her day in town, gathering some supplies for the two person party her and Rae were going to throw. So maybe it wasn’t a party. Maybe it was their usual daily ritual of watching movies, making food, and lounging. In her mind she’d call it a party. It made everything sound much cooler. Today must be a quiet one, Bea thought to herself as she left town center and headed home. While out she hadn’t run into almost anyone. Off in the distance she’d seen Jake Cofax, but that was about it. Some days were like that, of course. People liked to relax and spend time alone or in a dwelling of their own. Bea and Rae knew that personally. Still, it was odd to see the In-Between so quiet. Of course, she hadn’t actually needed to run into town to do the shopping. She could have easily just conjured the items up at home. But where was the fun in that? People had shops for a reason, and Bea actually enjoyed some of the things others created rather than herself.

Bags in hand, she headed up the wooden steps into her house. A house which was positioned right against Rae’s. The two hopped from one to the other, depending on how they were feeling on a given day. Today they decided on Bea’s house. She pulled open the door, balancing the groceries carefully, and went inside. From the moment she came inside it was clear that Rae was there. Before visiting her friend in the living room she headed to the kitchen and dropped the bags off. “So,” she said as she popped around the corner. “Either Chrys has found a way to get rid of everyone or today is an extremely quiet day. The only person I saw was Jake, and he was quite a distance off so I didn’t even get to say hello.”

[spidermon]

I can tell you everything that I did wrong. I didn’t eat when I was hungry. Didn’t sleep when I was tired. Didn’t get warm when I was cold. It made me weak.