he notices. of course he does. the reaction brings a hint of regret into alastor’s mind, but he brushes it off, aware that someone had to do it eventually, that caradoc needed to be shaken back into reality, and that obligation fell on him and came before all else. “ fuck off. “ he mimicks him, leaning back against his chair, an even harsher look hiding the overwhelming sadness within. “ i don’t give a shit about your cover. if it’s gone, it’s gone, and you do regular work. that’s not with me, and you know it. “ maybe you should. he’s unsure if he wants to reach over the table to shake him, or to hold him, so he stays put, the same words replaying in his head. “ you’re only a liability the moment you start betraying us. and that’s not happening anytime soon, because i’d know it, and you’d be dead, so i’m sorry, caradoc. you’re stuck with us. “ you’re stuck with me. beign some sort of leader comes with an emotional openness alastor isn’t quite ready to accept, but he knows he might just have to, for the sake of doc, and any thers who walk into his office. eyes scan the other man, taking in every detail he can, including scarring, including bags under his eyes, including the slightyl shaken demeanor. the auror’s heart bleeds for the idiot accorss the table and he knows it. “ did they ? d’you need like, potion or something ? “ his own potions cabinet was filled with things just for that purpose - the scars oon his face could prove it. “you don’t - “ he’s silent for a beat, letting himself find the right words and the courage for them. “ when shit goes down, you don’t need to leave. there’s more paths than fleeing, and don’t start with the contacts thing because we both know you mostly did it to get away. just - you can come here. “ he wouldn’t be the first, or the last. especially after st. mungo’s. “ talk or sit in a corner complaining. break some shit, i don’ care. eat a sandwich. “ he pushed it nearer himwith a shrg. “ what you can’t do is leave us without answers. not again, doc. “
you’re only a liability the moment you start betraying us. the words seem to stick, echoing against his brain. uncertainty has weighed on caradoc for weeks now and frustration intertwines with fear at alastor’s words. spine straightens and hands ball into fists, jagged nails digging crescent moons into his palms. the frustration continues to build maybe because he doesn’t know who he is without the work he had been doing. perhaps it’s the self - doubt. it could be that nagging whisper he hears or the lack of sleep. no matter the cause, a switch seems to flip within him. ❝ that’s the thing ! ❞ doc snaps back, a whisper of panic nearly undetectable beneath the words. ❝ what if i already have, moody ? what if i already gave something up ? ❞ because it’s not like he knows the truth. the black hole in his memory that had gone unspoken for weeks now, the empty time that tells him he could have done any number of things, was desperate to be put out in the open. he doesn’t know what he was capable of doing or who he would be willing to risk to save his own ass. the hours following when he watched marietta drag frank down the empty corridors as he went the opposite way, into the hands of grinning ornate masks they were just gone. it fucking terrifies him. ❝ i was in that hospital for two days. you know how i know that ? ❞ doc wishes he felt like he deserved moody’s concern, but he only barrels on, weeks worth of anxieties falling past chapped lips. ❝ because that’s how long the prophet said the hostage situation was. because that’s what people have told me. but i don’t fucking remember. i was there for two days, and i feel like i’m missing half that time. ❞ he can’t remember, doesn’t remember, won’t remember. maybe he shouldn’t. ❝ i can’t leave you all without answers ? what about the fucking answers i need ? i spent two weeks trying to figure out what the hell i’m missing and it’s like my head is a goddamn locked box and ❞ there’s a shaky breath taken as his fist slams once on the arm of his chair. ❝ if whoever’s singing in the hall doesn’t stop, i might actually go fucking mad. ❞
origamiaround
ellievsbear
romaincrisis
jacobvanloon
blakekathryn
