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#9

My dear Yellow,

I really need to stop. My mind is reminiscing to when we first met. And a smile flares up my face when I think about him. Anywhere I go, he’s almost always there. I should really stop. I must be bored. Yes, like usual. I’m just using him to occupy my thoughts while my Beloved God is gone. But, why do I feel…that this won’t be easy to rid?

These tears press against my eyes, but none dares to fall.

Where is my breaking point?

I tried to avoid him…and end up seeing him everywhere.

I’m being pulled by his essence and he have become almost the gravitational pull of my inertia.

And I can’t say it out…that I may have begun to like him.

Repeal me.

Because I cannot repeal you from my thoughts.

And there is no way for You and Me to exist as Us.

There for,

I only like him as a friend.

Smiles (fading)

#dear yellow

#8

Yellow…help me!

I think I should just give up. Yeah. I should just give up on him. It will make my life simpler, yeah? It should, right? Help me, someone.

Why? Why am I in such a situation?

But I must stay away from him…

From everyone.

I can break down later. Now I must stay strong.

Will I be able to conserve enough energy?

I won’t give up.

Still Standing,

Smiles

#dear yellow

#7

Dearest Yellow,

Today's Valentine's Day.

But I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Yeah...I couldn't.

Smiles (& tears)

#dear yellow

#6

Yellow.

I can’t stop thinking about him. I just can’t help thinking about him.

We talked a while, but I can’t hold a conversation with him. There’s a barrier that I just won’t allow myself to go through. But if we’re chatting or messaging…we could express ourselves so well. Why?

Smiles

#dear yellow

#5

Dear Yellow,

I saw him again today.

I love my God (obviously), but I think I like him.

I don’t want to do that, but both will hurt me.

Why are people afraid of pain?

I don’t know myself anymore. I lie to myself a lot. I’m not really sure if I really like something or not anymore.

I need to consult a psychiatrist? I don’t know.

I want to cry. I want to find shoulders and drain those tears on and release all the stress that has been building upon my back. I need someone to follow me through, and help me stay focus, stay on task, and accomplish the priors first. Yellow, will you help me?

Smiles

#dear yellow

#4

Yellow,

I am seriously going through hell right now. Sometimes I began to wonder about myself and I’ve concluded:

I’m crazy.

#dear yellow

#3

Yellow,

Today, I failed the quiz. My life is now on the verge of changing.

On this week, I guess then that it will definitely change.

Today, I felt so bad for slacking. I chose my own pathways and I’m making excuses about it. And when I failed the quiz, it made me want to cry out all my stress. There’s so much…my Beloved God…will you save me? Right…I’m being killed by you as well.

I am alone now…stepping up to face the world alone. And I will be strong to accomplish all that I need. I will be strong enough to determined and I will be able to do it. I can do it all.

Smiles

#dear yellow

#2

Yellow,

And in general, I’m alone. I don’t even know when that had started happening…me pushing others away. I’ve begun to realize how much I isolate myself from others, always alone. I’ve locked myself up in fantasies so much I’ve forgotten. And then today. I don’t know anymore.

Why? Why is it that when a guy is kind, the girl slowly falls for him? And he…why can’t he too?! So that they’ll just both fall for each other.

Why am I helping? What am I doing there? What is my purpose? … Is it?! I hope it’s not. I don’t intend to go there. And so, I’ll give it up now.

I want to give it up. I want to give it all up. That’s the thought…that ran through my mind. And maybe…I want it to stay there…

Smiles

#dear yellow

#1

Dearest Yellow,

Tomorrow will decide my fate…

We’re all drawing further apart. What is happening? I begin to fear the future.

My beloved God is drifting away from my reach…

Maybe I’m too jealous, what am I to do?

What if I begin to fall…for—no.

I’m seriously losing my mind. I must get stronger, yes, stronger. I am weak as I am now. I must shape up, both physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I wonder if he likes me. How would I feel?

#dear yellow

#0

Dearest Yellow

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