#dear yellow

[abstractwealth]

Yellow Housing Estate, Warsaw, Poland, 2005

[dearestyellow-blog]

#9

My dear Yellow,

I really need to stop. My mind is reminiscing to when we first met. And a smile flares up my face when I think about him. Anywhere I go, he’s almost always there. I should really stop. I must be bored. Yes, like usual. I’m just using him to occupy my thoughts while my Beloved God is gone. But, why do I feel…that this won’t be easy to rid?

These tears press against my eyes, but none dares to fall.

  Where is my breaking point?

  I tried to avoid him…and end up seeing him everywhere.

I’m being pulled by his essence and he have become almost the gravitational pull of my inertia.

And I can’t say it out…that I may have begun to like him.

  Repeal me.

Because I cannot repeal you from my thoughts.

And there is no way for You and Me to exist as Us.

There for,

I only like him as a friend.

  Smiles (fading)

[dearestyellow-blog]

#8

Yellow…help me!

I think I should just give up. Yeah. I should just give up on him. It will make my life simpler, yeah? It should, right? Help me, someone.

Why? Why am I in such a situation?

But I must stay away from him…

From everyone.

I can break down later. Now I must stay strong.

Will I be able to conserve enough energy?

I won’t give up.

  Still Standing,

Smiles

[dearestyellow-blog]

#7

Dearest Yellow,

Today's Valentine's Day. 

But I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Yeah...I couldn't.

Smiles (& tears)

[dearestyellow-blog]

#6

Yellow.

I can’t stop thinking about him. I just can’t help thinking about him.

We talked a while, but I can’t hold a conversation with him. There’s a barrier that I just won’t allow myself to go through. But if we’re chatting or messaging…we could express ourselves so well. Why?

  Smiles

[dearestyellow-blog]

#5

Dear Yellow,

I saw him again today.

I love my God (obviously), but I think I like him.

I don’t want to do that, but both will hurt me.

Why are people afraid of pain?

  I don’t know myself anymore. I lie to myself a lot. I’m not really sure if I really like something or not anymore.

I need to consult a psychiatrist? I don’t know.

  I want to cry. I want to find shoulders and drain those tears on and release all the stress that has been building upon my back. I need someone to follow me through, and help me stay focus, stay on task, and accomplish the priors first. Yellow, will you help me?

  Smiles

[dearestyellow-blog]

#4

Yellow,

I am seriously going through hell right now. Sometimes I began to wonder about myself and I’ve concluded:

I’m crazy.

[dearestyellow-blog]

#3

Yellow,

Today, I failed the quiz. My life is now on the verge of changing.

On this week, I guess then that it will definitely change.

  Today, I felt so bad for slacking. I chose my own pathways and I’m making excuses about it. And when I failed the quiz, it made me want to cry out all my stress. There’s so much…my Beloved God…will you save me? Right…I’m being killed by you as well.

I am alone now…stepping up to face the world alone. And I will be strong to accomplish all that I need. I will be strong enough to determined and I will be able to do it. I can do it all.

  Smiles