Dear Ex Lovers

[dearexloversnever-blog]

End

-My husband is passed out and I’m awake at midnight.- So we get to the point where Alex and i are hitting it off real quick. About 3 days of me being back home it’s 2am and after having some sweet sec Alex looks at me and asks if I’ll be his girlfriend. Of course i said yes i mean he was a good looking guy, owned his own house, and could buy liquor for me whenever. A month into the relationship i get a message from nick saying we should talk. Haha. So i go to his house to talk to him and retrieve my belongings. As we're talking and clearing the air nicks step sister Theresa comes home. Pissed off i was there. We could hear her downstairs slamming doors, stomping around making it clear she knew i was there. She then comes to nicks door which nick was shirtless I’m not sure why he just was. He probably thought he was gonna get some ass. She knocks, opens the door and starts yelling at me. “Why are you here?? You know he has a girlfriend?” My response yeah and i have a boyfriend! I pretty much shouted at her. All nick and i wanted to do was to clear the air and remain civil because we had mutual friends, and still cared about one another. Well at the time i cared. Now, now i don’t. We finished talking, hugged and said goodbyes. This isn’t the actual last time we talked but the few more times he pops up won’t be for awhile. Here’s were i write a letter thanking nick for teaching me very valuable life lessons. Dear nick, When you came into my life i was looking for someone who was my ideal man. And bam you appeared in my friends car. You taught me to believe in myself, to love someone so much that in the end no matter how much you hurt me i still loved you. You taught me how to cook, and use my imagination. You taught me that i could be whatever and whoever i wanted to be. But most importantly you taught me how to hate myself so much i wanted to end everything. You made me believe in us that when it ended i still believed in us. You were everything i wanted and everything i despise. You used me till i was used up with nothing left for you to use. The one thing you always did for me which i loved was you always showered me with gifts. I don’t know if you did it for brownie points or because you truly cared but just know i sold all the jelwery on eBay and made 200 bucks. You destroyed my confidence in myself. You made me believe that i couldn’t find love again. You ruined my life for 3 years. But i can thank you for destroying so much of me that when i met my husband he found all he missing pieces of myself and put them back together. I can finally say I’m happy and no thanks to you. Asshole. The end to that chapter thank god. -Leaving it there. Will continue some other day when i get a second or two to myself..-

[dearexloversnever-blog]

Daring

-Sam complained to me that I haven’t wrote in a hot second. I finally have some time now.- Okay where did I leave off, oh that’s right when nick became super jealous all because I started talking to someone new. He kept questioning me on how I met Alex, how old he was, if he was treating me right. Like hold up asshole you have no right to know any of that information. I can damn well talk to anyone I choose too! While I spent my time in Olympia I felt like a whole new person. I could be anyone i wanted to be why? No one there except 3 people knew who i was. We spent a lot of time hanging out in the dorm rooms, smoking, running around campus and just feeling free. Well one night we went to this amazing diner. First it was just bailey, Ainsley and i until most of baileys roommates showed up and sat in our booth. I showed off my burping skills, and pretty sure everyone in the restaurant heard me. But I have zero shame. Next thing I know Lucas and i were hitting it off. Talking, laughing, and feeling frisky! That is after everyone else fell asleep. After the diner we head back to the college, went into the forest smoked some weed, walked back to the dorm and let the night take its course. We sat in Lucas’ room listening to music and slowly everyone said their good nights expect Lucas and I. We went into the common room and watched a show. I honestly can’t remember what we were watching because in 10 seconds we were making out. He inched his way closer to me and started kissing me. Now if I had a list of the best and worst kissers he would be number two behind my husband of course. But damn that boy was a might fine kisser. He also does that lip biting that made me weak in the knees. As we were going about our business one of baileys girl friends saw us and said “better behave you two.” I felt embarrassed because now someone knew what we had been up to. From the common room we ventured into another building and continue our business in an elevator. Like why did we think that was a good idea? Oh that’s right it was like 3am so barely anyone was up or let alone would use the elevator. Me freaking out in my mind told Lucas we should probably move to a different area. Where did he take me you might ask. His car. His freaking car! At the time neither of us cared though. Between us doing the bump and grind and the fog sticking to the car windows no one could see into the car. Finally after 2-3 hours of fooling around we fell asleep in the car for almost 4 hours. It was my last day in Olympia and i didn’t even start packing my bag. Lucas and i did the walk of shame back the dorm. We laughed at the idea of people finding out but you know what i didn’t care. I had fun, felt carefree, and i got to have a college one night stand. Hell yeah! Thankfully we got back before anyone noticed we were gone. I packed my bags, said goodbyes to the college peeps and off we went! Ainsley drove me to the ferry with bailey tagging along. The best part of the whole ride was when poor Ainsley had to pee so bad she did it right outside of the car in the parking lot. We all laughed so hard it was priceless. I made it to the ferry just in time waved goodbye and was headed back home. That vacation was needed so badly after my breakup with nick. I was stuck in a rut for months and felt I couldn’t get back out there but guess what i could, and i did. I miss my friends dearly. I feel like a terrible person because i don’t reach out enough to them but i want them to know I’m always thinking of them and love them. Back to the main topic. I arrived back to the island where my driver waited for me. Can you guess who picked me up?? Alex. He offered to pick me up since my folks couldn’t at the time. We went to his house first so we could fool around cause why not right. I actually stayed the night because I was so exhausted from everything with Lucas. Alex tried waking me up but i was dead asleep. Oh by the way there’s still shit that goes on with nick so he’s still included in this part of the story. -Gonna leave it there since my phones gonna die and I have wifely duties to do.-

[dearexloversnever-blog]

Uneasy

--I know I know I forgot to write. Last couple days have just been super draining.-- Since nick was back in Washington for 6 months we spent a lot of time together. I wanted to spend every second I could with him before he left. Looking back now I realized I was being ridiculous. One of those super clingy girlfriends. I never wanted to be that person but I just never wanted anything to happen to us. To this day you could ask me who my first love was and I'd still say nick. Every time. The internship nick was doing was coming to an end which meant he was heading back to college. This time around I wasn't driving back with him instead his step dad did. I wish I did! Those fuckers took 1-90! Got to sightsee and actually do stuff on their trip unlike ours. Saying goodbye was never easy. We were going on our 2 years of being together. Talks about me moving out there began, what I would be doing and where we'd live. I was wanting to pursue a cosmetology license which was about 9-12 month program in New York. I looked at colleges, jobs, houses. I was getting so excited for a future with nick. Then things slowly began to change. Nick was back in college and I was continuing working saving money up. At the time I couldn't notice nick distancing himself from me. Telling me he had to go to work on school, or he was gonna be out late doing stuff. It was always one thing or another. Now yes I know he was in college but just wait. It was my birthday in a couple days. I received my early birthday present from nick. A polaroid. Something I always wanted. Why? So I could take pictures of all the yummy food nick would cook for me. I was so happy I couldn't wait to use the camera! Well I shit you fucking not. 2 weeks. All it took was 2 weeks for nick to be all lovely and perfect to cold hearted piece of shit. You know when you get a gut feeling about something you just know something bad is about to happen. That feeling was so strong I wanted to vomit. I even remember the date this all happened. How sad. October 26th nick messages me and says we need to talk. I already knew what it was going to be about but I wanted to believe it wasn't going to end. It just couldn't. Everything was so perfect for so long. Finally after he finished his school work he called me. Telling me he needed to focus on school and not me. I could totally understand that but I knew deep down that wasn't the reason. The reason was that dumb slut. All he could say was we needed to take a break, and he needed to focus. But now I know he was cheating on me the whole time. The whole fucking time he was cheating me. He was messaging girls all the time trying to get pictures from them, have them react to his messages and of course fucking that girl. NOT TO MENTION SHE KNEW HOW I FELT ABOUT HIM AND KNEW HE WAS TAKEN! For any girl to backstab another girl like that is a horrible thing to do. I was a wreck. I couldn't function. I drank nightly to sleep, cried, drank some more, and always thought about just ending it. Nick got in touch with me again when he came back for thanksgiving break. This time I was going to win him back. Well that's what I thought. He just used me for one last time of sex. I should of known better but I couldn't see past the perfect image my mind created of nick. The whole time he was with me he was texting that hoebag. Smiling the way he use to with me. I wish I could travel back in time and slap myself. I was in such a bad state of mind I didn't care about anything. I continued to work, drink, and work some more. All the while posting sad post on my old Tumblr page which he still follows. Which he would also like the post. So I knew he was keeping tabs on me. A month had gone by and I was in a weird stage where I wanted to just hook up with random guys. Sierra one of nick and i mutual friends invited me to a party knowing I was depressed and needed some cheering up. I thought about it for awhile. Either stay home and watch pirate radio or go to this party. Well I decided to go to the party get super drunk and have a good time. I told my mom I was going and probably drinking which meant I wasn't gonna drive. I showed up not knowing I was one of the only girls there and one of the only girls who wasn't in a relationship. All eyes were on me. 4 girls in total and only half were single. Compared to the 10+ guys. I drank a lot. I mean so much I was puking non stop and crying complaining about nick to sierra as she held my hair while I hovered over the toilet. I did have one guy who was trying really hard to get with me. I remember sierra telling me she would climb him like a tree if she could. He definitely wasn't my type. Not to mention he kept talking about his car. Not hot dude. Talk about your dick not your car. He eventually dipped when the cops showed up looking for the renters of the apartment. The two girls who lived there booked it into the woods. Which in the same time a random guy showed up to the party. I saw him enter the back door and just started talking to people. This guy was older, hot, and had great taste of music. He asked the remaining of us if anyone listened to streetlight manifesto. I of course raised my hand because I heard a couple songs of theirs. Next thing I know we're talking, and then making up under a blanket. At the time I wanted to tell him I was puking beforehand but making out was just too good. After the guy sleeping on the bed left we took the bed and slept off the rest of the night. This guys name was Alex. Don't worry he'll get his own letters here soon. There's just more to this whole nick shit. Anyways. We woke up that morning and I drove him to his car near downtown. I saw he drove a Volvo and I wanted to puke. That was the car nick had. Like fuck me. Everything was reminding me of nick. But this guy was super nice. Also I found out that he had no idea whose party he was at, and he just came through the back door. Like who does that shit?! Well Alex did. I'm kind of glad he did too. We spent next week texting and just talking about everything. It was great. At the same time I was leaving to spend a week in Olympia with bailey and Ainsley. They both go to evergreen college so I took a week off to visit and have a good time. Bailey showed me the best of time while I was there. I absolutely love it and wish I could go back every day. At this time I was texting Alex trying to start something while nick and his stupid ass was trying to get me back. He only started to do this when I posted on tumblr about seeing someone else. It was almost like he was pissed I was able to move on. --I'll do more tomorrow. Nighty night! --

[dearexloversnever-blog]

Settling

--I know last two days I didn't write but I was super super tired. Forgive me. -- As nick and I continued on our trip we traveled through 13 states, stopped in 4 and had a lot of hotel sex. Yes more sex. Every time we were about to call it a day I would call nicks parents and they would book a hotel room for us. Which was nice because we always stayed in nice hotels. Not some cheap rat infested motel. Trust I've been in one in downtown Spokane. Ughhh i want to vomit thinking about that place. Any who. There was one place that we had an issue with. Idafuckinghoe. Apparently any person under the age of 18 is not allowed to stay in the hotel without someone over 21. We had just drove over 12+ hours and wanted nothing more than to lay down and sleep. We begged that they would let us stay because we really didn't want to drive to Oregon or southern part of Washington. Finally the managers allowed us to stay on one condition not to throw a party. Like we knew anyone in Idaho. It's fucking Idaho. Only thing I liked about Idaho was this random tumble weed that was stuck to nicks volvo. And yes we kept it. Well he did. He's an ass. So as revenge on the hotel before leaving we decided to have very very rough sex, leave it a mess. It wasn't like us but ya know we weren't to pleased. We finally arrive back in coupleville. Awwh home sweet home. I missed the ocean and despise 1-80 with a burning passion. Only state I liked driving through really was Wyoming. But Nebraska can suck my left nut. The damn state was so long and boring. Nothing but COW AND CABELAS. Never again. It was just nice to back home near the water with a view in every direction. Now that we were back nick also had unpack and repack for his new house on lummi island for the next 6 months. It was a cute little mother in law suite with the sweetest owners. After packing nick went to lummi by himself. I had to return to work at the tanning salon. The end of the school year was coming and which meant prom was arriving. I was going with my friend Tyler. Now mind you everyone thought I had moved away but really just did online school instead but no one likes school. We found this gorgeous black dress at a consignment shop. $50 bucks for a prom dress that no one else would have. Fuck yeah. I was drop dead gorgeous that night. I was turning heads left and right. People had to constantly ask Tyler if I was really Madi. You know Madi with the big boobs. Well the night was boring and prom was right around nicks birthday. I decided to leave prom early, grab his presents, and drive to lummi before the last ferry to the island. I was speeding like a maniac trying to get to the ferry. A drive that usually takes over an hour I made it a 40 min drive. Thank Jesus lord and savior I made the last ferry. I was messaging nick and calling non stop trying to get him to tell me where exactly this house was of his and or to meet me at the ferry. Finally after 2 hours of me trying to get in touch with him he called me back. He was shocked that I was even there. I told him it was suppose to be a surprise for your birthday. Plus i needed to look good for someone! My car zero gas left in it and of course this island has no gas station. We left my car at the dock and drove to his pad. It was such a charming place. Big open room with a small kitchen. Big glass windows, and an amazing shower! Ugh that place was nice. Well that night of course nick got birthday sex. I mean it's only right. Unfortunately nick had to leave early that next morning to help prep at the restaurant. He would work anywhere from 12-18 hours a day. I was left to my own thoughts for 12-18 hours a day. I could think about a lot of things back then. While I waited for him some nights I would cook for him. Even though my food wasn't as good as his I did try my best. I have improved over the years though. I brought my lap top with me so I could work on school, and play WoW when I was bored. It almost felt like a real adult relationship. I would stay home clean, cook and wait for nick to come home. Nick would join me in bed if I was already asleep and sometimes we'd bone at 3 in the morning. I mean that's what most adult relationships are like right? --My eyes are slowly shutting and I'm tired from all the shopping I did with sam. Yes you sam. My one and only follower.--

[dearexloversnever-blog]

Adventure

--This time in neither drunk nor high. So I might cry because as we get closer to the end of this story it'll open old wounds.-- It's now New Years and I was spending it with friends at auntie twinkles house. Yes her name is twinkle. Nick decided to take a shift at his old job to help out but promised he'd meet up with me a few minutes before midnight. Well that didn't go as planned. I laugh at this memory now but back then I cried so hard my fake lashes were hanging half way down my cheeks. We were having a good time celebrating the new year that was coming in half an hour. I needed a ride back to destinys house so Brice drove me back. Well like momma told him don't open the garage, and I told him I was okay sitting outside waiting. Well what did Brice do. Yeah that's right open he damn garage door. Next thing I know as Brice drove away and next thing I know as I'm sitting on the sidewalk the house alarm is going off. I panicked and didn't know what to do. I knew the code to the house thankfully but I couldn't stop the alarm from going off. Next thing I know I'm on the phone with momma (destinys mom) crying because I don't know what to do. They had been drinking and it wasn't safe for them to come to the house. Oh let's not forget the police were called and I had to explain to them what happened as I'm sobbing. Finally after 15-20 mins of having an emotional break down the alarm was shut off and I sat in the bathroom putting myself together. What happened next nick couldn't make it before midnight. My special moment I created in my head wasn't going to happen. What would any other teenager girl do in that moment. Cry some fucking more. This time around my fake lashes came off completely. Nick finally showed up around 130am and took me home. He ended up sleeping over though. Now fast forward to the end of nicks first year of college. He got an internship at a very fancy restaurant on lummi island called the willows inn. I flew out to New York once again to drive cross country back to coupeville with nick. 5 days by ourselves in a car and stopping in a hotel after 8+ plus hours of driving. He had mapped out our whole trip before hand. We decided on I-80 so we wouldn't run into as much traffic and so we could stop in Colorado to see some friends who were attending college in Fort Collins. Anyways we started our drive at the ass crack of dawn. We wanted to make it out of Pennsylvania on our first day. Let's not forget this weird crazy storm that was following us close behind. I can't remember which state we stopped at and got our first hotel room together. But I do remember waking up the next morning about to go downstairs and eat breakfast until we looked outside and saw that the car was already 5 inches covered with snow. At the moment we decided to just leave and grab food along the way. --My phone has 2% left. Gonna leave it there. Goooodnight Sam.--

[dearexloversnever-blog]

Faithful

--This time around I'm drunk. I ran out of edibles. Darn! But at least I can drink with all the meds I'm on.-- By this time nick was settling down into college and I was at home spending every waking moment thinking about him or playing world of Warcraft. I did try and hang out with friends but I also wanted to spend every second talking to nick. You know those people who check their phone even though they just checked it. Yeah that was me. Finally I went away for a weekend with Tyler and Logan down in Shelton. A weekend spent in hickville, and floating on a raft in the middle of a lake. It was a weekend were I spent alone in a tent while the two gays had sex non stop that kept me up all night. Reminding me how lonely I was. Super exciting I know. At least nick called me at one point to talk and I also got to talk to his fellow classmate bitch ass oh I mean rosa whatever the fuck her name is. Don't worry I'll explain later why I dislike her. Anyways she told me that nick was doing nothing but talked about me. Which of course was reassuring and proved that he was faithful only to me. A couple months went by and I had scored my first actual job at a tanning salon. I was saving up money to pay for a plane ticket to go to New York for a week. Luckily I didn't have to get a hotel cause I just stayed with nick and his roommate. It was going to be my 18th birthday, and how much cooler could it get than spending it with my boyfriend in NEW YORK CITY! I was so excited to explore a new state, try all the delicious food, and visit China town! Well we never made it to China town but we did get to do more stuff. Anyways I purchased my plane ticket and was going to land in Poughkeepsie around 7-8pm. My heart was racing as I waited for nick to pick me up. Looking at my phone non stop wondering where he was. Next thing I know he sat down right next to me. I was full of emotions. We drove back to the campus and we were able to bone immediately as we got into his room. We did have to be carful of his roommate but I'm sure if his roommate could he would have watched/listen. He was kind of a strange dude. The next day nick still had school so I stayed in his room until he got back. I'd work on school work and do whatever else to keep myself preoccupied. Nick showed me around the campus, treated me to dinner, and showed me a good time in bed "wink wink." The next day we ventured into the big Apple. Let me tell you it's not what you would think it actually would look like. I barely saw any homeless people which was a plus. Left and right you could see photo shoots going on. We even made it on to the time square big screen! My favorite part of the trip was we went to this very fancy grocery store ran by a very well known chef who I can't remember for the life of me. So he must not be that we'll known oops. There I had the best chocolate milk ever to touch my tastebuds. It was a littler over half a gallon and I finished it on our way back on the train. I love myself some good chocolate milk. My favorite part of that whole trip was definitely the Vanderbilt mansion. Let me tell you it was and is probably one of the most beautiful pieces of property I've ever seen. Between the fallen red and orange leaves, the vast amount of land to walk, and all the ponds with black ink to reflect the statues I was just stunned. I loved visiting that area the most. I often think about it even though it brings back terrible memories. We also went to this one diner with to die food. Loved that about the east coast diners EVERYWHERE! Every corner, street, road literally everywhere. The rest of the trip was spent showing me around near by towns, hanging out with his new college friends and sex. Can't forget the sex. My week was coming to an end with nick. I didn't want to leave but I had a job and school work to get back to. Nick took me to the airport as my trip was ending and I couldn't help myself but cry like a big baby. We hugged, kissed, you know all that boyfriend girlfriend stuff. I went up the escalator crying trying to keep my composure. I eventually made it back home and missed being in nicks arms every second. It was now end of October and I couldn't wait for Christmas why because nick would be home for break! Now was the time to get the best presents for him. I found this super cool ginormous book on Italy. With pictures, descriptions and of course really big pictures. I also got him a cutting board in the shape of a pig. Let's not forget the $300 kitchen aid. Which I never saw him use in the almost 3 years we were together. Nicks parents got in touch with me asking what he would like. Of course he wanted these very expensive knives that cost as much as my paychecks from work. Christmas time finally came and we exchanged gifts. Now I wasn't expecting what he got me but let's just say I was surprised. First it was the build a bear named basil in a chef outfit. I mean how cute! But that wasn't it. Nick wrote a letter telling me to check the hat or the frying pan I can't remember this was like 5 years ago. There hiding was a ring. A fucking ring guys. It was a promise ring and to this day I can't tell you what it looked like. All I remember was being dumb founded. Me getting spoiled rotten from someone I didn't deserve. This proved to me that he wanted to keep at it with our relationship. This was the happiest time of my life. --Phones gonna die, plus watching workaholics and being distracted.--

[dearexloversnever-blog]

Nervous

--Back to the writing. Start getting into the good stuff.-- Nick and I spent almost every waking moment together because in a short couple weeks he would be leaving for college. I didn't want him to leave but I knew it was his dream and I wanted nothing but to support him. I always encouraged him to continue towards his dreams and I would be right behind him. my favorite memories from summer was each night falling asleep on his lap watching movies. He always let me sleep until the movie ended then we'd either go upstairs or I'd drive home at 2 in the morning. We also spent a lot of our weekends hiking. With his parents. They liked to spend their days off from work hiking. Like why?! It was literally a weekend thing. Every weekend. First major hike I did with them was Lake 22 in Arlington. Let me tell you what. I was out of breathe 10 steps into the hike. I had my camel bag filled with ice water which I was sucking down not thinking about the rest of the 2 mile hike. Plus on the way down. The worst part of the hike. Having to rock climb at one point which my legs had already given out of me at this point. Best part. Seeing the beautiful lake at the end of the hike. It was breath taking. Would I do the hike again. Maybe. Actually no. I might die. This wasn't even the worst hike. It was a good time for me to bond with nicks parents. I felt like they liked me more and more which meant a lot to me because I really wanted to impress them. Nick was getting ready to leave for college towards the end of august. I helped him pack, I also distracted him, then did some more packing. The time came and all I could do was cry. Next thing I know nick gave me a letter explaining how much he loved me, how nothing was going to come between us and how we could conquer anything. After reading that letter I knew nothing could happen to us even if he was 3,000 miles away in New York. Nick left and all I could do was think of him. 24/7. It was almost like an obsession. I realize that now. --I'm super tired so I'm calling it a night. --

[dearexloversnever-blog]

Exploring

--Hey out there my one follower. Yes you sam. Now I start typing. -- That summer was going to be the best summer ever! Until I found out nick was leaving for 3 week as a graduation present from his parents. How lucky was he. He got to explore Paris, Italy, and long list of other places. I was sad he was leaving for three weeks right in the beginning of our newer relationship. But nick never failed to message me, Skype me the entire time he was on vacation. Not to mention we liked to write letters to each other. So as a way to tell each other what we did each day. We gave each other diary books to write in for the next 3 weeks then of course exchange them when he got back. Each day I wrote in my diary while still texting nick. And as horny teenagers we also need some outlets. Sexting. Yes mom I sexted but I know you have too so we're even. Nick would be texting me very naughty and explicit descriptions of what he would do to me. Every day. So to get him back I would snap a quick picture of my boobs or other things "wink wink" to get back at him. He liked it. A lot. We even did stuff on skype when he's parents left for a date. Mind you this is all still when he was on vacation. Finally 3 weeks was coming to an end and both of us were feeling with overproduction of hormones and needed to make out, bone and bone one more time. I think my favorite thing about nick even if he's a douche was every time after sex we'd lay there having some very deep conversations. We talked about the meaning behind songs, our passions in life, and what we want to achieve with our life. I could listen to nick talk about his passion for cooking. It always was so calming and excited at the same time. To know people out there that still have a dream that they're making happen. He worked hard to get into the CIA and no not that CIA the CIA with food. Delicious, delicious food. Back to the main line. Everything about him I loved. We spent the rest of the summer boning, bonefiring, and boning. God I had a lot of sex when I was younger. We held get togethers at nicks private beach. Did I mention he lived a big ass 3 story house with a trolley that took you down to the beach. We spent lots of hours picking rocks out that were white with black specs for his step dads pond area. We were also collectors for sea glass and pretty rocks. We spent a lot of our time outside. It was also salmon berry season. He would often make sorbets. My favorite was the rose petal sorbet. Did I already mention he was an amazing cook! Oh I did well I'm gonna say it again! Nick was an amazing fucking chef. I still to this day wish I could taste his raviolis one more time. Nick cooked 75% of every night. We had frozen pizza pretty often. Dinner was also at his house with his parents. His dad and I got along pretty quick but his mom. Well let's just say I don't know if she truly ever liked me. Some nights I'd be over so late I just slept over. Well she never said anything in front of me but she did behind my back. His sister liked me at first but she hates me now. Oh that'll be fun to write later when I get to that point. --My phones almost dead so I'm ending it here.--

[dearexloversnever-blog]

Beginning

--Oh hey it's that time again.-- Now we enter a time where I thought I had everything. Little to my knowledge this was going to be the best times in my life and my absolute worst. Days that made me believe in true love and days that left me hopeless. This next person I'll be introducing to the list is a person who destroyed how I saw myself as a person. Now you can judge this guy all you want. No really please do judge him. He's an ass. This letter will be a lot longer than the last one. It was sometime in may when I was going to the drive in with a friend. He was going to meet a guy and pretty much bump and grind throughout both movies. Well this guy he was bringing along was his best friend Nick. Tyler and Logan decided to try and hook us up. While we sat in the car looking at each other awkwardly neither one of us knowing what to say. We finally broke the silence. We talked about a lot that night. We started with age, interest, and discovered the coolest thing ever! I have these really weird crooked pinkies. They bend outwards and than inward. The only other person I know who has them is my mom. My favorite thing to do with new people is show them my cute little special pinkies. Next thing I know as I held my pinkies together waiting for a response nick puts together his pinkies and I shit you not they were just as bent as mine! I was baffled because I never met another person who is not my mother to have these weird pinkies. That instantly connected us. We continued talking about anything and everything. For a second I could have sworn I was in love. In love with someone I've only known for 3 hours. Someone I already felt so comftable with I felt I could tell him all my secrets. It felt like I knew him all my life and everything just felt right. We left that night with a hug. Just as I walked away he asked for my number what did I do? You pick. A) gave him my number B) told him to have his friend give it to him or C) No. If you guessed C you're wrong. Darn! It was B ha got ya didn't I! Anyways a couple minutes late I received a text from this guy who just destroyed my fantasy of what my first love would look like. He was 6'1, light brown hair, sun kissed skin, green eyes and was a doppelgänger of Jared pedalecki. No joke. He also was an amazing cook. I always told myself to marry a man that can cook. (Ha cause my husband now doesn't cook) he worked a very nice restaurant in his home town. Which was 15 mins from my home town. This food was so fancy I wanted to vomit it all back up after discovering how much it cost. He also was very active hiker. So guess what I suddenly loved doing...hiking! We talked a lot, and by a lot I mean until almost 1am every night. Even on school days. At the time I was doing online school so I really didn't have a sleep schedule. It gave me a lot of freedom so I developed this horrible habit of checking my phone every two millisecond. It took me a second but I remember our first kiss. I got to house sit for my moms co worker sue. Yes a teenager with a whole house to herself was a good idea. Nick and I had this inside joke about me throwing a pie in his face. Well I invented him over the house and we were going to camp in the back yard. I told him to let himself in and come to the back where I was. There I waited with a pie in my hand waiting for the right moment to plow him in the face. Right as he stepped outside I smacked his face so hard with the pie the whipped cream went everywhere on the back deck. I don't think he was expecting that to happen but I ran my happy ass so far away from him so he couldn't get me back. We laughed for a good 15 mins before cleaning his face off. The next couple hours we spent watching movies. We sat on separate couches at first then he decided to sit next to me. Doing one of the cheesiest things ever. He kept stealing the blanket from me. Forcing me to get closer to him. Eventually we were so close I could feel his breathe on my neck. As we sat there starring at each other for a second before he kissed me. He always liked to say I kissed him first. No, no, no. It was like nothing I had ever experienced with Frito, john and one other person but not naming him. Select few know who this is. I knew at that moment I would do anything for this boy. I knew him for all of a month and he already made me fall in love with him. Completely utterly madly in love with him. He knew all the right things to say, knew how to make me feel special, and my favorite thing was goodnight/good morning text. Everyday. We tried to have sex but it wasn't the right time. Fast forward to end of the school year. The night before nicks graduation he snuck over to my house after my parents went to sleep and came through my window. It started with some hard core making out. Then we both decided to try that whole sex thing over. Good thing this time we actually did it. At the time I thought we had such a strong connection. It was unreal. Something like out of the movies. There was no way someone so perfect existed out there for me. He ended up sleeping over and had to wake up at 4 in the morning to beat my parents and his. Not to mention get to his school. Nick was graduating so I of course went to watch him and his friends graduate. It was also the first time meeting his parents. Who were both doctors. So I had to be on the bestest of behavior, look like a lady and smile a lot. Again I went with my friend Tyler who was dating Logan (nicks best friend). Once the whole thing was over, pictures were taken, hugs were given and nick left for the senior graduation party on some boat. I didn't hear from him till the following morning. His friends planned a camping trip down south by Seattle and go to birchbay. I was invited last minute but everyone was okay with it. Nick only had one those small tents you know the ones meant for one person. Can you image having sex in that thing!? Well we did it, and not just once, or three times more like 10 times in a 3 day period. We were having so much fun i didn't want it to stop. We spent the whole camping trip having sex, walking to the beach, and creating memories. I just realized I was a very sexual teenager. It seems like in these letters all I did was have sex. Which is mostly true but I did part take in other things. You'll see, just wait and I'll get to some more stuff that doesn't include sex. That weekend I knew I was in love. Not the kind of love I had for Frito but something new and different. Nick was no doubt in my mind my first true love. --Ending there for the night, gotta get sleep eventually.--

[dearexloversnever-blog]

Tensions

–it’s that time again were I’m high, bored and want to write letters that no one will read.–

Continuing from where we left off. Fritos brother and I started to have issues due to the fact I was always over. He had an issue with it because at the time he was dating someone and wanted privacy in the house. Which meant Frito and I would leave and venture off to do other activities. This was also during the time my step dad really started to show his feelings about Frito. We were going to watch the meteor shower. So we grabbed a blanket and laid down. Nothing going on, actually stuff was happening but shhhh. John looked over at us and said “you sure that's a good idea?” As he smirked my whole lid was flipped. I flew into a rage after he said that. I stormed into my room threw my possessions at the wall even broke my phone. My mom had to come into my room and calm me down. She wanted to explain what really was going on. At this time I was 17 and Frito was 21 you know the drinking age. Which booze was nothing new to me. I was taking shots of Jager at 12. My mom explained that she didn’t want me to get hurt by Frito. We were at a point in our relationship were I was still in high school, he was thinking about college or work every day. It was a strange phase for us. It started to change how I saw our relationship. I could see him trying and trying for me but I wasn’t really returning anything. I started to distance myself, and slowly each day I started texting him less, spent less time with him and all together ignoring him. He was a sweet heart. We barely had any fights that I can recall but of course we had some issues. He always tried for me. I mean you know in movies how guys wait for girls no matter how long it takes. That’s what he was doing. Then as we sat in the car on our way to a friends house i decide then I was going to breakup with him. Instead I chickened out so I had to endure a whole night with him and his friends. Take that back wouldn’t say endure but had to sit there awkwardly. We talked, drank some booze and laughed lots. Finally we were leaving and I started to tell him how I feel. I was crying the entire time I told him I wanted to breakup. I felt terrible because he did nothing but try to make it work. But we were at a point that I didn’t want to try with him. He dropped me off and I kissed him one last time and told him I loved him. Well that wouldn’t be the last time though. Frito and I still talked even after breaking up. We tried the friend thing until one night he picked me for something we drove to a spot near a beach. Guess what we did? That’s right kids! Sex! I was going great until he kept telling me to tell him I love him. Of course I said it cause what else would you say in the heat of the moment. I just wanted to get off. After that night I decided I couldn’t allow myself to keep leading Frito on. It was mean thing to do but I wanted out. I wanted to be just me. After almost two and a half years I learned from Frito to love myself and embrace my silly side. I always had a great time with Frito. He did everything to make me happy. Presents, complaints, and showering me everyday. The way every man should treat significant other. I’m so thankful I had Frito in my life because without him I wouldn’t have the pleasure at looking old scene pictures of myself. I always get a good laugh. He also was the sweetest to my little brother. Which of course is important since Jared lived in the same house as me and I see him every day. Overall I’m grateful and blessed to know his parents raised him right. Forgot to mention his mom Rose was one of the sweetest people ever. She was just so genuinely nice. I miss eating filipino food with them.

–Ending it for the night. Next chapter is about a very special evil being.–

[dearexloversnever-blog]

Experience

--That time again to write while high. Being high just helps with the brain flow of past memories.-- Where were we oh that’s right the fate that decides if I can still date Frito. My parents warmed up to Frito pretty quickly. He was at our house all the time, and he came along to football games. He was around so much my little brother still admires him to this day even after being broken up for going on 7 years. Oh and you know that phase 98% of all teens go through. That emo/goth phase that everyone goes through at the same time in high school. Well sure as shit I went through that phase. It was maximized especially when I started dating Frito. He was the definition of scene. He would spike the back of his hair, pants hanging so low you could see his ass, and wore the tightest jeans ever. Oh and can’t forget that two belts at once. Why that was ever a thing I’ll never know but I did participate. Another thing we scene couples did was spend 75% of the time riding the bus to the mall, shop at only Spencer’s and hot topic. The rest of the time we would spend at each other’s house. And when we weren’t at my house we of course were at his. Doing what all horny teenagers do. Sex. Sex,sex, and more sex. We knew we had exactly 1 hour and 30 minutes before his family would come home. The instant we stepped foot in the house clothes were stripped, Making out on the stairs, then finally arriving in his bed. We were like rabbits. It was non stop, multiple times a day. We had such a fun relationship on the outside. On the inside we were very connected. We both talked about a future with each other, moving in with each other you know all that marriage talk. I thought I was in love. I at the time didn’t think I could ever fall in love the way I did with Frito. Then things start going downhill. We’re now 2 years into our relationship. Tensions between Fritos brother and I weren’t the best.

–My eyes aren’t staying open anymore. I’ll write some more tomorrow–

[dearexloversnever-blog]

Start

At the moment I’m very high and suddenly wanted to write letters to my ex’s. A letter thanking them for allowing me to find love in the right person. So we’ll start with my high school affair with one friend which led to my future boyfriend John. Mind you John was also my step dads name. So calling him john was off limits especially during sex. Everyone called him Frito, and yes like the chips. Anyways we’ll start it off with the little fun I had with Sean a super senior all the girls swooned over. He was the bad boy image and every girl wanted a minute with him. Bunch of girls and I went to the talent show at our local high school. There playing his metal guitar was Sean. As he played you could see the girls drool dripping from their mouths. All talking of how to apporch him and what they would say. Well me being the smart ass as I am I blatantly said “why don’t you just go up to him and say hi.” Next thing you know they all give me the deer stuck in headlights state. Almost like I said something so sacred it should not be said. Kind of like saying Voldemort. Fast forward 5 mins into the end of the talent show where Sean was about to leave until he was ambushed by the zombie barbies. All to afraid to talk to him. Me being cocky as I was I checked to make sure I had enough cleavage showing and walked right up to him and said “you did pretty good out there.” Well can you guess what happened next! I got Sean’s number right in front of all those peeping girls. I felt so accomplished. Me being a freshman talking to the hot super senior uh yeah. For awhile we texted then we had little meetings in the music rooms. The sound proof ones that were always kept dark. It was so easy too. It was towards end of school year so we made up an photography project. Me being the subject. He’d come to the choir room and pull me out of class (with teacher permission.) Then we would have some fun for 15 minutes. Making out was so much fun. Even better doing it during school hours. How bad ass was I! Fast forward to the end of the school year. Sean and I decided it was to risky to continue, because he didn’t want anything more from me is what he really wanted to tell me. Well here comes probably 2 and a half years of pure fun and enjoyment. Sean had a friend Frito who apparently at the time after Sean and I stopped seeing each other asked if he could ask me out. It was Fourth of July carnival when I was approached by Frito who was the goofiest, whole hearted person I have ever encountered. We walked around, talking and I think maybe we held hands at some point. Fire works were starting up and we walked over to the baseball fields. Laying there talking about Pokémon then suddenly we’re making out. I had so much hormones raging through my body I couldn’t handle myself. Not to mention Frito was another super senior who girls all drooled over. It just seemed to perfect in the moment. We left that night with nothing but smiles. Numbers exchanged and shortly later I was asked out. By someone who was older than me and cool than me. Our summer was filled with walks all around town, trips to the mall. and sex. Sex, sex, sex. When we weren’t having sex we’d be having sex. Multiple times a day. I felt on top of the world. Nothing could bring me down! Except my step dad. When the news finally came about to my family, the parental’s weren’t to pleased. See there was a 3 year and 9 month difference between us. But what you saw was I was 15 and he was 19. Why couldn’t I just date someone my age or who was still in high school! My step dad and Frito actually bonded pretty quick over world of Warcraft. Yes my step dad and I played WoW so did Frito. We all played on the same server, same guild at the same time. Frito would help my step dad with his Tauren warrior with the best name ever. Uddernugs.

–Ending it there for the night. Way to high for this. –