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No woman can play coaster to a half empty heart

Jasmine Mans, Dear Ex Lover

#jasmine mans #dear ex lover #poetry #spoken word

Instead of just complaining about how much I miss Felix, which would be perfectly valid, I guess I’ll talk about some of my favorite things he taught me:

1. I’m never too much for the right person. I remember feeling like a burden. Any person worth having in your life won’t make you feel like you’re too much.

2. He reminded me to ask for exactly what I wanted. Sometimes I can be shy or just go with the flow, which is fine, but he encouraged me to be honest.

3. Enjoy the quality things. That man is so fucking bougie lol. And it’s nice to know that I don’t have to be so cheap. Every now and then I can invest in things that are really worth it.

4. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. This man has overcome soooo much adversity in his life. I damn near teared up when he told me about his family history and upbringing. We grew up less than five minutes away from each other and just based on family support and educational resources ended up going in two completely different paths. Although he had quite a few bumps in the road he is still doing pretty good for himself and I find that admirable. I wanna be able to be that fucking resilient.

#dear ex lover

Puedes hacer todo eso, menos quedarte.

#dear ex lover #pensamientos #relaciones #corazón roto #break heart #a reply for u #sni

Tensions

–it’s that time again were I’m high, bored and want to write letters that no one will read.–

Continuing from where we left off. Fritos brother and I started to have issues due to the fact I was always over. He had an issue with it because at the time he was dating someone and wanted privacy in the house. Which meant Frito and I would leave and venture off to do other activities. This was also during the time my step dad really started to show his feelings about Frito. We were going to watch the meteor shower. So we grabbed a blanket and laid down. Nothing going on, actually stuff was happening but shhhh. John looked over at us and said “you sure that's a good idea?” As he smirked my whole lid was flipped. I flew into a rage after he said that. I stormed into my room threw my possessions at the wall even broke my phone. My mom had to come into my room and calm me down. She wanted to explain what really was going on. At this time I was 17 and Frito was 21 you know the drinking age. Which booze was nothing new to me. I was taking shots of Jager at 12. My mom explained that she didn’t want me to get hurt by Frito. We were at a point in our relationship were I was still in high school, he was thinking about college or work every day. It was a strange phase for us. It started to change how I saw our relationship. I could see him trying and trying for me but I wasn’t really returning anything. I started to distance myself, and slowly each day I started texting him less, spent less time with him and all together ignoring him. He was a sweet heart. We barely had any fights that I can recall but of course we had some issues. He always tried for me. I mean you know in movies how guys wait for girls no matter how long it takes. That’s what he was doing. Then as we sat in the car on our way to a friends house i decide then I was going to breakup with him. Instead I chickened out so I had to endure a whole night with him and his friends. Take that back wouldn’t say endure but had to sit there awkwardly. We talked, drank some booze and laughed lots. Finally we were leaving and I started to tell him how I feel. I was crying the entire time I told him I wanted to breakup. I felt terrible because he did nothing but try to make it work. But we were at a point that I didn’t want to try with him. He dropped me off and I kissed him one last time and told him I loved him. Well that wouldn’t be the last time though. Frito and I still talked even after breaking up. We tried the friend thing until one night he picked me for something we drove to a spot near a beach. Guess what we did? That’s right kids! Sex! I was going great until he kept telling me to tell him I love him. Of course I said it cause what else would you say in the heat of the moment. I just wanted to get off. After that night I decided I couldn’t allow myself to keep leading Frito on. It was mean thing to do but I wanted out. I wanted to be just me. After almost two and a half years I learned from Frito to love myself and embrace my silly side. I always had a great time with Frito. He did everything to make me happy. Presents, complaints, and showering me everyday. The way every man should treat significant other. I’m so thankful I had Frito in my life because without him I wouldn’t have the pleasure at looking old scene pictures of myself. I always get a good laugh. He also was the sweetest to my little brother. Which of course is important since Jared lived in the same house as me and I see him every day. Overall I’m grateful and blessed to know his parents raised him right. Forgot to mention his mom Rose was one of the sweetest people ever. She was just so genuinely nice. I miss eating filipino food with them.

–Ending it for the night. Next chapter is about a very special evil being.–

#Dear ex lover

Experience

--That time again to write while high. Being high just helps with the brain flow of past memories.-- Where were we oh that’s right the fate that decides if I can still date Frito. My parents warmed up to Frito pretty quickly. He was at our house all the time, and he came along to football games. He was around so much my little brother still admires him to this day even after being broken up for going on 7 years. Oh and you know that phase 98% of all teens go through. That emo/goth phase that everyone goes through at the same time in high school. Well sure as shit I went through that phase. It was maximized especially when I started dating Frito. He was the definition of scene. He would spike the back of his hair, pants hanging so low you could see his ass, and wore the tightest jeans ever. Oh and can’t forget that two belts at once. Why that was ever a thing I’ll never know but I did participate. Another thing we scene couples did was spend 75% of the time riding the bus to the mall, shop at only Spencer’s and hot topic. The rest of the time we would spend at each other’s house. And when we weren’t at my house we of course were at his. Doing what all horny teenagers do. Sex. Sex,sex, and more sex. We knew we had exactly 1 hour and 30 minutes before his family would come home. The instant we stepped foot in the house clothes were stripped, Making out on the stairs, then finally arriving in his bed. We were like rabbits. It was non stop, multiple times a day. We had such a fun relationship on the outside. On the inside we were very connected. We both talked about a future with each other, moving in with each other you know all that marriage talk. I thought I was in love. I at the time didn’t think I could ever fall in love the way I did with Frito. Then things start going downhill. We’re now 2 years into our relationship. Tensions between Fritos brother and I weren’t the best.

–My eyes aren’t staying open anymore. I’ll write some more tomorrow–

#dear ex lover #torn with what to do #young love

And if she ever decided to love a woman, I will rub bravery down her spine I will be reminded of all the times that we loved, like there were expiration dates tattooed on our inner thighs

#jasmine mans #dear ex lover