𝓂𝒾𝒾

mostly b2p

[dearkangmin]

what’s left unsaid | yoo kangmin

a/n: angry kangmin changed my brain chemistry and this came out. dont hate it too much pls.

warnings: angst, miscommunication, mentions of fighting, mentions of getting drunk, making out, yearner kangmin, angry kangmin (😋), yearner reader, they’re both stupid.

Kangmin hates halloween. Its not because its spooky, or annoying kids are around, its not even because of the capitalism all around it.

Its because his roommates are idiots.

“Halloweek” they called it, seven days of parties, each with their own theme and different costumes. It would’ve been fun and well, it was. At least the first two nights. But its been five, and all the parties were thrown in his dorm, making him incapable of studying. Which is why he is now standing in front of his desk, pc open, eyebrows furrowed. Exam failed.

If only he wasn’t in a public space he would’ve punched that screen. Well, maybe not, its expensive and he’s still a student with no income. Kangmin sits back down, the way he got up just a few seconds ago made a couple of people, the few ones using the library and studying at this time of the day, turn their heads towards him. Sangwon, the only friend that was kind enough to keep him company, probably didn’t even notice his breakdown, too busy looking through the pictures from last night.

“It’s fine, you can still re-do it before the semester ends.” He said when Kangmin had finally broken the news to him, which only made him even more stressed. “Should i post this?” The pretty boy asks then, showing him one of the pictures. Its a group one, Kangmin thinks he’s only showing it to him because he’s present, but his eyes go search for you in the picture instead. The theme was pirates, and he swears to god something must be wrong with you, because why the hell would you come dressed as Nami from one piece at the end of october? Swimsuit top and all. “No.”

Sangwon just rolls his eyes, deleting the picture right away. He already knows he’s not going to post anything once again. “You looked fine but whatever… what’s the theme tonight?” “I’m not going tonight.” “Why not?” Another voice asks, Kangmin immediately turns towards you, it seems like everyday is a fashion show for you rather than actual school. Your bag doesn’t even fit more than two books. He just turns the screen from his pc towards you, the big red number making your nose twitch. “I mean there’s always a next time, right?” If anyone else were to say that to him he would be mad, but its you, and you’re trying to be nice, so he just nods.

“Besides.. we all know you won’t be able to stay in your room while there’s a party in your house.” “So what’s the theme?” Sangwon asks again, eyebrows furrowed now that he’s being ignored. “Dynamic duos, i’ll go as a slutty kuromi or something,” Kangmin has to channel all his good energy to not make his eye twitch. Slutty kuromi. Sure. That’s a thing. “Yeah, no, i hate it. I’ll stay in my room, just bring me a drink once in a while.”

He closes his laptop, ready to pack things up and go back to the dorm. If he goes now then he’ll have enough time to study for a few more hours before the party starts, and if he’s lucky enough he’ll fall asleep before someone can bother him. “Should we walk back together?” You ask, and he stops for a second, confusion written on his face. “Isnt your dorm completely opposite from mine?” “Yeah but Harry asked me to help with some stuff before the party..”

Of course he did. You and Harry seem attached at the hip lately, maybe its just because you two share more classes and have been in projects together and stuff, but Kangmin doesnt really like how you’re always at his dorm and never for him. Still, he tries to not let his disappointment show, Sangwon is looking at him like he knows exactly what’s going through his best friend’s head. He ignores him too. “Sure, let’s go then.”

The walk back its not exactly quiet, it could never be with you. You showed him pictures of what to wear, asked what shoes would fit best, hair in ponytails or not? He’s still upset, but its you. So the answers come to him naturally, shoes dont matter because you’ll lose them somewhere in the house anyway, don’t wear stuff that’s too skimpy and your ponytails would be gone after two drinks.

“You know me so well, uh?” You nudge at him, hands in his pockets, the slightest hint of a smile on his lips.

“I guess, i’ve seen more of your shoes in my dorm than my own.” Your giggles make his heart flutter for a second, he doesn’t know what is it about you that makes him so… miserable? He’s happy one minute and the next one he’s so mad he could scream. You’re with him now, you’re giddy, talkative, a bit goofy, and he had to stop you from falling once or twice, and yet he still finds you extremely attractive and fuck.. Harry June, really? He sighs almost unconsciously, immediately regretting it when you turn towards him with a raised brow.

“You really want to spend all night in your room?” Is all you ask. You know Kangmin, you know he won’t change his mind any time soon, if anything he wont change it at all. “I really need to stop getting distracted.” He says that as if he’ll be able to study knowing you’re in his house. Knowing you’ll probably get hit on tonight just like every other night. It sounds like torture already, but at least he wont have to see it. You look disappointed by his answer, but he can’t really think of a reason for that to be true. You barely even talk at parties, sure you do glance at each other every now and then, and you do interact during games when you have to.. but that’s it. So why would you want him to come so badly?

It becomes quiet between the two of you by the time you arrive at the dorms, and Kangmin doesn’t really know what made you so speechless all of the sudden. He just looks at you when you smile at him to say bye before knocking on Harry’s room. Yeah, he hates it so much. What he hates even more is hearing your giggles while you play with his roommates, or hearing Harry flirt with you nonstop, its like you dont even get it. You never get it. For five nights he had to see you get hit on by so many guys, and its just like you dont see it, how they look at you, how they talk to you. How he looks at you.

How long its been, five months? For five months he’s been trying his hardest to show you how much he cares, and maybe he’s not the best at showing his emotions, but he’s still trying. Its doesn’t take a lot for Kangmin to finally break, close his laptop and throw himself on the bed, even more annoyed than before. After hours of “studying”, that looked more like him staring at his book while catching every single thing you were saying in the other room, he finally gives up and falls asleep, hoping his anger will be gone once he wakes up.

Unfortunately for him, he only wakes up a few hours later, the party already started. He can hear the loud music and its so noisy its really not helping his mood get any better. He sits back up on his bed, wondering what to do. He’s thirsty. But does he want to get out there and see you? Well, yes, he always wants to see you. Does he want to see you with Harry, though? No. Not at all. But maybe a shot of vodka could help.

And so he goes, hair still messed up from the nap, eyes tired and brows furrowed in annoyance. He can only hope no one notices him as he walks towards the kitchen, if anything, he’ll look like he’s dressed as a zombie. It takes you approximately ten seconds to find him. At this point it must be a talent, how you always manage to find him in a crowd. Kangmin wishes you hadn’t, though.

He doesn’t like the way you’re all cuddled up to Harry, how his arm is around your waist and how your cheek is resting against his shoulder. His blood is boiling, his head almost hurting. You, on the other hand, are watching him knowing something is wrong with him. Kangmin has been acting strange ever since this afternoon, and you know its not just because of that exam went wrong. You excuse yourself from the little chat your group was having, patting Harry’s back as a sign you’re leaving.

Kangmin doesn’t even notice you when you walk towards him, he looks like a mess, but you dont mind this disheveled version of him. “Tell me what’s wrong.” Your voice seems to finally wake him up, cup in his hands as he was making himself a drink. Something weird you probably dont even know the name of. “Nothing’s wrong.” There it is, that low tone of voice and cold attitude. He’s not even looking at you, and if you weren’t so drunk already you would’ve left.

Alcohol makes you braver, sometimes. You pull on his shirt, finally catching his attention. He drinks faster when his eyes fall on you and your outfit, a scoff coming out of his mouth when he sees your skirt. No skimpy clothes he said, but you’re not one to listen. “Where are your shoes?” He asks instead, your hand not leaving his shirt, he looks mad as if he already knows the answers. “Harry’s room,” Another sarcastic chuckle out of him, he finishes the drink. He’s mad. And hot. Incredibly hot. “I thought you liked Harry.” At this point you’re just teasing him, and he’s making one more drink.

“He’s my friend, of course i like him.” You just nod, hands going behind you, on the counter as you face him. You dont want to leave any time soon, not when he finally showed up, not when you feel brave enough to talk to him. He takes another look at you, his eyes rolling. “You never listen.” He mutters, before moving so he can cover you with his body, almost to hide your legs. You giggle, liking this side of him.

The kitchen isn’t completely empty, the music isnt as loud as the rest of the house, but there’s still a few people chatting and dancing, a couple making out, and wrost of all, that group of guys that made a scene a couple of night ago. You sigh, making Kangmin turn around to see, he rolls his eyes again. It was late at night, and you were already sleeping by then but he didn’t like how those guys acted last time, he gently pats your hip. “Let’s go. I’m sure Harry is looking for you.”

Your brows furrow in confusion at his words, the alcohol may have made you braver but now everything is spinning and you can only really see him. You dont understand why Harry would be looking for you, he was the one who pushed you into flirting with Kangmin. Have you two flirted? No! So your job isnt done here. Still, you find yourself holding onto Kangmin’s hand, letting him guide you out the kitchen.

You’re so focused on it. How hot it feels against your skin, how it’s bigger than your own and how its really the first time you have been this close to him. You look at his face, its embarrassing how much his annoyance is attracting you. You’ve known of his jealousy towards Harry for a while now, but seeing him act on it is making the butterflies in your stomach go insane. You walk through the kitchen, and all of the sudden there’s so much noise you cant even catch what people are saying, you just know its directed at you. Kangmin only holds your hand tighter.

You raise your head, now even more confused when you’re met with a tall guy looking down at you, was he talking to you? “I’m sorry, what?” Is all you ask, genuinely wondering what he might’ve said. Kangmin stops and almost pushes you behind him. “I said-“ “Don’t you dare.” By Kangmin’s reaction you can only guess you fucked up. You’re too drunk to fully comprehend what’s happening. All you know is that the guy is tall, much taller than your friend, and they both look like they’re about to throw hands. “Don’t you fucking dare repeat what you said.” “She asked.” “She’s drunk.”

“Okay, okay let’s go.” You feel someone hold your arms, and when you turn around you find Harry and Sangwon, the latter walking you out of the kitchen while Harry stays back with Kangmin. You dont feel well enough to know what’s happening, you can only imagine a fight is breaking out, and its because you asked the wrong thing at the wrong time. And there you were thinking they were going to ask you something nice. Your heart is beating way too fast, you want to know if your friends are okay, but now there’s a crowd surrounding the kitchen, and you can’t see from where you stand. Plus, Sangwon wont let you move.

Five, then ten minutes, then fifteen. And finally all the chaos seems to quiet down. You dont see any of your friends come out of the kitchen, but when you search for them they’re not there either. You honestly just want to punch yourself in the face, you and that damn tongue of yours. It should’ve been a perfect night. Actually, all the previous nights should’ve been the perfect one and none of them were. On monday you got too drunk too fast and ended up falling asleep immediately, then you got too embarrassed to talk to Kangmin so you spent tuesday and wednesday ignorning him, yesterday you barely talked and today, when you finally had the chance to talk, you fucked everything up.

You walk towards the bathroom, still drunk and now sad. You find the door slightly open, the sound of the water still running means someone is already inside. You peek in to see who it is, and you dont waste a second to get in when you see Kangmin. His lip is bleeding, not too much, but it worries you anyway. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked i’m so sorry i didnt really hear what he said and-“ “Its fine.”

Kangmin glances up at you, he doesnt look mad anymore, he looks furious. He says its fine but the way he throws the wet clothe on the sink tells you everything. And fuck, why does he looks even hotter now? Your breath shortens, you dont know what to say. You want to stay, though. “Kangmin..” “I said its fine. Now go back to Harry and leave me alone.” His words hurt you, but that doesnt stop you from holding your breath and staying still. He looks up at you again, ready to say something but you stop him. “Why do you want me to go back to him so bad?”

Kangmin walks closer to you, for a second you think he’s about to push you against the wall, not that you’d mind, but instead he just closes the door behind you. To your disappointment. “Because you obviously like him? Because he’s been eyeing you all week? Listen, i can deal with one asshole trying to get with you, but two its too much!” You look at him. Its the only thing you can do. Mouth slightly open in surprise, eyes blinking so slowly you’re trying to see if he’s being serious.

“You’re stupid.” “Pardon?” “You’re actually, incredibly, unbelievably, stupid.” He finally gets closer, that look you like so much on him never leaving his face. The bruise forming on his cheekbone making him look even more intimidating. And hotter. “You really think i like Harry June? Even when i’m always around you, even when i always look for you, even now that i’m here, and not with him. You think i like him?” Kangmin shakes his head, another scoff leaving him mouth. One more step forward, his hands on your skirt, he pulls it down a little. “Don’t torture me with false hope.”

“Kangmin.” This time your tone is more serious, your hands find his shoulders. He bites his lips, more blood trickling out. You’re too drunk to think straight, your fucked up brain is telling you to just kiss him and suck it out until he needs a blood transfusion, the sane part of it, thankfully the one controlling your body, takes the wet cloth instead, gently pressing it to his lip. “Sit down.” You order him, and that’s what he does, sitting on the toilet, hands on your hips. Eyes on you.

“You don’t like Harry.” He repeats, almost not believing it. You just sigh, letting go of the wet cloth once the blood has mostly stopped. “Why did you do that? You’re four apples tall.” Ignoring him, you run your thumb along his bottom lip. He smirks before biting it. He bites it. He bites your thumb. You look at him in shock, heart racing too hard once again. “One apple taller than you.”

“I dont think you realize how attractive you are to me in this moment.” The words leave your mouth before you can think. He smiles again, looking down and biting his lips once more. He gets up, but not before pulling down your skirt one more time, its short and low waisted, so when he covers your ass he shows more of your stomach. “For fuck’s sake, there’s no saving me.” He mutters, eyes roaming up and down on you shamelessly, like a starved man.

Your hands find the sink, grounding yourself so you don’t actually do something stupid. Like jump at him. The tension in the bathroom is getting ridiculously high, so dense you could cut it with a knife. This is the only way you can finally get what you’ve been yearning for months. So your hand moves to his shoulder, his body stiffness, as if only now realizing what is happening. His eyes move to yours, and you can feel your ears getting hotter just by how he’s staring at you. Eyelids half open, that still annoyed gaze and jaw clenched. You lean towards him, legs feeling wobbly just thinking about what’s about to come, he opens his mouth to speak, but before he can a knock on the door startles you both.

Kangmin is quick to get rid of your hand on his shoulder, he straightens up and clears his throat. You can tell he’s embarrassed by the way he walks to the door, how he runs a hand through his hair when he opens it and leaves you there. He leaves you there. If you were turned on before, now you’re just getting frustrated. “Yoo Kangmin!” You dont even look at the person entering the bathroom, too focused on following the guy that’s been making your head a whole mess for months.

You reach out for him, hand on his shoulder to make him turn around and face you. The music is loud again, so loud you have to almost scream for him to hear you. “What the hell is wrong with you?” He’s avoiding your eyes, looking anywhere but at you. “Do you- Ugh,” your time to run a hand through your hair, you push him lightly to catch his attention. “Do you understand how insane you’re acting? The mixed signals you’re giving me?”

“I’m not giving you any mixed signals…“ “Shut up!” He gets startled by your sudden outburst, while you have to take a deep breath before you end up punching him, or kissing him. “First you ignore me all week, you act like you dont want to walk home with me but then you get jealous everytime Harry is mentioned? You- You get involved in a fight then touch me like that just to pretend nothing happened?”

He has to grab your wrist to stop you from gesturing so much, catching some people’s attention. He sighs, bites his lips and then walks you to his room. You’re incredibly mad at him, so annoyed and frustrated at how he’s been acting with you. Making you believe you have a chance, then leaving you like that with nothing. He closes the door, and without hesitation pushes you against it. Well, at least this is what you wanted. Just not like this. “What about you, uh? Spending everyday with Harry acting like i’m not even there.” “Harry was helping me get with you!”

Its so embarrassing to admit. Having to ask Harry for help was the most humiliating thing you’ve ever done, but what else were you supposed to do? Its not like Kangmin ever gave you a reason to hang out so much, you had to improvise. “Bullshit,” The word slices through the air. His tone makes your knees weak, but not in the way you want. His voice his sharp, his hands trembling as they reach for your hips, grabbing onto your skin so hard it might bruise. “I see the way he looks at you, how he constantly flirts and touches you, and you-“ His jaw clenches, big eyes burning into yours.

“You’re so damn naive its making you look stupid!”

“Stupid?” Your question sounds more like a sarcastic joke, you lean your head back on the door, eyes closing in annoyance before you shake your head. “You know what? Maybe i am stupid, because i’ve been chasing you after you for months, i humiliated myself to get your attention just for you to act like i dont even exist!” His mouth opens, nothing coming out. For once, Kangmin looks caught off guard.

“And Harry?” You continue, hands going to his chest, pushing him once, but he doesn’t move in the slightest. If anything, his grip on you only tightens. “Harry was helping me because i’m so fucking awkward around you! I wanted to get close to you so much i had to ask your damn friends for help! But yeah, sure! Act like i don’t want you!” Your chest is heaving, the air between the two of you burning. “If you don’t like me you could’ve just said so.”

That last sentence is what makes him break. He? Doesn’t like you? He’s been so overly obsessed towards you for weeks, what started as a simple crush was eating him inside day and night. “You think i got into that fight for the fun of it?” His voice is rough again, his hands are moving up your waist, his grip on you almost desperate now, making your breath hitch. “The second he opened his mouth about you i fucking lost it. I can’t stand the way they talk about you, look at you, and-“ His voice breaks, forehead now against you. Your hands stay on his chest, no longer pushing him, but not bringing him in either. “Don’t say that again. Don’t you dare say i don’t like you because we both know that’s a fucking lie.”

You stare at him, anger mixing up with something else you can’t quite name. “You’re infuriating.” You whisper, hands grabbing onto his shirt, his nose touches you and you know this time its inevitable. His eyes flicker to your mouth, one of his hands leaving your skin to lock the door. You should push him again, make him regret making you feel so damn tiny and embarassed, leave him here like he left you in the bathroom. But you can’t. Instead you lean in, and it doesn’t take him long to finally close the gap between you.

The kiss isnt gentle, its all teeth and bites, heat and months of yearning and words not spoken. His knee finds the gap between your legs, his hand under your jaw, pressing you harder against him. He’s holding you like he’s scared you’ll run away, while your fists are twisting his shirt, not knowing if you want to tear it off or rip hin apart. It feels less of a kiss and more of an argument neither of you can win. He tastes like cheap vodka and bruises and for once the anger in his hands feels like desperation rather than possession.

When you finally break apart you’re both breathless, hands still exploring each other without even realizing. His voice comes out rough and low, lips still pressed against your jaw. Outside the room the party is still going, music loud, noise and chatter coming from the people enjoying themselves. “Where’d you wanna go?” He asks, almost whispering in your ear, its sudden, a question you dont expect. His kisses are gentle and slow, your hands going on his back.

“For a date.” He continues, stopping his pecks to look at you, hands now softer on your skin. “I’ll take you on a date.” Your laugh comes out shaky, maybe relieved, maybe disbelieving. A date. After weeks of jealousy, silence, and everything unsaid, it almost sounds ridiculous. Almost. You brush your thumb across the bruise on his cheek, and for once he doesn’t flinch away.

“Anywhere is fine.”