Letters To My Little One

[dearlittleblip]

Dear Marvel,

Mommy is sad today because of a lot of things. I’m sorry if this stress affects you. Help me feel better okay? I love you.

[dearlittleblip]

Dear Marvel,

22 weeks and 5 days.

Yes, baby. You have a name now. I’m not really writing this because I want to let you know about it but it’s mainly because I want to say sorry. Mommy is already a failure. I’m not confident that I would be able to raise you well. I have mental and emotional issues that I’m sure you’re already being affected.

Right now, I feel so empty. Especially when your Daddy isn’t around. I feel so lost. I started thinking about negative things about myself and my relationship with your father. I feel like he doesn’t deserve me.

Your Mommy’s already so ugly and I already lost the motivation to make myself look good. I’m just surviving everyday—trying my best to get through it. I’m scared about the future.

I want to thank you Marvel coz without you, I might have already killed myself. You’re the only reason I want to continue my life... I’m sorry you would have to feel the misery of living in this world. I am sorry I would have to put you to this. Just know that I’ll love you so much. I’m sure Daddy feels the same way. I wish you’re healthy despite all the stress I experienced these past few months. I wish that you won’t have to experience the burden of lacking something.

I love you and see you soon!

[dearlittleblip]

Dear Little Blip,

18th week.

I kept on thinking of names to call you but I couldn’t seem to find a nice one. Something you would love. So in the mean time, I’ll call you my “little blip”.

First, I want to say sorry for giving you no choice to live in this world. It’s not going to be easy along the way, but I’ll try my best for you to have a good life. The life that’s a million of times better than what I have. I’m sorry if I couldn’t promise you the best mother.... but don’t worry, I’ll try. I hope you’ll get to read this when you grow older. I wish this platform would still be alive when the time comes. For now, I’ll be writing letters to you that I really couldn’t say out loud. I love you little blip. I hope you grow up to be a healthy one.