jokes
if you call the suicide hotline you aren’t connected immediately to a person. this I knew, but I haven’t had to dial in a while [read: years], so was a hilariously ironic re-discovery
also IMALIVE online suicidal instant chat service isn’t instant either. you have to fill out identity and demographic information.
right.
anyway.
took four shots Evan Williams whiskey and I’m sure I’ll be fine. Happy drunk is a great distraction from suicidal thoughts. the worst that is going to happen in the next 2 hours is that I’ll start crying while fumbling over this at home Netflix-Glee-Marathon-Singalong.
random notes:
I have the interview of a lifetime next week for this amazing job I’ve been pouring my pathetic thoughts towards
This Saturday I was invited by the Director of an East Harlem Youth Development Program, to stop by for the weekend programming to observe the kids and do evaluations. She wants me to design and coordinate LGBT programming for the 12-18 yr olds a part of the program. They have no type of LGBTQIA presence and apparently I was in her radar
My stocks are doing well. I’m happy to make passive income.
As of today I have:
$1,856.49 in my checking account.
$2,145.19 in my personal IRA.
$7,406.45 in my savings account.
$700 in 2014 savings bonds in my desk drawer
I need a job ASAP. As much as I have reduced my monthly expenses, without active steady income, I’m just slowly chipping away at my checking and savings. No bueno.
Totally random, but I googled my first ex on a whim yesterday. Very sure that with what else has been going on in my life, prompted this spiral. She is doing very well. I am happy for her, but still am not over how easy it was for her to be positive- at least from my perspective. When she left me for the apparent love of her life, I was so hurt. Second semester college just deflated everything. And after that I became such a player.
My current girlfriend has only been with 3 people including me. It is a bad idea to talk ‘numbers’ with a partner. She told me she didn’t care about mine. Which is good. Because I have no idea how to even start that conversation. In my first 6 months of graduate school back in NYC, I burned through 13 gorgeous, brilliant, funny, endearing and dynamic women. Some to this day are jaded with me. I had no reason to treat them like objects. I know that. But I still did it.. its easy to treat people like they mean nothing to you, when you feel like you’re nothing yourself.
Pity party checking in; table of 1.
“right this way, ma’am”
