Let’s talk about Brenda (Brenda’s a bitch).
So we moved into a new apartment. Two new roomies (woo!) and a new place.
It’s a gorgeous, if a little janky, old house separated into apartments. We have the whole second floor.
The first night we spent here (myself and my girlfriend, the roomies hadn’t moved in yet) we noticed above all the interior doors there are windows. They’re originally for ventilation, but they’ve been painted shut. Like I said, it’s a little janky. That whole first night we felt like we were being watched through them. My girlfriend (new to paganism) said she had nightmares of slender man. I kind of found this amusing and didn’t think much of it. The nazar and hamsa hanging on my bedroom door was turned backward the next morning. And every subsequent morning.
One of my new roomies @deathbyblisslessignorance , also a witch, and I noticed the presence of something watching us through the first week (side note, roomie 2 has been out of town for this ordeal). I suggested it was nervous and threatened by two witches moving in and it wanted to get a handle on who and what we were before showing itself. It showed itself to the roomie more than it did to me. I figured it’s because I’m a pretty significant presence. I’ve been practicing a long time.
You’ll notice on the floor plan above a closet that’s highlighted orange. We lovingly named that the Murder Closet when we moved in because it was screwed and painted shut and I have a thing about secret places and Had to see what was in there. We joked that it was probably a body.
My roomies parents and my girlfriend unscrewed and opened it about a week after we moved in. It’s dingy and weirdly narrow but structurally sound and we really needed the extra space. I have a million coats so I put my box of coats in there.
Right after that @deathbyblisslessignorance started having trouble with candles being moved across her room, off the desk. She keeps her door closed so the cats can’t get in there, as she has birds.
I started smelling a weird smell by my bedroom door that I thought was natural gas. Neither roomie or girlfriend thought it was gas and we haven’t died, so.
The hallway felt creepy to me. Every time I tried to walk through it carrying one of the cats (I tried it with all three) they would flip shit hissing and clawing, which they Never do. They’re all really good natured. Two of them clawed their way over my shoulders and down my back to get away from the hallway.
The oscillating fan in roomie 2’s room was turned off and the doorknob to her closet, which I had fixed, removed. That closet shared a wall with the murder closet. The fan was by the closet.
The second night after the closet was opened, when my girlfriend and I were going to bed, I looked up into the living room, directly across from my bedroom door and bed. There was a dark figure, about four feet tall, standing staring into the room (second picture). I did a double take because at first I thought it was just boxes and unpacked things but it set my hairs on end. It’s marked in the floor plan by a black dot an arrow.
We stared at each other for a moment and I said to myself “Well, that’s unsettling,” and got up and closed the door. At this point everyone I’ve told this story too starts cracking up—“you just closed the door in it’s face?! Omg”—- and that amuses me so I thought I’d share.
The next morning shit got real. The roomie left early for work. Girlfriend and I are having sex and suddenly there’s this Loud slamming KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK from the closet in the hallway. Girlfriend thought it was the front door—we hurried to investigate. This was loud, urgent “your house is on fire!” Banging. No one else was in the building, the cats had run to hide when it happened, and Roomie’s birds were flipping Shit so I checked on them too. They were screaming their little beaks off.
About a half hour later we’re in the kitchen. I’m leaning on the sink and Girlfriend is hugging me. We’ve just been kissisng. We both feel something and turn to look at the door. On the wine rack next to the door is an art display made of shells and a branch I put together. AS WE WATCH it is sheared in half—the branch, the razor clam shell, and a deer vertebra at the base of the branch, and thrown to the floor while the base remained on top of the wine rack. At this point I lose my temper and start shouting.
“Bitch you better fuck the Fuck off Right Now! This is My Fucking House! I LIVE here now! You’re not getting rid of me! I signed a fucking lease. Fuck the Fuck OFF!” Girlfriend calmed me down—she didn’t want me to antagonize it before I left her home alone while I was at work. Apparently this ghosty bitch hates lesbians.
So that night when roommate gets home we catch her up and decide the cleansing we were going to do after unpacking can’t wait. So I get out Rontu and put him on and get my little feather fan with bells while Roomie makes a banishing salt we lovingly call “Get the Fuck Out of Town Salsa”. It has:
Sea salt, koreaon hot pepper, hawthorn tree thorns, bullthistle, and wood betony all ground together into a powder.
We named this entity Brenda so we had something to call it and because I’ve never met a nice Brenda.
Brenda is also a not-scary name.
I smoke cleansed, starting with my room and going around the house to hit the closet and front door last, while roomie went behind me and sprinkled get out of town salsa on the door frames and windowsills. While we did this all my mugs on the kitchen counter (but none of the mugs that belonged to others) were turned on their sides.
Once I hit the last section of the house (murder closet and front door, which we opened to shoo Brenda out) Girlfriend starts muttering and giving me weird tight smiles. I’m concerned. I don’t want another Chad situation–these things like to latch onto her. So after we finish the house I immediately take her into my room and do a smoke cleanse on her, then Roomie, then have the roomie do me. She told me she had been praying. She went to seminary school.. About a half hour later Girlfriend starts vomiting–something she did when I sent Chad away from her, and something that’s happened every time she’s gone with me to do a cleansing for someone. I burn sage and cedar pretty frequently and it doesn’t bother her–she only vomits when I’m trying to send something specific away.
So we’re all like ‘alright. This is what happens every time somethings been sent Out. So we’re probably good. Brenda has been kicked the fuck out of dodge.
About 2 AM that night I wake up to a telephone ringing. It sounds like an old rotary phone but more shrill, and it doesn’t pause after a couple rings and start up again, it just goes and goes and goes. I have a thing about ringing phones. I Have to get them. I’m sure it’s tied to some form of anxiety. Anyway it rings for Two Hours.
I know there’s nothing in the house that makes this noise. It sounds like it’s coming from the hallway and I just Know it’s a trap, something trying to lure me out of my comfy bed and safe bedroom to hand my ass to me. So I decide just to wait it out. Two. Whole. Hours. before it stopped. I mentioned it to Roomie and she reminded me that there’s old phone wires in that closet and it’s the only place in the house with a landline hookup. I said great. But at least, when you all someone on the phone, it’s because you’re physically Not There and cannot be. You call because it’s your only option to communicate when you’re not present.
A few days pass and I’m standing on the front porch watering my plants. It’s about 9 am. I bend over and then look up and see that fun little dark figure standing halfway between myself and the sidewalk. God. Damn. It. I can Feel the resentment radiating off her–Brenda wants back inside.
I stare for a second, blink and she’s gone. I consult roommate. Roomie has also been seeing Brenda on the porch and in the yard but thought she was just being paranoid so she hadn’t mentioned it.
That night Girlfriend is Very shook up when she comes to bed. She was turning off the living room lights and saw Brenda outside our window. We’re second story, girlfriend said Brenda was less than a foot away from the window and they got into a staring contest. It was broken by the cats jumping at the window.
I’m concerned Brenda is going after Girlfriend because she’s the weakest link–she’s just recently decided she needs to leave her Christian God behind but hasn’t devoted to another god yet. She doesn’t practice any form of witchcraft or anything. She’s the babiest of Pagans and she’s vulnerable.
I made us all Nazar stud earrings to wear, which I might add to my etsy shop later because they look awesome. Side note.
Anyway, I made a black salt banishing powder and made a line all the way around the perimeter of the property, and then did a line of eggshell powder for protection. The neighbors were curious but didn’t ask lol.
If Brenda shows up again, I’m sure we’re going to start a much more aggressive routine to get her Out. We tried coexisting and it didn’t work, and I for one am tired of her scaring my poor girlfriend. Bitch crossed a line.
IN CONCLUSION Brenda is a bitch and, given the opportunity and physical ability to harm spirits, I would strangle her with my bare hands.
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