[deathinasippycup]

been forcing myself to look happier. It works for them.

[filmcinematography]

“We can stay in bed all summer.”

Like Crazy (2011)

[leafsea]

empty // 5.4.2017

[leafsea]

absence // 5.3.2017

[maeestum-blog-blog]

[bubbleribbon]

[goddessair]

bleed/stay empty

[music-keeps-me-sane]

[bonnibell]

[deathinasippycup]

[deathinasippycup]

no no no no. no. we're not supposed to be this way. why are you pushing me away? i can feel it hurts on you too. it has to. or maybe there's something wrong with me, like some people say. i never wanted to end up alone but if it's not with you then solo its how I'll spend the rest of my life. guess if even my family disowned me it was just silly to think that maybe someone could bear to love me, right?

[deathinasippycup]

 º☾✦.:｡  a breakup playlist for crybaby.

smother // daughter 

love like this (acoustic) // kodaline

everything we had // the academy is...

video games // lana del rey

eyelids // pvris 

sway // the kooks 

thinking of you // katy perry 

skinny love // bon iver 

big girls don’t cry // fergie 

what kind of man // florence + the machine

princess of china // coldplay feat. rihanna 

london bridge // twenty88 

stars // the xx

♡ l i s t e n

[deathinasippycup]

still trying to process what happened the other night... why was ross so upset over the new men in the neighbourhood?

[deathinasippycup]

i think ross is getting tired of me.. i kind of stressed him out earlier but i didn't mean to at all /: sometimes i wish i was like the pretty girls i used to see a lot in their shows. they all seem much prettier and less annoying than me.

[daddyslittleheartbreaker-blog]

[deathinasippycup]

♡  J O U R N A L  -- APRIL 16TH

it's so hard to be off tour and not be working on something in the meanwhile. john and i landed in paris yesterday, just in time for "easter" or a little more honestly: eating a bunch of candy and just laughing at silly things. i missed them a lot since we didn't really get to see each other after ross and i  broke up. i don't really know what's going on between them and the boys in the band, but whatever it is, i'll always stick up for john. hopefully this weekend will make them feel a little bit better, or less bad.

after we were done eating john went to their room in the hotel to nap and i don't know why but i decided to go through some of my videos. i guess at times it feels nice to look back at them and know that i'm capable of so much. though this time it didn't feel good at all. i know i shouldn't let people's opinions get to me so much but now i'm just kind of embarrassed about so much. it seems like everything about me isn't really enough. my dance, my teeth, my expressions, my singing.. sounds silly but i can't help feeling shittier than usual.

ross and i did it the other night. we fucked. i think usually people imagine "making up sex" is automatically making love without any of the parts meaning it to be such way, but things were exactly the way i remembered them -- better, even. gosh i just want to be in his arms all the time. but i can't, i don't wanna lie to him, i don't want to have to run away when things get bad. he doesn't deserve to be hurt over and over. i still love him yet i don't know what to do. i wish i could stay in his eyes forever but for that i have to get better, which is a whole new level of complicated. guess i'll have to give him the best of the best while it all lasts.

[pixie-lolita-deactivated2021091]