The Undelivered

i scream and shout and nobody is goin to know

[debrisangkasa]

Aku hanya ingin merasakan damai

Aku ingin hidup dan merasakan tenang

Dan ketika itu terjadi bolehkah aku hentikan waktu

Tuk sekejap saja, tuk sekejap saja

Tuk selamanya

Bolehkah aku untuk meminta, Tuhan

Tuk kali ini saja, sekali saja

Agar aku merasakan tenang

Tuk selamanya

[thepersonalquotes]

[debrisangkasa]

Someone asked me

why i care about certain cats, but not the other. The answer is arbitrary, i just decided not to care.

In the world where we care about everything, we'll become exhausted. A bowl can only contain so much until it overflows. I don't have the capacity to always give and give without taking some in return (hard lesson 2024). I can't give everything i have to all the unfortunate cats in the world. But, sure. I can give to some of them.

Sometimes the reasons weren't really sound. Maybe, it's just favorability like a better meow, better furs, cuter face.. which is unfair.

But, in the world where no one gives a fuck, maybe we would still trade people for money. Thanks to Abraham Lincoln. Maybe Palestine is already a memory by now without all the fuss. Thanks to all the movements.

Ignorance is indeed a bliss.

I guess that's why i have soft spots for kind & compassionate people: because i can't never be like them. I don't have that much to offer, seriously.

[debrisangkasa]

confusion

this year i learned to be direct. i learned to vocalize my stance, my opinion. i learned to have difficult conversation and i learned to express my discomfort.

i learned that i dislike being confused and when people i'm close with and consider as potential friends made me confused whether they appreciate or just need me at the moment. i told people i appreciate that i appreciate them a lot. i told people that i feel affection for that they are loveable. i affirmed that i didn't get bored nor that i will get bored of them. i denied every bad accusation and assumption about themselves. i told people every reasoning of my unexpected moves. i've been trying to always be honest and tell them the truth because i value them and they deserve honesty.

i dislike being confused and i dislike being left wondering. i will only accept the same honesty and care.

i will not put first people who put me last. i will sort my priority.

and i am very proud of myself this year for this.

[debrisangkasa]

I'm tired of falling in love

[debrisangkasa]

I think i don't mind if this is the end. I'm alright when i'm with you.

[debrisangkasa]

Sometimes you gotta bleed to know

That you're alive and have a soul

You came into my life to show

How i love the pain and i love you whole.

I think i'm doomed haha, but it's ok.

[debrisangkasa]

Serious

Today someone said to me not to take things seriously. I wasn’t, but also.. I was. I was serious, I was ambitious, I was mostly serious most of the times because times had been very difficult. If I am not serious then I don’t know how my life will unfold. The thing is… people who could take life lightly,,, may have a really good safety net. I don’t have it yet. My life.. is on my hand.

I can’t mess around, I can’t be warm, I feel like I am not all those good things. I feel like I’m trying so hard and now I have to let it out.

My life.. is and will be full of luck.

[debrisangkasa]

I am not strong

I can only endure so much

please stop

[meolog]

Es ist Poesie in allen Dingen, jedem Schlaf und jedem Sein – ihr Mögliches zu besingen ist nichts zu klein.

[debrisangkasa]

Campbell biology

[debrisangkasa]

For you, my dear. I think i'd die for you

And i was, slowly dying

But i didn't die. I give me, myself

[debrisangkasa]

Where do you go when home doesn't feel like home?

None.

[debrisangkasa]

Forgetting, cutting people was never a problem with me. It's not difficult.

But, with you. I've never fall in love with your perfection or beauty. In fact, I liked how ugly you are. So, forgetting is not easy.

And maybe I don't have to forget. This is not the end of the world. This is not the end. I guess it won't end. Maybe I have to stop trying.

We're perfectly fine.

[debrisangkasa]

Just cried. I pray that wherever I go, I always get welcomed and appreciated.

It gets very tiring sometimes and the thought of giving up crossed my mind multiple times. I wish people keep some truths for themselves that revealing would bring nothing but so much hurts for the recipient.

[debrisangkasa]

I think I'm incapable of falling in love again

[ur-daily-inspiration]

[debrisangkasa]

With everything perfect, we do not ask how it came to be. We rejoice in the present fact as though it came out of the ground by magic

Nietzsche