[december--1995]

4/18/2016 hOLY FUCK! Its been a year since i’ve updated lmao. (lbr i can never keep up with this kind of shit) Nothing is new, in fact, i think my depression is worsening! :) every single day of my unfortunate life i want to die and i feel horrible and ugly. 

ANYWAYS, SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED!!!!!!  I saw jcvz in the summertime (august 16th i believe). i went alone, it was scary and thrilling and exciting rolled into one. i was sooo so so so close. J U L I A N looked at ME. M E. i didnt get to meet him, but him looking at me was efuckingnough. I saw ahj in sept. it was cool. went with my sister. started an internship in november and i met a very sweet lady.(c) I finished in February. i should really text C soon. 

kind of “””dated””” y for a while lmaooooo???? then i “”broke up””” with him. nothing felt real to me at that time. (nothing still does tbh) i was irritated all the time?? and hes been nothing but nice to me lol im really a horrible person and relationships arent for me. we remained friends or w.e but sometimes i feel like he hates me !! Im just a crazy bitch with major trust issues lol. 

IMM SO exhuasted all the fucking time. eating and sleeping are two things im becoming to hate. 

i wish i was a normal and likable person like my sister. 

[december--1995]

4/15/2015

LMFAOOOO I HAVEN’T BEEN ON HERE IN A LONG ASS TIME OMG

update i guess

i finished school, got my diploma 10/11/14

um basically i hate s lmao

i’m watching daredevil and it’s so good????????

everything still sux

my hair is now red

[december--1995]

7/31/2014

i finished classes last week

i take my GED test on the 22nd & 23rd ( i hope i pass)

i finally know what i wanna do in the future-- work with kids ( like in a daycare) 

i bumped into an old friend from H.S. last week

i'm going to his house on saturday

i went to my old bf's house to visit her baby (and her sister's baby)

i STILL HATE MYSELF LMFAOOOOO

i feel suicidal l m f a o

i wanna go back to doing art

OH I RE PIERCED MY SEPTUM LIKE ALMOST TWO WEEKS AGO

i don't know what else bye

[december--1995]

7/13/2014

JFC I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN A REALLY LONG TIME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not much has happened  lmfao i still hate myself (alot more than usual these past few days)!!!! i got into an argument w s like two weeks ago and ofc  i was crying it was so stupid we made up tho but i secretly don't like her still

i haven't properly talked to m because she hasn't been feeling well and i think that's why i've been so sad tbh i feel so lonely if i don't talk to her :( i don't wanna message her everyday bc i'll feel like i'm annoying her 

i got new clothes from f21 ( a black dress, 2 flowery dresses, boots, 2 crop tops and herim pants (i think i spelled that right))

my old best friend gave birth on mom's bday

ALSO i take my GED/HSE test on the 22 nd 23rd of august i really hope i pass

[cow-face-deactivated20170601]

.png ed

[december--1995]

okay, i need to start taking better care of myself. i'm gross. this is probably why i dislike myself SO MUCH. 

tomorrow i'm gonna work out. i need to do this. 

[december--1995]

I had/have ((??)) a crush on this guy nd like idk im just so stupid and anxiety ridden it's not even funny. he wanted to hang with me but noooooo i had to go and make an excuse. he wanted to talk on the phone but noooooooooooo because i had a major freak out. i told him "i'm going to sleep now bc i gotta wake up early probably ^.^" or something along those lines and his ONLY response was "goodnight" like it was so PLAIN. LAST TIME WHEN I TOLD HIM I WAS GOING TO BED HE SAID GOODNIGHT WITH A KISSY FACE. BUT THIS TIME JUST "goodnight" WHAT THE FUCK, I HATE M,YSELF. I'M NOT TALKING TO HIM UNTIL MONDAY......MAYBE. OR LIKE NEVER AGAIN BECAUSE I'M A PIECE OF SHIT LIKE THAT. FUCK ME. 

[december--1995]

I AM SO FUCKING STUPID.

[december--1995]

I Am Jack's Inflamed Sense of Rejection

[december--1995]

wtf don't follow this blog

[unprince]

A .gif I gave up on.

[december--1995]

3/1/14

m and i are moving to brooklyn

the bookstore emailed me 2 weeks ago and i didnt see it until 2 days ago

i'm getting fatter

i got my period yesterday and it's v light i'm not sure if i got it at all

but i was bleeding earlier and i had a massive headache

i start school in may probably

i don't know what i'm gonna do about the tablet situation

i love paul banks, interpol and julian plenti

i dyed my hair with blonde dye and it turned orange brownish

i'm dying it aquamarine

i went shopping last saturday

i got a black and blue cardigan, a padded sweater, black pants, some bras and underwear. these red platform shoes

i need to return them bc one shoe is the wrong size

i'm buying the rest of my clothes

and m's present

i'm probably not gonna be able to get her cd but she'll understand

mac demarco is coming here in april and i'm going alone

[december--1995]

i really like the idea of living in portland but if i actually ever move there i'd probably get bored. i heard it rains alot there, though, which is p nice omg. 

[december--1995]

2/17/14

i want to die but i also don't want to die you know?

[ovadioisdead-blog]

[december--1995]

2/6/14

i got ""dismissed"" from my school ((basically kicked out)) and now i have to wait to weeks for them to call me. i'm so pissed at myself and embarrassed and disgusted. i hate myself so much. i think i'm cursed. also, mom's probably gonna be really pissed at me. and now i feel like no one is gonna trust me ever again.

why me.

if i get the job at the bookstore then i'm not going back to the program. 

[december--1995]

2/5/14

I’m angry at myself for missing school. AGAIN. I’m not gonna do this anymore because it makes me feel like shit. I’m so fucking dumb.

Also, I forgot my password to my main email account and I really need to figure it out you know just in case the bookstore tries to contact me. Ugh.