Officium Supremus Ego

This is for anyone who is in public service and needs to share what’s on their mind. To often we bottle up what we deal with or are afraid to talk about what haunts us. Feel free to share.

[deep-memories]

I recently was struggling with two EMS calls in particular. One was a 20 month old in cardiac arrest with a negative outcome. The second was a shooting victim that was very much aware of the severity of his wound but was in a state of hemorrhagic shock. The outcome of that was negative also. The hardest part is looking into the eyes of the Patient and the words “I’m dying” being repeated over and over again. These two types of calls really began to bother me. So I took a vacation in hopes of a mental reset which I got. And all it took m, was time away and running into a pizza joint that brought back memories of a patient that I use to stop and let his dad grab a pizza for him after a scheduled Drs appointment This made the patients day and brought joy and happiness to him. Remembering that made me start to think more in what I’ve done in my career that has made positive differences in people’s lives. If you’re struggling try and search out all the good you’ve done.

Sometimes we need something to reset or refocus.

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Bottling 

When you come across specific situations that may be hard to process. Don’t be afraid to discuss it over with someone. Bottling things on the inside and saying you are ok l, when you’re really not will eventually become an issues as you hold in more and more things. You will hit a breaking point. Whether it’s at work or in your home life. Trying to act macho in front of your coworkers is all fine and dandy but it will eventually build up to the point where you’ll be acting out and not realizing it. So reach out sooner there are people who do care and wanna help.

[deep-memories]

I have had this one call on my mind for a few days now. Debating whether or not to share. So I’m gonna share a condensed version. It was about 3am in the morning. My partner and I we coming back from and out of town transfer and we had just gotten off the interstate and was heading to get fuel. When all of a sudden dispatch paged one of our stations that we just past for a vehicle wreck on the interstate where we had just came through. Dispatch stated that bystanders on scene were already saying multi patients involved. I told my partner to turn around because we were the closest and I knew that there would be in need of a lot of emergency units. While heading there we were advised by dispatch that there were two deceased one critically injured and possibly two more. When we got there it was like time stood still. We had to park far away due to debris all over the road. I told my partner two get a bunch of different things from the ambulance and to meet up at the wreck. As I was assessing the area a bystander stopped me and pointed out where two people were deceased. Being the first medically trained person on scene I had to assess everyone involved. Which is what we call triaging. This is where it gets real hard. Making split second decisions. So I made my way to my first pt. which I was told was deceased. Walking up to the Pt the injuries were not sustainable to life but what was the hardest part was the fact that the pt actually took their last breath right there in front of me. Reposition the airway and no response. In triage this is where we have to make a decision and tag the pt as a black tag meaning nothing can be done for this Pt. As stated this is taking place real quick. I had to move on to the next Pt 50yrds away. That pt was deceased. Then I moved on to the 3rd pt who was still in the driver seat. That pt was ok but had no clue what had happened and she couldn’t get out of the car. Then some bystanders on the passenger side of the car motioned for me to come to that side. When getting there the fourth Pt was ejected out of the car but was still attached to the car by the seat belt. This Pt was still breathing and had several trauma injuries to extremities and to the head. Once freeing the Pt and finally in the ambulance I was gonna try and fly the Pt out via EVAC. but Pt began to crash. Before leaving the scene Pt coded and we attempted to revive Pt to nearest hospital but the injuries were to severe and the Pt didn’t make it. The hardest part I had was having to move on to the next Pt after that first Pt took her last breath and realizing that she was gone after that breath. We are taught to help people in Triage we have to tag Pt’s by a 4 different color codes and move on making split second decisions so we can get to those that are needing life saving treatment right then. That morning I triaged four Pt’s in about 30 seconds which seemed like several minutes in the moment. After having counseling with all the ones involved on scene and me being able to voice why I was so tore up over that call. Whether they did understand or not it was good to talk about it. Some people don’t want to talk about their hard times but in the long run it is good to because you may not think it affects you now and I hope it doesn’t but at least have an open mind to discuss it with someone before it becomes a thing that affects your entire life. This is meant to encourage others to not be afraid of talk with friends or even counselors about your struggles.

[deep-memories]

In this day and time I have seen many people struggle with isolation and it’s side affects. Here is a great motivational snippet. Stay strong and enjoy!!!

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CNJj4Tbr8dj/?igshid=vmglfzrkn9kr

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Random thought for today due to having the same PT call twice for the same reason, but doesn’t want to put forth the effort to get help when offered to get over his addiction.

Those that are serving wether it is Military, Fire, EMS, RN, Dr. or what ever it maybe. There are some days that are a real struggle wether it’s just a long busy shift or one thing in particular that just has whooped your butt today. Just remember push through the suck. Continue to do the best you can. You may not realize it but I bet you’ve made a difference in someone’s life today no matter if you can’t see it and maybe never will see it. Maybe you’ve given them a reason to keep going.

Officium Supremus Ego

Service Before Self

[deep-memories]

Always smile it may make someone’s day.

I had made several trips to a specific nursing home and me being a friendly guy I usually would smile and say hi to residents. Sometimes even assist them with their wheelchair as they would try and get out of our way. With me doing this I became someone’s friend, a beautiful sweet little lady that was bound to a wheelchair due to having a stroke. It started out as saying hi and smiling at each other. Then one day she motioned to me to come to her. She asked me to lean over like she was gonna tell me something and she kissed me on my cheek. I smiled and gave her a hug and I knew that was her way of saying thank you. It started to become a favorite stop for me just to say hi and just see her light up like a kid at Christmas. Some days I would make it a point that if I didn’t see her roaming the hall way I would peek my head in her room and say hi. Occasionally she would wanna talk but I never could stay long. Even when I had to take care of her a few times when she had become ill and needed to go to the ER. It never failed she would still smile when she saw me. Then after a brief time frame of a couple of months I was off due to surgery, I made it back to her facility and went to check on her and she wasn’t there. I went to the staff and asked if she had gotten moved. Then they proceeded to tell me that she had passed away during the time frame I was off. At first I was down and vowed not to get close to any residents again so I wouldn’t get attached to anyone. Then one day it dawned on me that a lot of the residents in nursing homes don’t get visits from there family members, so I realized that I had made a difference in her life with what had just started out as a simple smile and a wave. So remember to smile.

[deep-memories]

As I sit in the back of my bus (ambulance) coming from a transfer. I’m reminded of one of my first transfers as a medic. I remember picking up the Pt which was having issues with heart rate. I was new and green and inexperienced but new that a heart rate of 40 was not good and the Pt’s presentation was very poor. I remember the family members were like we just want our family member transferred to the specialty cardiac hospital and that they had been in the ER for 4 hrs. So I questioned the ER DR. twice about letting me increase the Pt’s heart rate to get the Pt more stable. Twice he told me not to touch it. So me being new as a Medic I done as the ER DR told me. While transferring the Pt, the Pt conditioned worsened. Sold I called medical control which was the same ER DR and again was advised to not touch Pt’s heart rate. I treated my symptoms and fixed the BP issues but the heart rate was still horrible. Continued on my transfer and as I got at the receiving facility the Pt took another turn for the worse. As we moved pt over to ER stretcher the Pt coded but CPR initiated and ROSC was gained. The Pt had a Pacemaker placed and was able to return home. This run almost caused me to quit my job that I love so much due to feeling like I failed as a provider. If it wasn’t for a seasoned medic sitting down and discussing the run with me and telling me to learn from this and use it to better your Pt care I would have quit. Thanks to that medic for encouraging me to continue on.

Take your negative experiences and use them to better yourself and to move forward.

[deep-memories]

(Read the blog description)

So I am a firefighter/medic working in the town I grew up in. I always dread working on someone that I know especially family members. When I do, just about every encounter the individual needing help is very thankful that I’m the one that is there. They usually respond with “Thank God it’s you” due to them knowing me and feeling comfortable. What really goes through my mind is that why me why not another crew. With that said my training takes over and I function just likes it’s any other call. Till it’s over and depending on the severity of it depends on my emotional reaction afterwards.

Never be afraid to do what you are called to do you are the light that someone needs on what may be there worst day...