It was Yom Kippur. A few friends agreed to spend it together, just us in Eli's house. No phones no music, no connection to the outer world.
After a night of drinks, games and cigarettes. Some fell asleep in the living room at positions that could only be described as uncomfortable. Some were smarter and went to bed. The rest were still on the roof, sharing those last sleepy laughs.
Than there was me, I wasn't tired. I fell asleep half way through monopoly and spent the rest of the game reading this book Eli gave me.
So by the time the hands on the clock showed five in the morning, I was the only one up.
I went out to the porch. The dim light of the moon resting on my skin. It gave me a sense of comfot. Very easily my mind drifted to her, it always does when I look at the moon.
A small familiar ache reached it's way into my heart, but I casually dismissed it. Enjoying the soft breeze passing through.
After awhile Eli joined, bringing with her a pack of cigarettes and a couple of beers.
"so what do you think?" She asked after settling in front of me.
"about the moon" she joked, quickly adding "about the book obviously".
And although I had plenty of set-in-stone opinions which I've concluded from merely the first chapter, I didn't want to talk about the book. I wanted to answer the first question.
"you know here's a funny thing about the moon."
"I know she's somewhere out there looking at it too."
And at that point I was looking at the moon, not at Eli, but I could hear her eyes rolling.
"it's five AM, I think her eyes are well shut closed cause she's asleep in her bed."
"it's not necessarily this moment, but I promise you that every time she's looking at the moon, I'm looking at it too."
"maybe if you'll go to bed earlier it won't be like that" she obliviously joked.
We were silent after that, tiredly drinking our beers, smoking at the moon. Eventually I said what I had gathered from the book and she continued to explain to me how wrong I am.
The moon was nearly gone, the sun was just staring to shine her way to the darkness above us. A light blue has taken it's place. On the contrary, the clouds were yet affected by the light and remained dark as night. Truly a magical hour.
I'll admit that I was surprised. I've grown used to being told to stop talking about her.
"truly. But I don't want to hear more about her per say, tell me a story that explains her" Eli challenged.
accepting her challenge, I stopped to gather my thoughts.
"Imagine a mountain, the higher you get the more aware you become. Your mind becomes far more powerful but at the same time the greater your understanding on the world is. So you get to love harder but also feel such a stronger pain.
The higher you climb the more you understand people. The more you understand people, the better you can see into their hearts, the more you can affect all who is around you.
But some people don't want their heart touched, they're scared, they are too far down the mountain and they become intimidated.
So then you climb higher and the people you surround yourself are about your level, you can't surround yourself with people too far down, you can't reach them, you scare them. So now you have less people to share your life with but they're much more suited for you anyways.
Now imagine you climb higher than that, now you're so powerful you can actually start affecting the world in such a deeper way. But now so many less people climbed with you, and suddenly you have even less people who you can to truly share your life with.
The higher you get the more you can give to the world, the more you see and understand but the lonelier you get.
And you can still climb down a bit, socialize but now you're so far above them they seem simple. Their problems, their way of mind is just beneath you. You don't speak the same language. You get bored.
You can't really choose how high you climb, you can resist it, you can try and hold to where you are, for the sake of not being alone.
I think she sacrificed it. I'm lucky to say I know a few who could manage climbing to the height she reaching to but none of them would commit to it like her.
She's so high up and she's amazing, you can feel the power in her, I've never seen someone so powerful with such great understanding on life, much greater than I'll ever have. And she has such self control, she never sways from the mission, she's climbing and she won't stop because she can go so far high up and she knows it so she'll do it. She knows she's special and that many can't reach where she can. And that those who can won't pay the price it brings with it. So she does it, she chooses to carry the weight of it.
And it scares me, it does, I'm scared she'll get too lonely up there. That's why I'm always going to be there. Because I won't climb that high with her, but I'll help her journey in anyway I can"
I was done. The moon was far gone and the sky were a bright orange.
Eli finished her beer, looked at me and said: "ok I get it"
"I get why every time she's looking at the moon you're looking at it too."
