personal blog @deer911 - Tumblr Blog

well no one checks anything on here anymore, thats great

i hate it when ppl reblog thingns from me on their personal blogs that i dont follow (or if its a non-mutual) bc ill start to think its one of my best friedns' personal blogs and i fuckjng freak out if there are vague posts tht could in some way relate to me and now im really fcking paranoid and anxiouss

#or im like 'elljott has a private personal blog' and assume thats it or my other friends and immm ddjdndndnddndndnddnfnfnffnfn #sry this is jsut me being rly fckingf ocd and parandoid itll passs

when certain friends dont interact w/ me for a long consecutive time im like "well great they obviously hate me" even though they most likely dont but . its so hard to shake the thought. esp when they interact w/ me on social media w/o texting or they make vague posts about ppl they dislike that couldnt even remotely be me but i still Worry™ lmao

#and then and then get this #i have absolutely no one to talk to about this whole predicament #bc i just sound petty and paranoid and freakish :)))) and theres a simple solution to resolving everyrhing #which is just texting them!! which sounds easy but boy fuck is it hard!!!!!!#this is/has been me with literally 4 different ppl recently!! im dying #theyre all following this blog too but i doubt any of them will be reading this bc its late and circumstance #so now whoever ends up reading these will think im completely nuts!! oh my god im dying lmaio

i cant ic ant icant i cant i cnat i cant i cant ic ant i cnat

god fuck i wan tto die i wan tto die i want to die die die

#god fuckigngg fuckk

sometimes ppl reblog things from me on their personal blogs that im not following and naturally (bc i do this with most ppl that reblog from me when i have nothing better to do) i went through the blog and i realized who it is and now im rly anxious bc of the brainweird posts (my empathetic ass) and alsoi feel weird since ik who it is

#its like? my friends' friend #that im mutuals w/ and ill say no more bc thats good and vague but ://////#i was gna make a 'like this for my personal' post but what if they like it? they probably wont so i maybe still will make that post but hhhh

i say probably depressed bc my therapist thinks i have depression but i dont necessarily want to go ahead and state that firmly, even though it would make sense and probably is true

#i think its weird to rly state anything unless im diagnosed so.

i am Probably depressed and have so little energy, i have no clue how im going to be able to complete my art project. ill probably end up turning it in late and disappointing my teacher :)))

#i mean. maybe ill get my shit together on time?? but i seriously doubt it #since i missed today's class #hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhi just want to be with elliott and i cant so i just want to be alone and not have to do work. im so unmotivated

i feel overeager in all of my friendships and its only a matter of time before i break down to someone in person because i'm just that fragile

#wow great this is fine #why do ppl have to keep canceling plans w/ me lmao

i suppose it'd be unwise to hurt myself the day before a doctor's appt. :/

#self harm //////////////

sorry that im mentally ill and have bad moods i guess lmao

my head hurts and idek whats wrong anymore

👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

#greeaaattttttt #even more ammunition for hating myself

now im cold And everyone's annoying me! cool

i've got headaches and bad luck, but they couldn't touch you (no)

#i lov this lyric i always have aaahh :)