แดแดษดแดแดษดแด - JULY
31 days of emotional ups and downs, sunshine, and dark clouds, spontaneous moments, and bittersweet dilemmas. Awesome birth month though.
You see I was not really born in the most convenient situation during that time. My father was sick and struggling with his heart condition unable to get up and accompany my mother while she was on her labor with me. As much as he wanted to, he cannot be there for her and of course to be one of the firsts to see how cute I was (HAHAHAHA). ย Also, since July is one of those very wet months (OOOOOPS HAHAHA ๐) I was told they were caught in a downpour and commuting was quite impossible. Thankfully, my uncle, papaโs brother-in-law, was there for her. That is why growing up I was always teased by my uncle that he was my real father and I would always run and cry to papa. He would then re-tell to me the story of how I was born; he would tell me that despite how inconvenient it was, he was so happy that day because when mama came home with me he felt a huge relief and I instantly took away all the pain that he was feeling that day (well of course because I was cute and all. HAHAHA).
โ I always look back to that story every time I feel down and useless. I am someone who strives to be that kind of person to everyone no matter how messed up and imperfect I am. I want to be able to provide comfort and a sense of ease, or even just a little bit of warmth to anyone I encounter, especially to those that I value and love. But of course, reckless as I am, most of the time I tend to offer the opposite. I can be stubborn, hard-headed, and miserable which ends up with me giving the people pile of disappointments over disappointments over disappointments.
This may be some kind of word and thoughts-splatter-open-letter to my future self to remind me that we may not always the best in where we are, but we are existing, and we matter. 27 years of just being here, alive and breathing, has been a rewarding journey. Yes, it is a clichรฉ, but it has always been true that I am super grateful for everything that I have right now. I am grateful for the people who tirelessly understand my shortcomings. Those who always have my back. Those who never fail to make me feel loved and wanted, especially on those days that I am not. Those who pick up their phone at 3PM just because everything is so overwhelming, and I need to get through the day. Those 2AM conversations to keep my spiraling thoughts from eating me alive. Those who make me uncomfortable and make me think twice of my words and actions; You guys keep me grounded. Those who push me out of my comfort zone and make me cut myself some slack to just let go and trust the process. Grateful for all the heartaches, disappointments, feeling lost, and messed up moments. Because of those, I knew lessons I never knew I would come across; I get to know parts of me more. I am far from being perfect, or even a better person than I was before, but I am learning and getting there. That I know of. ย
July has been a perfect shade of gloomy and rainy skies. A weird comforting feeling view of something so vast, loud, and open which appears to be lonely yet strong and promising.
ย xx, L
