30s/F. UK. Bi. Birth kink for as long as I can remember. Only recently have I stopped being ashamed of it and started to explore and enjoy writing about it, hence this blog. I am open to requests but absolutely no promises.
I really appreciate constructive feedback about my stories so if you reblog or like, please also consider leaving me a comment.
I don't RP as I am in a committed relationship and consider it to be cheating.
Birth stuff I like:-
Heterosexual relationships especially if the male is hot and has an authoratitive role. I have a bit of a teacher/vicar/doctor kink.
Older man/younger woman or daddy/daughter dynamics. Incest fine as long as all characters are consenting adults.
Graphic descriptions of the body. For instance, of the vulva during crowning. Give me details.
Anatomically correct terms e.g. labia majora, perenium, etc. I don't mind terms such as "pussy" and "cunt" but there is something about using the actual names for body parts that I really like.
Inconvenient births.
Sensory detail. Descriptions of noises, sights, textures and even smells and tastes.
Consensual sexual activity during labour and birth. Including anal.
Loving and tender relationships between a couple. Kisses, cuddles, massages, etc.
Poop. I'm not fully into the scat fetish (e.g. smearing it) but I enjoy reading and writing about it in the context of a someones bowels naturally emptying when they push, for instance. The same goes for pee.
I'm actually pretty vanilla in the birth kink community and love well-written but typical, bog-standard "woman pushes a baby out" births.
Birth stuff I don't like:-
Anything non-consensual.
Birth denial.
Non-fiction. I think it's weird to post footage or photos from actual births in the context of a fetish blog.
Anything non-human such as aliens laying eggs, etc. It's just not for me. Adult humans only.
Child abuse.
Baby death or pregnancy loss.
Mpreg.
Clothing birth.
LGBT relationships in the context of birth erotica. I am very liberal and accepting in any other contexts but I've yet to find a fic involving it where it turns me on despite being bi myself (I do appreciate the irony of this).
Need to be treated like i’m worthless while struggling to birth a litter
My owner comes in, seeing me laid out on the floor. I’m exhausted, i’ve been pushing for hours but the first kit is huge and is stuck in my birth canal, almost crowning but never able to fully get there.
My desperate begging and pleading for help is ignored as they grab a drink, sit, and get to whatever they were looking forward to when they got home. They’ll handle their pet later. Surely I can last another hour like this and be fine.
Suggestions for uncensored NSFW AI platforms that can write smutty stories (for my own entertainment, not pass off on tumblr as my own writing). ChatGPT flags just about everything.
Bracing her feet against his hands while he pushed her legs open, her asshole pouting as the weight of the infant dropped into her rectum, she bore down. Her swollen pussy split into a teardrop shape as the tiny patch of the newborn's head started to emerge.
This is an experiment to see if there really are as few of us as people think.You can also use this to freak out your followers who think you’re 25 or something. Yay!
Just wondering if anyone else has explored Literotica? Not necessarily just for birth erotica but other kink stuff as well? They do have a few birth stories that you can find if you use the tag search function but there is not a huge amount. Great for other kink stuff though.
A broken down car was frustrating on the best on days, for Chloe and Jennifer it was more so. Chloe had gone into labour in the early hours of that morning, three days past her due date and they had been making the long drive to the closest hospital just after lunch, living over an hour away, they had left with plenty of time to spare.
Forty minutes into the drive, their car had just stopped, unable to start it again, the call for help had been made but two hours later, they were still waiting as Chloe paced beside along the side of the road. “They know I’m in labour, right? Why are they taking so long?” She complained as she braced herself against the hood of the car, breathing through her third contraction in five minutes, “they know, sweetheart. Please let me call an ambulance now.” Jennifer had wanted to call for one as soon as they had realised they wouldn’t be driving any further, but Chloe had been insistent, hopeful that they wouldn’t be waiting so long and wanting to save themselves an ambulance bill.
“Call them. There’s so much pressure.” Finally the labouring woman gave in, it was obvious help wouldn’t arrive in time for them to be able to get back on the road in time. The contraction passed and she began walking again, up and down the length of the car as their child shifted closer to entering the world.
She could hear her partner talking on the phone as she felt her uterus beginning to tighten. The passenger side door had been left open when she had first gotten out of the car and as the pain began to take hold, she leaned forward against the seat, letting out a deep groan as it built, “ahh, fuck!” She yelled out, there was a strange feeling, almost like a balloon bursting as her water broke, soaking her shorts.
“Babe!” Chloe yelled out, Jennifer quickly rushing to her, realising what had happened when she noticed the puddle beneath her girlfriend’s feet. “Ambulance is twenty minutes out.” Chloe looked to the other, panic in her eyes. “They won’t make it, I won’t be able to hold them in that long.” Her pelvis felt heavy and she was sure the head was pressing against her cervix.
She knew Jennifer well enough to know she was trying not to freak out completely, this was far from the birth they had planned, there was no changing it now as her abdomen tightened once more, with it the overwhelming need to push taking control as she gave into the instinct without a second thought. Chloe pushed with small grunts, her hands gripping onto the seat cover.
“Sweetheart, can you move? We’ll get you into the backseat?” She heard Jennifer ask, but all she could do was shake her head, her body telling her that this was exactly where she needed to be. “Okay, we’ll make this work.” Chloe nodded, resting as the pain ended while she listened to her partner open the back door, trying to shield them from the prying eyes of any passers by, the few they had seen in the last couple of hours simply looking on without stopping to help.
As the other woman grabbed their small first aid kit and a couple of blankets from their go bag, Chloe pushed her shorts and underwear down, the urge building again. “I’m going to push…” she warned Jennifer as she beaded down. “Ahhh, hhhnghhhhh!” She grunted loudly, feeling the baby move further through her birth canal, her opening spreading slightly as the head pushed against it before receding. The next few pushes were more of the same, she felt as if no progress was being made until finally the head didn’t recede as the contraction ended.
“Fuck, that burns.” She panted heavily, trying to let herself stretch. “You’re doing so well.” Jennifer was knelt below her, watching in awe and ready to catch. Chloe whimpered and breathed through the next couple of contractions until she couldn’t wait anymore, she pushed once again, letting out a cry of surprise as the head emerged.
Jennifer moved quickly, checking for the cord and supporting the head. “Baby is almost here sweetheart.” Another contraction built and all Chloe could do was push, she grunted loudly through her efforts as the shoulders moved free, “babe…” she muttered to Jennifer , exhausted but so close to being done. “One more push. You’re a rockstar, one more.”
Once again, she felt the pressure building, with no hesitation, she pushed once more, gasping for breath as she felt their child leave her body, falling into her mother’s waiting arms. Cord still attached, she and Jennifer turned carefully so she could sit in the passenger seat, their daughter being placed against Chloe’s chest as help finally arrived.
"JESUS CHRIST!" you scream. Your hand has snaked down between your legs you can feel the small teardrop of your baby's head as it starts for emerge.
"Keep pushing," the doctor says, their gloved fingers supporting your labia as it separates.
"No, no, no!" you gasp frantically, trying to turn around and eyeing the door of the bathroom. "This isn't supposed to happen. I can't give birth in a toilet."
"It looks like baby has other ideas," the doctor replies, encouraging you to turn and brace your body against the toilet again.
The contraction continues to pummell at your womb, forcing it to eject the child out of your body. The tiny teardrop is now lemon sized, the wet swirls of your baby's hair inching out of your canal.
What happens next?
You keep pushing in the bathroom
You try to leave the bathroom and go to the labour ward
Having a really niche fetish (vanilla births) and needing to read sexy stories is my current hell because I have to write them. And writing is not my current hyperfocus.
Anyone want to write a vanilla birth story for me?
Cassie groaned as her hand shot out to grab the edge of her dresser, a contraction squeezing on her lower belly. Her face warped in pain as she felt the head of a baby press down on her battered cervix, as it had done hundreds of times before in the past three hours. A rattled sigh came from her as she cradled her tightening swell, shifting her weight from foot to foot. The contraction continued to squeeze harshly on her heavy womb, making her long sigh slowly turn into a whimpering.
Sweat dripped from Cassie’s forehead as she hissed, the contraction still not letting up. She wanted to squat, so she did, exhaling hard as she very slowly dropped into a squat right in front of her dresser. The hand gripping the edge of the dresser slid down with her, finding a handle to hold as Cassie shut her eyes. The contraction would not leave her, pushing her baby lower and lower in her body. At least squatting gave some relief.
“Uuuggghh… C-Come on baby… I-If you want out, come on o-out… Nngghh…” Cassie whispered towards her contracting womb, running her hand up and down her swell. Her womb was clenching so tightly that she could feel the shape of the baby inside her through her skin. She continued to moan and whimper for a solid minute, the contraction refusing to give her a break. She wasn’t even sure it was the same contraction, it had lasted for so long. It probably wasn’t.
Eventually though, Cassie’s womb started to relax, and Cassie let out a relieved moan as she felt the iron pressure start to cease. It was only after the contraction had subsided that she realized her moaning had sounded a little naughty. Whatever, she was the only one here. The person in the next apartment could probably hear her though, if they were home. Cassie didn’t care. She was belly-deep in labor, for God’s sake.
Breathing another sigh, Cassie waited a moment before she started to stand up. Very slowly. Slow enough to remember that she wasn’t carrying this baby for herself, but for a couple that unfortunately couldn’t have one. Slow enough to think that she should probably call the couple and tell them that their baby was on the way. As she rose into a half squat, Cassie suddenly felt a shift in her aching womb. She winced, paused, and let out a small grunt before she felt her waters finally gush out of her.
Cassie’s eyes went wide as she felt nearly all the pressure in her hips travel down her canal and soak her panties, most of it running down her fattened thighs. Letting out a pathetic whimper was she had time to do before the urge to push slammed into her. Literally. Cassie stumbled back, falling on her plumped butt as the strongest contraction yet. She let out a cry as she threw a hand back for her to lean back on, giving her maiden effort.
She felt the baby slide into her canal, gasping as the head popped out of her cervix with minimal effort. She could already feel her hairy slit bulging, slowly reaching down into her panties to feel herself. She probably should have shaved down there, but it was too late for that now. It was time, and there no stopping it. Cassie continued to push, moving her hand away from her pussy to desperately grab at her bedside table. She needed to call her baby’s parents, now.
Gripping her phone, the young surrogate found herself crying out as she bore down. She wanted to wait, to deliver in front of the baby’s intended parents, but her baby had enough of its biological momma’s womb. It was travelling out of her at a rate that surprised Cassie, unable to do anything other than aid its arrival. Rocking her body from side to side, Cassie opened her legs as the baby descended quickly down her burning canal.
Cassie opened her eyes, only now realizing that she had shut them as the contraction faded away. She gasped for air, sweat running from every pore in her body. Her loose XXXL shirt suddenly felt oppressive, weighing down on her motherly body. Her panties were going to be a problem soon too, as there was no way she was going to push a baby out into them. Plus, they were soaked with amnion now, and they chafed against her skin. Even though she hated her shirt more than she hated her panties, she could still think clear enough to decide that her panties were the bigger problem. Better to get them off now, while she could still close her legs.
“Close her legs” was rather subjective, as Cassie found herself on the verge of having her panties stuck on her. Fortunately, she managed to squeeze her knees together just enough for her to start tugging the fabric down her thighs. She whimpered as she felt a contraction quickly build up, powerless to stop what was coming. Cassie fell back on both her hands this time, her hips raising slightly as she let out a cry, pushing with all her might. She spread her legs, her panties only halfway down her thighs. She heard them tear as her strength overpowered the soaked fabric, leaving her ruined panties to hang limply from her thigh.
Cassie’s torn panties were the last thing on her mind as the baby’s head began to get dangerously low. She stuttered out moans as she pushed, unable to help. Pure instinct was taking over the surrogate mom-to-be. Her head lolled back over her shoulders. Her long black hair was tied up in the shittiest, messiest, loosest ponytail she had ever done, but for once she didn’t care. She just had to push.
Cassie felt the contraction’s grip start to slip a moment later, and immediately started to try and stop pushing. It took her a moment, but Cassie gasped as her body relaxed, even as the urge slowly faded away. Her shaking hand was still clutching her phone, and it was a miracle it hadn’t shattered in her hand. Panting hard, Cassie opened her phone on the third attempt, scrambling to call the baby’s parents. She wanted to flip over suddenly, onto her all fours, but she had to make this call first.
“H-H-Hey Alex..! I…” Cassie tried to best to steady her voice as the other woman’s voice came through the phone. “Ye- Well, n-no, not really… Uh, the baby’s coming. Kinda quickly… Y-Yeah, I’m totally okay, I just-“ Cassie breathed as Alex talked. “Yup. Uh-huh. No, too late. G-Gonna have it here, sorry. Water’s already broken, I- Ooooh, fucckkk… Sorry- For the language- C-Contraction-!” Cassie blurted out as she dropped her phone, slammed her palm back down on the floor, and pushed. Alex could hear her bellow as the baby was pushed down Cassie’s canal, spreading her walls apart.
Cassie almost lost all control over herself as she bore down, letting her voice out. Noise complaints be damned, a human being was coming out of her pussy. She regretted not taking Alex’s offer to have her husband “stretch her out” a few months ago as she felt her hairy slit begin to open up. Cassie tried her best not to scream as the burning doubled, then doubled again. Crowning was indescribably painful.
“S-Sorry, still alive.”Alex heard Cassie joke over the phone a minute later. She was already on her way there, she just had to pick up her husband, she told her. Cassie thanked her, and told her she would hold on as long as she could for Alex. “No no no hon,” Alex cooed. “If my baby wants out, you get him out. I just want you both to be healthy.” Cassie thanked her again, and said she would try before she hung up. Try to do what, she wasn’t sure. Not die, she supposed as she let her phone drop to the floor again.
Cassie still had the urge to get on all fours, so she figured she could try to do that between contractions. Her legs would not close however, even as the sliver of head between her bushy lips receded back. The head still sat right behind them, and Cassie felt like it would fall out if she moved too much. She wished it was that simple. Groaning, she slowly pushed herself onto her left side, everything shifting to that side. Her right leg stuck up in the air, stubbornly refusing to come down. Cassie paused, the simple movement taking a lot out of her. Her leg began to ache, trembling slightly as she gulped down air.
There was a sudden tightness in Cassie’s womb, and suddenly she found herself pushing again. Letting out a long, low moan, Cassie opened up again, lifting her leg as high as she could. Her moan raised in pitch as she was spread further. She reached back with her right arm to keep her leg in the air and her hips open. She was opening wider, wider, wider. Her voice got higher, higher, higher, until Cassie was screaming. The stretch, and the burn, was incredible, and her eyes were open wide as her vision slowly began to turn white. Slowly, the tightness in her womb Cassie had nearly forgotten about was gone, leaving the head sitting heavy in her pussy.
Cassie looked down at herself as she gulped down air. She didn’t know what she expected to see. Her XXXL shirt was soaked with sweat, and she was pretty sure that was milk around her nipples. At least she was still producing well. She suddenly wanted her shirt off again, but Cassie was in no position to do anything other than wait. Her leg was held high up in the air to allow the head to sit between in her womanhood, and moving anywhere other than back onto her back would require her to close them. So that’s what she did.
Shifting back onto her back, Cassie groaned as her foot came down on the floor, both legs back to being spread wide. She shuffled backwards, sitting up slightly against the wall. She felt stupid suddenly. On all fours? That was wrong. This way was right. She didn’t know why, but it just was. She gripped her thighs, feeling the baby shift in her canal. “Soon, just gimme a minute…” She whispered breathlessly before pulling her legs apart. The contraction took a moment to come, but when it did Cassie was ready. Ready to be fucking done.
The head travelled slowly, but Cassie could feel the brow of the babe exiting her, then a nose, then lips and a chin slipping past her lips. Her mouth hung open as there was a loud, wet pop, and the head of the baby was hanging out of Cassie’s pussy. Fluids ran down around it, pooling under Cassie’s pregnancy-fattened butt as she slumped back. Almost there. All thought of waiting for Alex had ceased. Her baby was coming out now. Now, as in after the shoulders rotated that was.
Cassie found herself resting both hands on her bump as she waited for the next contraction. It was considerably deflated now, and she could sink her hands into what was once a firm orb. She would almost miss this. Pregnancy had been fun. Occasionally. Explaining that she was simply a surrogate to everyone hadn’t been, but whatever. Maybe she would try it again. The money was far from bad too. Maybe, maybe…
Cassie’s pondering was interrupted by a rising contraction, and she exhaled as she opened her thighs yet again. “Ready baby..?” She mumbled as the tightness in her womb skyrocketed. “I- Ammm-!” She yelped as the shoulders surged forwards, aides by an ample amount of fluid still stuck in Cassie’s body. She let out a screech as her feet lifted off the floor, one shoulder popping out nearly right after the first. The baby slid from Cassie’s cunt, and suddenly she was pounds lighter. She felt dizzy, and let her legs go as she relaxed. Finally. She just wished Alex and her husband were-
“Oh my God!” Cassie’s head shot up, bleary eyes looking at the two people standing in her bedroom doorway. The shorter, curvier one rushed between Cassie’s legs, her knees slamming into the floor as she lifted the wailing boy from between its mother’s thighs.
“H-Hey guys…” Alex mumbled, giving the shocked parents a woozy smile. “Congratulations…”
TW: reference to SA
Also, sorry it is late. I'm working tonight.
It is the site of your bulging, swollen vulva which greets the doctor as they peer under your buttocks.
"Baby is definitely coming now," the doctor reiterates you, urgency evident in their voice.
"Don't be silly," you reply, annoyed. "I'm pretty sure I would feel it."
At that exact moment, a contraction rages through you and your body pushes down. Your knees are slightly bent, your hands are clutching the toilet in front of you and your rectum feels like it is about to fall out of you. All you want to do is sit back down and finish your shit in peace.
"Oh lord," the doctor mumbles. You feel their hands touching you between your legs and legitimately wonder if they are doing something perverted to you.
"Get the hell off me!" you shriek, trying to turn around. The shriek of anger turns into a shriek of pain as the entrance to your vagina begins stretching painfully.
"There, do you believe me when I say the baby is coming now?" they say as they cup your labia in their hands. Do you believe them?
You run to the bathroom. The noises grow louder the closer you get, and bursting through the door reveals your roommate, naked in all except for a poorly fitting bra, ruined with sweat and milk. their clothes litter the bathroom floor—they clearly tore them off in desperation before landing here. groaning in the tub.
This is the first time you’ve seen their pregnant body in full. they’re swollen, everywhere, like they’re allergic to what’s happening to them. their ankles are the same size as their calves, and red. their tits are veiny and wet. and their belly—their belly is hard and large and shiny and covered in stretch marks and bruises. you don’t know if they’re from the baby, or from your roommate torturing it. you don’t want to know. their face is twisted in agony, and their hair is matted to their forehead with sweat. they’re gripping the sides of the tub shakily.
“It’s going to come out,” they groan, panting hard. leaning their head up against the cool tile. their eyes are shut, as if they don’t want to see any of this. “i can’t stop it. it’s coming.”
you crouch down and tilt your head to try to look at their pussy. it’s incredibly swollen and pregnant, but after a few seconds of adjusting to what it looks like, you notice no bulge at all. the baby is still very much inside.
“Let’s get you to the hospital.”
“You said I could…hnnnn…have it here…” they pant, hand splaying on the front of their belly as it releases from its contraction. it’s so big. “give it up…for adoption…”
“that was just…” you feel the blood leave your face. that was just an idea! they’d never actually made a plan, at least…not one they’d shared with you!
and their belly is SO much bigger than it was. how is that possible?!? how can they birth it here?
“no,” you say, “no, this isn’t safe. we have to get you—“
“HNNNGHHHH!” their belly reddens and visibly collapses inward. you reach for it—it’s rock hard.
“Stop this! Stop pushing!” You say, even though you know it’s futile.
“I can’t stop…pushing it….down in me. I cannnghhhhh AHH!” their water explodes out of their pussy, down into the bath tub, splattering even you. it stinks—it smells like semen and pussy and iron and fear. you take a step back in momentary shock.
suddenly, something shifts. they seem to really realize that it’s time. their eyes open wide, and a garbled, pained scream wrenches out of their throat. they fall back against the bath, pushing their enormous belly even further forward. they shut their legs with another pained cry—like this, the belly almost reaches their knees. you can see it wildly contracting—or maybe that’s just their heavy breathing. their pussy is still leaking fluid out in a small stream, spurting often.
“I can’t have a baby! I can’t! I don’t…I can’t have it now! Make it stop!” they’re holding their legs together, physically, with a white knuckle grip. their face is growing red as they avoid the urge to push it out.
like everything else with this pregnancy, it’s too late.
“you have to let me see your pussy,” you say, quietly. you’re afraid, too. your roommate is in a terrible state, and you did nothing to help them. now, they’re still refusing this. even as their belly quakes with baby, they refuse to have it. “let me see. it needs to come out, but it might not be ready yet.”
your roommate moans loudly, and shakes their head. “No, no, no, no…please!!”
they’re shaking. they’re begging with their belly. as if you’re not even there.
“NGAHHHHH!” their arms lose strength and their legs fall open. your eyes go wide—their pussy suddenly bulges a little. the baby is in the canal, but you can’t see the hair yet. it’s slipping down now that there’s no longer resistance. your roommate holds their belly, and tears come to their eyes. it shrinks a little under their clutching fingers. “Ouuuhhhhhhhhhnnnng, no, no, baby, please….stay inside….I don’t…AAAHHHHHnnn, I’M NOT READY!!!!”
You know what you have to do. You swallow hard, and grab one of their legs, holding it open with all of your strength. opening their pelvis. the baby bulges forward a little more. Your roommate stares at you in utter betrayal, as if you’ve just stabbed them.
“WHY?! WH….hnnnnnnnNO! NO!” they desperately try to reach over their bump—no, their mound—to cover their pussy. the baby continues to move forward, spreading them bit by bit. once they reach a teardrop shape, your roommate howls.
“Why are you making me do this?!?”
You’re baffled. People say all sorts of crazy things during labor, you try to shake it off, the baby is coming—
“WHY DID YOU PUT IT IN ME?”
That’s…completely untrue. completely impossible. you have a pussy between your legs, same as them. but one look at your roommate’s glazed-over gaze tells you that they’re seeing someone else. Your face is the father’s, as you manhandle their body.
Oh.
There’s a terrible pain in your chest.
The baby bulges, despite your roommate’s weak fingers trying to push it back in. All it does is stall the birth—they’re not actually making any progress backwards. They shut their eyes, tears pouring down their face. They’re grunting with effort, though you can’t tell if they’re pushing or holding it.
“Nghhh, Please,” they whimper at it. “Just go away.”
These are the sobs you heard through the wall, most nights.
You know what you have to do.
You say their name. You say it louder, until they look at you. You meet them with a determined look.
“Your body grew this, okay? You can push it out. I’ll deal with everything afterwards. Just get it out.”
“I can’t have it,” they breathe, weakly. they’re getting pale. clammy.
“But you are. You’re having a baby.” They shake their head. There’s no getting through to them. You rub their overtaxed belly at its apex, a bit nervously. You can feel the beginning of a contraction under your fingers. They stare at your hand with nausea in their expression. You swallow your guilt. “…I’m sorry.”
You shove your hand down, hard, on their belly, holding their leg up wide, with the next contraction.
Their scream curdles your blood.
The baby’s head is huge, and it’s at full crown. Or so you think. You press down harder, and your friend’s pussy rips at the edges, crowning the baby in all of its glory. Your friend’s fingers fall away from it, as if burned.
“C’mon, c’mon…” you say, and your friend replies with a screeching
“NNNNGHHH!”
The baby’s head pops out with a burst of fluid. It looks larger than it should be, but what do you know? It doesn’t matter, it’s out.
Your friend is sobbing and incoherent at this point. The baby turns inside them, and you have to try not to vomit. At least they’re pushing now, if not weakly. Grunting “hrnghs” out, softly, even without the contraction. you don’t know what to tell them. you don’t know what to do. you’re starting to hate this thing as much as they do.
one of the shoulders pops out with the next contraction, and then the next. you can’t wait any longer—you grab the slippery thing and pull it out. Your roommate screams again—it’s not coming out easily—but you get it. It’s out.
After a terrible second, it wails with life.
Your roommate looks at you, dully. They look sick. Pale. Delirious. They need a doctor, you need scissors for the cord, you need a plan. You need so many things.
“It’s over now,” your roommate sighs, hoarsely. it’s as if they can’t hear the baby crying—or perhaps they’re choosing not to. “i’m not having a baby anymore.”
“no, you’re not,” it’s insane that this huge infant was inside your friend until just a few seconds ago. in your arms it feels to be ten pounds, or more. “I’ll take care of it. Just focus on staying awake.”
Your roommate smiles weakly, and reaches for the slight bloat of your stomach. they rub it, over your clingy night shirt that makes its shape incredibly obvious. “Your time…will be better.”
You ignore them, wrapping the baby in the bathroom hand towel. Your roommate starts to wince and grunt out the afterbirth. They’re still delirious—the last time you had sex was…two and a half months ago. After seeing your friend’s pregnant belly for the first time…noting how much it turned you on…you channeled that energy and called over a hookup. You frown, but then shake off the notion. The two of you were so drunk, but you think you remember telling him to put on a condom. You always do. You definitely did.
Your hand cups the bloat, and your pussy sparks with fear and arousal. You can’t be, right? It’s just bloat, or a little chub. You’re probably just gaining weight.
Your roommate’s unwanted baby cries, demanding your attention. You push your budding worry aside—It’s time to get an ambulance on its way, and google some nearby crisis centers that can take the sorry thing.
I was sitting in the bathroom, shirt sticking to me with sweat, hair a mess. I felt like I was dying, trying not to gulp in desperate gasps of air. I was burning up, my whole body working so hard, and for what? I told Dad making his nachos for us was gonna upset my stomach, and now here I was.
My eyes closed, I prayed nobody walked in. My belly had been cramping so hard all morning, and I had been in the middle of class when I realized I had to go, it wasn't an option anymore. At first I just needed it a little bit, I thought I could last until the break. But then a bad cramp hit and I barely fought back the pressure inside me, that urge to go right then and there. I’d have just died if I’d done that in front of the whole class, I’d never live it down.
I let out a low moan, trying to stay as quiet as I could. Mom and dad always told me not to push when I went, but that wasn't an option anymore. I needed this out of me, now. I found myself lifting my feet to tippy toes and spreading my legs wide as I pushed with everything I had, face scrunching and an ugly, guttural grunt of force ripping out of me.
The thought never occured to me that spreading my legs like this might be making it more difficult to poop. It just felt right, in a way I couldn't understand. I didn't hold back, bearing down, and I felt something moving inside me. My eyes went wide as the tone of my grunt changed, feeling some mass deep inside starting to barrel through me. It was huge… stretching me… it hurt so bad, this was a nightmare, but I couldn't stop pushing!
There was so much pressure. I could barely breathe, this thing was giant! I had a little time to try to gather myself between cramps, but I could feel the next brewing. God. What has happening to me? Was I… dying? Was I gonna pass away sitting on the toilet like some rock star my parents would tell me about?!
Oh fuck, I needed to push again! This proved it, I was dying, I could feel it. My insides were coming right out of me, it was way too big, like my whole uterus was just sliding down my vagina! The pain was unimaginable, my vision was blurring, I couldn't breathe. That deep, primal grunt was forcing out of me again, I couldn't stop it, couldn't be quiet if I tried.
I felt a hideous pressure just behind my crotch as the cramping ended. I reached down, touched, and was horrified my what my fingertips found. It was all so hard, straining forward, the whole shape of my most intimate place was changed grotesquely. I thought I was using the bathroom??? What the hell was happening to me?!
Sweat dripped from my face, tears mingling with it. Everything was just hurting and straining and changing, this wasn't right, wasn't fair. I cursed my Dad for doing this to me, still believing this was somehow the fault of dinner. Some horrific indigestion. I couldn't imagine what else this could possibly be, what other nightmare I could be enduring right now.
Another horrific cramp came, and I gave into my instincts completely. There was no choice in the matter, not anymore. My body was doing this on its own, and I tried to make peace with myself, accept that my heart was about to slide out of my own vagina somehow. It must be some kind of curse, I knew I shouldn't have been so mean to the home ec teacher, everyone knew she was some kind of witch and-
The pain was so bad! My teeth were grit as I pushed. My hand hadn’t moved, so I could feel my lips starting to spread. It burned, more and more, as my organs finally began to peek out of my privates. I could feel it under my fingers. Wet, slimy. Disgusting. And… hairy? My heart wasn't hairy? Or my uterus. This didn't make any sense. I couldn't understand it.
I didn't have long to think. I opened wider. Wider. The thing emerging from inside me was so big, I felt like it was about to split me in two. I couldn't fight it, my body was following some deep, primal instinct and there was no chance I could fight this need off. It was coming out. I felt the hairy mass open me so far, my poor vagina burning like it was on fire, until I felt a weird wrinkle of flesh… almost like an… ear? Or a… nose… oh god…
Suddenly a rush of motion, and I groaned, sagging back. Fluid poured out of me and into the toilet. Something slimy, coated with my juices, was hanging between my thighs, touching them. I held my legs as wide as I could, repulsed by the sensation. I couldn't see what it was under my skirt, and I didn't want to move it to look, terrified of what it would be. The word “cryptic” kept blinking in my mind, like some kind of alarm I couldn't find the button to turn off. Important, yet completely meaningless.
I gripped the toilet. My insides were flexing. I could feel this mass turning inside me. It felt so wrong, somehow completely different than everything leading to this moment. I just tried to hold on, to let this happen, not break down in sobs of terror and pain. I just wanted this over with, I barely even cared if I died now.
God. It was back. I had to push again. I had to push so bad, I was already doing it before I realized I had to. Somehow this bit was even bigger… but it was moving. Coming out. I could feel I was close. Right on the cusp of the end, just this last… big… puuushhh!!!
Something happened. The rest of the thing, I could only describe it as slithering out of me in a rush of slippery, slimy skin. It fell into the toilet, as I sat, panting, vision blurring, trying to make myself think. To start being a person again, something more than just a glorified ball of base instincts and pain and fear.
Hesitantly, I leaned forward. Pulled my skirt back, looking down. As it came into view, my brain finally realized what that word “cryptic” had to do with any of this.
We talked about it in health class. One of the girls had heard about it from some relative. A cryptic pregnancy was when your belly barely grew, if at all, and there were few to no definitive symptoms that you were growing a life inside you. It was possible to carry a baby to term and even give birth without realizing you were pregnant.
The newborn baby, still connected to me by the umbilical cord hanging out from between my legs, started to cry.
"I think this baby is coming!" the hot doctor says as they crouch on the floor in front of you, trying to peer between your legs.
"No, really, it's just that I had dairy for my dinner last night. This always happens," you protest, pulling your dress over your crotch and grunting as your bowels empty into the bowl.
"That exact feeling is what happens when you're fully dilated and I can see that you're already pushing. I need you to get up or your baby will be born in the toilet!"
"I can't stand up! There's a turd hanging halfway out of my ass!"
"That doesn't matter. I just need you to stand up so I can see exactly whether I have time to get you over to the ward or whether I need to deliver the baby here.... please!" they add, exasperated.
You look down at them as they plead with you. Sighing, you stand up. They'd be sorry when you end up shitting all over them. It's a struggle for you to stay on your feet with your womb contracting so powerfully so they support you to turn around and lean over the toilet. They lift up your dress and squat down with their face on level with your bare buttocks. What do they see?
