Fckn Reptilian Hippie @dehumanized-by-default - Tumblr Blog

Dead

So since 2 or 3 months I'm partly using another blog for most of my stuff cause I grew to despite this one because of some problems that grew with overextensive sharing of this blog.

Before anyone asks, yes the other blog is public but no there are no ties to this one or me in generell, completely anonymous.

I guess this means Goodbye then, feels weird to finally close this chapter.

Bye

There's something special about the morning after lsd

~Ghostemane

Extention to last post:

After deciding to post his lyrics I googled his name again and they really inprisoned his dealer... Finally...

Way to late but still...

Mac Miller - Come back to earth

My regrets look just like text I shouldn't send

And I got neighbors, they're more like strangers

Then we could be friends

I just need a way out of my head

I'll do anything for a way out

Of my head

In my own way, this feel like living

Some alternate reality

And I was just drowning, but now I'm swimming

Through stressful waters to relief

Yeah, all the things I'd do

To spend a little time in hell

And what I won't tell you

I'll prolly never even tell myself

And don't you know that sunshine don't feel right

When you inside all day

I wish it was nice out, but it looked like rain

Grey skies and I'm drifting, not living forever

They told me it only gets better

My regrets look just like text I shouldn't send

And I got neighbor's, they more like strangers

We could be friends

I just need a way out of my head

I'll do anything for a way out

Of my head

—-------------

One of the musicians I almost never talk about because his songs hit way to close to home... Sometimes I kinda see myself in that and I'm scared for what comes next

Yall so fake

I really want to get out... But something is blocking me and I don't know how to get rid of it

The nights lately get so bad

I sedate myself so much till only those thoughts come trough and then even more till I just sleep

tell me what you felt tonight

was it joy or was it bad, i cant tell, tonight´s...

... the night i gotta stay strong tonight

thats why i sit here and write tonight

leave me alone everything´s alright

got pushed away so many times

it got routine so i dont feel a thing, when i rhyme

when im not it gets so fucking bad

sitting here already seeing me in a bodyback

throwing back

to a kid sitting on a traintrack

smoking a joint hoping the next train would stay on its railtrack

it was this same drag when

things got so messed up, i couldnt even imagine

what was coming after us but i guess you won cause all i wanted was compasion

you hate me for a passion, i dont know what happened

when did hate overtake you and led to your actions

i cant imagine

I CANT IMAGINE

tell me what you felt tonight

was it joy or was it bad, i cant tell, tonight´s...

... the night i gotta stay strong tonight

tell me what you felt tonight

was it joy or was it bad, i cant tell, tonight´s...

... the night i gotta stay strong tonight

thats why i sit here and write tonight

leave me alone everything´s alright

everything´s alright...

Believe me when i tell you that things are alright

if they werent tell me why would i sit here with tears in my eyes

but at least i can say that youre not the cause of em

i got so many problems in my life in which youre not involved in

youre not the thing my whole lives revolves

if you got things with me that we left unsolved yet

tell me i couldnt know cause i got ignored

maybe you whored i dont know, i dont care

i just blow out the smoke into the air

kick back in my chair

i dont care about your affairs

tell them what you want, i dont care

all i know you left and turned into thin air

so take a dare

If you read this, and I know you will...

Just know I don't hate you, but you just lost all respect from me...

Yeah,

Holdin back...

Yeah,

I've Allways have been good at that

Running back,

To a place in time where my mind was still intact

Wasn't shattered into pieces like a broken track

Unrelaxed

Yeah you had your impact, mostly on my back

Weight that I carried got to bad

Let the memories weigh on my shoulders till I collapse

Cause for most of my life I felt so unattached

Running back

I am running back

I AM...

I am a guy in his twenties with a lost soul, don't know how to cope with, don't know how to solve it...

Isn't it to early to question everything I know

Should I start to rap or should I already quit it thoe

Should I roll the game and maybe get some dough

Should I stay inside like its raining from the sky and I'm all alone

Yeah, yeh

Give me just a minute just to process

Now that I'm so lonely got me feeling I am in the outback

All by myself

Got this negativity inside my head

Thinking back

To a time where I was close with,

The other half of me that without I would be lost in

Inside my head or my heart don't know what to trust yet

Leave me alone cause I've been running

Running back

Yeah,

I've Allways been good at that

Holding back

My mind is a mess when I make these tracks

Unattached,

Running back

Yeah...

No more running back

Half of that what I used to be

Wasnt even half of what I could have been

If I should succeed

In getting myself some reliefe

From the stress and the pain that follows me into my dreams

From the stress and the pain that is right infront of my feet

From the love and the hate that bleeds out of my heart

Let me free like a dove, lemme just play my part

Yuh,

Had enough of you

I cant handle you

I lied to myself and then was under you

Under your

Spell of magic

Got my head spinnin

Told me I was tragic

Tell me why jasmin

Tell me why damn it

Tell me the reason you did

Not the accusations "I didn't"

Never really believed in us

But in the end I was giving

Then I griefed for us

Told you I could snap any minute

You took my patience and love just as given

Allways been driven

Allways been giving

Your intentions Allways been hidden

Allways been hidden

Didn't I?

Tell you to get lost and leave me with my peace of my mind!

I dont need you yeah I do advise

Stay behind

Stay inside

I think ima stay alive

Cause now I see it

Love and hate are intertwined

Storytime

Got cheated on so many times for most my life

Took my chances I just rolled the dice with no advise

Now im broken they roll back they eyes, well so do i

And they all look so surprised

Well so am I

Man tell me why

Tell me why

Do I leave it at that

All that heartbreak inside

Life goes on and I won't cry

Leave it at that, goodbye

Some days ago I felt so alive

Now I got you in my mind

Yeah you gotta leave it right?

L's 30 km away

She's prolly with a Dude that I wish I could have been

Wuppertal yeah you know what I mean

J was a shame but my fault Admitedly

Yeah we might have seen things Differently

Leave it at that, I know life ain't goin perfectly

Life goes on

It kinda hurt to see you there

Life goes on and you have to take care

I really miss you and not even in a romantic way

But you cut the ties and said leave it that way

I dont know where shit went wrong

You couldn't bare to see me, now you're gone

Don't know how to fit in or where I belong

I tell myself no more but then the tears just flow on

I dont think this is the best it could be, you gave me so much and left me with no selfesteem

Everytime I know you're there, my mind just shuts off and tells me no Rick don't go there

Even tho I want to see the people there, i just can't because you are there

You are here, deep inside my brain, telling me to fuck off, inflicting pain I can't handle so I gotta run of, so much strain on my heart did you really have to cut of?

When I saw you're face there my whole body just shut of

Trembling like parkinson

Thinking back when you where my darling, oh

Sweet memories I can't catch them all

All fades to black while I gotta carry on

Carry that, the color of my heart, pitch black

The burden on my soul, too bad

The cries I leave at home, fight that

The feeling like I'm in a hole, can't come back

Leave it at the ending and I leave it like I'm winning, even thoe deep down it hurts you know I can't feel it, everytime it comes back I get the gat and I'm winning, spit the rhymes out and get lost like im miller.

Leave it at that now you left me alone

Couple bitches tried to fuck but I told them, no no

My heart is at a place it belongs so pls go home

I dont need your lieing ass telling me "I don't know" and then fuck my ex best friend behind my back like a camwhore

You better concentrate on your future landlord

Cause I know you would go down on him for a bit of sharehold

Now I feel low again gotta fall into the flow again, pain grows on I hate myself the most for this, cause "last goodbye" was really close to an end to this, everywhere I go I just know, hope you not a hoe... Left me alone... Left a hole in my soul... Smoking on another cone...

But life goes on...

Yeah, life goes on...

Life goes on and there's nothing more about it

Leave it all behind you know you can't stall it

Moments rushing by every second I am calling

Moving too fast the past seems so different, with you in it darling.

Life goes on and there's nothing more about it

Leave it all behind cause you know we ain't stalling

Come over have a drink and in no time we are balling

Life goes on and there's no choice about it

If you don't leave it behind you will be falling

So bby choose your road but do it promptly

Have me in it or not, but I know you won't call me.

Back in Germany it all feels so heavy again

I C U

[Chorus I]

I see you in your nice car

Turned my heart to black tar

No I don't take no part

Cut me out in no time

Seen you in that nice car

Hope your life is half as hard

Rip another hole into my broken heart

But I see you...

I see you in your nice car

Turned my heart to black tar

No I don't take no part

Cut me out in no time

Seen you in that nice car

Hope your life is half as hard

Mine was shattered intro broken shards

Long before you even was apart...

[Verse I]

... Of my life

Now you're gone I can't again decide

Told myself no more but you keep treating me with two disguise

Beautiful eyes but beneath are seas of lies

And insecurities

Talked so fucking much you don't know how much you grew to me

Really thought I had it this time and I could face it

All my demons beneath telling me to end it

But sometimes man that feeling its too hard to chase it

All that demons telling me to fucking end it

Or that I'm nothing at all

That my "friends" don't like me and that's why no one gives me a call

Or that I'm just a stupid fucking wierdo with a split his soul

Yeah, I had to fight that

Made my virgin ride and then you crashed it like the Eisberg

[Bridge I]

Now im in my head again

Insecurities resurfening

Yeah I know you got your problem

But pls know I got mine too

Cause,

[Chorus II]

I see you in your nice car

Turned my heart to black tar

No I don't take no part

Cut me out in no time

Seen you in that nice car

Hope your life is half as hard

Rip another hole into my broken heart

But I see you...

I see you in your nice car

Turned my heart to black tar

No I don't take no part

Cut me out in no time

Seen you in that nice car

Hope your life is half as hard

Since I don't take no part

Seen you in that nice car...

[Verse II]

Yeah I really thought I had it but then I didn't

Grabbed it, had it and then crashed it in a minute

Hold on, let me breath hoe I can feel it

That feeling of selfdoubt, reignited, that you inflicted

I said hold on let me catch it, realise it,

That feeling of loneliness is such a crisis

Seems like every step I make you're there to place a knife in...

My back, I can't feel it, am I dieing?

Don't tell me I'm not over this

When the only reason were apart was your loneliness

You know I've been on some shit

That's when I hate myself the most and want to tell you most if this

Don't tell me you don't feel anything at all

When all i tried to have was a friend in you afterall

Weren't my words when you said

"after this I still want to be your friend, I'm afraid that after this you don't want to see me again"

And I replied with I love you and I won't let that happen

Now look at us, I resent it

You broke your promise and broke all ties

Everything you were to me seemed to be just lies

Played the cute girl that you'd like to be

Falled for it and treated you like my majesty

Now it ended I don't know why

I can't feel a thing for you cause you cut me right out of your life

I really tried to be my best

And try to be your friend

But I locked those feelings away into a chest

Don't hope to see me again, hope your get it "friend"

And if you see this don't dare to hit me and tell me I shouldn't write about this

This shit is my therapy I probly be dead without this

All I know is you asked for this kind of treatment

And no one without feelings wouldn't bare to see his ex and to meet him

I hope your happy now cause now I won't see it

This is my last goodbye, better believe that

[Outro]

Just another ex, and of the worse kind to

I was man enough to apologize but you couldn't do it too

You're were a angel in my eyes but now the demon shines trough

Have fun destroying your next

While I have to make it trough...

Just another ex and of the worse kind too

I was man enough to apologize pls tell me can you too?

You were the angel but now I see trough you

You're the devil in disguise

ICU

Leave

So you're leaving again

And maybe this time for good

I'm so down and all I wanted was to spend some time with you

Or anyone

Can't think clear and I feel lost

So much stress in my halls i wonder what this shit cost

Maybe my life or just my sanity

Don't know if I deserve this shit...

You pretend to be my friend and leave me in the most dire time...

I came to you for help and now I sit here and cry

Thanks for nothing I guess

Or the pain in my chest

Now leave me alone I might rest

Forever...

I hate myself so much

I cant do this anymore...

You fucked me up so hard and now you shift the blame on me

Keep provoking me till I can't restrain myself

Sometimes I really think about it...

Taking a knife and start at your lips

Slowly move it in down your throat, till blood is all you spit.

Luckily I can restrain ourself, or would rather kill myself

I'm disgusted by the thought but your actions are just a call

For me to loose my shit, and if I will we all gone die with it

I never asked for this life and I'm still in it

Going with the times when I vibe yes I'm feelin it like braille, while I rhyme all the pain you gave me feels like hell

Too late to finish this, too late and love is all I miss...

Don't know where to go or where to flow, just another tear rolling down below...

while demons are whispering into my ear...

I think I'm gonna finish this here.

Volverán del amor en tus oídos

las palabras ardientes a sonar

tu corazón, de su profundo sueño

tal vez despertará

pero mudo y absorto y de rodillas como se adora a Dios ante su altar, como yo te he querido… desengáñate, ¡así no te querrán!

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