( dienteoro ) “i can’t stay angry forever, ernesto. you know…i can’t even bring myself to hate you. i know what it’s like, to be without a home or family on the streets. so…i’m willing to help you.”
❝ HELP ME? Hector, you shouldn’t even be NEAR me, let alone willing to help me. ---eres un tonto. ❞
For MANY people ( -- Ernesto included. ) the idea of being alone conjures up a sense of dread. PERHAPS it’s the sense of boredom, or the feelings of isolation. Being forced to confront own thoughts. In fact, he felt as though he would MUCH rather give himself electric shocks than be alone with own thoughts for just a few moments. KNOWING exactly what he did throughout his life. Many actions were regrettable & if he could take them all back ------------- , he would.
STRUGGLING with these feelings were becoming rather difficult. That the INTENSE guilt & strong pass of loneliness can easily link his struggles to deeper roots. Many of which being felt at the moment was fueled by trauma, loss and grief ( -- and MOST recently a lack of self-esteem, and insecurity. ) YEARS ago he was better equipped to face these negative experiences because he had both internal and external resources that help guide guided through these kind of moments of grief and more easily DISTRACTIONS. Once having guide from a sense of community to a strong and positive self-concept to ABSOLUTELY nothing. People wanted him gone even though he was already dead, yet he remained far from the FINAL DEATH for being remembered as a thief, a liar, a MURDERER.
Sliding down the wall then, curling in on himself, arms folded unto his knees while he hid his head. QUIET murmurs of apologies ---- very subtle and silent but likely to be heard through fetal cries. RECALLING the feelings of being alive, young, and relied so much of that of Hector. Back then, it was IMPORTANT to remember that quality --- not quantity, MATTERED most . In fact, a lot of people who knew of him believed the Ernesto was prioritized broader communication skills with very few close friends ( --- or even one ) than needing a crowd to feel complete. ❝ I am not angry with you either. -- ❞ / @dienteoro
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