I haven’t been on this blog in a long time. I now remember why.
I really did run from my feelings and healing from my divorce. I ran from losing the love of my life. I said this back then but got shut down by friends. I told them I’d forever mourn the loss of her, they said I was just hung up. It’s been 5 years, a relationship, dog and home later. I find myself alone but not lonely. Grateful she’s out of my life, but angry she caused me to lose even the last ounce you were giving me.
Even at the end, you wanted to stand by me. And I fucking took that for granted with some temporary bliss. I’m remorseful as fuck, but I am so grateful you’re finally happy and making moves again. I feel I dragged you down and ruined so much for you while self sabotaging. I’ve apologized but you don’t care. I’m an indifference to you, well deserved. I only understand how you feel because it’s how I feel about her now. Angry and resentful, taken advantage of. Thrown away.I never intended to make you feel like that.
Again, assuming I’m right? But I had the tendency to do a lot of things without intention, without thoughtfulness. I was - plainly put - an asshole. Narcissistic even.
You showed me true love for the first time in my life, the one thing I yearned for, and I threw it to the wind. I’m sorry.
My last hope for you is that she does differently. That she cherish and hold the love you have to offer, that she reciprocates and evolves that love for you with each passing day. That she respects you, your heart, your mind and body. That she makes you feel irreplaceable. I hope my love, that she sees everything I didn’t.
I have a slight gut feeling she does or you wouldn’t be with her, not after me.
So cheers to your happily ever after my love.
Ps: I hope you know I still can’t listen to Ed until this day, at least not without tearing up over you. So I’ve avoided him too.














