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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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EXPECTATIONS
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@delinquentblues-blog
āI can explain the mess, really.ā
āCan you? Iām listeninā.ā He crosses his arm loosely and leans against the door frame, amused smile plastered on his face as he patiently waits for what explanation she pulls out of her ass.
Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?
āBellamy.ā He surprises even himself with how quickly he says it, but no part of him reconsiders. āFuckerās proved it time and again, heāll do whatever it takes to keep me and all the rest of us safe from whatever comes at us. Raven too; no matter how much sheās hurting she pulls herself together to protect everyone.ā
Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.
He grows solemn at the question, and it doesnāt take him long to come up with his answers. āThree things Iām way too good at: screwing up at the worst times, managing to lose you over and over and over again, and being an absolute asshole to people who donāt deserve it. Three things Iām bad at: doing the right thing when it really counts, appreciating people who care about me before its too late, and being useful when people need me to be.ā
āthereās no easy way to say goodbye.ā
āSo letās not.ā He barely even lets her finish the sentence before making his firm rebuttal. Theyāve been forced to say goodbye-or not even given the chance-far too many times already, and heās decided he fucking hates it. He hates it even more that this time itās Clark herself thatās pushing them apart. āHow about you walk your ass past that gate, and we face whatever comes next together like you keep sayinā we should.ā
clrkeā:
there must have been a breath sheād been holding back because she feels it fly loose as dmitriās arms band around her. the embrace washes over her body like some strange redemption and forgiveness, even if he wasnāt saying those words exactly. alone on the ground, she could move on from those actions and these memories simply because there wasnāt anything stopping her. but not everything could be resolved just by sitting in front of a fire with her head in her hands or combing through her sleeping daughterās hair, drawings of the past scattered around them. plenty of old wounds required a friendās hands to wrap gently around hers and say itās okay. itās over ā but without those comforting hands clarke had to make do with her own shaky and numb ones. she thought sheād done so well, but so many of the cuts that were supposed to have scarred over were re-opened as soon as two spaceships came down from the sky mere days apart. there had been no time to do anything about them until sanctum. until now.
healing: thatās what this moment with dmitri feels like.
for right now, it doesnāt matter that she wonāt ever slot into the space she used to occupy among her friends. how can it, when sheās just been thanked for things she thought no one remembered? how, when she feels allowed to cry, to feel relieved ā and adequate enough to hold someone up while their tears leave wet marks on her collar? the moment wonāt last, but she cherishes it while the glow still surrounds her and dmitri.Ā
Ā Ā Ā āi love you, too. so much. thank you.ā itās not quite a sob, but it might be. muffled though the words are by dmitriās shoulder, she repeats them again. and again, through rapid nods like she can communicate any more how consumed by gratefulness she is. itās flowing out of her like water from a broken dam. sheās missed him so much and his brutal honesty and his smartass comments and his unshakable faith in her that she never really deserved.Ā āthank you.ā
they canāt go on like this forever, and so she pulls away for the last time before the very thought of parting can cause her physical pain. with a clumsy laugh, clarke turns halfway away to wipe the tears still lingering across her cheeks.Ā āweāve got to stop going to space, itās no good.ā
āSpeak for yourself, itās done wonders for me.ā He grins through his own still falling tears, not sharing her compunction about the display of vulnerability. Where once upon a time such a thing would seem unfathomable for him, heās learned to value of letting down the facade of unflappable strength for those you trust, and Clarke still ranks quite high in that particular category. He still reluctantly lets her go, though he maintains a hold of one of her hands. He's not ready to fully let her go yet, some part of him afraid of the way things will likely spiral out of control when he has to do so, and they've still got more catching up to do. Despite that, he doesnāt even dream of chiding her for wanting to move forward. This will be a terrible reunion if they spend the whole time as blabbering messes, after all.
āAlright, alright; we should probably stop beinā a couple of saps. You go around lookin' all weepy an' people might get the wrong idea."
His mind searches for where to begin; there is so much lost time between them to cover and so many things he wants to know. Being on her own for 6 years must of been maddening, and he can scarcely imagine how she was able to do it, but then it dawns on him: she wasn't alone. He'd had brief interactions with the young girl back on Earth, but, as with Clarke, events had not permitted him chance for much casual conversation. Beyond that, he's honestly still marveling around Clarke being a mother. It suits her, somehow, and he smiles at both the thought and realizing that he's figured out where to start.
"So, that Madi's really somethin', huh?"
Reblog if your muse suffers from frequent nightmares.Ā
clrkeā:
what clarke really wants to do is cry. seeing dmitri wear a sunshine-bright smile, proud of himself, eager to show her how much heād changed since space (and how much he hadnāt) and how much good had come of itā¦..itās bittersweet. how odd, to look at him now and think he used to need her in any kind of way when he clearly stands on his own. the man she sees in this moment, who looks her boldly in the eyes and tells her he took words she said to heart is a man she didnāt think sheād live to see.Ā
overwhelmed by a sudden, heaving wave of pure affection and pride, she pulls dmitri to her again and clings even tighter (only slightly because dmitri doesnāt need to see tears in her eyes). she is allowed this, she thinks. she is allowed to hold him like this and make up for lost chances, for lost opportunities and for not telling him how much he really meant to her when she had time to help him believe it. instead, he had to go do it on his own.Ā
then again, maybe it was better that way, for him to muscle through it with people grieving loss just as hard. everyone that went up on the rocket had pretty poor track records of dealing with things properly - clarke definitely had that in common with them. but they solidified as a unit far better than clarke could have foreseen. or hoped, for that matter. they gelled without her, reformed themselves, and didnāt need any of her ideas or solutions to make it happen. her fingertips go numb with this thought, even as they dig a little into dmitriās jacket. itās what she feared, but didnāt know how to prepare for; everyoneās moved on from her and her memory. they donāt need her. they probably donāt even want her.Ā
but here is this stubborn, smiling friend of hers who couldnāt bear to forget what sheād said to him almost offhandedly once and thought heād try and honor her memory even if he thought she was dead. itās making her head swirl so she releases him a second time to stabilize herself. she needs to memorize this smile before everything inevitably goes to shit again. not much can be achieved with her just hoping, even if itās with every muscle in her body. the pragmatist in her has always known this, but sometimes she lets the different sides of her fight among themselves for fun - it gives her the illusion that somewhere the better angels kane kept talking about might be hiding in there somewhere and emerge victorious when she needs them most.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āiām just sorry you didnāt give yourself more credit sooner.ā she hopes her smile isnāt so watery that he misses the genuine love in her statement.Ā āthey were lucky to have you on the ring. i know it.ā and she will be satisfied with knowing at least dmitri wants her to exist right now. heās probably the only one among her friends that even benefit from her being alive. she will be satisfied with that. she has to be.
Itās the second embrace that really hits him, and heās even less keen to let her go when she begins to pull away, arms staying wrapped around her middle though he lets her move back enough to meet his gaze. When he catches sight of hers, tears already brimming and threatening to fall at any second, he feels a stinging behind his own eyes. There was so much much that had been left unsaid between them, and heād spent far too long failing to truly appreciate her when heād had the chance and even longer convinced heād never get it again.
Now sheās standing here in front of him, shedding tears of joy at the sight of him, and he finds himself unafraid to let her see him do the same. Heās grateful that sheās alive, that sheās survived, and that even after all this time apart he still means enough to her to evoke such a reaction. Heās always had difficulty wrapping his head around anyone caring about him on any level, but if his time in space with the others has taught him anything, itās that he is not a lost cause, and that he can make real connection with people and learn to appreciate them and reciprocate it. The greatest gift of this moment to him is the fact that he finally do what he should have all those times before and show her how much it means.
āI figured it was better late than never, right? And thereās somethinā I should have told you a million times over: Thank you, Clarke. Thank you for trying to cram that lesson into my thick ass skull no matter times it didnāt take. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for saving me over, and over, and over again, and for making sure I made it to that pod in time to escape the blast wave. Thank you for giving me a chance to live when I thought I was just walkinā around dead inside. I love you, so much, and thank you for everything.ā
This time, it was his turn to initiate the hug, pulling her in and holding her as tight as sheād been afraid to. Whatever came next, whatever theyād have to do to survive, he was glad they could do it together again, and was determined this time to do it right.
1OO IMPORTANT CHARACTER QUESTIONS
taken from beth kindermanĀ and nikki walkerās the 100 most important things to know about your character. a good list to help develop a characterās background, personality, and general aspects.Ā
PART 1: THE BASICS
What is your full name?
Where and when were you born?
Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.)
Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?
Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people.
What is your occupation?
Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.
To which social class do you belong?
Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?
Are you right- or left-handed?
What does your voice sound like?
What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently?
What do you have in your pockets?
Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?
PART 2: GROWING UP
How would you describe your childhood in general?
What is your earliest memory?
How much schooling have you had?
Did you enjoy school?
Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?
While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.
While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?
As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
As a child, what were your favorite activities?
As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?
As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?
When and with whom was your first kiss?
Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?
If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today.
PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES
What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?
Who has had the most influence on you?
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
What is your greatest regret?
What is the most evil thing you have ever done?
Do you have a criminal record of any kind?
When was the time you were the most frightened?
What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?
If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?
What is your best memory?
What is your worst memory?
PART 4: BELIEFS & OPINIONS
Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?
What is your greatest fear?
What are your religious views?
What are your political views?
What are your views on sex?
Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?
In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?
Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?
What do you believe makes a successful life?
How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?
Do you have any biases or prejudices?
Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?
Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?
PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS
In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?
Who is the most important person in your life, and why?
Who is the person you respect the most, and why?
Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.
Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.
Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.
What do you look for in a potential lover?
How close are you to your family?
Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?
Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?
Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?
If you died or went missing, who would miss you?
Who is the person you despise the most, and why?
Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?
Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?
Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?
Do you care what others think of you?
PART 6: LIKES & DISLIKES
What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?
What is your most treasured possession?
What is your favorite color?
What is your favorite food?
What, if anything, do you like to read?
What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?
Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?
How do you spend a typical Saturday night?
What makes you laugh?
What, if anything, shocks or offends you?
What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?
How do you deal with stress?
Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?
What are your pet peeves?
PART 7: SELF IMAGES & OTHER
Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?
What is your greatest strength as a person?
What is your greatest weakness?
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Are you generally introverted or extroverted?
Are you generally organized or messy?
Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.
Do you like yourself?
What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasonsā¦)
What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
If you could choose, how would you want to die?
If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.
What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?
What three words best describe your personality?
What three words would others probably use to describe you?
If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your adviceā¦)
clrkeā:
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āā¦hi?ā she grins lopsidedly, eyebrows ticking up in amusement. they make clear her internalizedĀ āthatās all youāve got?ā but she lets it go to take in the dmitri that just diplomatically told a sanctum guard to get out of their way and let them have a moment. it make her stop and blink repeatedly, wanting to process fully what heās just done. obviously sheās yet to truly see who her friend became as a member of āspacekruā over six years but a little bit is bleeding out already.Ā
was it only six years? it felt so much longer.
as soon as the back of the guardās head has disappeared down the stairs, clarke jerks forward to pull her friend into an embrace. she stays like that for too long, only letting go when she feels her grip getting too tight. the staring game isnāt over when she pulls back, though, and she plants her hands on his shoulders (a bit broader than when she last saw him before praimfaya) to look him full in his face. no new scars (yet) that she can see.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āi hardly got to say anything to to you after you landed.ā itās a guilty sentence and she marvels at how fast things went wrong on earth, how she barely got to reconnect with anyone from space properly after theyād all thought she was dead.Ā āis it pointless to ask how you are?ā she honestly doesnāt know how to do this - sheās just grateful that dmitri still considers them the same as they were on earth, friends through thick and thin. and hundreds of years of not speaking. and a red sun toxin of all things.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āi really missed you though.ā
Heās reluctant to let go of her when he feels her start to pull away, but he does so and is glad she doesnāt completely break contact. Thereās a grin on his face thatās big and wide and persistent. He lets her look him over uninterrupted, then meets her eyes when she speaks. Some part of him is relieved and disappointed to see sheās not changed too much; still shouldering guilt and responsibility for things she shouldnāt. Itās not a habit heād wish on anyone,Ā but if she didnāt have it she wouldnāt quite be Clarke.
āMissed the hell outta you, too. And Itās not a pointless question, especially now. Iām...good. Truth be told, all considered, Iām actually really good. What we went through on Earth...what we woke up to...itās been rough, but weāve pulled through like we always do so itās no big deal. Up here, though?ā He took a moment to lightly tap his temple with a pointer finger. āUp hereās the best itās ever been. And honestly, Iām still just relieved I get to tell you about it. Took a long time to wrap my head around that āfactā that I was never gonna see you again, so I canāt tell you how much of a relief it is to find out how wrong that was. But, while I thought that, it did push me to do that whole changing thing you always nagged me about. ...Couldnāt do it when you were alive, but I figured I couldnāt keep being an ass if you were dead. Seemed like itād be spitting on your memory, and I couldnāt do that.ā
He grew somber for a moment, looking off to the side and away from her before his smile returned-smaller but no less geuine-as he looked back to her.
āYou once asked me to care about other people like I care about you. I canāt say Iāve managed exactly that, but Iāll say I have learned to spread my affection and concern more evenly.ā
iām afraid that my broken pieces will cut && bruise you one day, and you will getĀ so exhausted of it you will just walk away
āI look young But inside I am old And filled with the deaths Of other people.ā
ā Terry Moore (via alittlecurse)
@clrke
Dmitriās head is spinning, and heās not sure if itās the last echoes of temporary madness leaving him or that heās still trying to wrap his head around everything thatās happened since they woke up; likely itās a bit of both. Monty and Jasper: dead and leaving behind a sun. The new planet they found: wildly dangerous and already inhabited, and lives lost on both sides barely minutes after their arrival. Itās nearly more than he can take, but here in this makeshift quarantine zone theyāve all been shoved into thereās, ironically, the opportunity to finally breathe, something he doesnāt feel heās had since he and the rest of Spacekru made it back to Earth.
As he sits trying to process things, he catches a glimpse of Clarke standing nearby, and decides itād likely do the both of them some good to use this brief respite to finally talk and catch up. Even though they were reunited back on Earth, there hadnāt been much time for idle chit chat with the way things had been going between the valley, and the bunker, and Diyoza, and everything else keeping them moving. This is their chance, and with their luck itās likely the last one theyāll have for a while yet even if things go smoothly. He hops out his seat and bounds over to her, soft smile on his face as he reaches for her hand to give gently tug and get her attention.
āHey, letās talk.ā
He heads for the stairs, glad she doesnāt protest as he leads her up towards the roof of the building. When they reach the top and encounter a guard, Dmtiri mutters a small curse under his breath as heās hoping for a little privacy.
āYou all are meant to remain inside.ā
āYea, but canāt we just stick around out here for just a little bit? Look, Iāll level with you: I could just use a moment of fresh air and, though this might sound odd, itās actually been a while since Iāve had a chance to talk to my friend here and Iād like to take one. I promise we wonāt be any trouble, and itās not like we tried to leave the premises. Itās just the roof, so do you think we could have a little time?ā
The guard mulls it over for a moment, Dmtri counts himself lucky that they managed to get someone nice as the guard nods and heads towards the door, giving them their space however briefly. Once itās just them, Dmitri finds a seat and flops down into it as he looks over at Clarke, smile returning.
āSo...hi.ā
Dane DeHaan as Harry Osborn in The Amazing Spider-Man 2 | Deleted Scenes
i was never built for gentle things. where my friends have feathered wings soft fur and softer touch i have claws and teeth and bones infused with steel but damn if i donāt wish to be soft sometimes.
āI donāt want to care. If I care about things, itāll just be worse, itāll just be another thing to worry about. Itās less painful if I donāt care.ā
ā Bret Easton Ellis (via clash-official)
