I always wanted an older brother.
Why?
I thought it would be nice to feel protected and safe.
What was that thought?
It was a product of sexism and growing up in a world where being born a girl is automatically a disadvantage and is synonymous to being weak.
My grandparents were super unhappy the day I was born. Why? Because I was born a girl.
And you tell me sexism isn’t a real thing.
At 13 I came back to my old city and met my best friend after a whole long year.
We went to the beach because it was our favourite place in the world but that day she left crying.
Because 3 men had started eve teasing us.
I don’t know if it was because she was wearing a hijab or because we were girls or because they simply could.
When I was trying to help my younger cousin figure out what college and courses to pick my aunt instead of thanking me for helping her son went like, ‘this is so important for him. What’s it to you? You are a girl after all. You will soon be married to a boy who will support you. But he needs to grow up and support an entire family.’
I love her and I know she didn’t mean it in a bad way.
It was so normal for her.
That’s what made me mad.
When a man almost a decade older to me committed a crime by indulging with me, he threatened me instead of apologising because after all, ‘You are a girl. Imagine what will happen if people will find out. You will bring shame to yourself and your family’
I wanted to jump off that night because how could I have ever loved a man who had such a disgusting mentality?
I tied a sacred thread (Rakhi) every year to a cousin because it was tradition and it signified thay he would protect me.
The one time I needed protection, he provided the attacking side more ammunition.
And next year I was told to shut my mouth, smile coyly and tie another Rakhi.
The other day at a family gathering when I went to eat food at the table, my mom’s aunt passed me a spoon. I thought, ‘oh how sweet, I didn’t even ask’
But then she said,
‘Here put some food for your uncles and grandfather’
It was such a tiny thing but I was taken aback. After serving 7 plates and not hearing one ‘thank you’
I didn’t feel hungry for food any longer.
My friend has to do a masters degree only because it’s a way of delaying her arranged marriage.
Don’t tell me this is an Indian thing, sexism is burning all countries equally.
When I recently had a conversation with my ex, I soon realised why we aren’t together anymore. But I also realised why I dated him in the first place.
He was a feminist and he was not abusive.
When I shared this with him, he only said,
'You got to have higher standards than that, Nikki’
See, I know this is not an all men thing.
But that’s not the issue.
Why are we always deviating?
I don’t know what brought on this post, nothing in particular happened today.
Or maybe 100 such things happen every single day that they no more seem unusual.
But they are still bloody unfair.
Was it that man on the internet who told me to stop being such a 'ball buster’ or the professor who told me to stop wearing lipstick to provoke my classmates.
Or was it me?
Who stopped myself from doing 10 things daily because I was afraid for my own safety
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