Demiplanar Demagogue and Friends

Your most (mis)trusted news aggregate golem for the Dread Realms and occassionally beyond (Parody news roleplay/meme/occassional other stuff account)

[demiplanardemagogue]

PSA: Never give your werewolf minions chocolate. It's been called the second wolf's bane for a reason.

[demiplanardemagogue]

Darkon's capital after Il Aluk

After the fall of Il Aluk, what would you consider the capital of Darkon?

[darklordazalin]

Azalin Reviews: Darklord "The Baron"

Darklord: The Baron Domain: The Eyrie Domain Formation: All that can be determined is this Domain formed prior to 750 BC as Il Aluk is mentioned in an adventure associated with the Domain and Il Aluk becomes Necropolis in 750 BC during The Requiem. Power Level: 💀💀💀⚫⚫ Source: Dungeon Magazine Issue 58; 1996

There is very little history on the Darklord of the flying citadel Domain known as The Eyrie. Indeed, there is more information regarding The Eyrie’s former residence than the Darklord himself. At least the former resistant has a name even if he was only in the demiplanes of dread for a month before his flying castle was infiltrated.

Eyrie Keep was once located along a pass in the Khalkist Mountains on the continent of Ansalon on Krynn. It was originally inhabited by the Knights of Solamnia, the rigid knights of Krynn with strict moral codes (unless you’re Lord Soth). During the War of the Lance, the Keep was transformed into a flying citadel in hopes to defend itself and others from the aerial forces of Takhisis’s army. It may have extended their time on Krynn, but the flying citadel was no match for Takhsis’s dragons and it was eventually taken by the Dragon Highlord Kravon.

Kravon lost his red dragon mount earlier in the war and decided to make it everyone’s problem. He slaughtered and tortured his way through Ansalon until even his cruelest generals abandoned him. It’s unclear why they did so, perhaps Kravon was too focused on his personal vendetta than the will of his Goddess? Regardless, alone in his flying castle, Kravon was taken by the mists and transported to the demiplanes of dread forever bound to his the flying citadel, which roamed freely among the Domains of Dread.

Kravon was only a Darklord for one moon cycle, for, when a group of werebats discovered the castle their leader saw it as the perfect home for his kind. The werebats infiltrated the castle and when confronted by Kravon and told to bow before him and Takhisis, the leader of the werebats simply attacked the former Dragon Highlord and killed him. In doing so, the leader named himself The Baron of The Eyrie. Upon doing so, this self-proclaimed ‘baron’ became the Darklord of The Eyrie in Kravon’s place and as its Darklord, The Baron is completely contained within the walls of the flying castle.

Since he cannot leave The Eyrie, The Baron relies upon the werebats (Jerzi, Pyetr, and Liza) he created – and has absolute control over - to fetch his nightly meal of humanoid blood. The Baron despises that he must rely upon them for this and they, in turn, despise him for forces them to do so every night. Indeed, Liza plots to overthrow The Baron and utilize the citadel as a haven for werebats as a formidable fortress to launch raids from and subject humanoids to her will. The Baron, on the other hand, wishes to be free of his underlings but must rely upon them for his nightly meal.

The Eyrie itself isn’t very impressive, aside from the fact that it can fly, though one cannot control where it flies, only our Tormentors have that particular ability. It is inhabited by werebats, flying beasts (bats and birds), and the occasional harpy. On its base, giant spiders wove massive webs to catch flying creatures as the castle moves through the skies.

The Keep has a long history and one can find evidence of the former Knights of Solamnia or the Dragon Highlord that once lived there if they know what they’re looking for and at. It also has a rather unique mental imprint upon it where the castle has absorbed the memories and souls of those who have died within, which often manifests as the whispering of voice or an illusionary vision. Yet, it is not haunted and these manifestations cannot harm those who view them. At least, not physically. I’m certain that viewing a Dragon Highlord having a temper tantrum about their dead dragon leaves a permanent impression on one’s psyche.

The Baron is a werebat wizard who prefers spending time with his books over time with others as most wizard do. He can cast in both his human and hybrid forms, though not in his bat form…which, given the need most wizards need for gestures, words, and components, is unsurprising. As Darklord, he may summon an ‘aerial’ servant to come to his aid, can summon a flock of ravens or two hawks, and swarms of bats. Also, as most Darklords, The Baron can close the borders of his Domain by summoning high winds that surround the Eyrie, making it impossible for anyone to leave. He typically does this to prevent his prey from leaving.

It’s difficult to rate a Darklord with very little history, but given that he is a wizard and has a decent amount of control over his underlings, I will award him 3 skulls.

[demiplanardemagogue]

A literally floating pocket domain.

[wonderfulworldofdarklords]

Episode 16: The Great Mouse Detective

Listen to The Wonderful World of Darklords on RedCircle

CONTENT ADVISORY: The in-character fiction for this episode involves children being held hostage and threatened with harm. They escape completely unharmed, but please proceed with caution if images from current events are fresh in your mind. (We're so sorry! We wanted something that connected to D's back story and didn't make the connection.)

Welcome to Wonderful World of Darklords! In this episode, we're looking at a setting and a darklord so tailor-made for Ravenloft that we barely needed to do any work: Professor Ratigan. Combining Moriarty's criminal genius, Jekyll and Hyde's duality, and Vincent Price's golden pipes, Ratigan is the best of the worst around...and with London by gaslight as his domain, things just keep getting better. Topics discussed include:

How to get Basil out of the picture so the PCs can be Ratigan's rivals instead, but without rehashing Robin Hood and Prince John;

A curse for Ratigan that lets us play with his delicious stew of self-loathing, denial, obsession, and vanity;

The underbaked 2e/3e domain and darklord that can find its themes more fully expressed in Londinium, and the fully-baked one that can be folded into it as well;

Suggestions for running a big bad who outsmarts the PCs at every turn without losing friends;

and more!

The full writeup for Londinium is available for free on DM's Guild: https://www.dmsguild.com/product/456011/Londinium-A-Ravenloft-Domain-of-Dread-11-13?affiliate_id=241770

You can find the Hour of the Knife adventure for sale on DM's Guild at https://www.dmsguild.com/product/17507/Hour-of-the-Knife-2e, and Shadow of the Knife for free at www.kargatane.com. (It's under "Adventures." We can't just link the darn thing or it'll start automatically downloading the zip file on you. Welcome to 2003.)

You can find the original "butt puppets" episode (which is actually pretty PG-13 rated) here: https://megadumbcast.podbean.com/e/pg-62-balloon-thief-week-11/

All music recordings are in the public domain (mark 1.0) and are licensed through https://musopen.org:

Chopin Nocturne in B-Flat Minor, Op. 9 No.1 (main theme), performed by Eduardo Vinuela

Chopin Etude Op. 25, No. 12 in C Minor: “Ocean” (darklord theme), performed by Edward Neeman

Chopin Nocturne in F Minor, Op. 55 No. 1 (land theme), performed by Luke Faulkner

Rachmaninoff Morceaux de Fantaisie, Op. 3 - 2. Prélude in C sharp minor (Dread Possibilities), performed by Sergei Rachmaninoff

Chopin Nocturne in E Minor, Op. 72 No. 1 (parting thoughts), performed by Luke Faulkner

Dialog for Yensid was written by Azalin Rex himself: http://www.tumblr.com/darklordazalin

The Wonderful World of Darklords logo was designed by Halite Jones, whom you can find on Tumblr and Instagram: https://www.tumblr.com/halite-jones and http://www.instagram.com/insta_halite

Contact us on:

Gmail: [email protected]

Facebook: @wonderfulworldofdarklords

Tumblr: @wonderfulworldofdarklords

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheWonderfulWorldofDarklords651

[demiplanardemagogue]

Listening to this, and the crossover ideas with Richemulot got me thinking about how that domain might explain his hatred of rats. Ratigan could be a Richemulot expatriate who was a part of the Cult of Simon Aundaire. Perhaps Ratigan could have even got his evil genius ideas emulating Claude Renier (while at the same time) while at the same time being in total denial of Claude having been a wererat himself.

[demiplanardemagogue]

Grapple Announces New Arcane Intelligence for Die-Phone

Today Grapple announced that with the upcoming Dread Realms reboot, the Die-Phone will integrate Arcane Intelligence dweomers. These new innovations will choke privacy rites quicker than ever before. With so many options, you’ll need all that divination power just to sift through all of them! For example, the most powerful illusion magic will allow you to improvise “Dreadmojis” on the fly for whatever scheme fits the situation. And the new Power Word app will collect all of your True Names in one place. Though the AI comes from a deal with the Dark Powers, the company stated your data will be totally secure in localized Islands of Terror within the Mists. Look forward to figuring out how Grapple works this Fall!

[darklordazalin]

been getting into ravenloft/azalin as of late. can you answer a few questions for me?

what do you think azalin was like as a kid?

do you think liches and azalin in particular are capable of complex emotions such as love?

trying to wrap my head around his curse. why the no new magic thing?

these are all very random.

please and thank you!

Welcome to Ravenloft, may the mists trap you forever. I'll do my best to answer these.

what do you think azalin was like as a kid?

We get a glimpse of him as a fifteen year old in Knurl in the novel King of the Dead by Gene DeWeese, which I recommend reading if you can get your hands on it. In this he's shown as a talented, yet arrogant young man...A typical theme for many wizards in DnD it seems.

Before he became "Azalin" and prisoner within the Mists, he was known as Firan Zal'honan. Firan was the middle child of Earl Turalitan Zal'honan and grew up in a large city. We aren't told much about Turalitan and if Firan's mother was in the picture, she's never mentioned, but what we do know is that Turalitan despised the arcane arts and would drive them from his land if he was allowed to.

So, we have a prideful young teenager who's incredibly talented in the arcane arts - he was able to cast geas at fifteen - who's talent is not only dismissed but outright loathed by his father. As the second son, Firan's only real purpose was likely to marry into some noble house for an alliance of some form or another.

Naturally, this all lead to Firan rebelling against his father and since he was rebelling by experimenting in magics, well this had diasterous results.

That all said, overall I picture Firan being far too smart for his own good and ignored by his father, so he developed a competitive need to prove himself and an agressive persona to combat his fear of rejection. He's the type of kid that would have corrected his tutors and pointed out how and why they are wrong just to prove to himself that he matters. So...in short, an absolute nightmare :D

do you think liches and azalin in particular are capable of complex emotions such as love?

Yes. I think any sentient creature is capable of complex emotions. That said, I have always pictured undead as experiencing the memory of past emotions more than true emotions. Liches, in particular, likely experience a dulled down version of these emotions. Gene DeWeese does an excellent job conveying this in his Azalin novels.

As for Azalin. He's a bit of a unique case for a lich as he did not actively seek out lichdom. Instead, the Dark Powers tricked him into the change by promising him that if he followed their instructions he would have the power to bring his son back from the dead. The son he executed for treason.

Though Azalin rarely shows his emotions through the solid iron walls he's built up around him, DeWeese shows them crack through now and again and its clear that Azalin experiencing true anger and sorrow. In fact, those emotions often drive him to make very foolish decisions.

Anyway, long answer shortened - yes, he could experience love but he's probably too obsessed with proving himself 'right' by finding a way to bring his son back to life.

trying to wrap my head around his curse. why the no new magic thing?

Well, his true curse is not being able to bring back his son, Irik, from the dead. So, in not learning new magic Azalin's creativity is dampered. The other side of this is Irik does not want to come back, so spells such as True Resurrection would not work as he is not a wiling target. So, dampering Azalin's creativity is key...otherwise this magical genius would have come up with a new spell to force a spirit to return.

[demiplanardemagogue]

You know, for something named "Curse of Strahd", there's actually precious little swearing in it. We think it's almost worth suing for #@$&ing false advertising over.

[the-rat-sorceress]

Quick sketches of Azalin for an easily switchable token.  

[darklordazalin]

Still need to add more depth/shading to this, but thought I'd share my cover for the game I'm running/writing.

When I'm not writing Darklord Reviews in my spare time, I'm working on this game. Not going to share what it's about as a few people that play in it follow me on here, but very grateful to have found the perfect group for this story that's been knocking around my noggin for years.

[demiplanardemagogue]

My Ghoul Lord Sent to Me (The 12 Days of Mistmas)

On the first day of Mistmas,

My ghoul lord sent to me,

A goblyn in a spy tree!

On the second day of Mistmas,

My ghoul lord sent to me,

2 ettin heads,

And a goblyn in a spy tree!

On the third day of Mistmas,

my ghoul lord sent to me,

3 wrecked ships,

2 ettin heads,

And a goblyn in a spy tree!

On the fourth day of Mistmas,

my ghoul lord sent to me,

4 ravenkin,

3 wrecked ships,

2 ettin heads,

And a goblyn in a spy tree!

On the fifth day of Mistmas,

my ghoul lord sent to me,

5 gold pieces,

4 ravenkin,

3 wrecked ships,

2 ettin heads,

And a goblyn in a spy tree!

On the sixth day of Mistmas,

my ghoul lord sent to me,

6 fenhounds baying,

5 gold pieces,

4 ravenkin,

3 wrecked ships,

2 ettin heads,

And a goblyn in a spy tree!

On the seventh day of Mistmas,

my ghoul lord sent to me,

7 claws a crawling,

6 fenhounds baying,

5 gold pieces,

4 ravenkin,

3 wrecked ships,

2 ettin heads,

And a goblyn in a spy tree!

On the eighth day of Mistmas,

my ghoul lord sent to me,

8 wraiths a draining,

7 claws a crawling,

6 fenhounds baying,

5 gold pieces,

4 ravenkin,

3 wrecked ships,

2 ettin heads,

And a goblyn in a spy tree!

On the ninth day of Mistmas,

my ghoul lord sent to me,

9 head hunters hunting,

8 wraiths a draining,

7 claws a crawling,

6 fenhounds baying,

5 gold pieces,

4 ravenkin,

3 wrecked ships,

2 ettin heads,

And a goblyn in a spy tree!

On the tenth day of Mistmas,

my ghoul lord sent to me,

10 heroes dying,

9 head hunters hunting,

8 wraiths a draining,

7 claws a crawling,

6 fenhounds baying,

5 gold pieces,

4 ravenkin,

3 wrecked ships,

2 ettin heads,

And a goblyn in a spy tree!

On the eleventh day of Mistmas,

my ghoul lord sent to me,

11 liches casting,

10 heroes dying,

9 head hunters hunting,

8 wraiths a draining,

7 claws a crawling,

6 fenhounds baying,

5 gold pieces,

4 ravenkin,

3 wrecked ships,

2 ettin heads,

And a goblyn in a spy tree!

On the twelfth day of Mistmas,

my ghoul lord sent to me,

12 darklords a scheming,

11 liches casting,

10 heroes dying,

9 head hunters hunting,

8 wraiths a draining,

7 claws a crawling,

6 fenhounds baying,

5 gold pieces,

4 ravenkin,

3 wrecked ships,

2 ettin heads,

And a goblyn in a spy tree!

[demiplanardemagogue]

The Lich and the List

Today the latest of Azalin's schemes to break free from the chains that bind him failed once again. Azalin's butler Erasmus confirmed today's unnatural, Core-wide blizzard was the result of Azalin's schemes. Apparently, Santa's Naughty List is very much unlike the Book of Names- Azalin at least can't cross his name out with a Quill of Law and be forgotten. No surprise- his failure of many Naughty checks is no question. Last Lichmas, the wizard king king tried to sacrifice all of the North Pole elves to destroy the Naughty List entirely. Still, it wasn't powerful enough. The power needed to make an Azalin scheme succeed would be enough to make Hell freeze over. In any case, Azalin latest scheme left him a lump of coal this Lichmas. Not left him with a lump of coal, left HIM a lump of coal.

In short, it seems like no matter the Rex's schemes, there's no way he's escaping Santa's Naughty List. That is perhaps the greatest gift everybody in the Land of Mists could get. From everyone at the Demiplanar Demagogue, we wish all of our gentle readers happy holidays, or at least happier than Azalin.

[victusinveritas]

[monstersdownthepath]

Monster Spotlight: Tekenu

CR 6

Neutral Evil Small Undead

Adventure Path: Mummy's Mask: Empty Graves, pg. 90-91

These disgusting, slithering masses of organs are created--intentionally or otherwise--during the process of mummification, when removed organs take on a fell life of their own and acquire a dark desire to add more to themselves. Unfortunate morticians who do not mummify a corpse with respect may find themselves throttled by the freshly-removed organs for the offense, while skilled necromancers utilize them as slavering tomb guardians, assassins, or garbage cans for discarded tissue... or, in a manner that's quite on the nose, as a method to sabotage the burial of someone they hate to make their journey to the afterlife more grueling. A Tekenu is hidden within a canopic jar by the necromancer and placed "respectfully" in the tomb of the hated target, and once the tomb is sealed, the hungering Undead slithers free from its jar and devours the contents of other jars while also desecrating the corpse itself for yet more, assuring that the tomb is no longer sacred or safe.

These slithering piles of organs are shockingly dangerous for their size; about as slow as one could expect at 10ft, their fel nature actually allows them to fly 30ft a round and use both Flyby Attack and Hover to harass creatures below. While 30ft isn't especially impressive, keep in mind that they typically make their homes in cramped, dark tombs, allowing them to dart in and out of the circle of the invaders' torchlight as it slowly throttles them with its nauseating attacks. Literally nauseating! Any creature struck by either of the Tekenu's two slam attacks not only takes 2d6 damage, but must succeed a DC 16 Fortitude save or be nauseated for a round, preventing them from fighting back.

And fighting back was hard enough already! You'd think a collection of vital organs would be more vulnerable to critical hits, but the Tekenu's Odd Anatomy gives it several redundant systems which prevent it from taking damage from crits or precision strikes. It's got insurmountable DR 5 and a long list of immunities and resistances thanks to its undead nature... And even more than that, Odd Anatomy also makes the Tekenu act more like a swarm than a singular creature, meaning it's completely immune to any spell or effect which targets a specific number of creatures, WITHOUT a swarm's normal weakness of taking additional AoE damage! The only AoE damage that's multiplied against a Tekenu is channeled energy, which it takes 150% damage from.

They've got quite a lot going for them defensively (aside from a mediocre 16 AC), and offensively they're a lot scarier than they look. Their dual slams dealing 4d6 damage a round plus nausea is spooky on paper, but without any flat modifier, that's still a potential of maybe 6 damage a round. Where it actually gets spooky is when a Tekenu has used Canopic Consumption on a relatively fresh body or an organ offering; they can use this full-round action on any helpless creature, any body that's less than 3 days dead, or any preserved organ. They shred through the body to consume a specific organ or collection of organs, destroying all others in the process (and thus shredding the helpless victim to death and/or the corpse past easy resurrection without giving them the normal save to avoid a coup de grace) and gaining new abilities based on which organ it claimed: The intestines, liver, lungs, or stomach.

Assimilating a coil of intestines gives the Tekenu the Grab ability with its slams, and because intestines are 30ft long, it can Grab onto a Medium-sized creature without penalty and constrict them for 2d6 damage each round they fail to escape. Taking on a set of lungs allows the Undead to exhale moisture from its body, making it appear as a desiccated pile of old viscera; it gains +8 to Stealth checks (for a total of +23) and its flight speed doubles, and it can regain its strength as a free action on its turn once it's caught someone off-guard. Slurping up a liver lets it spray victims of its slam attack with collected toxins, dealing 1d3 Constitution damage to them unless they succeed a DC 17 Fortitude save. Finally, acquiring a stomach causes its slams to deal 1d6 extra Acid damage. A 'fresh' Tekenu without any of these abilities is unheard of unless it's been created intentionally, as all of them will immediately seek out the closest source of organs to pillage them, and as such a Tekenu encountered 'in the wild' starts with 1d4 of these abilities.

Fun fact: A Tekenu with all of the abilities gains +1 CR! Because that's two slam attacks coming in on the surprise round of something with +23 to Stealth, both of which have +16 to hit and which deal 2d6 + 1d6 Acid damage each... And then both can attempt to Grab and constrict the victim, AND the victim has to make two Fortitude saves, one versus taking poison damage and one versus nausea. And if the victim drops to 0 HP, the thing can instantly kill them with no save and no way to protect the victim except by killing the Undead before its turn rolls around again. And yes, a Tekenu WILL gladly abandon its DPS race to do just that; it's got 2 Int and a hunger for organs so overwhelming that it will continue to gorge itself even after it's assimilated its full suite of abilities and no longer NEEDS to. It'll happily stop and chow on the party Wizard the DM had it ambush. That's what you get for opening canopic jars!

You can read more about them here.

[demiplanardemagogue]

A little known threat for Har'Akir and the Amber Wastes.

[demiplanardemagogue]

Today Dr. Killinger (seemingly) passed away at the age of 500 (we think). Despite his calm demeanor polite mannerisms, he was a favorite among the Dark Powers for helping numerous dictators, darklords, and villains get their starts of darkness. Killinger may have even been the true identity of the infamous spirit "Death", that helped Count Strahd down his first path to corruption. (Lowellyn Dachine, whom also claims the moniker Death, is widely known to simply be suffering from chuunibyou syndrome.) Funeral services were held at the Amber Temple, attended by Killinger's family and fiends.

[demiplanardemagogue]

Today was just not Lord Soth's day. After being fired from his job as a Wal-Mart Greeter, Soth tried a brief stint in lonely walking with a bag over his shoulders all 70s Hulk style. But then a routine traffic stop at the Bridge of Death resulted in disaster. When asked to address the flip flops in his character, Soth reportedly could only shrug. And thus he was thrown into the gaping maw of oblivion. Hopes for Soth's return seem to be plummeting.

[demiplanardemagogue]

Someone Asked an Autonomous AI to 'Destroy Humanity': This Is What Happened

ChaosGPT has been prompted to "establish global dominance" and "attain immortality." This video shows exactly the steps it's taking to do so.

The end of the world could very well be a simulation. We for all welcome our new AI darklords.

[demiplanardemagogue]

How did these guys creep into the production schedule? Like how many licks it takes to get to the root of a Tootsie Roll Pop, the world may never know...