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I ask myself every day why I do it... help people that is, and every day I tell myself the same old line. “It’s because i can’t help myself. Because i don’t know how to help myself. And because maybe, just maybe i can help others from finding their way into this pit I’ve found myself in. Because in every hole there are people like me who make sure everyone else is out before waiting for help themselves. I wonder some days if what I tell myself is the truth, or if its just another lie I’ve led myself to believe. I don’t personally know anymore. I don’t know who I am anymore after living selfishly then living selflessly. I help all of these people and I’m left in the hole as they go and frolic with the people they think they want in their lives. This hole only keeps getting deeper it seems but day after day i find myself getting some one out of it. Maybe its just me wanting, waiting for someone to reach down and offer me their hand? Or is this what I am destined to do for the rest of my earthly stay. I personally don’t know how anyone can expect a human to maintain an angels composure. i feel like that’s what I’ve been made out to be. An angel among humankind. how much harm will I cause if i correct the people I’ve been so diligent to help? If I were to just disappear without a trace like I never existed in the first place? Maybe it”s an option? But I feel a sense of duty and diligence to the people I have helped and to the people I have yet to help. Yet there is still a side of me that calls out to be saved, to be freed. I can only hope that someone will come to get me out of my hole soon I don’t know how much longer i can keep this up...
