A Guy in my Dream
(This is supposed to be on my own but I can’t help myself but to post it here and share my dream that becomes my happiness and ends with heartaches)
Bare with me guys’
An open letter to my crush...
P.S You may not be able to read this letter anyway for I have no guts on giving this to you. If you happened to read this letter by any means I want you to leave it just like that. You don't have to answer nor mention it. I forbid you. I know I am hallucinating to believe that you will feel the same for I know that is impossible.
Dear Crush,
(Intro: Song title “Closer You and I”) Hey, there's a look in your eyes Must be love at first sight You were just part of my dream Nothing more so it seemed (but my love) But my love couldn't wait much longer Just can't forget the picture of your smile (of your smile) 'Coz every time I close my eyes ... You come alive _____ :)
Hiiii. It started with a dream. A dream that change my world. At first, its not a big deal for me. But because of my crazy friends "The Buddies" to whom I shared this forbidden dream (I think my biggest mistake and a wrong choice) that is the time I questioned myself, of all people why you? Curiosity kills me hahaha so when I got home, I quickly get my laptop and opened it then go to google web. Right now, as I press each letters I can't help myself but smile cause' I still remember the exact words I encode in the search box which is : what is the meaning when you dreamt for someone you barely know? Loading... Loading... Hands started to sweat. Loading... Loading... And Google show me the answer. That day, I told to myself that this is just a mere feelings, a feelings that might vanished in a few days. But I was wrong! Because as time goes by, it grows deeper each day and believe me I've tried every possible way to shrug and avoid this feeling. Funny how though, we hardly talked because we are not friends either but those small talked we had is enough for me to treasure for a lifetime that for a short period of time my crush noticed and talked to me.
Weekdays are the best day for me. Aside to my crazy buddies, you are also one of the reason who complete my day. I feel so excited everytime I go to school. And every time I caught you staring at me, literally, I felt my heart jumped and my organs are partying. Hahahaha. You have the stare that could mean anything or nothing for someone, but for me it means everything. It means even for a while I get a glimpse with those brown eyes. And one more thing, you are intelligent that makes you more attractive.To tell you honestly, you have the qualities of a person I'm looking for and one of my wish that I ask from God. You are the person I never wanted to meet today but in the future. You are contradictory to me. if Im friendly, you are not. I am showy, you are not. You are handsome, and I am Ugly. And many more. Lastly, you are the person I never expected.
Everytime we had our conversation with "the buddies" I always make my voice louder just to catch your attention and its a big achievement for me cause the first strategy is effective. I dont know what comes into my nerves that I changed my wallpaper just for you to noticed my abscenes and seeing you reacted with that twitt makes myself eager to change again my wallpaper. I can't help myself but to bubble laughed at you when you are throwing lame jokes. I also make excuses to make papansin like asking about the topics we had tackled in eventhough I know it already. These are just some of my papansin moves.
Fast Forward. I'm afraid for this day to come to finally bid goodbye. Like what they said that beginning has its ending. The time has come that the two of us will be judged. And the order of the court said that we are not be together because your heart beats only for someone that who owns you and your loved. I feel so sad every time I think of it. From the moment I open my eyes in the morning to the moment I close it at night. I dont want to be the reason that you will end up the strongfoundation you have with each other. I dont want to be a villain in your love story. So, I will end up my kahibangan. I need to wake up on this dream, and to accept the realities that bind with fantasies.
If only I can drag days longer to always be with you even from afar and feel your presence each and every time. If only I can wipe this feeling I have for you. If only I can uncrush you. But its hard because I have fallen for you more than I can imagine. And with the three months that we've been together as friend was a great memories that I will treasured forever and I will shared to my children in the future. If by fate we see each other again one day, I want you to ignore me, to continue where you are going. But I know deep inside, I want you to smile at me and wave at me and ask how am I.
And for the final wave, I would like to say thank you. Because of you, I have felt this kind of emotion the same feeling when I am on top of every mountain. Continue served God and me ofcourse. And live a life with full of so much adventure. And I will continue also my journey as what i've dreamed of. See you in the future my dear crush and hope that we can be best friends knowing that we are here on the same ground, the same planet and have the same air we breathed. And if you are going to ask me what songs that best decribe my feelings towards you then my answer is Catch Me, Im Fallen, This Time.
Your ever-dreamer, endangered observer with a loyal heart, with an assuming instinct that will missed you forever, Bloom