Jules of Nature
Mike Driver
One Nice Bug Per Day
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
blake kathryn
@theartofmadeline
Cosimo Galluzzi
PR's Tumblrdome
ojovivo
⁂
No title available
we're not kids anymore.
★
oozey mess
Andulka
titsay
ellievsbear
Janaina Medeiros
art blog(derogatory)
YOU ARE THE REASON
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Chile
seen from Russia
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Netherlands
seen from Argentina
seen from Brazil
seen from Czechia
seen from India
@depressed-suicidal-kid
29803) I'm afraid to say why my ED happened...My whole childhood I was the smallest. The shortest and the lightest, people would comment how thin I was and it made me feel good...Doctors would ask of I was eating okay and my mother always said 'yes because I was. Fast forward a bit and I gain weight...I'm no longer underweight, I'm at the low end of normal. I should have been happy I was finally healthy, but it ate at me...It eats at me day in and day out...It never leaves.
It still confuses me how you could treat me like a toy you store in the closet and then tell me you love me..
*goes from fine to actively suicidal in 30 seconds flat*
my chronic illness every morning be like
do you ever get scared that you’re unintentionally toxic or draining to be around, like you’re the bad guy
Constantly.
you can be angry that it happened, no matter how worse off someone has or had it than you. trauma is not one big competition of who’s suffering more, of who’s endured more. we all respond and go through different things in life. your pain is your own and it’s valid.
TRIGGER WARNING : Suicidal ideations and very negative self imagine/talk
I'm so endlessly exhausted. I feel like a black hole, destined to just collapse in on myself the and time again. Tearing everyone and everything around down with me. I do all I can to minimize the damages, but it doesn't stop me from being a scary person to have in their lives...I feel like I'm an infection. I have thick black tar dripping out of me and into everything I put into the world is tainted with it. Every "I love you" is followed by the pain in my chest of knowing they'll hurt when I finally do it...It's something we all see coming but never address. We don't like looking at the fact I'm going to end my own life one day. I can't handle the idea of not having at least control of that moment...You don't notice because I'm like lead, seeping into your system slowly. Drop by drop until suddenly you see the sickness too...The infectious tar that is me. My kindest words are barbed with the knowledge I don't actually want to treat myself like a human. I don't feel like I deserve it. From the moment I wake to till the sweet quiet dark nothingness of sleep, I'm suffering. I don't know how to tell anyone though without being locked up again...I don't know how to explain I think about death all the time without scaring people. I think about me dying a lot. Different ways, how it would feel. What ifs and a lot of half assed plans. I don't want to simply wallow and be a pitiful mess, but I'm having a hard time just trying to keep going. I'm not strong from the traumatic life I've lived. I'm a broken spirit who can't even process the fact they're alive or deserve basic kindness. I could moan and whine endlessly but that's enough for now
-A
they all wanna tear me apart
getting approached by an animal that wants you to pet them is such a magical feeling. like they saw you and went "yeah there's love in there"
I was talking with a therapist and she was talking about how I've spent my whole life in survival mode or so dissociated I could barely process that I'm alive and we need to help me get out of those into a state I can live in...The more I tell her though the more endless the suffering seems to be. The more disheartened she almost seems witnessing the pitiful state of this person who has barely spent 2 decades on this planet. Only 2 and they're so ready to give up. I'm not sure if I'm weak or it's sad to see but it makes the end that much more appealing...Bleeding doesn't even seem to help anymore. Just. Pointless...
