[depuie]

dancing river

though the place

where the sirens

singing plighted stream

above as so beneath

the grazing luminance

the body enveloped

sinking into the abyss

carved hollow

space left undefined

dust and frost

sediment never lost

an endless current

[heavensghost]

[depuie]

I forgot how fucking good this feels

[depuie]

one of the oddest feelings is when your self perception doesn't match up to others perception of you and you live w this frustration of never being understood for who you fully are and always being judged by your outer appearance

[depuie]

I lost all the people I can vent to so I think I might just relive 2014 and shout into this void again

[depuie]

everything existing in your tangible realm is a mere figment resulting from the perils of your imagination and any interaction you experience can not truly be proved as real and those who dissociate are closer to the realm of nonexistence yet simultaneously are subsequently within the realm of awareness

[depuie]

now I'm in a weird place where I feel the constant need to improve +push myself and become a better person but I don't take the time often enough to fully appreciate all the growth and progress I have made up to this point in my life. It is incredibly difficult to feel deserving of praise/good feelings-- deeply engrained thought patterns + intrusive thoughts are so hard to change but I need to change them so that I am able to actually feel this self love at all.

Holy shit I have done a lot of thinking about my life up until this point through the new life perspective lenses I've picked up through the years. My most difficult task currently is fully accepting that the past remains the past, in order to be able to release the negative feelings I have associated with my past to move forward and release that deep seated weight on my soul.

I'm in another weird place where it's so fucking hard to get to the place I want to be with my current family + environment situation. that's being worked on, but probably the most difficult overarching force I'm dealing with.

anyway

I deserve love

I deserve happiness

I deserve to feel good about myself and I deserve to share it with the world

I am happy today. Life has been treating me good recently! Meeting+befriending+experiencing wonderful people. We will deal with tomorrow's emotions when we get there. I will appreciate all that I do have. I will build my relationships back up and remember that I do need support and that I cannot do this all by myself. I will spend more time reconnecting with the earth and appreciating the fruit of life which we so often neglect.

[batwizard]

anyone else live under the assumption that they’re constantly doing something wrong

[depuie]

Have I gotten better? Is this self improvement true and valid? To some extent I believe this to be true, but some of my behaviors lead me to believe otherwise. I think I’ve pulled myself out of my depression just because I’m fucking around at my 8-5 listening to podcasts all day and feel overall happier, but then again I need to recognize that I Am generally happier and less anxious. I fucked up and got myself More addicted to nicotine right when I was ready to quit. One problem at a time, however. 

I ponder the question a lot: Am I a product of my environment and misgivings, or rather am I entirely in control of who I am and how I exist? What’s inherent and engrained in my being and what is learned? What can be changed? And to what extent? 

I’m overall feeling neutral. Not sure why I’m on here all of a sudden, I, uh, need a space to vent and have a discussion with myself that is outside of my head so it’s more tangible and real.

On that note, I’m proud of myself for how comfortable I’ve gotten with being open about my baggage. I’m always improving :)

[depuie]

sometimes I feel so low maintenance as a friend that I don’t Matter

[depuie]

i forgot what it feels like to be happy

[weirdlandtv]

[noosphe-re]

Kazumasa Nagai

[earthling555]

[depuie]

ive been thinking about gender identity and what it means, ive been wondering what it means for myself, why i dont identify as a singular gender, why i feel femme most of the time, why i dont always feel so femme, why i so easily bend the boundaries, what the hell it all means

[cupidsuggestions]

my heart is an overgrown garden

[hirxeth]

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) dir. Michel Gondry