Dime-A-Dozen Declarations From Derek

They say not to trust a man with two names, but I have three. I don't know what that says about me. I used to know what I was doing, but now I don't.

[derek612]

I was a lazy musician

I never wanted to put the work into anything when I was a high schooler. Whether it was in the classroom or learning to play guitar, I always wanted to take the easy way out. It’s not that I wasn’t interested or didn’t care. But it was especially true when it came to music. 

See, I had always loved music. When my dad gave me my first guitar, I was eager to learn. Despite no formal training, I did learn. My music education was as basic it could get. I picked up chords through picking up the pieces of songs I could play, except for the hard parts, of course. 

Seeing how talented my friends were that played and listening to my favorite albums motivated me to be good but not want to work. 

Although there were major gaps in my knowledge, I was able to figure enough out to compose a few songs that I would record, release, and eventually earn $1.84 from. 

It’s easy to see why I got frustrated and eventually stopped. I claimed at the time that I stopped playing because it wasn’t taking me anywhere or making me any money but then I became a freelance writer a short time after my hiatus. A part of it was too a girl that I was dating insisted I write her a song, which violates my no writing love songs policy. So, I just stopped altogether. 

My friends and I would spend hours at Guitar Center in high school playing different guitars. My dream guitar became a Martin acoustic. Nothing sounded better or fit my hands better than a Martin. Unfortunately, there was no way to afford one on a grocery stockers salary so I went on with life but never forgetting that feeling. 

That all changed in the Spring of 2016 when I went back into Guitar Center after playing sporadically again for about a year. There it was. A beautiful custom series Martin acoustic guitar for $300 off. I had to have it, so I traded in my Fender Strat and Washburn electric and left with my dream guitar. 

Since then, I’ve overhauled my sound entirely. My new main electric is my ESP 256C that plays like a Les Paul or Epiphone at a fraction of a price. I also traded in my VOX for a Line 6 practice amp and it all feels new again. 

I always said when I wasn’t playing that if I started again, I’d do it the right way. I’d push myself to learn music and why things do or don’t go together. I’ll tell you, the day I learned how to sight read felt like an accomplishment because it helped me understand the instrument better. It’s only helped me learn more in the following months. 

Oddly enough, one of the biggest helps to me was learning how to play the bass. It’s still fairly new but this $99 Dean I found at a Music-Go-Round was one of the best investments I’ve made, musically. To me, it’s helped reinforce the theory and understanding rhythm better because I wasn’t born with much of it. 

Now I’ve got the urge to write and/or record again. It’s funny that my dad didn’t play much either when I wasn’t but now he’s started playing more. We talk about songs we’d want to play together and how he wants to start writing again. It’s fun. In particular, the Beatles’ “Come Together” is one that works great for a guitar and bass player. 

I also had a friend of mine send me some lyrics he’d been working on and it was a fun exercise putting together some of those to piece together a quick song. After nine years of not writing, it was a challenge but organizing the music was less frustrating when you have a better idea of what you’re doing. 

Being able to record cover videos has also been a proud moment because there was no way I was going to be able to play something like Guns ‘N’ Roses “Rocket Queen” or finally breakthrough learning Stone Temple Pilots’ “Plush” but shedding my laziness allowed me to do this. I mean, I would avoid using my pinky finger at all costs when I first started but now it’s second nature.

(One of the best ways for me to get my hand dexterity back was attempting to play God Forbid’s “Anti-Hero” since the intro really requires your left and right hands to be in sync.)

The idea now is to keep this as a hobby and not let anyone or anything take me away from the things I love. You reach the age of 25 and you really do stop caring about what people think and start becoming more comfortable with yourself. 

Next semester will be the start of my Senior year of college. I’m down to just a few course class and a fine arts elective. It just so happens there’s a guitar class there so I only look to further my education in the next few months. Maybe sometime again I’ll be able to put out music again. 

[derek612]

Intercultural Communication Field Study Project

Applying Intercultural Communication in the SHINE Program

The Hubbs Center for adult basic education is located in St. Paul Minnesota. The school provides a number of services from job training to GED programs, to basic English and math courses. My time was spent with adult immigrant students in English Learning Level (ELL) 1-3 courses. I began when their Summer semester began on Thursday, June 22 until classes ended on August 10 from 8:15 A.M-10:30 A.M..

Students came from many backgrounds with a range of educational experiences.  Some were in their early-20’s while others were closer to middle age. This made for a challenging, yet enriching environment to work. There were three students in attendance on the first day that were Level 1 but that class was merged with Levels 2 and 3 classes that saw the class list balloon to over twenty.

This created an interesting dynamic. Finding a way to keep the higher level students engaged while ensuring the lower level students didn’t fall behind was a challenge for both myself and the teacher. We were largely able to accomplish this as I would assist with the lesson and then float over to the Level 1 students to make sure they were keeping pace. Some of the students were more intimidated than others by my presence, possibly due to their own confidence in their abilities and unfamiliarity with me.

Comfort and familiarity seemed to be a common theme in this environment. Students of the same cultural backgrounds sat with each other, rarely mixing groups. This way, students had their ingroups around them in case they needed help figuring something out. For instance, I assisted with an in-class test going from table-to-table to test these students. I came to a table of Somali students and quizzed the first student who quickly grasped the concept. When I began to test the student next to her, he had trouble understanding the instruction. I knew he was a capable learner who did well in class, so clearly I wasn’t explaining the directions properly. The woman who I had just tested intervened and was able to explain what to do in Somali and then things clicked for him. Had he been sitting with people who weren’t a part of his ingroup, I may not have been able to test him properly.

What was interesting was the location these groups sat in. There were no assigned seats but tables of African students sat together in the back while those of Hispanic and Asian descent sat in the front. It was as if there was an unspoken seating chart and students would drift to their seats every Thursday morning.

In strict Islamic cultures, mixed interactions between unmarried men and women are frowned upon. Younger Muslim women in their hijabs would occasionally sit with men but they usually sat together. This was uncommon among the older Muslim women who would sit at tables with a majority of women rather than a table mixed with men. These women, younger or older, would wear the traditional hijab as is custom with some Islamic cultures.

The students’ day would then begin with signing in on a sign-in sheet and then we would go over the date and the weather as a class so that students could learn the proper format for giving the date and days of the week. It was also helpful to go over things like weather that students were learning anyway because it gave them additional practice. From there, the day’s lesson would begin.

My time at Hubbs Center was an interesting exercise in cultural relativism and understanding how to work with intercultural groups in order to accomplish a goal.

As I mentioned above, the class contained students of varying skill levels. I regularly had a small group of students that were near the beginning of learning English. Once we got through the greeting, the teacher would have me take the same two students to the Learning Lab. This was a room with a few computers and workstations that enabled us to have a quiet area to practice their basic skills.

The first student was a 24-year old from Thailand. Like all of the students, she was a hard worker but was struggling with the basic concepts of the language. I had found out after one private session that she had no previous schooling in Thailand. She said there were no schools in Thailand and she hadn’t had formal schooling before going to church with her husband. Despite not having formal schooling, she was still literate; her writing was fine and she could read slowly.

The other student was a 22-year old Tanzanian man. He, too, struggled with English. When we would go over the alphabet, he struggled with some of the sounds of the letters. In particular, the letter “U” gave him trouble as it makes an “oo” sound in his native language compared to the “you” sound in English. One day he told me that English was confusing. It was so unlike the languages he knew: Swahili and French. When we would practice the alphabet, he kept answering that the letter “U” made an “ooh” sound. This was understandable since this was how he had been pronouncing the letter his entire life and was attempting to reprogram his brain to learn another way. He was simultaneously using two different languages to decode the letter.

This gave me a good jumping off point in helping him. When he would have trouble locating the letter “U”, I told him to find “ooh” and reminded him of the difference. He was eventually able to consistently recognize the letter and properly speak and spell words containing the letter. Had I looked at this ethnocentrically, I may have thought he was less intelligent because he couldn’t understand this simple concept. Looking at the situation through an ethno relativist's perspective, it was clear that the opposite was true as his brain was juggling multiple languages at the same time.

Our twenty-minute sessions would end in time for us three to rejoin the class for computer lab time. This was also a fascinating cultural experience in computer literacy. I was introduced to computers in the first grade, which was not the case for many of the students. Students had a range of computer literacy. Some could log in and get to the online lesson independently while others required step-by-step assistance. Students were proficient in class with a paper and pen were challenged by the use of computers. Others thrived on the computer but struggled in-class.

Given the rapid evolution of globalized technology, computer literacy is critical, especially in the United States. Learning to competently use a computer is a skill that all of these students will likely need. All of these students are young enough where they will likely be working for the next 10-15 years. Sometimes my role was to help them type the username and password and others it was on how to use a mouse to be able to sign in. Not knowing how to use a computer could make everything from finding work to getting directions to a friend’s house difficult.

Computer literacy seemed to have little correlation to age, though the younger students tended to pick up computer instructions quick. Using a relativist’s perspective to remember that not everyone should already know these skills was important because not everyone grew up with the same education. Seventy percent of North Americans have access to the internet while around ten percent of Africans have it. (Ting and Toomey p.240). Older African students commonly struggled with using the computer to access and complete their lessons and often required extra attention. Some younger North African students even struggled while a Vietnamese student in his early-20’s comfortably completed the tasks independently. For some, this class was their first exposure to computers. How were they supposed to understand something they had never done before? There certainly was some uncertainty avoidance among the students who were not familiar with computers.

Another interesting dynamic is who would speak up in the classroom. Certain students seemed more inclined to raise their hand or more comfortable to be called on for answers. The Asian students were typically softer-spoken than their other classmates but would answer questions confidently. The answers were succinct and rarely spoke out of turn. Minh, the Vietnamese student would enter and leave class, there was always a hello and goodbye greeting with little else. This was, to me, an example of a high context culture since this could sometimes be a simple wave of the hand and a head nod.

The African students were the least shy among the class. Perhaps it was because their ingroup was the largest and they were more comfortable but you rarely had to see someone struggle quietly. If a student had a question, they would typically raise their hand and say excuse me to get my attention or tap my on the arm as I walked by. However, this was never done disrespectfully as cultures like Somali greatly value respect and approximately half of the class were from Somalia. The men typically spoke more than the women but both genders contributed to class discussions.

What may have been as big of a factor as culture in determining who spoke up more, would be simple confidence. The higher level students were typically the most vocal and would speak loudly and confidently. Meanwhile, the beginning students were most quiet, answering softly with little conviction in their voices. In a way not to make anyone too uncomfortable, I would float over to those students to make sure they were following along all right. They often had the correct answers but didn’t have the same inclination to speak out as some of their other students. I’ve had international students in classes that were also hesitant to speak up because they lacked confidence in their English speaking ability. Therefore, I don’t feel as if this was atypical for students in the early stages of learning the language.

The best example of this may have come in class on July 20. We were learning about apartments and housing that day and one of the tasks was for the students to practice vocabulary. To do that, the teacher wanted the students to discuss amongst themselves their living situation. This could include whether they live in a house or apartment, how many rooms they have, who they live with, and the like. The teacher and I asked the students to pair up to do this assignment. We were getting nowhere and one of the students who was one of the better English speakers told us that it would help for us to give an example. The teacher and I went to the front of the class and demonstrated what was to be done. Sure enough, students began coming up to the front of the class to participate. It was a great example of being open to new ideas and getting students of all skill levels to get involved.

This level of confidence would also depend on how much help students wanted. Some would just need a simple clarification while others would want me to sit through the entire assignment with them. I would just give them the answers to the assignments as they would learn less from that but it also wasn’t feasible in a class of twenty. Using examples and walking through one or two questions with them was typically enough to help them gain the confidence to finish the assignment.

My time at Hubbs Center was immensely rewarding. In just a few short weeks, I learned a lot about the journey of these men and women to the United States as they learned English. No matter where they were from, the students were intelligent and highly motivated; each one of them wanted to be great. Whether they were a beginner or intermediate level student, I feel that every student gained something from my time at the center. Seeing the growth from the students when they achieved something they previously couldn’t was a joy.

For me, it reinforced the lessons I learned in class about high and low context cultures and strengthening my cultural relativist’s perspective. It also cemented my belief that those who begin a new life in a new country are to be welcomed and respected. Just because they don’t have a firm command on our language doesn’t make them less-intelligent than us. There are those who may not have had formal education or are refugees that deserve our empathy. There are others who have to begin again despite carrying degrees in their former country and speaking multiple languages that also deserve our empathy.

Most of all, everyone deserves our patience and respect. It’s what we would all want if we were forced to leave our homeland or if we chose to leave for a place that is culturally diametrically opposed to ours. When we do, we open ourselves to a broader worldview and a better understanding of the world around us.

[derek612]

Why do we mourn those we don’t know?

It was a familiar refrain. I woke from my midday nap and checked my phone to see messages from friends about Linkin Park and Chester Bennington. This kind of thing has happened a lot recently. Whether it was Scott Weiland or Chris Cornell, my phone lit up with each untimely passing. Although we didn’t see Bennington’s death coming -- something you rarely do with suicides -- I still wasn’t surprised. These last 18 months or so have seen so much death in the music community. 

“Why do we mourn musicians and people we’ve never met,” I wondered. 

Much like most of my Facebook feed, we grew up with bands like Linkin Park. You would be hard pressed to find someone who graduated high school in the mid-2000′s who didn’t own a copy of Hybrid Theory. Music has a great way of letting us know we’re not alone and that there’s someone else going through the same things we are. I guess there’s a strength to be found in knowing that it does get better and work itself out. 

Each of these losses has stung. Whether it was Weiland, Cornell, Bowie, Phife, Bennington, or Prince this is true. Our music connects us to our culture and helps give us our identity. We remember those whose art impacted our lives. Losing one of these creators means losing that part of ourselves and that can be hard. 

I pulled out my copy of Hybrid Theory this morning. Listening to it was somewhat difficult. Parts of it are like someone reading their suicide note. The track “Crawling” particularly does: 

Crawling in my skin / these wounds they will not heal / fear is how I fall/confusing what is real

There’s something inside me that pulls beneath the surface / consuming, confusing / this lack of self-control I fear is never ending/controlling I can’t seem to find myself again/ my walls are closing in 

Without a sense of confidence, I’m convinced there’s just too much pressure to take / I’ve felt this way before / so insecure

Anyone, including myself, who has ever dealt with anxiety depression has probably felt like this. Your thoughts are irrational and they can be confusing and be consuming. You can’t just turn them off. Depression is something that doesn’t just get better with age. Chances are if you were a depressed 8th grader listening to Linkin Park, you may be dealing with the same issues as you grow. You may understand them better and learn to manage them better but they rarely go away entirely. 

Depression doesn’t discriminate based on status, wealth, race, gender, or religion. 

Suffering sexual abuse as a child gave Chester Bennington real wounds and those traumatic events can have lasting effects on the victim. He struggled with drugs and alcohol, much like his heroes Weiland and Cornell did. They were the same demons that eventually led to their own deaths. Bennington was just an angry young adult; he was telling us what it was like to be him and many of us were drawn to that vulnerability. 

--

While Linkin Park’s recent work didn’t compel me to listen as I did in the early days, I revisited his music last night. The man was so damn talented, more than just a screamer. Here he is with Stone Temple Pilots performing the ballad “Wonderful” on the 2001 Family Values tour. He shows his range in this performance of Temple of the Dog’s “Hunger Strike” with Chris Cornell; his baritone wasn’t heard often but he nails it. 

One of the most poignant performances I came across was his rendition of “Hallelujah” at Cornell’s funeral just a few weeks ago. And it would be on Cornell’s birthday Bennington’s life would come to an end. 

This is said every time a death occurs but talk to someone if you need help. There are those who will listen without judgment and want to help. There are people who want you in this world. Life can be hard but you matter and are worth it. 

[derek612]

2016: A Personal Year of Uncomfortable Change

A lot of people complained about the negatives of 2016. While there certainly were some low points, by the time it was over it was a step forward for me. 

If anything, 2016 was a year of uncomfortable change for me. 

By December of 2015, I was fed up with my career path in that I no longer had a viable one. When I searched for jobs, all I could get were mediocre sales jobs, work with mediocre pay that cut into my personal life, or both. 

I decided to end my two-year hiatus from school and transferred to Metropolitan State University in 2016. I had spent that time trying to make car sales work for me long-term but it never will because it’s not a passion. Going back to school gave me direction and a purpose in life again and now a Junior, I can see the finish line ahead. 

I realized this year that I had a thirst for knowledge and learning. In my two years away, i felt like I wasn’t growing as a person or bettering myself. Even when I had been writing, I felt as if I wasn’t improving. And now, I feel as if I’m better suited to pursue my passion. 

In Fall of 2011 I was Dean’s List and Honor’s Society. Ever since then my grades had slowly trended down. I was in the wrong programs. When I was in fitness, the only program was in physical education but I didn’t want to be an educator. In business, I was drowning in Econ classes I never understood and other courses I had no interest in. 

Now, I’ve put up back-to-back semesters with a 3.5+ GPA for the first time ever. It feels good to be successful at something you care about. 

I’ll never forget July 26th. This was the day I was let go from my job and ex-girlfriend broke up with me. I was miserable every day at my job and in the final weeks had debated even showing up some days. On other days, I’d go to lunch and wonder what would happen if I just didn’t come back. Being let go was a huge positive. 

Having no relationship at the same time allowed me to reconnect with old friends. In my three weeks between jobs, I was able to reconnect with friends I’d fallen out of touch with. I found a job working with great people that I can work for until graduation and met someone new and great. 

While all of these things seemed harrowing that day, it’s the most memorable day of the year for me. Sometimes things have to fall apart for new things to come together. Without it, I wasn’t able to take that next step in life. 

So, I’m looking forward to 2017. I’m looking forward to using this as a year to set the table for my future. With graduation coming in 2018, this will be an important year to make sure that 1) that happens; and 2) that I’m in the best position possible after school. 

[derek612]

When Rape Culture and Sports Culture Collide

Years ago on Twitter, I saw one of my follower's tweet that we must teach our boys not to rape. I thought that was odd. Rape is widely regarded as bad and everyone knows that. Why would you ever need to tell someone that? 

Then I thought back to the sex talk my mother gave me. After the Birds and the Bees 101, she taught me and my sister what rape was. It was brutal and horrific but was effective in teaching me the importance of consent. As I grew older, I came to understand that I’m not entitled to anyone’s body any more than anyone is entitled to mine. 

Whether we’re taught why rape is bad or simply held as a generally accepted societal evil, we’re continually reminded that we’re missing something each time a new sexual assault case surfaces. 

With regards to the current sexual assault scandal at the University of Minnesota, we’re seeing how issues of toxic masculinity and consent come into play. 

In the aftermath of the suspensions of the 10 players, there has been much talk of brotherhood. If you wondered why so many people could have been watching the sexual assault of a woman and do nothing, the idea of fraternity is why. These are your brothers. How could they go into battle with you on gameday if you won’t participate in the bonding rituals off of the field? To show that you can be trusted to show your dominance on the field, you must show that you can do it on the field. 

Speaking out against this assault would’ve carried cultural circumstances in the locker room that clearly outweighed the moral obligation to do what’s right. Trying to break it up, clear the room, and get the woman to safety would’ve made anyone a pariah on the team. Shamefully, those looking on chose to disregard their moral obligation in the name of “the brotherhood.” 

At the root of this is dehumanization. Seemingly, this is college football recruiting culture: bring in a recruit, have him hang out with the team, and show them a good time. Based on the stories that have emerged following, this extends to parties and sexual acts as well. 

The problem with this is women are treated like a prize or a commodity within this culture rather than a human being. It’s a lot easier to engage in something like gang rape when you don’t view the person lying there to be an equal. In fact, history has shown that whether it’s rape, hate crimes, or to an extreme, genocide, that horrible things can be done when a group feels that another is less than them.

Jessica Luther points out something interesting in her book, Unsportsmanlike Conduct: College Football and the Politics of Rape. In addition to saying that 40 percent of the hundreds of cases she studied were gang rapes, Luther says: 

“These players and their bodies have often been treated like ‘objects or commodities’ for others’  consumption, says Heather Corinna, a sexuality activist and founder of Scarleteen, a site dedicated to providing sex education and resources to young adults. This becomes a problem outside of just football when we think about how programs teach these men about exploiting people also teach them that women exist for their pleasure and as potential prizes for choosing the right school to attend.”  (Luther 2016)

Of course, the exploitation of players she refers to occurs with the school or conference making millions off of their free labor. If you are worthy of being recruited, you are told early on that you’re great and important. We saw clearly how the 17-year-old recruit was shadowing the son of a former NFL player and his rewards or prizes for choosing the Gophers. Ergo, the young woman in that room was no longer a human being but an incentive and example of what could be if he chooses to play for Minnesota. 

Cases like this have been happening for decades and are hardly something exclusive to the University of Minnesota. A part of the reason for the outcry on the side of the poor football players who have to miss a football game is that the university’s decision challenges the power traditionally given to athletes. The university’s decision to suspend its players in advance of its bowl games showed a higher priority of human decency over athletics-- something uncommon in the handling of sexual assault. 

Suspending the players before the bowl game challenged the fraternal power structure of college athletics. If you don’t think so, look at the team’s threatened boycott of the bowl game in solidarity. Look at former players like Tyrone Carter digging in on the side of the players involved. Look at the unsurprising victim blaming occurring. People tend to freak out whenever the power balance appears to be threatened. 

This isn’t to say that I’m praising the University of Minnesota for their handling. The alleged incident occurred in early September and had spent weeks investigating. Would these suspensions have been handed down before the team had secured a bowl game? After all, college athletics is a business and a very lucrative one at that. Would the school have done the “right thing” at the risk of losing bowl money? 

With regards to consent, it matters little what she was wearing or how much she was drinking. A woman could walk naked and blackout drunk into a room for men and not have it be a justification for rape. Ever. Whether anyone knew or previously had relations with the victim is irrelevant; one-time consent is not all-time consent.  Nor should a woman have to alter where she goes and when men could simply, I don’t know, not rape.

At the end of the day, this was on the players who consciously chose to engage in a gang rape.  This occurred because these men felt entitled and that she was something, not someone, that they deserved. 

How powerless must if have felt to be surrounded by 10 college football players and all of them having only their best interests in mind. There would be no point in running or screaming when you’re surrounded by these imposing figures who you believe to be against you. 

They could have left her alone to sleep it off or found her a ride home. Instead, they chose to rape. Not one spoke out and said what was happening was wrong, which would have been the only way to prevent this rape. 

Sadly, this will have little effect on these players’ lives. Historically, players in these situations are able to transfer and start anew, or if they’re good enough, go on to an NFL career. There are very few ramifications or consequences for these actions. 

In Luther’s book, she mentions that in 1989 two Oklahoma players were convicted of raping a fellow student. One of the players, Nigel Clay, later said to the Los Angeles Times (1992) that, “I don’t know how to say it, but, bottom line, I just felt that sometimes, walking around...well, speaking for myself and a lot of other people, we felt like we were above the law...like OU would protect us from anything.” 

For the victim, they have to live with the trauma for the rest of their lives. They don’t get to just “move on” and put it in the back of their mind. For the victim, they’re left to years of therapy and learning to trust again. 

They’ll rationalize what happened as their fault when their loved ones will tell them this wasn’t their fault. 

They’ll apologize to their partner in a consensual relationship for not wanting to have sex. 

As many as 1-in-5 women have been victims of sexual assault. There are at least a dozen I can think of off of the top of my head and likely dozens more that I don’t know of. The same goes for anyone reading this. Rape culture is very real and endangers many that care so much about. 

Reversing rape culture starts with all of us and the conversations we have with our boys. It starts with us adult men and what we do when we see or hear rape culture. As always, we cannot expect those with the least power to change a culture. No, it comes from those with the power choosing to use it to make the least empowered equal. 

[derek612]

Essay: America’s College Tuition System Fails to Make the Grade

The last time this many 18-34 year olds lived with their parents, the United States had yet to enter World War II. According to a study by Pew Social Trends in 2016, 35 percent of 18-34 year olds lived at home with their parents. By 1960, that number dropped to just 20 percent (Pew 2016). In 2014, 32.1 percent were found to be living with their parents versus 31.6 living on their own.

So what’s with these millennials? Are they simply too lazy? Do they not want to be independent? These are types of attacking questions that today’s young adults are bombarded with. These types of questions are often unfair and insulting.

Many millennials graduate from college to an unwelcoming job market. Ben St. Clair of the Washington Post wrote in June that, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 5.7 percent of men 25-34 are unemployed compared to 4.7 percent of older men (St. Clair). Many companies favor experienced candidates, which poses a challenge for recent college graduates who spent their early twenties earning their degrees to get jobs. How can you live comfortably on your own with college debt and being forced into low paying jobs or internships?

Yet, education is a factor here. The same Pew study shows that 36 percent of millennials without a Bachelor’s degree were living at home versus 27 percent with a spouse or partner. In comparison, 19 percent of those with a college education still lived with their parents. St. Clair points out that a Bachelor’s degree creates a $17,000 advantage in annual salary,  which is money that could be used to rent an apartment or buy a house.

Studies also show that more millennials are delaying marriage or simply living with a nonmarital partner. One of the factors, aside from the expense of starting a family, according to the Pew study, is that young women view a steady job as an important trait in a partner. Heteronormativity aside, this is compounded by the stagnating annual incomes, job market, and rising housing costs. In the past, many people moved out of their parents home and in with a partner or spouse. It’s not as if millennials don’t want to live independently but it’s more difficult now than it has been in decades.

While the educated are statistically better off than the less-educated, there is still a problem.  According, to St. Clair, “rents rise faster than wages,” which makes it difficult to establish independence when coupled with an arduous job market. What’s problematic is that the median annual salary has remained nearly unchanged for thirty years. Per DaveManuel.com, the median household income in 1986 was $51,329 when adjusted for inflation. With inflation, the median income jumps all the way to $53,657. With rising housing and living costs, a $2,000 growth is insufficient for establishing a household. After all, your dollar went further ten years ago at the grocery store than it does today, no less a house.

Finding a single cure all solution to this problem may not be possible, but what could help is affordable college tuition for all students.

Graduating college today means taking on massive debt. Fifty years ago, some people were able to work and pay for their college simultaneously. Those days are long gone. Tuition costs have soared along with living and housing costs. Per Bigfuture.CollegeBoard.org, a private four-year college costs an average of  $32,410 per year. For an out-of-state student at a public college, they’re looking at an average of $23,890 per year. Now multiply those figures by four and you have a generation of financially handicapped adults. Holding a job that enables you to pay off those tuition figures as well as enough leftover to live off of is unrealistic.

Our high school graduates shouldn’t have to decide whether to live with crippling debt to attend college or to enter the workforce and earn substantially less than their peers. This was the choice that I had to ask myself when I went back to school six years ago. In the end, I chose the debt over struggling to make ends meet while working unsatisfying jobs for the rest of my life. You either choose to roll the dice and hope your degree earns you a job to pay back your loans, or go straight to the workforce to hopefully find a job that might allow you to work your way to a comfortable wage. It’s not an easy choice to make and one that requires a higher level of understanding than 18-year olds typically have.

According to J. Maureen Henderson of Forbes, 57 percent of millennials regret how much they borrowed and one-third said they would have skipped college altogether if they knew before what the final bill would be. These statistics are troubling and exemplify the double-edged sword of choosing between debt or diminished earning potential. Knowing that your best chance to live a good life is through a mountain of debt is a tough pill for many to swallow in hindsight.

Making college affordable to everyone would also mean not pricing out the less-fortunate. We saw above from the Pew study how education makes a significant difference in income. As a result, affordable tuition means more earning potential and buying power to live independently. Education should not be solely for the wealthy. Those coming from lower income families would be able to send their kids to college and in turn lead a better life. If a family has to choose between a roof over their head or spending an average of  $3,440 per year on a two-year public college, which do you think they’re going to choose? This is just another terrible choice we ask our high school graduates to make every year.

Politicians like Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton have proposed this idea recently. Clinton’s plan would provide affordable tuition to students of families that make less than $125,000 per year that attend in-state schools. However, this plan has its drawbacks. Her policy would add $500 billion to the $19.7 trillion national debt, according to the Committee for a Responsible Federal Budget. Adding back onto the national debt after reducing it in recent years is understandably unappealing. Yet, other countries are able to provide affordable college to their citizens.

Germany was able to offer free tuition to most of its citizens in 2014. This was achieved in part by subsidizing the expense to taxpayers. Taxpayers in Germany are paying 37 percent more to foot the bill, says Jon Marcus of HechingerReport.com. This isn’t dissimilar to Clinton’s plan, who wants to use tax dollars from the wealthiest Americans to support her plan.

Many other countries offer free college. Norway, Sweden, France, and Finland are among the others. A common thread among them is a higher tax rate, though that’s not the sole reason. Comparatively, the United States has a higher post high school education rate than most of these countries. The U.S. also has a lower tax rate than all of them. However, that could be seen as artificial when the government is profiting from interest on thousands of dollars on millions of loans. Is charging an interest rate fundamentally different than a tax when 94 percent of U.S. high school graduates go on to higher education? This isn’t like Germany where that number is only 62 percent of graduates and some feel it’s unfair to pay for a benefit that not enough are utilizing.

Whether it’s “free college education” or “affordable college education,” reform is needed. The United States has one of the highest college enrollment rates in the world and the highest expenses. We can choose to deride an entire generation and ignore the realities of rising living costs with a median annual income that inhibits independent living or we can change. If we truly are the greatest nation, then we are not helpless. Just because this is the way we’ve always done it doesn’t mean there isn’t a better way.

Works Cited

1)Fry, Richard. "For First Time in Modern Era, Living With Parents Edges Out Other Living Arrangements for 18- to 34-Year-Olds." Pew Research Centers Social Demographic Trends Project RSS. N.p., 2016. Web. 09 Nov. 2016.

2) "The Real Reason so Many millennials Are Living at Home." Washington Post. The Washington Post, n.d. Web. 09 Nov. 2016

3) Manuel, Dave. "Median Household Income in the United States."DaveManuel.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 09 Nov. 2016.

4) Promises and Price Tags: An Update.” Committee for a Responsible Federal Budget, 22 Sept. 2016, crfb.org/papers/promises-and-price-tags-preliminary-update.

5) hechingerreport. "How Free College Tuition in One Country Exposes Unexpected Pros and Cons - The Hechinger Report." The Hechinger Report. N.p., 2016. Web. 09 Nov. 2016.

6) Jackson, Abby. "'Free' College in Europe Isn't Really Free." Business Insider. Business Insider, Inc, 2015. Web. 09 Nov. 2016.

7) Henderson, J. Maureen. “The Scary Truth About millennialsd And Student Loan Debt.”Forbes, Forbes Magazine, 7 Apr. 2016, www.forbes.com/sites/jmaureenhenderson/2016/04/07/the-scary-truth-about-millennials-and-student-loan-debt/#6c01ea9ab8ae

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As men, we cannot stay silent on “locker room talk” any longer

This has been a saddening, disappointing, and frustrating week following the release of Donald Trump’s video bragging about sexually assaulting women. As so often happens with these conversations, people get off-topic. False correlations to the Fifty Shades of Gray books in Facebook memes get passed around. The problem here isn’t the use of words like “pussy”; it’s our views towards women and sexual assault. 

The first side is the “This is just how men talk,” or as Trump put it, “locker room talk.” This argument errs dangerously close to the “boys will be boys” attitude that dismisses the action of men whether they’re boys pulling a girl’s hair on the playground or a grown man bragging about forcing himself on to women. If your idea of masculinity is demeaning and degrading women, then it’s toxic. 

As a man this is insulting. You shouldn’t need to have a daughter, sister, mother, wife, etc. to find these attitudes repulsive. You shouldn’t need a qualifier to not dehumanize and disrespect people. 

Most of all, there are women in everyone’s life that are survivors of sexual assault. Off of the top of my head, I can think of at least a dozen women that I know who have been victims of sexual assault and likely many more that I’m unaware of. From the conversation I’ve seen since these comments, seeing men attempt to defend and justify these comments is difficult, as it should be. Seeing men in your own life who you may call a friend, coworker, or even a relative defend the same casual attitude and entitlement  that their attacker had would be hard to deal with. How could you trust that person on a deeper level? 

1-in-5 women will be a victim of sexual violence in their lifetime. My experience in life backs this up. I’ve seen how it changes their behaviors, where they go and when, how they handle intimacy and more. Read the stories of women in the article; many of them involved being sexualized before they were even old enough to understand sexuality. Words like Trump’s are not to be taken lightly or dismissed as “locker room talk” when our words translate to actions that impact lives. 

This isn’t to say that no one should talk about sex. However, there is a big difference between talking about consensual sex and someone exploiting their power non-consensually on another person. The latter is why people are offended, not the word “pussy.” No one is entitled to another person’s body regardless of their power or status.

On the other side are the men who say not all men talk that way. While true, this does nothing to address the problem. Making sure to point out #NotAllMen is far from productive and happens every time that women share their stories. While the men who point these things out are well-meaning allies, this energy would be better spent listening than explaining themselves. 

What can we do? The change starts with us as men. You can’t shift the balance of power by asking the less-empowered to change; the change comes from the empowered sharing their power. Here’s what I mean. 

As a man who “doesn’t talk that way,” do you check other men when they are bragging about forcing themselves on a woman or expressing entitlement to sex? Do you sit by silently when a healthy conversation about sex veers towards unhealthy, dangerous attitudes towards women? When you hear that certain uncle or coworker dehumanizing women, do you say something? Or do you stay silent for fear of confrontation or being made fun of? 

It’s not an easy thing to do but the change has to start with us. If so many of us say that these attitudes aren’t ok, we can’t be passive. We know that these conversations do happen, though not always around us. But when we are around to hear and see these things, we need to say something. Aside from being the right thing to do, you never know who else is paying attention. 

If we truly believe in gender equality, the change starts with us. 

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Things I’ve Learned

The last four weeks have been among the most challenging in my life. On the same day, I was let go from my previous job and saw my relationship end. My life plan had suddenly changed. In fact, there was no longer a plan. I felt lost and uncertain about the future. 

I realized that day would become one that I would point to as a turning point in my life. Change is inevitable. It can turn your world upside down and force you out of your comfort zone. There’s a fear of the unknown in the moment you realize you no longer have a plan. But a single moment can provide you with a greater clarity of your new direction. 

I couldn’t immediately grasp the reasons for my detour. There was already a perfectly good plan in place, I thought. But I had a lot to learn from that day. July 27, 2016, is a day I now recognize as a turning point. These are some things I’ve learned and realized since then. 

Don’t work somewhere for the money alone. I spent a year of my life in a place I didn’t fit in. Surround yourself with people who make you better and appreciate what you have to offer. I made more money than I ever had at my last job and have never been more miserable. I spent a year of my life being an outsider doing passionless work just because of a paycheck. 

Have passion. When you can do something that you enjoy with people who appreciate your gifts, you’re going to end the day fulfilled. Having people who value you only makes you want to give more. I don’t remember the last time I felt as eager to go to work as I do in my new job. It’s great; I feel like myself again. In turn, I’m more enthusiastic and am more productive at work. 

If you’re unhappy at your job, find a new one. I began looking for a new job last December after being upset over being sent to training after four months of employment. In addition, I met with an advisor at my current school. Yet, I didn’t make a move for five more months. I thought things might improve, forgetting that anything that’s meant to be shouldn’t be forced. 

Things improved slightly. Then they got worse and eventually let go. I unnecessarily spent so many nights after work agitated and frustrated, and for what? A job that I didn’t enjoy in a place I didn’t belong? Looking back, my happiness wasn’t worth the paycheck. 

Burn as few bridges as possible. At some point in life, we’re all going to need to be thrown a lifesaver. Building relationships and connections with people are important. This is especially true with employment. Making sure that you leave a positive impression behind is key since you don’t know when you’ll come across those people again. When you do, you may be the one in need. 

Searching for greener pastures is a natural thing; there’s nothing wrong with making a move to better your life. Someday, it may be the people from your past that break your fall. 

It’s ok to take some time for yourself. When I was stocking grocieries, I had tons of unused vacation time. Now, getting a week is a challenge. This time is important for your own well-being and something I neglected for years. I was unemployed for three weeks when it could have been just over a week. This was time I was going to take for myself. I bought concert tickets and took a road trip. I probably should have been working but taking that time was more important. 

I don’t regret it. I saw friends that I hadn’t seen in awhile. I went new places and tried new things. Ok, fine, I watched a lot of Netflix too. But my extended vacation paid off: I came into my first day of work feeling refreshed and recharged.  

There’s nothing wrong with making yourself a priority. I had a coworker at my last job who told me I needed to stay late even if it meant missing classes. My reply was unapologetic for being against this. All he could do was shrug his shoulders like, “Well?” Let’s be clear: I’m not spending thousands of dollars on a degree just for fun. 

I feared so much for my job security -- in hindsight, I don’t know why -- that I tried to keep my returning to school a secret from my managers. If they knew I was in school, they’d know I wasn’t staying. Then one day at Saturday lunch, I let it slip. I was so unhappy that I no longer feared the consequences. Sitting with my manager and another coworker, they asked what I did in my spare time. I knew they imagined me as some childless 20-something that played video games and went out all the time. I said that I work and go to school. 

Nine days later, I was let go. Being back in school and writing part-time were both reasons cited for letting me go. It wasn’t malicious; they wanted me to be “free” to pursue something I enjoyed. I had never been more relieved but it was even more clear that my self-betterment was not supported. 

After that experience, I went into my job search looking for a place that would work with my class schedule. And I did. Interviewing for my new job with my former managers, I was very candid about this. I was upfront about not looking for a career and my education being most important. This time, it wasn’t an issue. 

I’m not worried about anyone else now. I know that if I improve myself, the rest will fall in place down the line. I’d feel selfish about this if I didn’t belive this is what needs to happen for the next two-ish years. 

Atmosphere and environment are important. This is something that is hard to quantify. It’s a feeling when you know something is right. For me, this has been driving 12 minutes to the gym rather than the club that’s six minutes away because I feel more inspired there. It’s being in a school that motivates me by simply walking through the doors. It’s being in a work place that makes you feel like you’re a part of a team. 

Maybe this one is nonsense but when you don’t have to convince yourself something is right, it’s probably right. You may not be able to explain or measure it but you know. For the first time in weeks, I feel as if the direction I’m taking is right. This may not be how I expected to get here but feel as if I’m right where I belong.

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Arts Review: Holy Schnikes! It’s an Arts Review!

(Author’s Note: This essay hasn’t been graded so I have no idea how good this is but wanted to post anyway. Enjoy!)

When you think of classic 90s comedies, among the first to come to mind are Dumb and Dumber, Mrs. Doubtfire, and Tommy Boy (1995). Tommy Boy cements its legacy as one of the decade’s best with great performances from Chris Farley and David Spade, quotable lines, and a classic coming of age tale.

Arguably the best dynamic in the film is between Tommy Callahan and Richard Hayden (Spade). Having graduated after seven years, Tommy lands a job at his father’s company, Callahan Auto. When he arrives back home he is picked up from the airport by Richard, who is the antithesis of Tommy. Richard is serious, by-the-book, and all business. Whereas Tommy is immature, feebleminded, and amateurish. 

The film makes this clear early as Tommy’s flight was late, leaving Richard to wait at the airport without even a phone call letting him know he was delayed. On the drive back to meet his father, Tommy leaves a bag of M&M’s on the dashboard to pour inside of Richard’s classic car after being warned not to eat in the car. As the plot unfolds, we only see more examples of this odd couple pairing.

Tommy and Richard work well together, not only because of their diametrically opposed personalities, but their physical statures. Anyone who remembers the late Chris Farley knows that he was a large man. Dissimilarly, Spade has always had a thin frame. This leads to plenty of humor later on as Tommy tries on Richard’s much smaller suit jacket and says, “Fat guy in a little coat,” in a sing-song voice before accidentally ripping it.

“Fat guy in a little coat” is only one of many quotable lines. Tommy has his own signature “Holy Shnikes!” catchphrase that is rhymes with ‘moldy Nikes.’ Richard’s biting sarcasm is exemplified many times when he asked what number Tommy called to let him know he’d be late at asks if he called from a walky talky when Tommy trails off after saying “niner.” Tommy also asks Richard if his suit makes him look fat to which he replies, “No, your face does.”

A central part of the plot is Tommy growing into his father’s shoes, which leads to him copying his trademark “I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take a butcher's word for it.” line. The comedy here comes in Tommy learning how to say it the right way as his confidence grows over the course of the film’s run time. The film’s writers reward the viewer with memorable scene after memorable scene that takes multiple viewings to remember all of its lines.

Tommy Boy is ultimately a coming of age story wrapped in comedic sensibilities. The tension in the story comes from having to save the family business from his con artist relatives. Doing so will require Tommy to grow up and stand in his father’s shoes. Should he fail to do this, the company is sold, the factory is shut down, and many jobs are loss. Tommy and Richard also have to learn to work together to secure a new contract that would save the company. This often proves to be challenging for both men. There is plenty of sarcasm, some frustration, but ultimately a feel good ending.

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Interview Essay with Steve McPherson: From Music, to Fiction, to Basketball

“I think more than what you write about, you have to love writing. If you love the attention or the access or whatever is secondary to the actual job, you will eventually burn out,” said Steve McPherson. “I'm not saying I won't eventually burn out, but if you can try to always return to the act of writing and find satisfaction in that, it will be a lot easier.”

McPherson’s love for the craft of writing has taken him many  places. His work as an NBA writer has been published by outlets that include Rolling Stone, Vice Sports, 1500 ESPN, and more. The Minnesota Timberwolves have also issued him a season media credential to cover home games live.

However, sports were not his original muse. Born to two music loving parents, McPherson grew up and passed that on. This led to studying music as an undergraduate at Wesleyan University in Connecticut. McPherson continued his music career as a full-time musician after graduation. He ran his band Catfish Blue, where he did a share of the booking and running rehearsals. In addition, he also designed the band’s website and managing the mailing list. McPherson immersed himself into the industry further by working in various record stores and a record label to supplement his income.  It would be music, not sports,  that led him to pursue writing professionally.

“When I moved to the Twin Cities in 2004, I studied graphic design at MCAD for a year. Toward the very end of that year, I was introduced to David de Young, who ran the website howwastheshow.com. He was lamenting about how no one wanted to review local bands, just do the national acts so they could get in for free,” said McPherson. “I was a huge fan of local music (as well as being a musician myself), so I volunteered for it. No pay, of course, but I wrote a handful of show reviews and then started writing for the now-defunct weekly Pulse of the Twin Cities. Since then, I haven't really stopped writing, even though I've gone from music to fiction and now basketball.”

McPherson enjoys subjects that lead him into interesting, unconventional, or underexplored facets of a certain topic.

“I like the chance to explore odd angles on the game itself, which I feel like basketball lends itself particularly well to, for some reason,” said McPherson. “ From the beginning, I was always chasing after clarifying for myself how I saw the game, and I guess I've just been fortunate that other people have seemed to enjoy following me as I did it.

As the father of a four-year old and an infant, he often has to juggle parenting duties with writing duties. This is what a typical writing day is like for him.

“I'm a morning writer -- plus I have two small children -- so I usually get up early, help get everyone ready, drop the kids off at daycare, then get to a coffee shop to work. When I was working more on fiction, I used to have distinct coffee shops I associated with different jobs, like writing versus revision, but now I usually just go to my local place, or else expand a bit if I want to get a different vibe. Favorites include Anelace in Northeast, Vicinity in Uptown and Nina's in Saint Paul.”

Managing time is important when you have a family and multiple part-time jobs. McPherson still manages to slot time for a weekly podcast on Thursday evenings for 1500 ESPN once the kids have been put to bed. However, distractions still find a way to creep in.

“ If I have something specific to write, I'll try to dive right into it, but sometimes I'll also spend a good chunk of time reading stuff in the morning, either about basketball stuff that's happening or just anything interesting. If I'm really disciplined, I will mostly avoid looking at Twitter and get the thing done, but it doesn't always work out that way.”

While he loves writing about the game of basketball and the craft itself, he can’t help but wonder about the uncertain aspects of the job.

“The counterpoint to the above is that once you actually start getting paid to do this -- even if you're not a beat writer or a full-time employee of one company -- it's easy to begin to feel like there are expectations about what you should write or become as a writer,” said McPherson. “Should I become more professional in how I approach it? What if I do and it doesn't actually result in a full-time job? Is a full-time job doing this even what I want? Basically, it's like Uncle Ben said, ‘With great freedom comes great responsibility,’ although I feel more as responsibility to yourself in this case than others. No one tells me what to do with my writing, more or less, but also: no one tells me what to do with my writing. That uncertainty can be a struggle at times.”

The paradox McPherson brings up here is interesting. Many artists long for creative control over their work. Look at the battles numerous musicians have fought in courtrooms over the music. A writer is similar in that they have often have the freedom to choose their direction, but that could potentially be a detriment to one’s career. Say you pick the wrong approach or are too unorthodox, will that hinder your career chances? Finding the proper balance of freedom seems to be the goal for an aspiring writer.

It’s like McPherson said earlier about having to love writing. If you can find that love for what you do, it’s easier to face those uncertainties. When asked what he wish he knew then what he knows now, it was the graphic designer in him that spoke up.

“You can use the ‘Refine Edge’ tool in Photoshop to smooth out the jagged edges when you're cutting out an NBA player's face and putting it on a movie poster.”

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Essay: On Environmental Justice and Ecofeminism

The best definition I saw for environmental justice was from Robert Bullard on ejnet.org. Bullard says that the physical environment cannot be separated from the cultural environment. I took this to mean environmental justice as the belief that environmental and social issues are one in the same because of the effect the environment has on everyone.

The intersection I’ve chosen to explore is Indigenous people and the environment. The Indigenous Environmental Network (IEN) was formed in 1990 to address environmental justice issues that affect people and other species as well.

Many issues are addressed by the group. Issues like deforestation, preservation of sacred sites, dumping of nuclear waste on and off of tribal grounds, and climate change are among the over two-dozen issues listen on the organization's website. Some of them directly affect Indigenous people, while others affect other people and other species. To me, this is a feminist view because they are fighting for equality for all living things.

In my discussion post, I mentioned the Flint water crisis. Water issues are among the many topics that IEN focuses on that impact every living creature. While still a privilege given the scarcity of of water in some areas of the world, it should be something that should be available to living beings in a developed country. Fighting against the politics of water and the privatization of it can help ensure availability and quality of water for all.

We’ve seen how humans affect the Earth, and in turn, the effect that has on other species. This article on TheMotherJones.com  talks about how global warming and deforestation have dramatically contributed to the decimation of the bee population. According to this article on Elite Daily, bees populate one-third of our food supply and their pollination is essential to the survival of the human race. Without a diminished food supply, it’s easy to see starvation increasing and the possibility of wars being fought over food. That doesn’t even mention the pollination of other plants that make the Earth a beautiful place to live.

When I was a freshman in college five years ago (I’ve clearly taken this college thing slow), I read a book for a chemistry class about global warming. The entire time I read, I denied that it was a thing but as the years have gone on and the more I’ve read about the immediate consequences, it’s become impossible for me to deny. I used to believe that weather was cyclical over time, but the Earth has never heated this quickly, and every month and year seems to be a new record for warmth.

Aside from melting ice caps and receding shorelines, global warming affects those in underdeveloped countries. In desert areas where temperatures are already scorching, its occupants are already threatened. Desertification is the expansion of desert areas due to climate change and deforestation. This Wall Street Journal article talks about the Sahara and how the land could become unlivable resulting in the displacement of many people. The potential consequences of overpopulation of other regions is real because they would have to go somewhere. This could also mean the extinction of species that support our ecosystem. In underdeveloped countries, this again means the poor being displaced or having their quality of life threatened which is an inequality. A 10-second Google search will show you articles that discuss desertification going back to 2006 as well.

Selfishly, for years I never thought much about how these issues affect the world because I never thought that they had a direct effect on me. I always had access to clean and fresh drinking water. I never had to worry about living next to a toxic waste dump or nuclear test site. But what affects someone in a different part of the world or one species does have a trickle down effect to everyone. Whether it’s immediate or not, subtle or not, doesn’t matter. We’ve seen enough scientific research to verify that what’s bad for one group is ultimately bad for the other.

These realizations have led to me changing the things that I do. A lot of them like little things like realizing that I can plug the sink instead of running the water the entire time I’m doing dishes. Other things like picking up litter when you see it, making sure non-biodegradable waste is disposed of properly, and not wasting energy are all small changes everyone can make.

It’s similar to me in the ways that we’ve talked about racism/sexism/heterosexism that it can’t just be up to the marginalized or the one’s with the least power to make the change; those that hold the power and the privilege have to stand with them for equality. While I have had access to quality health care, drinking water, and clean air, not everyone can say the same.

Even in our own country, parts of the country have hazardous air pollution and water shortages in places like California. The impact we have on our own planet is closer to home than I feel a lot of people realize.

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Essay: On Sexualities, Homophobia, and Heteronormativity

Derek James

GNDR 201-50

6/30/16

I grew up in the last generation where homosexuality was widely stigmatized. Growing up in the 90s, many still held to traditional gender roles and views of sexuality.

Among the earliest memories a child has are the movies they watch. Disney movies like Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, and numerous others reinforced heteronormative ideas of sexuality. If homosexuality was presented in a show or movie, it often felt like a PSA. Of course, homosexuality was stigmatized by my parents growing up, so shows involving homosexuals didn’t stay on long. For instance, when I was a little older, Will and Grace  was popular but was banned in the house.

The earliest memory I have of learning that anything but heterosexuality was wrong came when I was four or five years old. My mom took my sister and me to the Sculpture Garden one summer day. She didn’t realize that it was the day of the Pride Festival parade and hustled us to the car like we were being chased by wolves. Fast forward to this year, a coworker of mine took his four-year-old son to Pride and told him it was a parade about love. His son thought that was great and enjoyed getting all the freebies on the parade route. 20 years can make a difference.

Religion was another shaping force. My mom took my sister and me to church as children. Like many, we heard about how homosexuality was wrong and gays were going to Hell. By this point, my sister and had been told several times about how evil homosexuality was. Over time I realized that people are allowed to believe what they want, but using religion to justify one’s prejudices is not ok. Additionally, the idea of judging people on Earth when the Bible talks about God being the only one to judge made the idea of imposing someone’s belief on everyone feel wrong.

By the time it came to vote on legalizing gay marriage in 2012, my ideas had long shifted away from those of my upbringing. I realized that as a straight, white, male that people like me have never been told who they could and could not marry. I had also had friends who came out and were in great relationships, and thought why shouldn’t they be allowed to marry if they so choose? Growing up in such a homophobic household, this did not sit well at home, but through my own social interactions into my 20s I had my own awakening. It was scary to do but I knew I was making the right decision in going against my family.

One of the hardest parts of this maturation was changing the way I spoke. Like many other people, I used to use “gay” as a synonym for dumb or stupid. Years beforehand I had stopped using slurs like the F-word and other pejoratives. These things are now hard to hear. For example, my dad still uses the F-word as an adjective to describe effeminate things. I’ve realized that you can try to correct people who have spent 50+ years speaking about a certain group in one way, but it won’t happen overnight.  

The Pink Practice questionnaire was really enlightening. The “When and how did you decide to be a heterosexual one?” was interesting because I had used the argument that I never chose to be one and that “I just am” to refute the argument that homosexuality is a choice. If it seems odd that someone would choose to be of a certain orientation, it’s because they didn’t.

Question six, “Isn’t it possible you just need a good gay lover?” is a terrific spin on one of the worst questions, in my opinion, that you could ask a gay person. I had someone ask a lesbian ex-coworker if she just hadn’t had the right man. This question seems sexist in that it suggests that she just needs a man to solve her “problem.”

There are a couple questions about “Why are heterosexuals so unhappy” and “Why are so many heterosexuals so promiscuous?” I didn’t know that unhappiness was a comment trait in the gay community but it seems ridiculous to suggest that there are more happy heterosexuals. The promiscuity one was something that I had heard about homosexuals but I can safely say I know many promiscuous heterosexuals.

People seem to have their own perceptions of people based on their sexual orientation that likely stems from their own homophobia. Chapter 33 in Feminist Frontiers talks about heteroflexibility on p. 308. Heteroflexibility is the idea that people -- though women are the example given in the book -- can have their sexualities change throughout the years. In a society that isn’t always accepting, these types of questions seem to only make things harder. If someone knows who they are and is proud of it, those are intolerant should try to shame them for being themselves.

The idea of not understanding someone’s sexuality is strange to me. To me, it’s all attraction whether you’re attracted to the opposite, same, or both sexes. There’s nothing wrong, evil, or ugly about it. Feeling attraction and love should be a relatable feeling for everyone, not just for heterosexuals.

Homophobia and intolerance of those in the GLBT community have led to many frightening incidents. Whether it was the Pulse nightclub shooting or the numerous listed in chapter 34 in Feminist Frontiers, we’ve seen what these belief systems can lead to. Those who preach that homosexuality is wrong or evil share a common belief set with those who do commit hate crimes in the name of homophobia. When you don’t view certain groups of people as equal beings, it makes it easier to commit atrocities.

On p. 316 in Feminist Frontiers, the book gives a news clipping of a 22-year old Baltimore man who murdered a transgendered person he believed to be a woman. This must have been a challenge to his own sexuality, masculinity, and self-identity. The act of murder could have been a way to reassert the dominance typically associated with masculinity. But there was also something so wrong with homosexuality in his mind that  he could have felt the need to demonstrate to himself that he wasn’t gay himself. Yet, the fact that he identified as straight and was attracted to a transgendered person goes to show how complex gender and attraction can be. He believed the person he brought home to be a woman but was unaware they didn’t identify the same way. This also goes to show that gender is not biological, which makes ideas like compulsory heterosexuality to work.

American society has come a long way with GLBT rights but we still have a ways to go. With debates over things like transgender bathroom rights and ongoing hate crimes against GLBT people, it’s clear that gay marriage wasn’t the final blow to homo and transphobia. But there is hope for further progress with this next generation raised into a more tolerant and accepting society of the GLBT community. This way we can change the institutions that shape our views on sexuality, gender, racism, classism, and other forms of oppression we have learned to be so closely related.

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Interview: A Foot in the Door

A Foot in the Door

“I wanted be an F1 racer but that didn’t really work out; my parents would kill me,” said Keziah Persaud. “With an Indian background, it’s either a doctor or lawyer, you know what I mean? That’s just not where I’m headed and they just have to accept it. That’s rebellious in a way.”

While becoming the next Danica Patrick didn’t work out, Keziah has big dreams of making the world a healthier place. She graduated recently from Minneapolis Business College with a diploma in medical assisting. But this is just the beginning for her.

“I just graduated with a diploma in medical assisting because I didn’t want to go for my Associate’s because I knew I wanted to go back to school. That was just the beginning. I didn’t want to use grant money for something that I wasn’t going to end my life with. I got that just to get my foot in the door in health care. And now that I know, I know where to go from there.”

Keziah initially wanted to be a pediatrician but despite her love for children, but cannot see herself working in that environment for the rest of her life. She would rather follow in the footsteps of her uncle who works closely with HIV patients in South America. He travels to affected regions providing medication, supplies, and educating people about disease prevention. In a region where 1.5 million are living with HIV, this is important work, and Keziah looks to do her part someday.

“I wanted to get my foot in the door, get some experience in health care but in getting that experience, I’ve been slowly figuring out what I want to do, which is public health,” said Keziah. “I really wanted to focus on health as a whole. That means I want to go to Third World countries and help people that are, you know, kids that don’t have access to immunizations, access to proper sanitation and stuff like that.”

Following her heart meant going against her parents’ own desires for her future but they eventually understood.

“I’m very open with my parents and we’ve just developed a lot of trust but it was hard. It was hard saying, ‘Listen, I’m not going to do this. I’m sorry, I’m not going to be a doctor. I’m not going to be the stereotypical Indian.’”

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On Social Class and Growing Up (Gender Studies Essay)

I grew up with my mother and my younger sister. My mom threw my dad out when I was about three years old. This left my mom to work two jobs just to make ends meet. As a result, our birthday gifts were more practical than excess because money was often tight. Growing up in the 90s and being the oldest meant that there weren’t a lot of hand-me-downs, especially since more rigid gender roles were still very much the norm. So, unless it was gender neutral, it probably wasn’t getting passed down to my sister.

My sister and I were raised in apartments for the entirety of our childhoods. We moved a handful of times from a two bedroom apartment to three bedroom, and back to a two bedroom when my sister moved out. The communities we lived in were comprised of working-class to middle-class people. Several times I had neighborhood friends move out once their parents had saved up to purchase a house.

Because money was often tight and my mom had to work, we seldom took trips. Unlike myself, my parents never seemed to have an interest in travel but when we did, they would often be small trips to visit family in Iowa or up to Duluth. This meant packing up the car and staying in a Best Western or with family. The lone vacation we took was a trip to Disney World that was a Christmas present from my aunt and uncle.

Neither of my parents had much in the way of higher education. My mother dropped out of high school and my dad has some vocational college experience. Aside from hearing, “school is important,” I never had much in the way of expectations for my education. I actually realized this for the first time filling out the questionnaire for this assignment, which did take me back some. Fortunately, I developed my own desire for education and set my own expectations to want better for myself.

Of the checklist, the traits my family likely valued most were: saving money, making the most out of your money, not being wasteful, open family communication, and an importance on religion (that was my mom’s, anyway).

There were other family members who were at least middle class or above. Those were the family members that would take trips or purchase a new vehicle every few years. They were also homeowners and generally had more freedom. These things would be indicative of a higher class. I also imagine that making the most of your money and not being wasteful were still of value, but being able to enjoy the fruits of your labor more also being valued.

I feel as though my upbringing was helpful in teaching me the importance of hard work and being smart with your money. Likewise, it’s also taught me the importance of higher education in being able to achieve your dreams and putting in the work now so you have the freedom later. Growing up it was certainly more difficult because of other students whose families were in a higher class but not so much anymore.

What I don’t like to hear is that the poor to working class are lazy and other similar things. Sure, there are some that probably are, but for the most part, there is a reason why people are in the position that they are in. A single parent who has to feed their children isn’t going to be able to have the latest and greatest and fly all over the world. It’s more an admirable life than a glamorous one, that’s for sure.

Because all of our families money went to paying the rent, I never became one of those kids who asked their parents for money. I had friends in high school who would tell me to “just ask my mom for $20” like she just had money to hand me. So I learned to get a job to pay for my first cell phone and car. It was either this way or to do without because it wasn’t going to happen any other way. Becoming resourceful is one resource I had as a result of my upbringing.

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On “Gender Outlaw,” Orientation, Sex, and Gender Roles (Essay)

With our final assignment, I was curious about exploring gender further.  We’ve covered a lot about how gender roles are a societal construct and how we’re conditioned in those roles. But I wanted to gain a deeper understanding. That’s why I chose to read Kate Bornstein’s Gender Outlaw. I came away with just that, as well as a better understanding of the transsexual community and sexual orientation.

No one understands gender self-identification issues like Bornstein. Originally born a male, Bornstein never felt like a man growing up. She began living as a woman in 1982 before having her surgery in 1986. Interestingly enough, Bornstein says that she does not fully consider herself a woman either but something in between.

Bornstein was born in 1948 at a time when, she says, the rule was that you were what you were born as and nothing else should be taken seriously. Transsexuals were ridiculed. She talks about frustrating therapists visits pre-op where she was told that she should just stay silent about her gender. Considering she would talk about going to bed wanting to wake up a woman, that wasn’t going to work.

I consider myself fortunate not to have had the same struggles. Not knowing who you are and feeling like an outcast because of your identity would be terrifying. There is a bravery to being able to come out as yourself and risk violence and other forms of abuse. Bornstein talks about a spiritual rebirth in waking up from her surgery because she was closer to be who she believed herself to be. There must be something freeing in this awakening.

There are also different types of transsexuals including pre-operation, post-operation, and no operation. Of these types is a hierarchy. Post-op transsexuals look down on pre-op transsexuals who look down on transgendered people who look down on transvestites who look down on closet cases. Given the struggles of transgendered people in a binary gender class, this seems hypocritical.

Bornstein is quick to point out in chapter two that gender means class. As long as there is a binary system, there will always be one side with most of the power. And anyone who attempts to bend or blur those binary gender lines is ridiculed. This is how the binary system is maintained: power. The power is sustained by ensuring that no one breaks the rules and follows their roles. Think about the instances of gender inequality we’ve mentioned or how effeminate men are treated in society. The idea is reinforced that anything associated with men is good and women is bad.

Among the most important things for maintaining this culture, she says, is misogyny. She adds that misogyny goes hand-in-hand with maintaining the power balance and “the 1st commandment is: thou shalt not be a woman.” She explains by saying that a gay man isn’t attacked by what he does in private but by breaking traditional gender roles. This is why in a culture that encourages silence from gay, lesbian, and transgender people that their coming out is so important-- it’s their truth.

Bornstein says that those with this power feel that it is good and right to exert it over others. She goes on to point out that this form of male privilege leads to violence like war and rape, as well as non-violent cultural privileges like better facilities and higher quality, lower priced clothing. This falls in line with the many instances of toxic masculinity that are pervasive in our society today. When men believe that exerting unearned power over others or that violence is what makes them a man, we see many problems with this ideology like rape, assault, and war.

So how is it fixed? Do we all agree to become equal? Bornstein says there’s a faster way to the same place: dismantle the binary system. She says that unprivileging is a prerequisite for dismantling this system, which is tough because those with power tend to want to hang on to it. It seems that in doing so we’d be breaking down an age-old institution. No longer would we be men or women, but genderless beings who would essentially be attracted to who you were attracted to. This, of course,  wouldn’t necessarily stop anyone from continuing to live traditionally.

One of the best summaries of the power balance of the binary gender system is on p.121 where she says that “power relies on everyone’s agreement that gender is inflexible.” ‘Gender defenders’ are the people Bornstein says work so hard to pigeonhole everyone into two categories and shaming those who don’t.

When she first transitioned, people tried to classify her because they had a stake in maintaining their own gender. Becoming a person closer to whom she believed herself to be was a threat to those entrenched in a binary system. Some told her that she would never truly be a woman because she was socialized as a man. This is something that she acknowledges aside from not feeling as if she belongs to one gender or another. She admits her mother never had to teach her things about going out alone at night or being treated with fragility.

Later in the book, Bornstein contrasts sadomasochism with gender in that sadomasochism is consensual, where gender is something that we’re told we are at birth and conditioned to be as we get older. Essentially, gender isn’t something anyone initially chooses. Many people, like myself, can live happily identifying as the gender they were assigned but not everyone. She also says that there’s a danger in changing gender whereas sadomasochism is safe.

Among the other great analogies for gender Bornstein uses for gender are cults and fire. She explains that fire isn’t entirely a solid, liquid, or a gas just like not all people are male or female. Bornstein relates her time spent in the Church of Scientology (cults) to gender because cults need to defend their boundaries and borders, few people encouraged or wished her well in her transformation like a cult controlling its members, and allegiance is demonstrated by attacking others.

Bornstein spends a lot of the book pondering what constitutes a man or a woman.  Is your gender something you can buy over-the-counter like gendered products? If it’s the ability to procreate, then what of sterile people or postmenopausal women? If it’s genitalia then why is that not enough for the many in the transgendered community? We learned in Feminists Frontiers that doctors rely on social influences rather than biology with hermaphroditic children and other special cases. Is gender something that we have to work towards or learn to be over time? Bornstein talks about how transgender people have to learn to ‘pass’ for their new gender by relearning how to move. It seems feasible this is similar to what we learn from birth.

There was a section where she poses a series of questions about gender. Are there certain things you don’t like about your gender? For me, the promotion of hypermasculinity and those who exert their privilege on others. What would happen if you went against the traditional roles of your gender? I know I’ve been called sensitive and made fun of caring about gender equality issues. This is right in line with the cult-like aspect of gender where those who assimilate to every aspect are attacked. Especially since traditional masculinity doesn’t favor traits like empathy, compassion, and vulnerability. There’s no balance and we’ve seen how forcing oneself can have long-term consequences.

Rather than a binary system, Bornstein encourages a Banner of the Third for people who acknowledge their own ambiguity. She is careful to separate sex and gender by stating that “sex is fucking” rather than who you are. This was interesting to me because I’ve spent some time thinking about the difference between the two. Her theory makes more sense than one being biological -- because we’ve learned that doesn’t matter -- and the other being what you self-identify as. This hasn’t changed who I identify as but analyzing the processes and systems we use to determine our identity is a fascinating practice.

She says that if you choose one or the other, you’re supporting the binary system. I disagree despite identifying as a man. I feel that you can identify as male or female while still acknowledging that there is a gray area. Considering how much the author seems to question her own beliefs, I feel confident in this.

From here, I want to continue learning about gender and society. Learning that misogyny and homophobia are closely related changes the way I view them. Both misogyny and homophobia have roots in gender and now think of them as related.  I also never had the fortune of learning about the LGBT community growing up and feel more enlightened having read this book. These issues have only become more relevant in the 20-plus years since its release and are not going away.

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The Thrill of the Hunt

The figure of a cat emerges from the shadowy hallway and into the living room. He sees me watching him, recording his every move on my laptop. Rather than a traditional cat meow, he lets out his trademark pigeon coo. There’s a thud as Buddy bashes his head against the coffee table to my right. He turns and repeats the action on the other side. I know now it’s either playtime or nap time.

He flops down on the floor to my right; it’s play time. As I go to scratch his fleecy belly, he grabs my arm with both paws. Thankfully Buddy rarely keeps his keen claws extended when he does this or playtime would become pain time. Before he releases my arm, he pulls his back legs up towards my arm and playfully taps them a few times.

It’s not ideal to reinforce the idea that people’s arms are toys, so I pull mine out. I sit up and scan the room for a toy. In the middle of the floor lies his favorite toy: a shimmering, blue fish attached to a stick by a string. Grabbing the toy, I lead Buddy around the coffee table as he dashes and dives for his fish. I swiftly slide the fish across his body but I was too slow. He grabs the fish just like he did my arm, only this time he takes a few nibbles. Ah, the thrill of the chase.

After playtime comes treat time. Standing up, I grab a bag of cat treats from the shelf behind me. I shake the bag twice to galvanize his excitement and he comes running. He sits with a proper pose as I reach for the first snack. Soft and chewy salmon-flavored snack in hand, I hold it up above his head. He rises up on his hind legs as he uses his ventral legs to pull the treat closer to his mouth. We repeat this five more times as a reward for a living room hunt well done.

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Seeing the Future

I can picture it.

 I’m 29 years old, just months from turning 30. It’s likely an emotional night. Clad in cap and gown, I’m walking across the stage to get my degree. A journey of seven years comes to an end with a handshake that night. It’s a dream come true-- one that I never thought could come true as a high school graduate. 

This is all I can imagine for my future right now and that’s ok. 

From now, I’m roughly two years from completion. I’ve counted the scenarios forwards and backwards. If I take an average of 12 credits per semester from here on out, I should graduate by my 30th birthday in the fall of 2018. I know that if I do a little more, I could graduate in the spring of 2018; if I stay the course, after summer semester. Either way, I’ll be happy. 

It’s currently been five years of on again, off again attempts at graduating. I spent two years going for fitness but that didn’t pan out. Then I thought marketing would be a good, versatile degree but I burned out on that after just one year. 

This time, I think I have it figured out. Having spent the last nine months searching for jobs, I know that communications is right for me. No more “We like your experience but we require a 4-year degree.” conversations with possible employers. When these phone calls or email responses end, it’s disheartening to know that you’re so close to your dream. In two years, I know will be qualified in every way. 

I think about the future a lot. I think about what I can bring to a team. I think about how my work could benefit someone’s newsletter or a website. Through writing for the past six years I’ve learned this is what I love and where I need to be. 

I was very close once, though. It was for my school’s newsletter. The editor loved my experience having written for many outlets in a variety of styles and that I had interview skills. Additionally, they were going to teach me photo and video skills that would have only made me more marketable. It was perfect. This is the one job I was offered but they couldn’t pay me, so I had to pass. 

I think about the future then I think about appreciating the journey. One day I’ll look back on the stress and frustration and be grateful, maybe even thankful, for these days. But that’s hard to do when you’re young and ready to get your life going. These are some of the best days of my life and I need to appreciate the journey. 

This is how I feel when I look back on high school. When I was a junior, I remember only getting recruitment mail from the military while my friends got letters from colleges. I was ranked 474-of-477 in our class rank and I’m sure the three below me dropped out. With a year-and-a-half of school remaining, I had to make up two-and-a-half years. College never felt possible to me. Miraculously, I got it together and graduated on time. Without that journey, I may never have had the courage to start this one. 

Earlier today I wrote that I feel like I’m back to where I was four years ago, only with a cat and an apartment. I’m in school getting great grades again, doing two-a-day workouts again, eating better, I’m not dating, and going to bed earlier. The setting may have changed but the plot is largely the same. And if I’m going to live like I’m 23 again, I might as well look and feel the same as then too. 

Best of all is that I feel excited about what I’m learning again. My classes excite me and make me want to learn more. I’m either going to finish my first semester back with an “A” in one class and “B+” in another. I want to be an honors student again and am finally in the right classes to do so. Having smaller goals like this might make the time go by faster anyway. 

Yet, when your ultimate goal is your biggest dream, the only thing you can envision, and the key to unlocking your future, it can’t get here soon enough.