[vainlla-blog]

TEXT MEMES (SOME NSFW).

[text]: did you enjoy the pics? ;)

[text]: send me pictures

[text]: where are you? why aren’t you back yet?

[text]: I SWEAR TO GOD I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU

[text]: i dont know if this is what i want anymore

[wrong number text]: (muse name) has gone out for the night, i’m all alone ;)

[wrong number text]: i just don’t know if i love them anymore

[wrong number text]: can we forget about last night? don’t tell (muse name) please!

[wrong number text]: i fucked her/him aha ;-) told (muse name) it was just a drunk kiss tho

[text]: i love you so fucking much

[text]: i hate you

[drunk text]: UR SUCH A BITCH I H9 U 

[text]: i cannot stop thinking about you

[text]: i need you. now.

[text]: please respond. im so worried about you

[text]: last night was so GOOD

[text]: what are you wearing? ;)

[text]: is he bigger than me?

[text]: did you sleep with her ?!

[text]: you’re just a slut

[drunk text]: yOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL !!>!

[drunk text]: dont tell (muse name) but theY ARE so hot

[drunk text]: im iss youu

[text]: bed or floor? ;-)

[text]: not to be desperate or anything but im currently home alone and on the verge of jerking myself off to pictures of you. would be better if it was the real you though !

[text]: i want you naked.

[text]: are you going to the party on saturday?

[text]: i want to show you how much i love you

[text]: do you hate me?

[text]: i’m so sorry

[text]: WAS THAT A SEXT

[text]: family dinner tomorrow night, and i’m prolly gonna finger you under the table..

[text]: I just bought new underwear for the sole purpose of you taking it off

[text]: netflix and chill? 

[drunk text]: lveae me alone for 29 minutes !!! jeezss

[text]: damn you looked so good today. kinda wanted to bend you over that table you were leaning on lol 

[text]: where are you i have something you need to fix (its a boner)

[text]: wtf is the notebook even about?? “if you’re a bird then i’m a bird” ? they’re both humans

[derleschter-blog]

wietkoning:

[ text ] YEAH BUT we’re working it out. i even let her bring her dumb dog over, despite my allergies

[ text ] its all g. you dont gotta tie yourself down. i need you out there whoring it up for me

[ text ] i can go clubbing, my man. i dont stop being myself for anyone. text me too. we can go drinking its no big deal. i dont wanna be domesticated 

[ text ] sure thing. come to my party friday 

[ text ] I’ll be there man 

[ text ] Anything for you y’know 

[ text ] I’ll bond with your gf over dogs 

[ text ] when?

[derleschter-blog]

dulcifluous:

I haven’t made plans for my birthday, and I’m unsure if I should even try. What do you think?

          When is your birthday, Anneliese?

[derleschter-blog]

wietkoning:

[ text ] back with the ex wife

[ text ] you say that like it’s a BAD thing

[ text ] i can buy you one or you can just come to my party friday

[ text ] isn’t she your EX wife for a reason?

[ text ] it’s not really bad it’s just 

[ text ] first jan and now you and i’m the only one not tying myself down anymore SIGH

[ text ] who’s supposed to go clubbing with me?

[ text ] who am i supposed to text at 3 am when i’m drunk and bored and alone 

[ text ] well, either way, tell amy i said hi and congrats yeah?

[derleschter-blog]

landforces:

“They are cute! What is their name, who are dog sitting for?”

          “My secretary. I’ve known their family a long time and she’s going on vacation for a couple of weeks for a wedding. I just love dogs so much. You’re a good girl aren’t you, Strudel? Yes, of course you are.” Don’t mind him as he fawns over this dog, Gil. 

[glacierprincess-deactivated2018]

What do you call a non-sexual FrancexSpain ship?

Refrain.

[actiasteeth]

[TEXT] you haven’t demanded nudes today. you alright?

[TEXT] nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.

[TEXT] i know i’ve become a responsible adult because this time, i’m not going to do the drugs i found on the ground.

[TEXT] i’m drunk enough to know i’m texting you and sober enough to know what i’m saying to you.

[TEXT] i just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. i’m literally going to hell.

[TEXT] i really don’t know where my pants are, but that’s not the problem. when are you going to unlock the door?

[TEXT] if you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me? trying to make a timeline of the day i was too drunk to remember.

[TEXT] we hooked up last night. i think it was great for our friendship.

[TEXT] i mean obviously i like your dick… jury is still out on you but your dick is good.

[TEXT] i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and it’s a constant cycle of torture.

[TEXT] you seriously don’t remember? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30 minutes.

[TEXT] i’m so excited you texted me but i’m way too high to process it. 

[TEXT] my sobriety has gotten out of control. i think i need an intervention. 

[TEXT] i need you there. i need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.

[TEXT] let’s go get coffee and handcuffs.

[TEXT] i think i’m at a stage of my life where i subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if i can find a way out of it.

[TEXT] are we at that point yet where i can just say “i want you to sit on my face”? if not, want to go out for “drinks”?

[TEXT] a surplus of mistakes were made and i don’t know what 89% of them were.

[TEXT] here’s a rule: don’t.

[TEXT] IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I’M FEELING RIGHT NOW.

[TEXT] i’ve decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting.

[TEXT] all i’m saying is this is the exact reason i should not be left unsupervised.

[TEXT] i just need some of your time and all of your body.

[TEXT] i am available for nakedness.

[TEXT] for a second i thought that you were becoming a decent person again. i am glad i was wrong.

[TEXT] it’s 90% alcohol, and 10% a whisper that says “get drunk.”

[TEXT] i worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry.

[TEXT] i never said it was inaccurate, i said i hate you.

[TEXT] it will be the shitshow of all shitshows.

[TEXT] will you skip merrily into hell with me?

[TEXT] i’m so glad i can be everyone’s guide to the world of fucked up kinks.

[TEXT] you took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.

[TEXT] c'mon you know i’m perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober.

[TEXT] i like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.

[TEXT] i’m high and self-actualizing, please send help.

[TEXT] do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do?

[TEXT] it’s going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine.

[TEXT] i called you last night? what did i say??

[TEXT] are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?

[TEXT] i’m jealous, curious, and aroused. all at the same time.

[TEXT] going overboard is basically 75% of my personality.

[TEXT] people like you and me aren’t meant to go this long without having sex.

[TEXT] i forgot about that. i was in MULTIPLE dimensions.

[TEXT] i can feel your judgement through the phone.

[TEXT] i thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day.

[unclefather]

you want a man with a strong jawline so you have a sturdy place to sit

[derleschter-blog]

wietkoning:

[ text ] my gf is gonna kill me so u better just pick me up at the cemetery

[ text ] i’m sure my zombie ass will need it bro 

[ text ] your GF?

[ text ] mein gott I was gone longer than I thought 

[ text ] I need a drink

[derleschter-blog]

arcticparadise:

[text] Only sometimes. [text] Other than being disgustingly hungover? No, I’m not busy. Just home.

[ text ] you’re busy now. eyes on the skies, schatje

[derleschter-blog]

@wietkoning

[ text ] beautiful

[ text ] well if you need hangover coffee you know where to find me 

[ text ] now that i’m back on the grid at least instead of drowning in work 

[derleschter-blog]

          “Oh dear brother, what’s gone and happened to you while I was away?”

[derleschter-blog]

I’M gonna nap I’ll get to other starters/memes (if I get any) in a couple hours <3

[derleschter-blog]

[TEXT] all i’m saying is this is the exact reason i should not be left unsupervised.

HMU -- Accepting!

[ TEXT ] To be fair, I always tell you to think before you act, Ko. 

[ TEXT ] But now I gotta know what the hell you’ve done. Spill.

[derleschter-blog]

@landforces liked for a starter!

          “Look at the puppy I’m dog sitting! Pelutze is gonna be so happy to have a friend when I get her home for the next couple weeks.”

[actiasteeth]

[TEXT] you haven’t demanded nudes today. you alright?

[TEXT] nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.

[TEXT] i know i’ve become a responsible adult because this time, i’m not going to do the drugs i found on the ground.

[TEXT] i’m drunk enough to know i’m texting you and sober enough to know what i’m saying to you.

[TEXT] i just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. i’m literally going to hell.

[TEXT] i really don’t know where my pants are, but that’s not the problem. when are you going to unlock the door?

[TEXT] if you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me? trying to make a timeline of the day i was too drunk to remember.

[TEXT] we hooked up last night. i think it was great for our friendship.

[TEXT] i mean obviously i like your dick… jury is still out on you but your dick is good.

[TEXT] i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and it’s a constant cycle of torture.

[TEXT] you seriously don’t remember? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30 minutes.

[TEXT] i’m so excited you texted me but i’m way too high to process it. 

[TEXT] my sobriety has gotten out of control. i think i need an intervention. 

[TEXT] i need you there. i need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.

[TEXT] let’s go get coffee and handcuffs.

[TEXT] i think i’m at a stage of my life where i subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if i can find a way out of it.

[TEXT] are we at that point yet where i can just say “i want you to sit on my face”? if not, want to go out for “drinks”?

[TEXT] a surplus of mistakes were made and i don’t know what 89% of them were.

[TEXT] here’s a rule: don’t.

[TEXT] IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I’M FEELING RIGHT NOW.

[TEXT] i’ve decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting.

[TEXT] all i’m saying is this is the exact reason i should not be left unsupervised.

[TEXT] i just need some of your time and all of your body.

[TEXT] i am available for nakedness.

[TEXT] for a second i thought that you were becoming a decent person again. i am glad i was wrong.

[TEXT] it’s 90% alcohol, and 10% a whisper that says “get drunk.”

[TEXT] i worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry.

[TEXT] i never said it was inaccurate, i said i hate you.

[TEXT] it will be the shitshow of all shitshows.

[TEXT] will you skip merrily into hell with me?

[TEXT] i’m so glad i can be everyone’s guide to the world of fucked up kinks.

[TEXT] you took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.

[TEXT] c'mon you know i’m perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober.

[TEXT] i like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.

[TEXT] i’m high and self-actualizing, please send help.

[TEXT] do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do?

[TEXT] it’s going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine.

[TEXT] i called you last night? what did i say??

[TEXT] are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?

[TEXT] i’m jealous, curious, and aroused. all at the same time.

[TEXT] going overboard is basically 75% of my personality.

[TEXT] people like you and me aren’t meant to go this long without having sex.

[TEXT] i forgot about that. i was in MULTIPLE dimensions.

[TEXT] i can feel your judgement through the phone.

[TEXT] i thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day.

[derleschter-blog]

@liachtaschta liked for a starter!

          “I don’t think I’ve ever worked this much in my life. Okay, that’s a lie, but I’ve been so busy. Coffee?” He’s been living on coffee.