The Joints Bend Backwards

NSFW Blog? / Smooth like porcelain, crunches like cartilage. Not empty, not easily posed, just a little strange.

[designdoll]

I think one thing hard to square with being a "doll" is that I am an utter cunt. I am indomitable, I am a brat and I am untamable. If I was a dog in a shelter they'd put me down. My voice will never beg.

I don't have a "witch", I don't have an "owner." A few days ago I physically wrestled off a woman trying to collar me. My takeaway from all the HDG in my feed has been that I'd try to kill and eat an Affini.

Sometimes I play along, I'm a bottom and theoretically a sub, but I've yet to see someone who can actually claim real power over me. It's something I give. Rationed out for mutual enjoyment. If I'm a toy, then I decide who plays with me. And naturally, when there are far prettier, better, and more inviting playthings out there that means I'm generally passed over. I'm not bitter about that, but it's kind of a contrast to how I present.

[designdoll]

Making this a thread so I can have multiple posts up at the blog top;

I got the chance to talk to some people who know of my blog before knowing me personally, and they thought this was an extended roleplay or fantasy blog. It is not.

This is a liveblog of my real life experiences after being adopted by an older transfem who I have been in and out of the direct care of for the past few months. Unless a post otherwise is clearly self-labeled as fantasy it is almost certainly either directly recounting or riffing on a real life experience. Believe me, I am way too timid to imagine anything this perverse and then share it with the world so openly.

[designdoll]

I was honestly really scared going into my birthday. @emfrots decided to surprise me, I knew she was gathering a bunch of my girlfriends together, I thought it was going to be a sex thing?

Instead it was a surprise drugging. A hero dose of psilocybin in a big cuddle pile of people it's okay to be vulnerable around. A judgement free zone while my brain rapidly degraded to a non-functional goop spread across several laps. Handed around from person to person in a raised heap of blankets and plushies. My brain couldn't even count how many people were petting me at once by touch alone. It felt like an endless number of hands, and I couldn't propriocept where I was being touched. Senses blurred together, being petting turned into soft hums and danced in technicolor borealis on the back of my eyelids.

When I pulled myself to the mirror I saw a different me than the one I saw in the morning. Not objectively different, but I think my eyes put the picture together differently. Mismatched bits of Halloween costume and exposed midriff. Like a new gestalt assembled in the primordial soup of stuffed animals and cuddles.

When I came back out it actually became a sex thing. Apparently they think the thing that came out of the cuddle pile is pretty fuckable.

Also all of them kept talking to me like a little kid and giggling about something together which was pretty weird idk wtf that was about.

[designdoll]

Halloween costume sneak peak btw. kudos to whoever can ID this faggot

[designdoll]

I was honestly really scared going into my birthday. @emfrots decided to surprise me, I knew she was gathering a bunch of my girlfriends together, I thought it was going to be a sex thing?

Instead it was a surprise drugging. A hero dose of psilocybin in a big cuddle pile of people it's okay to be vulnerable around. A judgement free zone while my brain rapidly degraded to a non-functional goop spread across several laps. Handed around from person to person in a raised heap of blankets and plushies. My brain couldn't even count how many people were petting me at once by touch alone. It felt like an endless number of hands, and I couldn't propriocept where I was being touched. Senses blurred together, being petting turned into soft hums and danced in technicolor borealis on the back of my eyelids.

When I pulled myself to the mirror I saw a different me than the one I saw in the morning. Not objectively different, but I think my eyes put the picture together differently. Mismatched bits of Halloween costume and exposed midriff. Like a new gestalt assembled in the primordial soup of stuffed animals and cuddles.

When I came back out it actually became a sex thing. Apparently they think the thing that came out of the cuddle pile is pretty fuckable.

Also all of them kept talking to me like a little kid and giggling about something together which was pretty weird idk wtf that was about.

[designdoll]

hmmm today I will take progesterone

Progesterone: you should sniff the aftershave out of a dude's beard and call him Daddy

Me: haha what

[designdoll]

I will sink my teeth into the doll, and the doll will hurt.

-🗝️

[designdoll]

Was mailed a shock collar as a gift, dumbass thought it would be enough to actually hurt me. ❤️ Screenshots taken from a call where we found out 100% just isn't enough.

[asahehskafah]

I'm so fucking mad. I spent months fantasising about this, hoping it would bypass the Doll's pain threshold. I wanted to hear the sounds it made as I cracked its porcelain with my bare hands from thousands of miles away.

And it barely even made a dent.

I don't care about the state of the world.

I don't care about money or time.

I will find you. I will kidnap you in the exact same way your favourite fictional character gets shoved in a trunk, take you back to wherever I'm staying, and suspend you from the ceiling. And then, once you've tired yourself out from the struggle, I will bruise and bleed you until you break.

And I will hear the sounds you makes as I crack your porcelain with my bare hands.

[designdoll]

LMAO you hit the button so many times the battery fucking died big L bozo

[designdoll]

Was mailed a shock collar as a gift, dumbass thought it would be enough to actually hurt me. ❤️ Screenshots taken from a call where we found out 100% just isn't enough.

[designdoll]

Morning after in a public bathroom.

[dykefordikes]

absolutely marvelous to see how my work came out ^-^

lets do it again sometime, yeah?

[designdoll]

^ω^ Well, as long as you're offering.

[designdoll]

Morning after in a public bathroom.

[designdoll]

Girl breakfast.

[designdoll]

i'm sorry if this is an uncomfortable question but are you okay with trans men looking at your blog? i think you're really hot, but i want to make sure i don't cross any boundaries

I am posting stuff online with the full consent and understanding anyone can see it. If you're enjoying my insane journals of a very fucked up and slutty life then please look as much as you want. Man or woman, trans or cis, everyone is welcome. Except for minors. They go in the stew.

[designdoll]

Was crossing state lines with @emfrots the other night as part of drifting (currently semi-homeless) and got invited to tag along to a nightclub. I was pinned to a light post and surrounded before I even got inside which really should have been a flag for how the night was going to go.

Very first drink bought for me was spiked, and while I was crossfaded she fished the custom-fitted collar I'd been given (see pic) out of my pocket and leashed me there in public.

I was kinda sandwiched between two of the girls crowding me for a while? One had me on the floor between her legs and was holding my arms behind my head, the other was making out with her over me and fucking my head against the cushioned seating booth. I'd say I was kneeling but in retrospect I was more of just a crumpled pile on the floor. Only thing hiding me from at least a hundred people was the girl on top fucking my throat so hard it broke the rivets on my collar.

Got told afterwards I attracted a small crowd. I admit not only was I totally blitzed but was too face-up in dick to really see what was going on but I do vaguely recall hearing one guy asking if he could watch (and if he could have a turn with me.)

[designdoll]

Trying to figure out how to put on panties because I even boymode my underwear and managed to somehow fit my whole-ass twink body through a leg hole.

[designdoll]

Insane feeling being over at someone's house, standing around doing FA when without warning or word you're approached and a tape measure wrapped around your neck. "14 inches" like it's the most casual thing in the world.

[designdoll]

Happy pride month.

[designdoll]

Guy at the firing range triple-checked my card because I "look 12."

The world of adults is actively rejecting me and it's not even in a ableist way.

[designdoll]

You're over at her house. The best sanctuary you've got right now. Housing with your family's been pretty miserable. But she cares lots, insists on taking care of every need possible need. She makes sure you're hydrated, comfortable, happy, that you're not ignoring your sensory issues, even helps get you food. You'd just had dinner together, out in public. Through your dysphoria you ate rather light.

You're in the shower right now. She insisted on following you in, towering tall over you and asking if she could handle washing you. It's demeaning, but frankly with how bad your body feels it's kind of a blessing. Her hands are electric on your skin. She tells you to lean your head back to keep the soap out of your eyes as she runs shampoo on her fingers through your hair. Something's off about this scene, your brain's fuzzy though you've barely realized it yet. Not enough to be an issue but enough that when you try to react or complain the words come out half-formed and clumsy. Timid whining where should otherwise be assertive refusal.

You step out first. Wrap yourself in a standard size towel that's a bit too big for you. When you open the door to the hallway your stomach drops. The hallway is uncanny, alien in that way all places were when you were very young. You're caught there like a frozen computer application, processing the unprovable mysticism in a banal view. You feel so small.

You're in the bedroom now. Your head's on straight enough you recall walking here from the bathroom; that's not always a given. You crash landed on the pile of soft blankets and stuffed animals she left out specifically for you. Staring at your phone without actually processing the videos, indulging yourself in the sensory hotsprings of swirling colors and words without meaning. You don't absorb a thing, it just washes over you.

When she comes in you finally admit you feel a bit strange. Her smile's so warm when she tells you "That would be because I drugged you. I spiked your drink at dinner." You're not sure when she even had the chance. Even if you hadn't been looking surely someone else would have noticed, would have said something. You hadn't even tasted anything off. "I thought I had used plenty, but clearly you need more next time." Sprawled out on the bedspread you realize you're prey. Your brain's reeling from a chemical punch you never noticed was thrown but you're husky enough you're only dazed when you're supposed to be on the floor.

She pulls your head into her lap and starts stroking it like a pet, cooing and giggling. In your stupor your body wants to do nothing but melt into her arms. You hug a plushie for dear life when she pushes a needle through your skin, refueling your supply of hormones to give you another week of life. You keep clinging to it when she begins to read you a bed-time story, each word so powerful against your slurred grey matter it feels real. You don't realize what's happening when you finally fall asleep.

[designdoll]

oh my god stop tagging this "floret"