naive as adam and eve

+Destiny mcqueen (nee hart) 22 years old- Married - poet- College student

[destinyhart]

Cold Coffee//

[brandon--mcqueen]

Although the sight of Destiny could inspire a few words from him, Brandon was basically illiterate and mute until he had caffeine in him. Coffee was a staple of life, especially when he was up late reading about newtonian laws and how to properly change a diaper (originally, they were separate studies, but somehow they got jumbled up in the lateness of the night). After he filled his mug and took a long drink that burned his tongue and scalded his throat, he finally turned back to Destiny to respond. “Better, now that I’ve got caffeine in me,” he replied, wiggling his eyebrows as he took another sip of coffee. It was his fourth love, behind Destiny, his future child, and physics, and that was saying something, considering he’d willingly give up his life for any of the above. He nodded his head, thinking about the upcoming science courses he’d be taking and grinning. The prospect of so many new classes, new ideas to discover and knowledge to master, was inexplicably exciting. “Yeah, I’ve got a full load again. The baby won’t be due until the end of the semester, so I think it’ll be okay. And I can get my degree that much faster if I pile up,” he explained. “Have you done it yet? I know mine filled fast.”

[destinyhart]

Why had she forgotten to tell him? He was piling up his classes trying to graduate, and she had forgotten to tell him about cutting back on hers. Destiny can’t believe she had to get a registration notice to even remember. “Oh, well, I forgot to tell you about that.” She says quite nervously. She is fiddling with her fingers, wondering how he will react. It’s something she has a bad habit of doing. Waiting until the last minute to tell important news then dragging it out only so she doesn’t have to see their reaction (which is usually negative).  ”I was thinking about, ah.” At this point, Destiny wants to hit her head against the table and it takes all of her willpower not to. “Not? Registering for classes?” It comes out as a question more than a suggestion. “Like, the baby is coming at the end of the semester…but maybe I could get another job instead? Or figure out a way to save up some money?” It’s a horrible idea, she knows it. Either way she’ll be stressed out. The baby will be coming and they won’t have enough money. The baby will be on it’s way and she’ll be too preoccupied with finals to take care of herself. 

[destinyhart]

Cold Coffee//

[brandon--mcqueen]

Brandon had never been a morning person, not the way his wife was. He preferred to spend as much time as possible in his big, warm bed, wrapped up in comforters and snuggled in the pillow. Having his arms around Destiny was always a bonus, but she was normally up early enough that it was rare he’d wake up with her still lying next to him. He’d settle for seeing her as soon as he walked in to the kitchen though. Although he slept like a rock, once he was up, he was awake for good, and so when his eyes fluttered open, he spent a few moments groaning before chucking off his blankets and hopping up. Never graceful, he tripped over the pile of comforters he’d just created at his feet before bounding in to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He used to eat breakfast before brushing, but not that he had a wife he’d learned not to assault her with morning breath. 

After his mouth was minty fresh enough to be presentable for his wife, he headed in to the kitchen to see if he could find her. Smelling coffee brewing and seeing her on the couch, his mouth turned upward in that automatic grin. “Good morning," he greeted her with a kiss on the cheek, before continuing on his journey in to the kitchen for coffee. “How’re you feeling?" 

[destinyhart]

Right when she's about to doze off the couch, she hears the door of the bedroom open (plus stumbling) and the sink turn on. Destiny restrains herself and sits up a little straighter, blinking and rubbing her eyes. Realizing the mess you've made of the living room after you tried your hardest to clean it yesterday is a frustrating feeling. Even that feeling goes away when Brandon grins and kisses her cheek--she's pretty sure she's smiling ear to ear. "Good mornin' to you too." As he goes off to the kitchen she gathers up paper and carries them to the trashcan, almost forgetting to close her notebook. The kitchen, more like kitchenette, is small but can hold two people easily. Destiny manages to follow Brandon there shortly after. 

"Feeling fine. You?" She asks, getting on her tip toes to get a mug for her tea. Luckily tea bags were in one of the bottom cabinet, and she got to them easily. Putting the water filled mug in the microwave, she leans against the counter. A few months ago she could of sat on the counter when she made her tea. "Have ya registered for classes yet?" 

[destinyhart]

Cold Coffee//

Destiny hated her sleep schedule. She hated it with a burning passion. It was summer and she would wake up at 4 A.M on a good day. Sometimes she fell asleep on the couch while Brandon was reading or eating dinner in the kitchen, but managed to get to the bed somehow.

Rolling out of bed, she shuffled her way to the kitchen. Brandon would not be up for another two or three hours so she would have to sit around and wait until the sun was up in the sky. It only took minutes to make her small cup of tea (with 2 lumps of sugar and a dash of milk). She wiped at her eyes and let out a yawn. The couch looked welcoming as always, and she stretched out on it. The coffee table's legs were uneven and books of every kind were piled high. She managed to find her notebook and pen among the mess. Destiny made a memo that would get pushed to the back of her brain in the middle of the day--clean off the damn coffee table. 

Opening up her notebook, she looked at the pages. Destiny went back and read her old work often. She slowly began ripping pages out she wasn't happy with. Occasionally she would find some and think, why didn't I throw this out the moment I wrote it. 

After a hour or so, she reached over for her now cold tea blindly. She almost felt like crying when she heard the tea cup hit the ground. Godammit, she was so damn clumsy that she couldn't even drink her damn tea. Some of their mail had been soaked through with the beverage and something caught her eyes. It was a registration notice. It was already that close? Another note, but more prominent in her mind--tell Brandon she's not taking all her classes this semester. After getting a towel to clean up the rest, she decided that Brandon would be up soon, and began to make his coffee. Hopefully he wouldn't sleep in. While letting that brew she re-situated herself on the couch again and took a deep breath. She would not be a bringer of bad news, in fact, how would Brandon see this as bad news at all?

[destinyhart]

Flashback// You Can Lie With Me

[brandon--mcqueen]

The day had been lazy, uneventful, the conversation relaxed, peaceful. Brandon wasn’t expecting anything of the innocent, yet precarious question Destiny had posed, assuming it only stemmed from curiosity. After all, wasn’t that what wives were supposed to daydream about? He doubted she was the typical wife, nor their marriage entirely normal, but surely he couldn’t be surprised by her musings. Lying there in the silence following her words, he turned to smile at her, oblivious to the unspoken urgency behind them. He let out a light laugh at the sheer absurdity of her words. Parents in nine months? He might as well re-write Einstein’s Theory of Relativity while they were at it. “Well, we mi…" he began to respond half-jokingly, but halfway through the sentence, his throat dried up, and he couldn’t push the words out. He would like to think he knew Destiny well enough to realize when she was being sarcastic— seeing as they were married, he should hope so— but there was no hint of mirth behind her words. If he was really listening, he might have heard fear.

Eyes wide, Brandon suddenly scrambled up from his resting position, now sitting upright and gazing at Destiny in an entirely different light. Words couldn’t come out fast enough, and at the same time, they couldn’t come out at all. “Do you… what? Are you… I—" He was stumbling and tripping over phrases, completely falling for the possibility that her simple response had brought to light. His heart was pounding, mind surging with fear and excitement and confusion and elation, swirling together in an incomprehensible fusion. Taking a deep breath, Brandon turned back to Destiny, attempting one last time to formulate his thoughts in to a proper sentence. One hand hovered near her shoulder, as though he was afraid to touch her now that he knew she might have something so fragile inside her. “Are you pregnant?" he forced out at last, unable to squeeze everything that he wanted to say in to a literate sentence.

[destinyhart]

Destiny felt elated because his response sounded so light hearted, well at the beginning anyway. A word and a half in, he stopped. With all this nervousness and flipping, she thought she would be sick to her stomach by now. To think that ten minutes ago she was dreading this exact moment. She was tempted to ask if he was okay. Brandon seemed a bit choked up, and yes he's never been the social type, but they can usually talk without tripping up on words. 

Shifting to where she was sitting in an upright position, she stretched her legs out in front of her. Maybe if she focused on her toes (or anything besides her nerves) she would feel a bit better. After thirty seconds it just felt like hell, so she sent her focus back to Brandon. It really should have been there all along. Then it dawned on her, he hadn't the faintest clue what she was talking about. Should she have been more direct? Destiny felt as if she wasn't handling this situation too well. Beginnings to sentences were being stuttered out and Destiny felt like he had finally got it. Another pause--she wasn't a fan of pauses and didn't feel like now was the time for them--and then there it was. Three words laying out plainly in between them. She bit her lip as a small grin broke out on her face. "Yes." It feels like she can breathe freely, all the nerves rushed their out of her body. "Yes, I am." Destiny's hugging him as tight as she can, grinning against his neck. "Yeah."

[destinyhart]

Flashback// You Can Lie With Me

[brandon--mcqueen]

Brandon’s favorite pastime was making Destiny laugh. He could listen to the light, breathy sound all day, and be perfectly content. More than content. Never possessing the talents of his wife, who could spin words in to poetry seemingly effortlessly, he was unable to express his thoughts to her, but they were overpowering. Instead, he just turned to face her, watching her smile take over and wishing it would stay there forever. He’d do his best to make it so. “Tin foil? That’s all I get? I better be brave, with that kind of protection," he replied, with a slight pout and a soft flick aimed at her shoulder.

A slight chuckle escaped Brandon’s lips at his wife’s remark. Leaning toward her, he whispered in her ear. “Expect the unexpected, babe." Looking at her, his wide smile broke again. “Fine, fine, I love you, too," he reassured her, rubbing his thumb over her hand softly. There wasn’t any doubt that he loved her more than the sun loved the moon, but he’d tell her a thousand times and never grow tired of the way it rolled off his tongue.

"If you’re sure…" He mumbled, sending a sideways glance at his wife. Brandon wouldn’t have minded getting it for her, loved anything he could do for her, but he wouldn’t complain about being allowed to lie with her for a while. With a soft, almost indiscernible sigh, he pressed another kiss to Destiny’s cheek. He couldn’t help being concerned for her, even if she insisted she was fine. The day he stopped worrying about her would be the day he died, the day she stopped consuming his thoughts entirely.

The question caught Brandon entirely off-guard, unaware, utterly unprecedented. It wasn’t the first time the thought of a family had crossed his mind, but he hadn’t expected Destiny to provoke the conversation. Of course, he’d dreamed of having a family with her from the moment he’d proposed, but he couldn’t be certain she shared the same sentiments. He still wasn’t. He didn’t know if either of them were prepared for children mentally or physically, but that didn’t stop him from wishing, wanting, and waiting. Now, it seemed as though the question was serious, embedded with something Brandon couldn’t identify, although he was clueless to what had prompted it. “I think…" He paused, trying to organize his thoughts and formulate a proper answer. “It’d be crazy. I mean, I don’t know anything about changing a diaper. We’d have a lot of figuring out to do before it could happen. But it would be … amazing. To have a family? I want it, when we’re ready for it," he explained, staring at the ceiling as he spoke. Resting his head against hers again, he nuzzled her gently and asked the question on his mind. “What are we asking about kids for?"

[destinyhart]

"Yeah, got a lot of faith in you, y'know." Destiny misses days like this. The days where she doesn't go to work or gets buried in homework. It was cool outside and slightly cloudy. She was inside curled up under the blankets but it didn't matter.. Nothing besides Brandon really mattered, to her at least. She could be anywhere with him and manage to be happy. It isn't that hard. He's like a ray of sunshine. If Destiny had the time, she would spend every waking moment with him. She wishes she was interested in science like he was. Even if she has no idea what he's talking about when it comes to school, Destiny listens. "And watch the pouting, mister. Or I'll downgrade you to armor. Heard it's for wimps." She huffs out jokingly and wrinkling her nose.

"There ya go." With a sigh, she pecks his cheek. " 'S all I wanted to hear.  Can never say it enough." For being sick, she felt like she could make her way to the moon and back. Of course, she wasn't going to tell him this now. By the dusts collecting on the blinds, Destiny actually realized she couldn't remember the last time she cleaned. That could wait though, because now she was busy.  "Yeah 'm absolutely sure. Bet you had a long day with classes anyway." Not the fact that he struggled, no. Just the fact that he probably had to sit there all day. Although Destiny wasn't sure, she wasn't required to take any science classes for her degree. "Just stay here, yeah?" That sounded like more of a question than it should of.

There was a pause and in that moment Destiny thought or every negative response possible. Of course, Brandon wouldn't be rude about it. He would try to put it in the nicest way possible. 'We aren't ready.' or 'We've only been married a month.'. It felt like a weight was just dropped on her chest. Godammit, what was he thinking? Another pause and she felt like she was suffocating. You think what? This feeling must be the worth in the world. What must of been like thirty seconds felt like hours.

"Well, does nine months sound like enough time?" The weight was lifted off her chest, but now Destiny had realized what she said. For some reason, she expected it to be like in the movies. The ones where they came out with it as soon as possible and directly. Then the couple skipped over to their parents houses. Destiny thought maybe Brandon was right (he usually was), that she should expect the unexpected. As gracefully as she could, Destiny flipped over on her stomach and stuffed her under her pillow. Nine months was not enough time. Maybe two or three years, but nine months seemed so short. Now that she thought about it, what are you supposed to do? They were living in a one room apartment with the nearest family members 200 miles away, and they're twenty two. Come to think of it, she was absolutely terrified.

[destinyhart]

Flashback// You Can Lie With Me

[brandon--mcqueen]

The smile stayed on Brandon’s face as he felt Destiny cuddle up against him. Even he knew how lame he was, but moments like these were his favorite, even if the girl was probably squirming with pathogens. Being married could make you forget about biology for a while; it was strange that way. “Hmm, good to hear. I was willing to risk it anyway. I’m so brave," he told her, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes. Pressing a kiss to her cheek, he extracted his arm from where it was squished awkwardly under his stomach and wrapped it loosely around her waist. He found it funny how she could become so preoccupied with details, while he often missed even the most obvious of signs.

At her words, a light chuckle escaped Brandon’s lips before he could stop himself. “Well, we’re married, so I was hoping so. If not, we’re kind of in trouble," he replied easily, shooting her a smile. Something about the way she said those words, even now, when they had been said a thousand times, still made him giddy. Puppy love at its finest. “Good. Need anything?" He asked her, although he was secretly hoping the answer would be no. While he would do anything she asked of him, he was yearning to spend at least a little time just relaxing with her, even if they said and did nothing at all. “Des, are you cold?" He asked suddenly, noticing the way she seemed to be trembling and mistaking it for shivers. He squeezed her hand in his gently. For all his absent-mindedness, Brandon was determined not to be an in attentive husband.

[destinyhart]

Oh god, he was smiling that bright smile of his. All pearly white teeth and crinkles by his eyes. His smile was her favorite smile. Well, if she was telling the truth, everything about him was her favorite.  "Ah, my night in shining tin foil." Destiny lets out a breathy laugh and the corners of her lips upturn.  She's sure she could write the most beautiful poem about this very moment. Laying here all curled up with him was the way Destiny wanted to spend every single day. "Always so brave." 

"Not the answer I was expecting. A simple 'I love you too' would have sufficed." Destiny rolled her eye and pressed her face against Brandon's neck. She tightened her grip on the hand she was holding, telling him to stay here. "No, no. I'll get water or something later." Which probably wasn't true, but she wasn't even sure if she could handle a glass of water, much less something to eat.  "No, no no. 'm fine, I told you." There was that sinking feeling again. Just out right lying to Brand had to be the worst feeling in the entire world.  Of course she wasn't cold, but Destiny's state as of now? It probably couldn't be defined as anything else but panicked. A full minute of silence (or about since she didn't actually count) and she would just come out with it. Destiny promised herself. She couldn't just sit here and wait for him to figure it out. Brandon was bright, but details were not ever really his forte.

"What do you think it would be like to have kids?" The words were not what she planned at all. Maybe this would end up better than the actual route she had planned, just like everything else. Those words just sounded so sudden, like the thought popped in to her mind while she was doing some mundane task. Worrying at her bottom lip, she pulled herself closer in to Brandon's embrace, trying not to cling.

[destinyhart]

Flashback// You Can Lie With Me

[brandon--mcqueen]

Any day that Brandon could spend with his nose shoved in a textbook was, in his humble opinion, a day well spent. Paradise. Fortunately, being a college student, that meant he was able to do so frequently, and even give the excuse that he was studying for an upcoming final. He wouldn’t be surprised to discover that he was the only student at Mizzou who actually enjoyed finals week for more than the opportunity to drink even more Red Bull than usual. It wasn’t as if he had frat parties to anticipate, but for him, physics was the next best thing. It continually amazed him how he could be so far along in his major and still have so much left to discover. 

While studying had once been just about the only thing to keep him entertained, he did have more to occupy himself with now. Just the thought of his wife, even the word itself floating around in his mind, brought a smile to his face that couldn’t be removed. Technically, the “honeymoon" phase had ended, but that same feeling of butterflies that he’d had when he first met Destiny remained in full effect. He loved proving things, but for the life of him, Brandon could not manage to theorize why that girl made him so insane, made him want to run to the moon and bring back the stars for her. Similar to Einstein’s Relativity, it might take him years to make sense of it. On the other hand, he might not ever, but he was oddly at ease with that fact. 

Once Destiny was on his mind, there was little Brandon could do to bring himself back to earth and focus. It was almost like a middle school crush, although he’d never had one to compare it to. After bookmarking his place under the section of Classical Mechanics, he shut the textbook and pushed himself off his cozy position on the floor in the cramped space between the TV and the couch. He told himself he’d put it away later, knowing it was a lie and that it would probably stay in the spot until Destiny cleaned it up for him. 

Still grinning, he knocked once on the door to the bedroom before entering, not waiting for an invitation. He knew his wife hadn’t been feeling well, but he prided himself on a strong immune system and the ability to make her smile, even when she was down in the dumps. “Can I join you?" He asked her, plopping beside her on his stomach. With a slight shift, he put his hand on her forehead, switching to concerned-husband mode. “How’re you feeling?" 

[destinyhart]

Brandon knocked once. Privacy wasn’t really a thing she had ever got, so one knock was better than barging in. Most of the time the door wasn’t even closed anyway. Although Destiny wished time could of slowed. When she heard the door open, Destiny could feel the sinking in her stomach. Was she just supposed to come out with it? Would that be too straight forward? Maybe she should casually talk about his day. That might work, but she wasn’t one to start a chat with ‘how was your day’. The time between the door opening and the sinking in the mattress felt longer than it should have. Still to short, but longer than it must have really been. 

"Yeah, yeah." She shifted up a bit so her she was slightly supported by the head board. Now was not the time, and she was practically quaking. Scared didn’t really cover what Destiny was feeling at the moment.  "Not contagious, promise." She said, snuggling in to Brandon's side. Maybe she should just rip off the band aid fast.

"You know I love you right?" She ends up mumbling instead of answering his question. Godammit, the words spill out of her mouth faster than she can stop them.  taking the hand on her forehead, she entwines their fingers. She was doubting herself. What if he thinks something's wrong. "Feelin' fine."

[destinyhart]

Flashback// You Can Lie With Me

How am I even going to tell him? Destiny wondered. They had been married for less than a month. She's twenty-two years old and married, but she's happy. In the past four months Brandon McQueen had flipped her life upside down. In the past month, she was officially Mrs. Destiny McQueen and she was enjoying every bit of it. Now? What if Brandon wasn't happy? What if he didn't want a kid? She was pregnant n and that could ruin absolutely everything. Destiny knew she should be stressing over this, but it wasn't like stressing over something small (like the brand of white bread she got at the store). This was a big deal, and she was scared.

Classes had ended a few hours ago. Brandon was home sitting on the couch in their tiny living space, or maybe in the kitchenette. Or the bathroom.  There wasn't many more places to be since they couldn't afford a much bigger apartment--because paying tuition is hard even with a job and adding rent on top of that is difficult.  When would she actually have the guts to get up and tell him? Or just get up? Destiny decided it would be a good idea to stay home since she hadn't been feeling well lately and her mind raced with reasons why. She hadn't been feeling all too great for the past week. The only time she dragged herself out of bed in the past twenty four hours had been to slip on slippers so she could get the damn pregnancy test at a convenience store down the street. 

It had come back positive.

Now she was laying in her bed and staring at the ceiling.  Maybe she would just lay here for a while. Or until she got hungry.  That seemed like a decent idea. Mumbling to herself, moved around until she was buried under the covers.