Will could still feel herself pulsing. Like a full-body heartbeat, almost. It took a second for the blood to stop rushing in her ears and even longer for her breathing to even out.
Mack's fingers were still inside her, palm splayed flat against the bud of Will's clit, but she'd paused in her movements as soon as Will started squirming. She was eyeing Will all curiously now. Her nose was pinched in concentration and her head was tilted down in Will’s direction.
Will took a breath. Then another one. Then Mack said, “It doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to.”
It was mean to say while she was still inside Will. Will could feel the pads of her fingers up against her walls, rough as always, and when Mack shifted, another thrum of arousal hit her. Will felt herself clench on instinct and Mack's head tipped to the side like a dog hearing its master call for it.
a few things abt simon & baz that make me soft (and kinda sad)
alternatively titled: this post was to celebrate 500 followers but then someone unfollowed me :’(
edit: i gained five followers after this so LMAO thank y’all, now it’s an official milestone <3
- baz thought that he’d never get anything from simon. can you imagine his exhilaration, the thrill of working together to help his mother. the way his hatred for simon’s destructive heroism must have dissolved to make room for his admiration at the way simon was so willing to drop their antagonism to do the right thing
- even though simon doesn’t get many cheesy, heartfelt lines, his are sososo very significant. those little flashes of admiration he has for baz, those moments where he can’t think of the right thing to say. the fact that, no matter what they had to deal with, he chose to stay by baz’s side. the fact is that, he loves him so much that he’d do anything for him. he left his friends to go back for him. he’s willing to let him go, for the sake of his happiness.
- baz has felt love for simon for so long that he knows exactly how to articulate it. he knows exactly how to describe the feelings, to explain what simon means to him. simon doesn’t, because he’s never really known love like that. he’d wanted agatha before, but it wasn’t anything like the feeling he had for baz.
- they held hands often.
- baz just wants to take care of simon in his slump. he’d do anything to make him happy, which includes going on that shitty roadtrip just to see him smile. the same way simon thinks that letting him go will be better for him, baz thinks that simon thrives in america, and he’d be willing to do that to make him happy.
- they both find each other beautiful.
- “why can’t you see that i wouldn’t be happy anywhere without you?” & “the crucible gave me you” show just how much simon means to baz. the way he was his reason, his support when things were difficult. and just how much that still means, even though simon’s not holding him up anymore. the way that simon still supports him, just by existing.
- the whole “we’re always fighting” / “or not” interaction is so important. because even though simon can’t always say exactly what he feels or means, he’s adamant that they don’t have to fight. he’s trying to help baz unlearn that narrative of what they were taught growing up, because he doesn’t believe it anymore.
- both of them thought that after their first kiss, nothing else would happen. baz was ready to just go back to the way things were, and simon thought that if he didn’t go back to him, he’d forget about it. instead, they made the active choice not to ignore it. this says a lot about baz, who loves simon so much that he was willing to go with whatever simon wanted, and a lot about simon, who refused to let baz play it off as nothing.
- baz shows how much he wants simon by letting him take the lead - suggesting their relationship in the first place, continuing to maintain it, letting him decide how to handle things. simon shows how much he wants baz by pushing his own boundaries - diving into unfamiliar territory with his sexuality just to keep baz, actively going behind his beliefs to ensure that baz gets justice.
and finally...
-i’d tie our hearts together, chamber by chamber,” is simon’s confession. it’s ‘sorry i can’t be normal, sorry i can’t touch you the way i used to, sorry i can’t be what you need.’ it’s him admitting how deep the love goes, unable to express it. it’s him wanting to be as close as possible, closer than that, bypassing all the physicality and the pain. all his love broken down to the barest, rawest form of it.
that is how much he loves him. that is how much he’s unable to show.
thank you for (almost) 500 followers !
i’m so thankful for all of y’all that stick by this blog, and support me on ao3 as well, n’ i’m glad that y’all enjoy my content. this is kinda long so i’ll prolly put the rest under a cut, but yes, thank you very very much ! <3 remember, my inbox is always open for anything, n’ i’m always open to making friends (please do be aware that i’m eighteen though :) )
