Small town, big city heart

In Sickness ¦ Date

Kate didn’t follow him when he sat up. She just lay there, looking at his back, watching him physically withdraw from her. Her face was expressionless, her mind felt numb to it all. She didn’ know how she would feel about this if she were sober; whatever she felt, she’d probably keep it all hidden from him anyway.

She believed his last statement. Believed he was young and stupid. Kate was young and stupid now, though, and she wasn’t about to run away from him. Maybe she should. Without speaking, she rolled over onto her other side, away from him, tucked her chin and pulled his t-shirt up to her nose.

“Goodnight, Dex,” She said, her voice monotone with exhaustion and defeat. Niomi was no you. Now she felt more confused than ever. Luckily, she doubted she’d remember any of this in the morning.

He waited for her reply. Maybe she wouldn’t even remember about that conversation in the morning, but he worried. Dex didn’t want her thinking he was still the man he was ten years ago. Kate didn’t seem to want to keep that conversation going, considering she said goodnight.

Dexter doubted he would be able to go back to sleep now. He waited, lying back down next to her but not wrapping her arms around her again. Maybe Kate was pissed at him, and somehow he thought he would be too. What was she eve thinking about him now? “I’m sorry.” he said, not sure if she could hear him and not really knowing what he was apologizing for.

In Sickness ¦ Date

His words triggered a memory in Kate’s mind, and she turned to face him, her face inches from his, just looking at him for a long moment. Her eyes kept unfocusing, partly because of the alcohol in her system and partly because she could feel sleep creeping in on her. She reached her hand up to trace his jawline with her finger.

“You left Niomi.” It was a statement, her mind having conjured up a memory of what Addison had told her a few nights ago. Her wide, grey-green eyes flitted from where her finger traced his jawline up to his.There was no emotion in her voice when she spoke, she wasn’t complaining or accusing. The thoughts that traipsed their way across her mind simply found their way out of her mouth, quiet, monotonous and matter-of-fact. “You’ll leave me, too.”

Dexter’s hand froze as Kate let out her statement, completely caught off guard. Those were the last words he was expecting her to say, and he didn’t have an answer for what it felt like forever. Dex unwrapped his arm away from Kate, sitting down and running his fingers through his hair. Of course Addison would’ve told her. She was her best friend. But there was no way in hell he’d expected her to bring it up.

“That was...” he took a deep breath. “That was definitely something else. Okay? I was young, younger than you. And Niomi, god... she was so hard to deal with.” Dexter knew he was sounding like a jerk trying to make excuses for the shit he did in the past. He sighed again, rubbing his hands on his face and unable to look at Kate. “I’m not trying to say it was okay what I did. I still feel bad about it. I wish I could talk to Niomi and apolo-...” Dex was rambling and he knew it. Instead of keep trying to find the words, he just decided to say the ones he was sure he meant: “Niomi was no you.”

#umm dex??#a bit too late my friend #muse

thelovejournals

I’m terrified of falling in love.

Pat Conroy, The Prince of Tides (via thelovejournals)

In Sickness ¦ Date

Kate was too drunk to notice Dex’s hesitation. she could feel herself swaying where she stood. His support, his hands on her arms, were the only things keeping her upright.

“M’okay,” She nodded, confirming it, and nodded once more when he asked if she wanted to lie down. She walked, unsteadily, back over to the bed and climbed onto it, crawling towards the pillows and collapsing onto the mattress with a sigh. She reached for Dex’s hand, pulling his arm around her waist and holding his hand.

“Stay,” She muttered, forgetting that they were in his trailer, just wanting him near her.

Dexter stayed where he was for a couple of seconds, still lost in a silent confusion. He snapped out of it when Kate reached him, climbing next to her but sitting down instead of lying, his arm around her waist.

He opened his mouth to reply her. He would stay, of course he would stay. But why couldn’t he shake the feeling that he shouldn’t? Dex finally lied down, letting out a sigh and allowing himself to get his body closer to hers. “I’m not going anywhere.” he finally said, his fingers going up and down on her back.

In Sickness ¦ Date

Kate wasn’t the kind of girl who needed a guy to chase her. She wasn’t playing games, playing hot and cold with him, trying to make him say things he wasn’t ready to say. But she didn’t want to be there if he didn’t want her there. So hearing him insist was the only thing to convince her. She nodded, then closed her eyes against the dizziness that followed on quickly.

The worry in his voice was obvious, and she felt guilty for stressing him out. “M’sorry,” She said, for the third time this evening, her voice just above a whisper, her eyes on the floor like a chastised child, “I just wanted to be with you.”

#this post is fucked up bc mobile #c: kate #nvmd i fixed it

He sighed as Kate stopped trying to leave, letting off some of the pressure in his hands but not letting her arms go yet. Something about her words got him even more confused than he already was. Didn’t he want to be with her as well? Wasn’t he practically begging Kate to come soon just a few hours ago? Then why, for fuck’s sakes, was it so confusing to hear her admitting the exact same thing?

Dex looked down, hoping she hadn’t noticed his hesitation. “I’m just glad you’re okay.” He said after all, trying to ignore the sudden weight on his shoulders. Dexter had promised himself he wouldn’t do it again. He couldn’t… The man cleaned his throat, looking up at her. “Do you want to lie down for a bit? You still look dizzy.”

In Sickness ¦ Date

Kate didn’t hear anything after ‘should’ve stayed at Addison’s’ and she frowned, not at him, but past him. Swinging her legs off his lap and pushing his hand away from her face, she got unsteadily to her feet.

“Fine,” She slurred, a pang of anger in her voice, “I’ll go back to Addison's’” She started looking around for her clothes, since she somehow knew she couldn’t walk back to Addie’s dressed as she was, in nothing but a t-shirt, “Where are my clothes?”

“What?” he asked, surprised by the anger in her voice. “Did you even hear a word I said? Kate, Kate, stop!” Dex got up, holding her. “That is not what I meant! Don’t be ridiculous, you’re not going anywhere in that state. Hey, hey!” he turned her around to face him, holding both of her shoulders.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I was just being worried... you walking around completely drunk...” a sickening thought hit him, Kate walking alone, finding someone with anything but good intentions. He shook his head. She was fine. “I’m glad you’re here, okay? Please stop.”

In Sickness ¦ Date

“I didn’t want to wake you,” She said, pushing her hair out of her face, looking at the bruises on her legs, “S’not your job to look after me.”

Even as drunk as she was, Kate had some conception of the agreement they had made, and she didn’t feel like friends with benefits included the benefit of him picking her up whenever she wanted. The occasion when she had been arrested was a different story, one that didn’t even cross her mind in her current state.

“I’m my own problem, not yours.”

She was right. It wasn’t his job to look after her. And yet, he worried, and he wanted to. Why? Because she’s your friend, he told himself, quickly noticing how dumb that statement sounded even in his head. If it wasn’t that, then what was it? Dexter felt that was a dangerous area to go in, so he shook it off.

“So you thought wondering off in the middle of the night, drunk as hell, was a better option? You should’ve called” he insisted, surprised by the concern in his voice. “Or...” Dex sighed, trying to fix it. “I don’t know, Kate, should’ve stayed at Addison’s? Do you have any idea of how... okay, no. I won’t lecture you, that’s bloody stupid.” he closed his eyes for a second and opened them again, reaching his arm to her face. He knew that was too, a dangerous move, but it wasn’t like Kate would remember it the next morning. “I want to look after you. You might not be used to that but goddamn it, let me.”

In Sickness ¦ Date

“M’sorry,” She said, again, sitting back from him, her speech slurring, “Do you want me to go home? I can go, if you want.”

She shook her head, then immediately regretted the action because her head began to spin. “S’your fault. Used to be able to handle alcohol…before you. Now I only drink beer. S’Vodka I can’t handle now.”

“You’re not going anywhere. Don’t even think about it.” he scowled, sitting her on the bed and reaching her legs up his lap. “God, Kate, look at your legs. I’m surprised you got here in one piece.” Dex shook his head, once again mad at himself for not picking her up from Addison’s.

He laughed lightly at her statement, running his thumb across her knee. “Hey, don’t you blame this on me. It’s not my fault if beer is all I can afford.” he joked, shrugging. His face turned into a more serious expression as he looked at her face. “Have you guys been drinking since that last time you texted me? Kate... why didn’t you call me?”

In Sickness ¦ Date

She nodded, weakly, when he asked if she was feeling better, and lifted her arms for him to put the t-shirt on her, wrapping her arms around his neck when he was done, not letting him move away from her. In her drunken state, she didn’t care that she was soaking wet and, thus, was making him wet. She only cared that she wanted him close to her, and that she wanted to breathe him in.

She turned her face in to his neck, closing her eyes and leaning her head on his shoulder, sighing contentedly in a moment of tenderness that she would have forgotten by the morning.

Dexter laughed lightly as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close and getting him even more wet than he’d gotten whilst helping her in the shower. “Hey, what are you doing?” he laughed, not really complaining about it but finding her affectionate attitude funny.

“This is by far the drunkest I’ve ever seen you.” the man chuckled, running his hands up and down her back and kissing her shoulder. “You almost gave me a goddamn heart attack too.”

#c:kate

In Sickness ¦ Date

She felt feverish. Maybe it was the walk back from Addison’s in the cold, in her skimpy-ish outfit, that had thrown her body temperature out of whack. Whatever it was, she was appreciative when she felt the cold water on her scalding hot skin, and she tilted her head back, running a hand over her face to get the mascara out of her eyes, washing away her make up. She let Dex hold her steady, closing her eyes against the dizziness.

The water was sobering, and at some point she found herself sliding down the shower wall, sitting with her back against the cool tiles, just enjoying the soothing sensation of the water. When she finally felt a little bit more human, she gestured for Dex to turn off the faucet, reaching for his hand to help her to her feet.

He waited until she looked at least a bit better, keeping his arms close to her body as she slide down the wall, making sure she wouldn’t fall. Dexter didn’t say anything, he just stared at her in a silent concern, nodding when she gestured for him to turn the shower off.

He got up, offering his hands to help her up and reaching for a towel to wrap around her shoulders. “Better?” Dex asked, helping Kate out of the rest of her wet clothes and sitting her down in the toilet seat as he left to get a t-shirt for her. He gestured it to her, smiling lightly. “It’s your t-shirt anyway. C’mon, let me help you. Reach up.”

In Sickness ¦ Date

In her intoxicated state, Kate was vaguely aware of Dex approaching her, and she was somewhat grateful for him pulling her hair out of her way, but she mostly wanted him to not be there right now. She tried to speak, but her breath was catching in her throat as her body tried to reject the excessive amount of alcohol she had consumed.

The retching went on for a while, but eventually, she was just dry heaving. There was nothing left inside of her to come up. She reached up to flush the toiled and closed the lid, laying her head down on the cold ceramic to cool herself down. Her breathing eventually slowed down from the breathless pant, her forehead was wet with sweat and her tears had etched out track marks through her make up. She looked an absolute mess.

“M’sorry,” She managed to mumble, as she wiped at her eyes, making the mess of her mascara even worse and causing her eyes to sting as she rubbed it in, “I’ll go home.”

She tried to stand up, putting a hand on his shoulder to push herself to her feet, but she only got halfway before dizziness took over and she collapsed back onto the floor beside him, her knees cracking on the bathroom floor as she did so. “Ow.” The pain didn’t fully register in her intoxicated state, but it would be there tomorrow.

Dexter waited until it was over, doing his best to keep her hair out of the way with one hand whilst running the other up and down her back. He should’ve had offered to go and pick her up. How the hell did she even get there in that state? He was even more worried when noticing all the bruises in her legs.

“Hey, don’t be, c’mon.” Dex was about to ask how she was feeling when Kate tried to get up, clearly too dizzy to even take a step and collapsing next to him. “Stop, stop! You’re gonna kill yourself, here, lift your arms.” he helped getting her out of her shirt and got up, pulling her with him. There was no way in hell he would just let her leave. There wasn’t much he could do for her, but Dexter thought a cold shower should at least help a little bit.

The man helped Kate getting inside the box, turning on the shower and holding her steady to allow the water run through her body.

In Sickness ¦ Date

The next day, when Dex asked her how she’d found her way to the trailer, she wouldn’t be able to tell him. Nor would she be able to tell him how many times she’d fallen over trying to get here but the bruises on her legs and the grazes on her knees would speak for that.

As he had promised, the door had been left unlocked and she’d managed to stumble inside. Kate, however, couldn’t stick to her end of the bargain and the wake-up call she had promised him was as far from her mind as it could get. Instead of making her way over to the bed, she made her way to the bathroom, and not very quietly, stumbling several times as she did so.

Being that the trailer was so small, Kate couldn’t kneel on the bathroom floor and close the door, and she wasn’t in a fit state of mind to try and be sick quietly. She was out of practice with her drinking and was clearly losing her ability to hold hard liqueur. She’d also committed the cardinal sin of mixing alcohol with a joint. It was a mistake she should have learnt from a thousand times over, but she hadn’t.

And that was why she was crouched over Dex’s toiled at four o’clock in the morning, retching her guts up, mascara mingling with the tears that streaked down her face.