❛ SPOTTED ON A STREET IN DAEHANGNO is 『 JEON HANBYUL 』 ;
a[n] twenty-eight year old heiress who was born on 01/12/1989. she originates from seoul, currently living in via and vue #2510.
❛ STRANGERS WHO HAVE MET THIS PERSONA THINK OF THIS IMPRESSION ;
intricacies of a woman woven like vines alongside the spinal column of a skyscraper. she is an entrée for the entirety of a kingdom to come. confident to a fault, but seemingly humble altogether, she’s a paradox living and breathing. pilfers through the filtered altruism, she does not exactly fall under the category of the pristine dame. complex. compound. construed. a conundrum waiting to be solved, but nobody has ever come close to dissecting the riddles she poses. in the captive humdrum of the city’s hummingbirds, she’s a breath of life, commanding the hall as she strides into it. she speaks soft. she speaks harsh. sides of a coin that become a captured dichotomy. picture-perfect, but distant simultaneously. she’s not here for your filthy hands to stain her, for she would do that to herself if she wishes so.
❛ HOWEVER, EVERYONE IS NOT WHAT THEY SEEM ON THE OUTSIDE ;
‘ devour your kings. ’ – salma deera, letters from medea.
this is not always remembered from the birth; for once, this starts at three in the morning. cold water in bathtub, ankle deep ocean. she shivers, counting her ribs. skin is a garment of mortality.
what is mortality if not a manmade concept; what is mortality when she is forged of the absence of a father.
this story begins in the extraction of deicide from the stomach of urban decay, when her throne no longer overlooks the rivers coursing, their streams carrying the weight of the weeping death.
conventionally, however, she carried too much flesh and wore smokes as heart. she reminisces over growing up by the varying shades the rooms exuded. her parents’ bedroom spilled too much sillage, appa a dusty memory on cold wooden floor and umma a weary inkling in pristine bedsheets. the living room contained the hollow mouth of a familial affair, the air almost synthetic with the chemical touch of scrubbing. the guest rooms often cloaked in the ghosts of footsteps; missing the pressures of foreign bodies on the beds. hallways were bound in leather fisted sighs, the echoes bloodhound against the rattle of windowpanes.
her bedroom: a collection of question marks, engraved on every sinew of it. also a witness to dreams of afterlife. an illusion of a safe haven; travesty scattered but nobody was laughing. a reminder of umma’s fingers, fisted around her wrist.
her bedroom eventually smelled like the dining room, where all seeds of finery bloomed in every season. this was not what it meant, to be born with silver spoon in her mouth. instead, it was golden spine that structured her posture; sit straight, chin up, gaze fixed. umma crushed liberty with bare palms until the shards drew blood. threw a lit matchstick after pouring gasoline to imbibe the flamed innocence. stained glass a portrait of women with crowns implanted into their throats. they swallowed ruins of empires for dinner and dreamed of personal colossuses.
( umma did not teach to forgive or forget.
umma did not teach to bend or kneel. )
inevitably, her ribcage became the amphitheater for both tragedies and carnages.
come hither. this story is about destruct and deconstruct.
seven, and umma introduced her to the only man she should bend her knees for.
it was about holy father, who art in heaven. ( but what is heaven? is it a fairytale for adults? )
umma taught her to choke the rosary beads between her fingers, hands cleansed from the filth of men. appa was a ghost with his corpse rotting in the closet; she recalled him as clothes stacked high on untouched shelves. there was no kindness coming from a man—even adam let eve be seduced by the snake. men were tools umma smothered until their necks snapped. ( “and this, this is how you should handle them.” )
men were flasks of transience, a shooting star she should never have prayed to. ( there was no wish-granting coming from mortals. )
in this blueprint, her life was a list housing bullet points. umma ticked them off one by one: ballet, piano, violin, vocal, judo, archery. then, god, god, god.
she recalls her childhood in the shape of the cathedral’s walls and how they echoed the homilies.
and just as girls were tied in ribbons of secondhand throne ( post-survival by the hands of savior ), she built her body on fairy tales. fogged meadows at dawn and tonal festivity at dusk. but there would never be any prince to slay the vultures in her head for her; and there would never be a right-hand side verses for her.
her being was architected to conquer the ocean and its shores, their topography the scriptures of her soft violence.
she came into the barren land with no church in sight but she prayed for god’s death. a funeral held in the silence caught between her teeth.
commandments were for women stringed to patriarchy. her knees were never scraped for men.
romance is sometimes made of calloused hands of the guillotines in the morgue.
girls like her only knew how to love with her knuckles, and how to consume with her monstrosity.
there is no story if it is not sutured by her, she decided. she will devour all kings and stand above their corroding remains.
hello, everyone! admin a again, and as you can perhaps see, the admins have been busy again this week, so apologies for that! in turn, we will not be having any activity check this period as it would be unfair when we haven’t been doing much ourselves. this following week, an event will be planned and released, so please stay tuned. thank you!
we do have an event planned for this month! once all of the admins are more readily available (in this coming week or so), we will share it with you all. ^^
❛ SPOTTED ON A STREET IN DAEHANGNO is 『 SHIN MAYA 』 ;
a[n] twenty-six year old full-time model who was born on 24/10/1991. she originates from seoul, currently living in via and vue #2504.
❛ STRANGERS WHO HAVE MET THIS PERSONA THINK OF THIS IMPRESSION ;
at first sight, maya might come off as cold or arrogant. her beauty has always gained attention, no matter how hard she tries to hide. it’s okay, she loves being noticed anyways. maya is the embodiment of self confidence, of someone who loves herself so much that nothing else matters more. a little selfish, a little blunt. she doesn’t care much about people, unless she could gain benefits from them. her words come out as harsh sometimes, but she never speaks when she doesn’t need to, or when she doesn’t want to. people say she’s so full of herself, that she thinks she’s better than everyone else. sometimes she looks mad, looks annoyed even at the sound of someone’s breathing. looks like she’s about to scream into someone’s head when they get too loud. she looks angry, like nothing in this world could make her feel better. if eyes could kill, shin maya would have everyone dead if they look in her way. some people could realize how sad and lonely she actually looks like, for that she’s filled with poison, but blessed with beauty and rage.
❛ HOWEVER, EVERYONE IS NOT WHAT THEY SEEM ON THE OUTSIDE ;
『 TRIGGER WARNINGS 』 pregnancy.
all her life hyera was told she was a mistake, that she wasn’t supposed to be born.
maybe if her mother hadn’t brought her to meet shin byungho, their life would be different from now. maybe they could have been happier, despite the fact that they would never taste such a luxury life like this, but what’s more important than happiness anyways? money couldn’t even buy everything, she knew that for sure.
at five years old, hyera had everything—a mansion to live in, a long list of nannies babysitting her the whole time, a room which seems too big to be used by her alone, a father, and another mother. she didn’t expect the latter, but it was the only condition she has to fulfill to be apart of the family. hyera just wanted to meet her father, but her mother was so persistent for the man to take the little girl in, and so he did, by registering hyera as his wife’s daughter, making her the legitimate child of the household. his wife, hwang misuk, was obviously not happy with the change, and when hyera’s mother was also given a place in the house, the woman vowed to make the two of them suffer for the rest of their life for invading her family.
she grew up with hatred and rage in her body, always angry at how the family treated her mother. hyera was ten when she learned the truth, that her mother was just a mistress of the man, and to take care of the family’s reputation and avoid misunderstanding, they made it look like as if hyera was the second child of shin byungho and hwang misuk. so that’s why they were trying to hide her mother, tried to keep yoo kyungran in the house all the time because nobody was supposed to find out about her existence. her father wasn’t as vile as his wife. in fact he was usually nice, but hyera still despised him for how selfish he could be at times.
most people envied her for having such a perfect life, but only if they knew the reality of her life, they might have to think twice before wishing they wanted to be shin hyera. she was one of the top students at school, most known for the fact that she’s outspoken and fearless, despite how her beauty seemed to contribute to her fame as well. coming from a very well known family, it’s hard to not know who shin hyera was. but regardless of how popular she was, hyera didn’t have many friends.
it’s a choice, she often said. hyera chose to not have many friends because it would mean less problem to deal with, knowing that these friends wouldn’t last forever.
hyera was also known for having a temper, or maybe she’s just easily annoyed by people, and everyone believed that an angry hyera wasn’t one to mess with. she used to be very obedient back then when she was still young, when she was still oblivious to what’s happening around her. the girl had somehow grown to be a rebel in her teens, always talking back to her ‘mother’ whenever she was told to do something. she hated it, she didn’t like pretending as if they were this perfect little family when they barely cared about each other at all. the only time they was together at home was during dinner, it’s just a practice shin byungho had in the house, that everyone should be present in the dining room when it’s dinner time.
besides being a smart student, hyera also enjoyed causing trouble at school, only to piss her ‘mother’ off. the more the woman scolded her, the more trouble she would do. misuk knew the girl would ruin the family’s reputation one day with how reckless she’s acting, and so she decided to send the girl to study abroad when she was fourteen. her father didn’t say anything, and before she knew it hyera had been away for two years, only to come back to south korea to attend high school here.
it almost felt like a dream, the one she wished she would never wake up when she’s with him. hyera didn’t like many things, didn’t like many people. but she liked him, no, she loved him. she believed it was possible to be happy when he’s around, that nothing else would matter if they were together. they even planned to go to the same university, to spend the rest of their life with each other. but maybe happiness wasn’t so easy to get, especially when someone wasn’t happy to see her with him. she knew his mother didn’t like her, no matter how hard she tried to appeal to the woman. it didn’t help that she knew about hyera’s real status in the family, that she was just a child to a mistress and the ceo of zeus hotel group.
hyera never really had an ambition growing up. sure, every kids wanted to be a doctor back then, and maybe she did wish she was one when she grew up too, but that’s just something she said for fun. hyera was always interested in fashion and beauty. given that she’s from a wealthy family, it’s not hard to get the latest products from chanel or gucci, and people had always found her to be stylish in anything that she wore. she could literally rock any kind of style and make it hers.
it began with helping a friend with his project, where hyera had became his model and her pictures were later exhibited, and gained attention from a lot of people. somehow she felt happy about it, proud even. and that’s when she decided she wanted to be a model—she knew it would be easier if she told her parents about it, after all they could just pull some strings to get her into an agency, but hyera would rather earn it by herself. months later she was contacted by a famous modelling agency that she was accepted, and hyera swore that was her happiest moment.
but also on the same week, hyera found out that she’s pregnant. she didn’t want to believe it. she knew she was supposed to be happy, seeing that he was, but she wasn’t. she had just accepted the modelling offer and her career was about to begin, but how could she do that with a big belly? it didn’t even seem convincing to lie, knowing that they probably would realize about her baby bump soon when it got bigger, that they would probably sense something was up if she kept on going to the washroom to vomit, or at least if she felt like to. and wouldn’t it be tiring to be pregnant? hyera wouldn’t be able to move as fast as she was now anyways.
things became worse when her parents found out, and her 'mother’ had constantly pressured her to abort the child, or to get married before the baby was born, but she didn’t want either of those. hyera wasn’t ready for a marriage, let alone to have a child to raise. it was a nightmare, but she knew she could never get rid of this baby. and so she turned down the offer, dropped out of university and tried to deal with the pregnancy with him by her side. not long after that his mother learned about the child she’s carrying, it had only given the woman more reason to hate on hyera.
nine months almost felt so short, and she finally gave birth to a baby girl. but before she could even raise her with him, hyera had chosen to leave them behind, already on her way to milan when he had tried to contact her. maybe that could be the best decision she ever made, to choose her career over her own family. it could have been the worst, and hyera knew she was going to hate herself for doing so.
she spent five years in milan as shin maya, getting her pretty face featured in all kind of magazine and commercial advertisement. she loved the attention she’s getting, loved having people adored her, even if she knew it would be different if she wasn’t rich nor pretty. hyera thought she had found her true happiness, to be a successful model by her own means, but maybe fame wasn’t equal to happiness either. maybe that’s why she came back, they were her definition of happiness.
❛ SPOTTED ON A STREET IN DAEHANGNO is 『 MOON LIAN 』 ;
a[n] twenty-eight year old full-time sailing instructor who was born on 13/10/1989. she originates from busan, currently living in officetel #505.
❛ STRANGERS WHO HAVE MET THIS PERSONA THINK OF THIS IMPRESSION ;
Lian is very much a laid back person and easy to get along with. She believes in doing things for the greater good and being a good person but cross her and you meet the most stubborn person on the planet with rages like wildfire. Lian sometimes appears as though her mind is drifting off elsewhere when she’s have conversations with people, which sometimes, is the case. Lian is the type to take people under her wing and take care of them, which is good but it often times leads to people taking advantage of her, especially when they know she comes from money. Overall, Lian is a great person to have as a friend but definitely not one that you want as your enemy.
❛ HOWEVER, EVERYONE IS NOT WHAT THEY SEEM ON THE OUTSIDE ;
『 TRIGGER WARNINGS 』 death.
Lian was born into a life that promised her no struggles and promises of the world. Her parents were wealthy, having generations and generations worth of wealth passed down through the family and being the owner of one of the largest marketing and advertising companies in the world.
Her parents had dreams for Lian but of course, Lian had dreams of her own and despite what her parents wanted, she insisted on getting her hands dirty and playing in the mud instead of being a prim and proper young lady.
Her parents did everything to try and convince the young girl to not get so dirty and tried bribing her, but nothing ever lasted. Being an only child, they put the weight of the world on Lian, but they treated her with love and respect, wanting to keep their future going and keeping the Moon name as one that was well recognized and well-known.
It wasn’t until she was 9 years old that her father took her out on a sailboat and it was then that Lian fell in love, always wanting to spend every waking minute on the waters and eager to learn all about sailing and have a sailboat of her own. It kept Lian away from making a mess and it was an interest that her parents were happy to grant their daughter’s wish and enrolled her in courses to get certified in all classes of sailing and navigation.
On her 18th birthday, while others in her class got cars, Lian got a sailboat of her own. Since then, she traveled the world, taking all sorts of classes that she could in the span of a year before returning home and moving to Seoul.
Since then, she’s been a sailing instructor and giving people private lessons to get their own sailing certifications and always loves to share her knowledge about sailboats and the water. Although her parents hope that she can take over the marketing and advertising world, they agreed to come to a compromise that Lian will take over when the time comes, but she would never give up her sailing lifestyle.
Lian was always a free spirit and people referred to her as being unattainable and out of their league and no one seemed to capture her heart until she met Jaemin, who managed to do just that. Lian fell in love and could easily picture a future with him and found many similarities between him and herself and quickly grew close to his family as well, considering them her own so it broke her heart when Jaemin died in the line of duty, leaving Lian heartbroken.
Lian still keeps in touch with Jaemin’s family, especially his younger siblings because she considers them to be like her own and she does her best to move on. As Lian grows older, she knows her parents hope that she will settle down and get married and Lian knows that her parents expect her to take over the family business soon. With so much on her plate and so many things expected of her, she’s sure to do what she needs to do and wants to do her best not to upset anyone else. How it’ll all turn out? Only time will tell.
❛ SPOTTED ON A STREET IN DAEHANGNO is 『 JEON SEONGMI 』 ;
a[n] nineteen year old part-time model who was born on 26/05/1999. she originates from seoul, currently living in morningville #103.
❛ STRANGERS WHO HAVE MET THIS PERSONA THINK OF THIS IMPRESSION ;
Perfect posture, blonde hair and pretty smile. If you passed her on the street you probably would turn and look, most people do. If you chose to talk to her you would find her sweet and friendly. However if you are unlucky she will act shy. She’s not shy, few people actually make her shy, so if she acts all shy it probably means she does not want to talk to you.
She is a typical good girl you will discover, sweet and soft with a pretty smile that is on her lips most of the time. If you keep spending time with her however you will probably find that you and people around her do most things for her, a bit odd maybe. If you say no when she asks she will tell you it is okay and keep the smile on her lips. Just lips and not face cause her eyes will not be smiling anymore.
The people who like her does not think much of it. She is a bit spoiled, so what? The people who do not like her however might tell you she is a bit scary, the way she knows how to pull people’s strings. But they would never confront her about it, you just do not mess with Jung Seongmi.
❛ HOWEVER, EVERYONE IS NOT WHAT THEY SEEM ON THE OUTSIDE ;
『 TRIGGER WARNINGS 』 allusions to violence, blood.
Seongmi was born into a family of three, her mother and her two older brothers. A father was never mentioned. Seongmi was never even told a name but surprisingly, maybe, she was not a bit curious and had never been. She loved her family and did not need another member, they were perfect to her.
Having three mouths to feed her mother worked a lot most of Seongmi’s life and as a result she was practically raised by her 7 and 10 year older brothers. Jaemin, the oldest, was the father figure in her life. When she got a little older he would be the one to nag about homework and such things, and he was the one to tell her no. Jaesung, her other brother, was the soft one. The one who would sneak things to her after the older had said no, he was the one she felt closest to and he was her favorite - something she of course never said out loud.
Despite their rather tough financial situation and a mother who was always working, Seongmi became quite spoiled. To this day she still sulks if she’s told “no”. But besides from that she was a sweet child, she soft and kind. Making friends was easy for her as people always seemed to like her, adults too. Her innocent aura and cute face probably helped a lot. Over time however she learnt that if she played her cards right, pulled the right strings, she could easily get people to do things that would benefit her.
When she was become a teenager her home situation changed. Her beloved brother started spending more and more time away from home and suddenly he wasn’t sleeping there anymore. He was acting up people said, hanging out with the wrong people, bad people. She never really understood that until that one night. He was the best person in the world to her, how could he be bad? During this time she felt sad a lot, it was weird having ¼ of their little family missing. He would sneak in through her window in the evenings and she would always smile, at least he had not forgotten about them, forgotten about her, at least not yet.
Then that one night came. Seongmi was 14 years old when she woke up in the middle of the night, hearing people talking, hearing her brothers talking? She could not make out the words in her newly awaken state but she excitedly got out of her bed and ran out to them. Was Jaesung finally coming home again? Were they gonna be a family again? The sight that met her has never left her memory. Jaesung, all beaten up, telling Jaemin how sorry he was. Seongmi could see blood, and the expression on her brother’s face, she had never seen him scared like that before. She had never seen anyone scared like that before. They had not noticed her yet, she did not know what to do so she walked over and took Jaesung’s hand in hers.
Jaemin and her cleaned him up after that and she brought him to sleep in her bed, hide with her from the bad people that were looking for him. After that it should have been over. But it was not. Seongmi did not see it happen, the bad people had come by and suddenly Jaemin was gone. Her beloved brother and the closest thing to a father she had ever had, gone forever. Five years later she still thinks about him every day.
❛ SPOTTED ON A STREET IN DAEHANGNO is 『 SON JUNHO 』 ;
a[n] twenty-nine year old full-time neurologist who was born on 11/11/1989. he originates from seoul, currently living in hyehwa #307.
❛ STRANGERS WHO HAVE MET THIS PERSONA THINK OF THIS IMPRESSION ;
brown hues visit a few pools of eyes, only to be left dismissed of the whole matter as he exchanged it onto avoiding them; junho radiates a rather cold icy vibe that accompanied his figure. despite being rather attentive, withal that sheer of charm, it still remained an unanswered question: of how he had been an enigma to some, as people often would seek refuge of the facade he chose to display—truth be told, he never cared anymore. he’s there alright, though through the glimmer of his eyes, one could actually see of how distant it would be. even if he had seemed melancholic at some point, the twenty nine old never neglected the prospects of his post as a surgeon. of all the responsibility that came as a whole package with it, he just couldn’t seem to shove it away as it would been a sheer waste. junho was still the same as he was afore, persevering, and helpful as he could get the job done rather splendidly. only his disposition had altered, he needed to support his small family and was glued to the profession. it was often mistook for him as he can be quite an observant and analytical at times, seemingly with the shot glances that was cast upon and the fact that he was falsely identified as a snub when he was one to be the quite polar opposite.
❛ HOWEVER, EVERYONE IS NOT WHAT THEY SEEM ON THE OUTSIDE ;
the title reads: sh group going in a different direction as the only heir to the family business changes course?
distastefulness exudes around the air, immersing the atmosphere as there he felt two pairs of irises on him. it was between critical and a desolate one. as if he had committed something that was absolute faulty and just so ill repute at once.
“all my life i’ve been nothing but supportive of you, and this is how you repay me?” as the stern sounding voice pierced through the air. eliminating whatever it had hidden and bare it out in the open. “how can you do this to us? to me, your mother and the company like this?”
“you’re a disgrace to the family, junho. you really are!”
“it’s either family, or her and your unborn child”
at times like these how he had longed for support, or just something to hold on withal what was happening. it was never his, hers or even that unborn child of theirs fault. things happen and in their case, it was coming their way and the family felt somewhat in opposition towards an embryo.
before them, the only son got onto his knees. looking down onto the polished marble floor. “i am truly sorry for what happened, it’s my fault mom and dad. please don’t put the blame on her and let her deliver our━”
“one more word of her and her baby, you are never stepping inside here ever again! and don’t expect to run the company once you’re out”
“but mom, dad, please. we have never had the intention of harming both of you, this came unexpected”
“you are never to set foot inside this house ever again!”
and just like that he was discarded, left for nothing as everything had been frozen. down to his funds, all he had left was her and their baby.
( THE OCCURRENCE )
regardless of how hard he had to work while keeping up with medical school, never once had he uttered in exhaustion towards the love of his life. quite a contrast between what he was used to: money, power, access. nevertheless, he had been content withal it was going. a definite struggle, but at the end of the day, it had been rather rewarding.
and fate had a twisted way of telling that his destiny was about to change, yet again.
nine whole months and life was never the same for him.
late december, winter. the snowflakes danced around midst the clear sky, which emanate the cold and icy air that laced between the living—as if it was stretching its arms out and embracing him, constantly reminding him of how cold it was. ironic as it deemed that the brisk air had somehow welcomed him in a way, the tiny smirk that was on junho’s lips was gone by the time when he felt a tug onto the rest of his figure.
incidentally, it was christmas eve all of the sudden.
and in some way, the setting gradually shifted into the setting him rushing back home. “how odd,” the male exclaimed under a short breath as he saw himself running, well, almost running to get most of his work done for the day afore his arrival onto the front of the steps. just a few more distance to the front door, this time an expression of delight graced his features. it seemed a while since he recalled of himself doing so, why was he smiling? was there a solid of a reason for doing so? the question still remained, why?
he clearly heard the sounds of a faint scream, it definitely sounded familiar. though it sounded more like a cry of pain, the medical student braced himself inside—trailing the awful sounding shrieks that laid inside the ambiance of a room, it finally rang onto him now: the outcry of pain that she made came from their bedroom and with light steps on his pair of feet, he rushed to the scene.
queue the long shrieks and the noise of a baby crying. this time, silence encompassed the surroundings. the male is seen to be smiling as he stood near the entrance, the whole scene was both consolatory and albeit frightening for him. she had just safely delivered a baby girl, the one that they had dreaming for the past nine months now. a gift that bestowed upon the couple, the newborn seemed healthy. perfect in every way, but there were no air of congratulatory greetings: like they had always done whenever an infant was present. junho couldn’t comprehend of the matter as he stepped closer, curious of the current air. it was irregular all of the sudden.
that she had already left even before his arrival. the people in the room were the caretaker and a lady whom had been a neighbor which he had a hard time recalling.
suddenly the world felt as if it was crashing onto him, the dark abyss started to consume. an invisible pair of hands on the neck, an act of restraining for him to breathe as he dropped to his knees beside his newborn baby. all he wanted to do was to defy her absence, and yet no words could spill from his tongue. strangely, all of his body felt as if they were confined in some way. there had been no way to prevent of how he was feeling now. warm droplets of tears glazed his features now.
if fate ever existed, how could it ever be so spiteful?
( AFTERMATH )
subsequently five years later and he still never did perceived the fact that she left after giving birth. how could she ever after what they’ve been through? she never really did reached out to them, no phone calls, text messages or even cards really.
as it left him to the brink of madness, the only one that has kept him sane was his daughter.
❛ SPOTTED ON A STREET IN DAEHANGNO is 『 CHAICHANATHAM KANNIKA 』 ;
a[n] twenty-one year old unemployed who was born on 12/10/1996. she originates from bangkok, thailand, currently living in via and vue #2511.
❛ STRANGERS WHO HAVE MET THIS PERSONA THINK OF THIS IMPRESSION ;
“don’t you ever get lonely?”
she smiles bright back. like it’s a stupid question, like she’s not drowning in a sea of loneliness barely keeping her head above water some days.
“why would you ask something dumb like that?”
it’s easy to laugh, but she’s concerned he can see the panic in her eyes.
she’s concerned he’ll know she’s lying again, because nikki’s lying about everything these days.
“i don’t know. you live alone in that big apartment and you always seem just out of reach. just seems living like that would be lonely.”
she’s not sure why she laughs at his words, or why her laugh borders on callous.
it’s not funny, and to some small degree she’s thankful someone somewhere cares about her enough to ask her.
“me? lonely? i don’t think you understand my enigmatic nature all that well. i like being alone, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying my own company.”
she lies through her teeth so easily these days; most of the time she doesn’t even know why.
“besides, how can i be lonely? people are always inviting me to parties and shit. i don’t have the free time to indulge in loneliness.”
she sees the look in his eyes and cocks her head to the side, slightly embarrased by her own bravado.
“but thanks for the concern. the sentiment is appreciated even if it’s misplaced.”
❛ HOWEVER, EVERYONE IS NOT WHAT THEY SEEM ON THE OUTSIDE ;
the prettiest shade of coral stains the end of mama’s cigarette butt, left stewing in it’s crystalline ashtray. a shaky nicotine-tinged hand caresses nikki’s face and it’s hard to hold back the annoyance that wants to mar her face.
mama doesn’t notice anyway.
she never really does.
“that’s why he’s sent cast us off to fucking busan of all places. he’s so ashamed of his mistress and his bastard daughter that he doesn’t even want us in thailand anymore.”
she’s only nine, but nikki’s learned in times like these it’s best to let mama be mama.
the screaming, the yelling, the rage; it’s all apart of who mama is. she’s nothing without her histrionics and hysterics, just like she’s nothing without her fancy clothes and pretty makeup.
mama can’t live without any of it.
“that motherfucker!”
there’s an explosive sort of crack of the ashtray connecting with the wall. the pieces of crystal remind nikki of stardust as it falls inelegantly to the floor and the front door slams before all of the shards finish clinking against the ground.
nikki gets the message, she’ll clean up the floor even though it’s not her mess.
she always does.
‘08 - ‘11
every summer there’s a “new papa” waiting to greet her when she gets home from boarding school.
new papa #1 is a stock broker who lasts nearly the whole of summer until mama catches him kissing one of the pretty girls that lives a few doors down.
new papa #2 is can’t wrap his head around mama’s dramatics, let alone his sneaking suspicion there’s more to the story about his love and her daughter and the mysterious finances that support them both. in the end, he storms out after mama gets drunk one too many times. mama claims to not care once he’s gone.
new papa #3 is old and dies midway through august, and to mama’s chagrin he leaves nothing behind for his young pretty “family”.
new papa #4 is tan and tall, with a face that might’ve been more handsome once fifteen years go. he acts too familiar and hugs nikki too tightly for her liking.
“my girl, my girl, my girl.” he mumbles into nikki’s hair like some bizarre mantra she’s not meant to understand.
later, when he leaves in the dead of night without a trace minus a sizable amount of money left sitting on the kitchen table, mama tells her that he was her real papa, the one who broke mama fourteen years ago.
nikki thinks she liked him better when papa was figment of her imagination, instead of a real man made of flesh and blood on who only serves to disappoint.
‘13
somehow, words projected on a blue-lit screen carry more meaning than anything nikki’s ever heard.
they read cold and dull, with no flowery language or anything to entice her to read on. yet, her eyes scan the words over and over, trying to look for anything to quell the excitement within her.
i want you to come back to bangkok, you looked so
miserable the day i left. i think you’ll get along well with
your brother and sister too, they’re so excited to meet
you. my wife wants to be the kind of mother you deserve
to have; strong and stable. i’ll be in busan in before august,
i’ve made all the arrangements and i’ll break the news
to your mother when i get there. i’m sure you’re as excited
to be a real family as we are.
love,
papa
she’s still sat frozen like a statue in front of her laptop reading over everything by the time mama and new papa #6 come in.
“what’s that?” new papa asks.
he’s a simpleton that makes mama soft and sweet. nikki supposes she can’t complain too much.
still, it doesn’t stop nikki from slamming down her computer in an attempt to hide damning evidence
“uh friend from school, she’s just telling me how her summer went.”
“aw that’s nice, i’m sure you must miss them since you’re with them most of the year.”
“sure.”
mama can see straight through nikki’s poorly thought out lie. a cold gaze scans nikki’s face, looking for any hint of what the truth could be.
“i didn’t raise you to be a liar. who were you talking to?”
“you didn’t raise anyone. i raised me.”
nikki’s mouth works quicker than her brain, and she can see pure unadulterated anger that sits in her mother’s features.
she braces herself for a slap that never comes.
“OUT!”
sixteen years of life and nikki’s never heard mama shriek in such a god-awful way. it’s somewhere between a wounded cry, and a primal release of indignation and all nikki can think of is a crystalline ashtray shattered against a wall once as she grabs the essentials before making a mad dash out the door.
later, mama apologizes and asks her to come home.
nikki refuses as firmly as she’ll ever manage
she sleeps on couches and cheap goshiwons wasting precious time waiting for a man who never comes. but his handsome bag of money manages to find it’s way to her somehow still.
‘17
nikki only finds her way back to korea when she’s run out of excuses to be gone.
for gap year she hangs around in singapore and smokes too many cigarettes and drinks too much for her own good.
for a sabbatical the following year, she goes to paris and never learns to fall in love the way the movies made her think she would.
she finds certain truths in every place.
men disappoint her.
her mother still haunts her.
she can’t escape herself.
she can’t find who she even is.
she’s looking for her father in everyone she meets.
nikki only comes back to korea when she’s out of energy to run away from her problems.
at least, seoul’s not half as shit as busan.
‘18
mama calls all too often.
a missed call at 3:31 am
another at 5:27. another at 12:02 pm.
a final at 2:43.
she’s lonely and broke, nikki’s aware and doesn’t care much.
she’s a sneaky bitch, she’ll sort out a living somehow. she always does.
besides, nikki’s too busy doing nothing. being no one, just like she’s paid to do. mama can find another meal ticket, just like she always does.
“my baby is such a waste of potential,” mama slurs into the phone receiver over and over again.
“my girl has become so worrisome.” papa sends in a series emails, always punctuated by the same phrase.
none of it matters. not her opinion not his. even if they’re based in fact.
she’s a creature of their lackluster creation. born to two people who never bothered to raise a child.
they ought to deal with the disappointment of her being, just like she does.
hello! just letting everyone know that admin a has returned to the adminning duties albeit still sparse. there will be acceptance later tonight, around 10pm kst, so if you’d like to be included in the batch please get your application in prior to then. thank you! also, just a small surprise from the main for everyone who has been sticking with us until the end of this month: you’re allowed a second character regardless of when you were accepted as long as you reserve today from your character’s account! this only applies today, so please get those reserves in as soon as possible if you’re thinking of one!
