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@dia8low
Rules | About me
Rp Tags | Rp I'm looking for | Ask memes
CHARACTERS:
Dia Blow, tiefling, 23 year old, agender, homosexual (men)
Profile | Kink List | Playlist
Draft: 0
Answer owed: 1
____
Lucius, Cambion, unknown age, agender, pansexual
Profile | Kink : Any | Playlist
Draft: 0
Answer owed: 1
____
Whisper, Resist Durge, Drow, 400 to 500 years old, trans woman, bisexual
Profile | Kink list | OCs in her story | Playlist
Draft : 0
Answer Owed : 1
I'll be on my way back from holiday tomorrow! Holidays have been very busy so I didn't get the opportunity to write, but I'll get back to writing once I get back!
I am preparing for holidays, I leace the 22.
I might still send answers while on holidays, but with reduced activities.
See you soon!
Dia Blow slowly released Osian, eyes watery with emotions, though he wasn't exactly crying.
"Thanks. I had no idea I needed that. It felt so good... That sounds stupid. You just hold me into your arms after all. But..."
He rubbed his eyes as he was hesitating to say what was on his mind.
"Hey. Would it be okay if we do that again sometime? I don't... I don't want this to be the last time."
He let out a soft chuckle.
"Fuck. It sounds like I'm talking about something else. I'm glad nobody else is here to hear that, or they would've start imagining things... Speaking about them..."
The tiefling seemed to remember where they were. He casted a wary glance around him, listening, alert. He shouldn't have let his guard down. Not isolate from the others. And not here.
"We should hurry back. Before they start to think something happened to us. Or before something does happen to us."
He warned, his hand trailing towards his daggers instinctively.
Osian's smile remained, though there was a mixture of sadness for Dia's plight. As Dia released him, Osian took a small step backwards to give the tiefling a chance to breathe. "It doesn't sound stupid. I've been rather spoiled with familial affection in my life. My parents, my sister, now my niece... It's other people I struggle with." He chuckled lightly with a small shrug. "I can't imagine not having someone to hold during hard times... But if I can be that person for you, I'd be honoured." His smile remained.
Osian laughed a little, waving the conversation away as he spoke with his hands. "They cannot talk. I don't sleep, remember? I've heard them intermingling in each others tents. Oh, the things I've heard." He shuddered dramatically, on purpose, a light grin on his face. "But you're right, we should get going."
Osian guided their way back through where they came. It didn't take long to get to the lake shore very close to the Last Light inn, where the moon's spell Isobel provided protected the camp as well. "Thank you for coming with me, I know it was a lot to ask." Osian said as they reached camp.
Dia Blow couldn't hide the envy from his eyes as Osian spoke of his family. But he didn't let it turn sour. On the contrary, he spoke softly, with a genuine smile;
"I'm happy for you. It's nice to hear there's were people that cared for you through everything."
His gaze lost itself in the horizon as he was thinking back on the past.
"I can't remember my parents face. I was still so young when they abandoned me. They couldn't stand having a tiefling for a child. I can't remember their names either. Nor the one they gave me. Why would I bother to remember? I'm Dia Blow now. Because, if people are going to treat me like I'm a devil, I might as well embrace it."
He smirked.
"Child me thought himself very smart for coming up with that name. Heh. I'm proud of him. I like that name."
Dia Blow eyes lit up at the prospect of harmless and unserious gossips.
"Oooh, do tell me more! Are Shadowheart and Lae'Zel after each other's ass as more as they are after each other's blood? Did Wyll burnt himself in unspeakable places doing the devil tango with Karlach?'
He asked, joking.
"Man... That must be... Quite annoying actually. I wouldn't mind hearing people having a bit of fun once in a while while I'm trying to sleep, but never sleeping and getting to hear everyone as they think they have some privacy... I was about to offer you some help with that, but then I realized you're a wizard, and you can just cast silence or whatever if it truly disturbs you that much..."
He said the last words with a small laugh before adding with a teasing smile
"Which makes me think you actually enjoy it, you pervert!"
He gave Osian a friendly tap in the back with his tail. When they reached Last Light Inn, the thief stopped a moment to gaze at it. In those desolated lands shrouded in darkness, this vision truly was beautiful. A litteral light in the dark.
"Heh, don't mention it. I mean. You litteraly never asked me to come. You asked me NOT to come. I decided otherwise, by my own. Because I care about you. Not coming, letting you doing that on your own, out there in those cursed lands? THAT was a lot to ask of me."
He answered Osian, following him.
"Actually, I..."
He stopped, searching for his words, tripping on them, trying again.
"I'm the one who should thank you. Becau... Because you've been so nice to me. And I... I don't... You remember when we were strangers still, and I told you we were both just faces in the crowd nobody notices? Well... You noticed me. That means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me. Thank you."
"Here, I knitted this for you."
Whisper hands Erris a little handmadd plushie of a raven.
"I... I know it's a bit silly. Maybe I should've just play it safe a do a scarf."
Unprompted Ask || Always Accepting
Erris had been running the small bird sanctuary and training roost for a few years now. His hair had grown out slightly since the last time she had visited him.
"Nah, it's not silly. You're silly for saying otherwise." Erris chuckled as he looked it over, slouching back in the slightly worn out armchair, an infant crow in the padded, narrow satchel across his chest. The small bag kept abandoned eggs and chicks close to his chest for warmth, but this one was already growing feathers and would be ready for a proper nest soon. "Hey, Ominis, it looks like you." He chuckled lightly, showing it to the chick. "Maybe it can keep you company in your new nest." The bird squeaked again.
"Ominis says thank you." Erris translated for Whisper.
"You're welcome Ominis."
Whisper answered before observing Erris silently for a moment. The relaxed muscles of his face, his posture in his chair, the way he was talking to the bird and to herself. He seemed so happy. The Erris she travelled with seemed so far in the past now.
"It's good to see you found a life that fulfills you. When I think back on the days we were travelling together, it's like two completely different persons..."
She commented, looking around for a place to sit with him.
"In comparison, I feel like I'm still looking over my shoulder, expecting my old life to catch up to me. Something, anything to happen. To go bad. Like I don't deserve this rest and this happiness. But I still try to enjoy it. I grew a garden, like I said I would. I think that's what I like the most nowadays. Gardening."
She stopped herself, noticing how much she spoke.
"Oh. Look at me. I came to see you, and I talk about myself. How are you? Do you need anything?"
Ever since the defeated the brain, and tried to settle for a new life- or rather, their first true life- she started to slowly exhibit her motherly nature towards Erris. He was her brother after all. The only one she had left.
"Oh, I didn't tell you? I picked up a name. I mean... I had called myself Whisper, but I needed a full identity to cement the fact that I no longer am Bhaal's pawn. That I am my own person. So... I came up with a name. Now, I call myself Whisper Dovesong. Because I want my words to carry the peace."
She lets out a small laugh.
"I know. That's a bit corny. But you should know by now that's how I am."
Dia Blow froze when Osian arms close around him. His body tensed and his tail twitched nervously. But, quickly, he relaxed his muscles and wrapped his arms tights around the elf, his tail now whipping the back of his legs.
"That... Wow. That feels good... Can we stay like that a bit longer?"
He whispered, closing his eyes to enjoy the hug. He never thought he was missing on anything by living by himself, he was perfectly happy with his life before the kidnapping. Sure, many parts of it could've been improved, but he never thought before "I could do with some company. With some friends. With a family."
But now? He couldn't imagine going back to his solitude. He was growing used to the company of his friend- his family. And this? Being held in someone's arm? Was this something other people got to enjoy everyday? He definitely didn't want it to be the last time he was holding someone close to him.
"I'm sure you would've managed. You are ressourceful."
He finally said, emotion tightening his throat. He cleared his throat.
"Sorry. I... There's something in my throat. I think... I feel a bit weird. I think I got sick or something."
The tiefling mumbled, confused about the physical manifestation of the surge of emotions in his chest.
Osian's mind had just dawned on the fact he may be overstepping here, that he was assuming this was wanted - but before he had the chance to step back and profusely apologise, Dia had wrapped his arms back in return. The Wood Elf closed his eyes as well. It had been a long while since he was hugged like this. No doubt a shorter time than Dia, but Osian had alienated himself for some time after the ordeal with Thekian. Sure, there was the greeting hugs from his sister and brother-in-law, but lingering like this. Feeling utterly safe in an embrace... It was a rarity.
"Of course we can." Osian spoke quietly, softly. From an outsiders perspective, it was probably not the best time - out in the curse as far as they were. But they were emotionally vulnerable now, and the last thing Osian wanted was for Dia to close up in the time it took to get back to camp and find it difficult to open up again.
Hearing the slight crack in Dia's voice, Osian rubbed the tiefling's back. Much as he would when his niece needed that little extra reassurance. "You're alright... Although, if you really do need to be sick, please don't do so all down my back. I just got these robes washed." He chuckled lightly.
Dia Blow slowly released Osian, eyes watery with emotions, though he wasn't exactly crying.
"Thanks. I had no idea I needed that. It felt so good... That sounds stupid. You just hold me into your arms after all. But..."
He rubbed his eyes as he was hesitating to say what was on his mind.
"Hey. Would it be okay if we do that again sometime? I don't... I don't want this to be the last time."
He let out a soft chuckle.
"Fuck. It sounds like I'm talking about something else. I'm glad nobody else is here to hear that, or they would've start imagining things... Speaking about them..."
The tiefling seemed to remember where they were. He casted a wary glance around him, listening, alert. He shouldn't have let his guard down. Not isolate from the others. And not here.
"We should hurry back. Before they start to think something happened to us. Or before something does happen to us."
He warned, his hand trailing towards his daggers instinctively.
Dia Blow rolled his eyes, a smirk in the corner of his lips.
"Then Gale deserves a kick in the butt, with all the friendship I have for him. He had Elminster and Mystra teaching, even I could be the greatest wizard of all time with such help! And the other wizards are no better, they're not shunned by Mystra!"
He replied.
"Let's suppose... I have a malformation, of the hand, or the leg, wathever. Point is, it make fighting harder, so I'm not as good as you guys. Would you look down on me for it? Or would you respect that I still work hard and refuse to let my life be set by my malformation?"
The tiefling paused, laying a warm gaze on Osian.
"The same goes for you. You're struggling because of something that is out of your control; namely, Mystra being a bitch. And yet, you didn't give up, you never gave up. You still work hard, you risk life and limbs casting spells, stealing books, and teaching magic to the sexiest thief you've ever met."
He stopped and layed his hands on each of Osian's shoulders.
"You might like your kindness, you might like how good looking you are, but you don't recognize enough how hard working and deserving you are."
Dia Blow spoke solemnly, staring straight into the wizard eyes.
"You are a worthy wizard. And if we complete this... huh... ritual, then you'll be a stronger wizard. But this isn't what will turn you into a worthy wizard. If powerful magic is enough to be a worthy wizard, then all sorcerers are worthy wizards. And this isn't the respect others have for you that make a worthy wizard out of you. Because the world is filled with idiots. And you don't have to look very far to note that."
He added those last words with a mischievous wink, as if implying members of their team were idiots. Although it was clear he wasn't being serious about it. He slowly released the elf.
"You don't find confidence in fighting for other people approval. You find it in accepting yourself, as you are. Which doesn't mean you have to give up on improving yourself. Rather, accepting that the part of yourself you're not proud about aren't worth beating you over, that they don't make you worth any less, that they're not final. And... The last one is something I only learned about recently, turning to your loved ones when you need support."
Dia Blow coughed awkwardly, realizing the long tirade he went on.
"Sorry... I... It seems I'm really passionate about the people I care about. I... Didn't even know that about myself till now"
Osian was stopped in his tracks again as Dia stood before him, a little confused this simple fact needed to be contested - but he didn't interrupt. When Dia put his hands on Osian's shoulders, the wizard seemed awkward at first, a soft blush growing on his cheeks. It grew brighter, his ears drooping slightly, as Dia continued to compliment him. He glanced away at times, unable to handle the wonderful words and Dia's stare at the same time.
His mind was a whirlwind. Dia had some great points, but Osian's years worth of self criticism tried to fight it off. To the point he wasn't sure which side he was supposed to believe. Could one person's point of view contend with the years worth of multiple people putting him down and rejecting him? Well... Dia's words, and his niece's.
Osian certainly would never have looked down at a fighter with a maim - Hells, he admired Karlach greatly. Despite all his pain, she fought for people, smiled at them despite hiding so much agony. He admired that. He admired all of them for it. Was it really such a stretch to be able to admire his own hard work?
Osian seemed to be lost for words. He kept parting his lips only to close them again when the words he wanted to try and say didn't come out. He'd reel it back and try and think of something else to say - only for that to fail too. In the end, all he could do was move his body.
He wrapped his arms around Dia in an embrace. One built from appreciation and gratitude. He held it for a while before finally being able to speak. "You're a wonderful friend, Dia... I wouldn't have made it this far without you." He had certainly given Osian plenty to think about, that he couldn't conclude it all straight away.
Dia Blow froze when Osian arms close around him. His body tensed and his tail twitched nervously. But, quickly, he relaxed his muscles and wrapped his arms tights around the elf, his tail now whipping the back of his legs.
"That... Wow. That feels good... Can we stay like that a bit longer?"
He whispered, closing his eyes to enjoy the hug. He never thought he was missing on anything by living by himself, he was perfectly happy with his life before the kidnapping. Sure, many parts of it could've been improved, but he never thought before "I could do with some company. With some friends. With a family."
But now? He couldn't imagine going back to his solitude. He was growing used to the company of his friend- his family. And this? Being held in someone's arm? Was this something other people got to enjoy everyday? He definitely didn't want it to be the last time he was holding someone close to him.
"I'm sure you would've managed. You are ressourceful."
He finally said, emotion tightening his throat. He cleared his throat.
"Sorry. I... There's something in my throat. I think... I feel a bit weird. I think I got sick or something."
The tiefling mumbled, confused about the physical manifestation of the surge of emotions in his chest.
Sister.
Whisper smiled. A smile both delighted and sad at the same time. Maybe Erris started to trust her? Maybe he would eventually start to really see her as family. But the word was also deeply painful. A reminder her brother, the one who grew up with her, never set himself free from Bhaal. That she would never see his cruel smile, hear his distrusting praises. Because she killed the very person she swore to protect.
The eyes full of grief, the observed Erris a moment before replying.
"Nothing. I just want... To rest. I'm tired of giving everything I have, physically and emotionally. I'm tired of hardships and failures. I'm tired of... Everything."
She closed her eyes, picturing what her life could be once this was all over.
"I'd love to live in a little cottage. I could enjoy the silence while reading. And try all the things I wanted to try. Like... Gardening. Getting my hands dirty with soil instead of blood. With life rather than death."
The drow blushed and reopened her eyes. She peered into the darkness of the night, unable to see much without the dark vision drow normally have. She pondered Erris's words. How lost he had to be, not wanting to indulge is pain and grief for the first time in his long life! But it wasn't necessarily a bad thing.
"Being just Erris might not seem like much, but it's an important step, if not the most important step. To find yourself, you must first reown your own identity."
She smiled and added.
"On that note; pleased to make your acquaintance, Erris Mestar."
Erris bowed dramatically deeply at her address to him, smirking as he stood up straight, hands on his hips as he looked across the horizon as she had done.
"A cottage sounds nice. Peaceful. It makes sense you'd want that after so much noise..." Noise having a deeper meaning than just sound. He knew of her grief over what he considered to be her true brother. The memory practically taunted him for days as he had to recoil from the urge to draw it from her. To take it, along with trinkets back to the Shadowfell. Let the loss of a loved one take it's place in his Queen's palace. But he relented. "Maybe I'll do the same thing... Somewhere near a forest, so I can hear the birds all day..." He muttered with a hint of sadness before brushing it away to speak again.
"You know, when I died, I was back in the Raven Queen's palace for a moment. Time works differently there. I know the others said we were only dead for a minute before the old bone man brought us back... But I was in the Shadowfell for over an hour." He had wondered whether it was worth bringing it, but he wanted it off his chest. "She told me of my life... My entire life. I'm thousands of years old. Over fifty cycles. I've travelled many planes, seen many historic disasters, seen the rise and falls of entire cities. She told me I could get all that back once the Absolute was removed, now that Bhaal isn't in the way anymore."
He swallowed thickly at the memory of her reaction when he had answered her. Nothing scared him more than her. The Queen's pained, wrathful screech still echoed in his skull. "People would kill for the knowledge I must have had. Yet, the first thing out of my mouth was 'no'. Isn't that crazy? I regretted it all this time...but now I think I know why that was my first thought. So that's some solace at least..."
Erris shrugged, as if the weight of all of it didn't fall on him anymore. "Now all I want is to survive this fight long enough to see what you grow in your garden." Oh, what a selfish son he was. He knew there would be nights that these decisions would haunt him. But not tonight.
Whisper smiled, tilting her head toward the sky to gaze at the drifting clouds, picturing Erris in a little house or cottage, removed from civilization, sitting on the porch to listen to the birds singing in the branches arching above his head. Yeah, she could definitely see that.
"Sounds peaceful too. It seems fitting we'd both want peace after... everything."
The drow murmured, drifting her gaze towards the elf with a sad, compassionate smile. She knew he missed Branoc, but wasn't sure how to reach out to him about it. She listened to him recounting he last encounter with the Raven Queen with eyes wide with surprise and admiration.
"And I thought standing up to Bhaal had been the most strenuous thing one could imagine, while you were standing up to TWO gods in the same breath? You are so much stronger than I am.",
The szarkai breathed out with respect.
"But I'm happy for you. You were able to make you own choice for the first time. Of course you regretted it at first. That must've felt daunting. The responsibilities that comes with freedom are daunting. Sometimes, it feels good to just... Let others choose for us, let them take our hands and guide us wherever they want."
Yes. As much as she hated obeying Bhaal, there was something almost soothing about just following his orders. Now she always had to make complicated decisions and felt constantly overwhelmed.
And yet, she wouldn't go back. Not for anything in the world.
"Whenever you start regretting your choice, feel free to come to me. Even when this is all over. My door will always be open to you. We'd sit in my garden and watch my flowers while listening to the bird sing."
When do you gaze at your soulmate?
Lucius (this is so fitting T_T)
Stolen from; @imperitvs
Tagging: Whoever wants to
Love bear types
Dia Blow
Yeah, that's pretty much him
Whisper
Now that's 100% her.
Lucius
Yeah, fits him. Only missing that he's a desperate romantic and won't accept it
Stolen from: @imperitvs
Tagging: Whoever wants to
Dia Blow tail rippled happily. He didn't understand nearly enough of magic, and of what Osian what undertaking, but it seemed to help him be happier with himself, wasn't it a good thing?
"We shall."
He answered, nodding. Without a word, he offered Osian to lean on his shoulder on their way back. Behind his eyes, he was clearly thinking, mulling over his words before speaking his mind.
"Osian... You're already a worthy wizard."
He spoke genuinely, gazing at his companion.
"I'm not telling you you should stop if you feel more fulfilled through it. But this isn't what makes you a worthy wizard."
The tiefling blushed, lowering his gaze.
"I may speak as a heretic here, I'm not a wizard myself, just a rogue who can cast some fancy spells. But... Isn't the worth of a wizard first and foremost measured by his study of magic? You were always a worthy wizard."
Dia Blow lifted his gaze again and smiled, warm and friendly. He paused for a moment, searching for his words again.
"Be kinder to yourself. The first person who has to love you is yourself. If you don't it's... It's sad, isn't it?"
They made their way out of the haunting place, but the environs beyond the door didn't provide much comfort. Yet, Osian could swear he wasn't as affected by the cold as he was before they entered...
He stopped in his tracks when Dia called him 'worthy'. Could it be true, now? During this adventure his spell casting had improved significantly, mostly due to these wisps of Shadow Weave acting as a catalyst. A way to bypass Mystra's disapproval. Maybe this could be enough-
No. No, it's never enough. Dia had no idea how cut throat the wizarding community could be. How competitive and catty it could be. If Osian wanted to be respected, he had to work hard. He had to be worthy of their approval, not anyone else's... Especially not his own.
He started walking again once he made his mind up on how he was going to take the compliment. "Self criticism isn't the same as self hatred, Dia." He tried to smile reassuringly. "I don't hate myself. I like how I look. I like that I'm kind and helpful in a world sought only to take. But if I settled for liking my magical abilities as they are now, then I will never be good enough for anyone. What archmage is going to look at my pathetic display and call me worthy of being their apprentice? Even Gale looks down at me at times, I can tell. All this work I've done for forty years, and for what?"
He spoke so matter-of-factly. As if it was just that; factual. The idea he was subpar was so ingrained in him now, it was simply fact rather than an emotional suggestion. "I appreciate what you're saying, I-I really do but... Well, I simply cannot believe it until I feel it. And I'm getting there. I'm getting closer and more confident with my magic every day. Isn't that enough, for now?"
Dia Blow rolled his eyes, a smirk in the corner of his lips.
"Then Gale deserves a kick in the butt, with all the friendship I have for him. He had Elminster and Mystra teaching, even I could be the greatest wizard of all time with such help! And the other wizards are no better, they're not shunned by Mystra!"
He replied.
"Let's suppose... I have a malformation, of the hand, or the leg, wathever. Point is, it make fighting harder, so I'm not as good as you guys. Would you look down on me for it? Or would you respect that I still work hard and refuse to let my life be set by my malformation?"
The tiefling paused, laying a warm gaze on Osian.
"The same goes for you. You're struggling because of something that is out of your control; namely, Mystra being a bitch. And yet, you didn't give up, you never gave up. You still work hard, you risk life and limbs casting spells, stealing books, and teaching magic to the sexiest thief you've ever met."
He stopped and layed his hands on each of Osian's shoulders.
"You might like your kindness, you might like how good looking you are, but you don't recognize enough how hard working and deserving you are."
Dia Blow spoke solemnly, staring straight into the wizard eyes.
"You are a worthy wizard. And if we complete this... huh... ritual, then you'll be a stronger wizard. But this isn't what will turn you into a worthy wizard. If powerful magic is enough to be a worthy wizard, then all sorcerers are worthy wizards. And this isn't the respect others have for you that make a worthy wizard out of you. Because the world is filled with idiots. And you don't have to look very far to note that."
He added those last words with a mischievous wink, as if implying members of their team were idiots. Although it was clear he wasn't being serious about it. He slowly released the elf.
"You don't find confidence in fighting for other people approval. You find it in accepting yourself, as you are. Which doesn't mean you have to give up on improving yourself. Rather, accepting that the part of yourself you're not proud about aren't worth beating you over, that they don't make you worth any less, that they're not final. And... The last one is something I only learned about recently, turning to your loved ones when you need support."
Dia Blow coughed awkwardly, realizing the long tirade he went on.
"Sorry... I... It seems I'm really passionate about the people I care about. I... Didn't even know that about myself till now"
"No, of course not. Now, I can be the real me."
Whisper replied before cringing. At least, she knew what the real her was. It was the Whisper who fought to resist Bhaal. Who disappointed Bhaal so much he created a brother to replace her. Who loved her brother fiercely despite how bloodthirsty he was. Who never stopped believing he could be saved until they fought to the death, like he always promised they would. The Whisper who was hurting herself, telling herself she was trying to redirect her urges on herself when in reality, she was punishing herself for all the awful things Bhaal and her urge had her do. The Whisper who lied to people, pretending to love them when she didn't, so she could feel loved, because she couldn't love herself.
She remembered it all. She was free in-between her urges. Erris never had that. He wasn't free to be the real Erris. Only to search who it was.
"I wasn't saying the others shun violence. But they do shun violence without purpose. The definition of violence with purpose is where disagreement will strike."
She added those last words with an amused smile. Then, she leaned forward and added more seriously.
"But listen to yourself. You're not bloodthirsty anymore. You standed before Bhaal and stand up to him! To the cost of your very own life. They saw that too. I'm sure they respect that. Even if they're still a bit awkward, they know just as much as we do this happens. They might not know the changes it brought to the same extent we do, but they have to recognize what it took to do it in the first place."
If they had to hate someone, surely they would hate her. She did some terrible things while not under the impulses of her urges, knowing full well the implications of her actions. And she didn't have Erris excuse of being a different person back then. Because of what? Selfishness? Weakness?
She brought back her attention on the Shadar-Kai.
"You can be a new person now, and denying you the chance to start anew would be criminal."
'I can be the real me'
Those words echoed in Erris' skull. Because...what was the real him? Had there ever been an Erris Mestar without the Raven Queen caressing his soul or Bhaal bleeding form his veins? Did he like decorating his body in tattoos and jewels or was that the Raven Queen's influence? Did he actually like red meat cooked rare - or was the taste of blood on his tongue intoxicating because of Bhaal?
Who was he? This new chance should liberate him. But instead, it terrified him.
He glanced down at his arms, snaked in black tattoos following them down to his wrists as he let his arms fall to his side, holding up his hands as if the answers would be written in his palm. "Shadar-Kai are meant to be the heralds of bad tidings. To siphon all the pain and suffering and intoxicate our Queen with it. Despite being surrounded by so many changes to siphon and indulge in all of your grief... I don't want to. For the first time ever, I don't want to learn about all the miseries. I want to know what life is even about, for people to grieve it so when it's taken from them..."
He took a deep breath. "I suppose that doesn't make me a Shadar-Kai anymore. Perhaps that's even for the best. I'm just Erris now... Erris Mestar, an elf. Guess I better start finding out what I want..." He sighed, but it already seemed a lot lighter compared to how the conversation started.
"How about you, sister? Do you know what you want?"
Sister.
Whisper smiled. A smile both delighted and sad at the same time. Maybe Erris started to trust her? Maybe he would eventually start to really see her as family. But the word was also deeply painful. A reminder her brother, the one who grew up with her, never set himself free from Bhaal. That she would never see his cruel smile, hear his distrusting praises. Because she killed the very person she swore to protect.
The eyes full of grief, the observed Erris a moment before replying.
"Nothing. I just want... To rest. I'm tired of giving everything I have, physically and emotionally. I'm tired of hardships and failures. I'm tired of... Everything."
She closed her eyes, picturing what her life could be once this was all over.
"I'd love to live in a little cottage. I could enjoy the silence while reading. And try all the things I wanted to try. Like... Gardening. Getting my hands dirty with soil instead of blood. With life rather than death."
The drow blushed and reopened her eyes. She peered into the darkness of the night, unable to see much without the dark vision drow normally have. She pondered Erris's words. How lost he had to be, not wanting to indulge is pain and grief for the first time in his long life! But it wasn't necessarily a bad thing.
"Being just Erris might not seem like much, but it's an important step, if not the most important step. To find yourself, you must first reown your own identity."
She smiled and added.
"On that note; pleased to make your acquaintance, Erris Mestar."
Dia Blow lowered his eyes, focussing on his boots, pretending not to notice the tears in Osian's eyes. He shook his head before answering;
"It's not kindness. You matter to me, of course I'd want to keep you safe. In a way, it's more selfish than kind."
He took a few steps back as Osian approached Malis Thorm corpse, watching, quiet but alert. Ready to jump into action if something was turning wrong, or if a monster was jumping from the shadows while Osian was busy. His gaze grew worried as he saw the struggle the wood elf seemed to go through to siphon the shadow weave, and he stomped the ground nervously.
"Are you sure of what you're doing?"
Not that he was doubting him, but it was hard to just stay there, doing nothing when seeing this. When the wizard suddenly collasped, Dia Blow rushed to his side to help him.
"Are you alright?!"
He curved his tail around Osian back in a soothing motion.
"Take slow, deep breath. Take your time. When you feel ready, you can lean on me to get up."
He spoke in a calm voice that contastred with the worry shining in his eyes.
"Did you succeed?"
Even as he lay on the cold floor of the operating room, Osian was fighting an internal battle. One for dominance over his mind. He didn't want to let the Shadow Weave sneak into his sanity and corrupt it. This was only a wisp, yet it threatened to take over completely. Yet, as he closed his eyes, panting through the pain, he felt it wash away...as if someone was calming the wrathful magic. An invisible hand soothing them both until they collaborated. The whisper in his mind praised his bravery and he opened his eyes, colour returning to his face.
Shaking a little, he slowly sat up and felt Dia's tail against his back. He took a deep inhale and wiped the sweat away from his forehead with his sleeve, quickly coming back to his strength. "I-I'm alright." Osian reassured, both himself and Dia, before taking up the tieflings offer and taking the help to get back onto his feet.
At Dia's final question, Osian held out his hands as the darkness seemed to creep further up his scars, now halfway up his forearm. "It seems like it," Osian smiled, turning his hands over to admire the scars he was once so ashamed of. "I can feel the difference already... I think I can safely cast stronger spells now - at long last. Just a little more, and I'll finally be a worthy wizard." He was sure of it. Or it would at least give him the opportunity to indulge in more without losing himself. Whatever was guiding him seemed to be thrilled with his decisions so far. Even if most of the party didn't...
"Anyway, I think we've spent enough time in this ghastly place. Shall we head off?"
Dia Blow tail rippled happily. He didn't understand nearly enough of magic, and of what Osian what undertaking, but it seemed to help him be happier with himself, wasn't it a good thing?
"We shall."
He answered, nodding. Without a word, he offered Osian to lean on his shoulder on their way back. Behind his eyes, he was clearly thinking, mulling over his words before speaking his mind.
"Osian... You're already a worthy wizard."
He spoke genuinely, gazing at his companion.
"I'm not telling you you should stop if you feel more fulfilled through it. But this isn't what makes you a worthy wizard."
The tiefling blushed, lowering his gaze.
"I may speak as a heretic here, I'm not a wizard myself, just a rogue who can cast some fancy spells. But... Isn't the worth of a wizard first and foremost measured by his study of magic? You were always a worthy wizard."
Dia Blow lifted his gaze again and smiled, warm and friendly. He paused for a moment, searching for his words again.
"Be kinder to yourself. The first person who has to love you is yourself. If you don't it's... It's sad, isn't it?"
I'm thinking of doing little doodles of my characters with their pride flags for pride month. Same level of doodle as this one. Hopefully my health will be compliant :)
For pride month, I made pride flags for my OCs (and myself)
Note; agender is the default gender for my OCs, if not gender is specified, they're agender.)
Lucius: Pansexual
Dia Blow; Gay and Polyamorous
Whisper; Bisexual and Transfem
Mun; Agender, Bisexual, Demisexual, Demiromantic
I'm currently getting my body used too quitting my antidepressant to start a new one, which means my depression is kicking again.
I have 2 weeks on low dosage before starting the new one, and it'll take approximately 1 week to kick in. So don't be surprised if I have low to none activity til around the second week of June.
Whisper grimaced.
"Yeah, of course, we didn't know..."
She mumbled. It was a lie. She knew. She always knew. She had a hole in her memory, but she estimated she was only missing a few day before whatever accident led to her being tadpoled. She remembered the rest of her life; fighting to resist her urges. Isolating herself because she was scared she would harm those she would grow close to. Her brother, her dear brother, being her only friend. Because he already kept telling her he was looking forward to the day he'll fight her to the death. Because she trusted him to defeat her if she turned against him.
"I'm sure we could find something to talk about to them. After all, we aren't a likely pair either, and yet, look at us. I bet that, an hour ago, you never would've beleive it possible."
The drow eventually said, determined to stay hopeful.
"Even if they find it odd that we suddenly want to talk... There's nothing criminal about our intentions. If they start asking questions, I'm sure we just need be honest, and they'll understand."
She added before thinking.
"Maybe some are more... prickly than others. If you're worried, we could try starting with the more... Hum... Easy-going. Or Astarion. He might be the one in the team who's the least, hum, put-off by our, er... bloodlust I will say."
Unlike Whisper, Erris remembered nothing from his time as a Bhaalspawn. Even more alarmingly, he recalled nothing of his previous cycles either. As a near-immortal, a gift from the Raven Queen granted him the ability to remember every life he had before his deaths and revivals. The same body. The same mind. All erased because of a blow to the head and a tadpole to the lobes...
"Nothing criminal..." He repeated at a mumble. "Right..." It certainly felt criminal. Trying to worm his way in now after causing so much tension and grief. Talking was always a weak spot of his, but even more so now he didn't have his guide on his shoulder.
"You say that as if Lae'zel hasn't been hankering for violence this whole time," Erris scoffed. "Or Karlach, for that matter." Erris finally used their names rather than demeaning nicknames he had for each of them - back when he didn't want to commit them to memory. Now he had a whole fresh book to start fresh with... He might as well place their names down in ink.
"I thought the whole point of Bhaal taking away his blood means we're not bloodthirsty anymore, right?" Erris folded his arms, raising a brow at her. "Unless you're still feeling that way... Because I'm not. Mostly I'm just wrestling with the abyss of uselessness now both Gods have rejected me."
"No, of course not. Now, I can be the real me."
Whisper replied before cringing. At least, she knew what the real her was. It was the Whisper who fought to resist Bhaal. Who disappointed Bhaal so much he created a brother to replace her. Who loved her brother fiercely despite how bloodthirsty he was. Who never stopped believing he could be saved until they fought to the death, like he always promised they would. The Whisper who was hurting herself, telling herself she was trying to redirect her urges on herself when in reality, she was punishing herself for all the awful things Bhaal and her urge had her do. The Whisper who lied to people, pretending to love them when she didn't, so she could feel loved, because she couldn't love herself.
She remembered it all. She was free in-between her urges. Erris never had that. He wasn't free to be the real Erris. Only to search who it was.
"I wasn't saying the others shun violence. But they do shun violence without purpose. The definition of violence with purpose is where disagreement will strike."
She added those last words with an amused smile. Then, she leaned forward and added more seriously.
"But listen to yourself. You're not bloodthirsty anymore. You standed before Bhaal and stand up to him! To the cost of your very own life. They saw that too. I'm sure they respect that. Even if they're still a bit awkward, they know just as much as we do this happens. They might not know the changes it brought to the same extent we do, but they have to recognize what it took to do it in the first place."
If they had to hate someone, surely they would hate her. She did some terrible things while not under the impulses of her urges, knowing full well the implications of her actions. And she didn't have Erris excuse of being a different person back then. Because of what? Selfishness? Weakness?
She brought back her attention on the Shadar-Kai.
"You can be a new person now, and denying you the chance to start anew would be criminal."
