eversince ive felt grief for the first time it has been a part of my soul. it is such strange, heartbreaking yet interesting feeling. grief is like a box of glitter, once it opens it spills everywhere. youre trying to clean it up, eventually getting lots of it on yourself. it wont come off completely even after few showers. you carry it with yourself. on your skin, on your clothes, now its even on your bedsheets. and so you tried your best to fix this mess, you've been cleaning for so long, but you still end up seeing little shiny dots every now and then in different spots and places. its not only your house, you took it outside with you. the sun shines too. its a reminder of the glitter. did some of it make it to your eyes? suddenly your tears contain it and it ends up on your face over and over again. you try to wipe it away and its on your hands. you cant escape the grief. it hurts and it burns holes out in your skin eventually making it through your heart. you will carry it probably forever. you will always be finding smallest pieces of glitter. sometimes shining more and then shining less. maybe bringing tears to your face again.
it is such a human thing to feel the grief. i may have it in my heart till its time for others to carry the grief for me in their hands. all of that, despite you not being here for a long time, through my grief that comes from the love i had for you somehow it feels like i keep you alive.
