diapered autistic @diaperedautistic - Tumblr Blog

Hi!

This is a post to introduce me and this blog.

Hi, I'm @diaperedautistic. I'm autistic and ADHD, and I have a few other mental illnesses too. I also wear diapers because they work better for my brain than using the toilet all the time.

I wrote an essay about finding out it was okay to wear diapers. It's called "Finding diapers as a continent/semicontinent autistic". (That essay isn't in Plain Language. Please tell me if you want a Plain Language version and I'll write one.)

I'm not intellectually or developmentally disabled (I/DD). Some people think that only I/DD autistics can need or benefit from diapers. That's not true.

I don't go by my real name here. Some people bully or discriminate against people who wear diapers. I don't want that to happen to me.

I use my diapers for pee, not poop. It's okay if you poop yourself or use your diapers for poop! I do occasionally, when my stomach is upset. But my stories and suggestions might not be helpful for people who poop themselves a lot.

This blog

This blog is about how wearing diapers is helpful to me. It's also about how wearing diapers can be helpful to other autistic people.

This blog doesn't talk about wearing diapers for fun or for sexual reasons. It also doesn't show pictures of people wearing diapers or having sex.

If you do those things, that's okay! But please don't like, comment, reblog, or follow from a blog that does those things, and please don't do those things in comments or reblogs.

thecorvidforest

be normal about people who wear diapers. be normal about people who need colostomy/catheter bags. be normal about people who need to wear pads or pad their mattress. be normal about incontinence. it’s not funny or weird or gross, it can happen to anyone of any age, and it’s frankly embarrassing that some of y’all can’t be normal about the aspects of disability that ick you out

Any idea where to find cloth adult diapers? I've been wearing drug store pullups pretty frequently lately and I feel like I'd be happier if I could be in them 24/7 but it really seems pricey and I kinda hate just throwing them away when I change clothes even if they're clean.

I've had good luck with EcoAble -- they have a nice all-in-two system where you can use one cover and swap the absorbent liners when they get wet.

hi. i just wanted to say thank you for your blog. im an autistic man who got diapers prescribed to me. i felt a lot of shame and still do but blogs like yours makes me feel less ashamed. i'm actually excited to get my diapers finally. keep doing what you do. <3 -🩷andrew

That's so good to hear! Please pass on the favor and share your own story.

Is it okay to wear diapers as an autistic person simply bc you like the feeling of using one? Not bc you “need” one?

Of course, as long as you're not hurting yourself or anyone else -- change when you need to, take care of your skin, don't intentionally make other people see or smell or your diaper.

Im about to start my senior year of high school and started wearing diapers last year for OAB & comfort. Do you have any advice for navigating school as a diapered autistic?

Unfortunately I wasn't diapered in school, so I don't have any experience -- but I'll share your question here, in case anyone else does.

What other things do you do to accommodate your needs as an autistic person? Ive really struggled asking for help/making changes where needed to deal with overstimulation and burnout and I think part of it is growing up undiagnosed I never had support offered to me and now I don’t even know what I could be doing that might help

Oh boy, this is a big one. I'm not gonna try to make an exhaustive list, but here's what I can think of off the top of my head:

Diapers.

Headphones, earphones, hearing aids, whatever lets you control the sound around you. Low-gain hearing aids are a godsend for auditory processing/sound sensitivity issues.

Sunglasses, clip-ons for your existing frame, whatever lets you control the light around you. Zenni sells clip-ons for like $4 when you buy frames, and they're actually decent. You might want to try polarized and non-polarized and different colors to see what's most soothing.

Offload whatever activities of daily living you can get away with. Sadly, this often requires money. If you've got the money, there's no shame in buying prepackaged food or having someone come help out around the house.

diaperedautistic

finding diapers as a continent/semicontinent autistic

(This essay is not in Plain Language. Please tell me if you want a Plain Language version and I will write one.)

I was slow to toilet train: I routinely came home wet from kindergarten and was still wetting myself occasionally in third grade and later. This was mostly an executive function problem; I usually knew I had to pee, but didn't have the executive function to stop whatever I was doing to use the bathroom.

I didn't get much in the way of help for this: I was kicked out of diapers before entering kindergarten. In kindergarten and first grade, I was 'on a schedule', which meant staff would pull me out of class to take me to use the bathroom periodically, hopefully before I'd wet myself. As early as kindergarten, my parents yelled at me for wetting myself, and past first grade, yelling was all the help I got. No one suggested diapers as a way to avoid the shame and humiliation of accidents; it was apparently better for a third-grader to wet herself in front of her classmates than for her to wear diapers.

Eventually, like some autistics, I 'grew out' of it: I learned to absorb the executive function cost of interrupting myself to go pee, or the pain of holding it because I didn't want to interrupt myself, and I stopped wetting myself.

At some level, though, I always understood that diapers were something I needed: when I hit puberty, they became a fetish object; when I transitioned in my late twenties, they shifted to a non-sexual emotional comfort, and I started wearing them more often. As I worked through some of my childhood trauma in therapy, they shifted again, to a radical way of 'rewriting the story' for my younger self who'd needed them, and I started wearing them full-time.

(I want to stop here and acknowledge that I was privileged to be able to make this change in my life: I can afford to live by myself to avoid judgmental family or housemates, and I can afford to buy disposable diapers out of pocket. Many people can't, and I'd love to see diapers as a voluntary adaptation for autistics destigmatized and covered by insurance.)

Once I was wearing diapers full-time, something magical happened: my brain settled back into those same patterns from elementary school, using my diaper when I'm hyperfocused and using the toilet when I'm not. I find focused tasks easier and less stressful, since I don't have to interrupt myself to go use the bathroom in the moment or cope with the ongoing sensory and executive function cost of feeling and knowing that I have to go to the bathroom eventually. I don't worry about burning something on the stove, forgetting important context while programming, or losing the plot of a movie or TV show I wanted to watch. I can get what I wanted to get done more easily, and have more energy and cope left for other things.

Despite the obvious benefits, I still felt ashamed when I found myself wet after a period of hyperfocus; I wasn't 'supposed' to wet myself, and I wasn't 'supposed' to wear diapers.

A couple weeks ago, as part of a larger effort to find better accommodations for myself, I found @endeverstar's wonderful article "Finding AAC as a verbal/semiverbal autistic". It talks about how xe found speaking with mouth words difficult and stressful but was nonetheless forced into a bunch of speech therapy as a kid so xe could be considered "speaking"; nobody offered xem AAC as a kid because xe didn't 'need' it and it was stigmatized. Xe discovered AAC as an adult, quickly realized it was easier and less stressful than mouth words, and is at this point mostly-nonspeaking.

This was me, toilet training, and diapers. Everything suddenly made sense.

I found toileting without diapers as a backup difficult and stressful, but was nonetheless forced to so I could be considered "toilet trained"; nobody offered me diapers as a kid past the 'normal' age because I didn't 'need' them and they were stigmatized. I rediscovered diapers as an adult, realized they were easier and less stressful, and decided to wear them all the time.

Overnight, that last whiff of shame disappeared. Diapers aren't just a fetish object, an emotional comfort, or a way of 'rewriting' my trauma. Diapers are a valid adaptive choice for autistics, even those who are technically capable of always using the toilet!

So, to paraphrase endever*: if you're a continent or mostly-continent autistic person and you're wondering whether diapers might be useful for you -- consider this your permission slip! You're allowed to try them if you think they might help, and you're allowed to keep using them if you find them helpful. Toileting works for abled people, but isn't inherently superior; don't listen to anyone who says you're 'not allowed' to use diapers unless you 'need' them or that you should force yourself to always use the toilet if that doesn't work for you.

Everyone deserves access to the full range of communication methods that work for them, and likewise everyone deserves access to the full range of toileting strategies that work for them.

diaperedautistic

I wanna address a (perhaps rhetorical) question that @ta-arista posed in a comment on that post:

"You see, why can't we have more discussion like THIS?! Diaper people speaking their truth and writing insightfully about their lives and experiences, instead of just "I want a daddy, I want a daddy, I want a daddy, I want, I want, I want...""

That's actually a really good question!

First, some sympathy for the "I want a daddy, I want a daddy, I want a daddy, I want a daddy" folks: life is overwhelming, and wanting support is *valid*.

I think one reason we don't see more discussion like that is that writing insightfully requires time, energy, and space -- I didn't write that in an afternoon, and I didn't write it in an especially unmasked/regressed headspace. It took a while, and required thinking about the role diapers played in my life.

Not everyone has the time or energy for that.

Another, frankly, is that diaper stigma/taboo pushes people into treating diapers as a kink, and kink spaces typically have more permissive norms, and people are loathe to push back on those.

Wanna fix that? Carry the conversation! Think about the role diapers play in *your own* life, and talk about them on main or on an SFW alt!

Or at least hold your kinky followers to higher standards.

sadhoc

i think a lot of people who have never cared for a baby and have no conscious memory of using diapers or any other incontinence product don't realize that people really aren't supposed to be sitting in soiled pads/diapers for extended periods of time. like the point of the pad/diaper is to prevent the soiling of clothes and whatever else we might be sitting on, and to give us enough time to get somewhere where we can change.

if you sit in a wet/soiled diaper (or underwear) for longer than 2-3 hours, it starts to get really painful and irritate the skin. this can lead to painful rashes, which can get infected. this is especially serious because many people who use incontinence products are also immunocompromised, and infections from sitting or walking around in a wet diaper can become extremely dangerous very quickly.

this is why we need to amend the ADA's guidelines for accessible bathroom requirements to include adult changing tables. i'm very lucky in that i'm mobile enough to change myself in a stall, but many people who deal with incontinence are not, and need full assistance with changing. being stuck outside in a soiled product is painful and dangerous, and significantly disabled people deserve better.

Pullups and pads

(If you don't know me, hi, I'm @diaperedautistic! I'm autistic and ADHD. I wear diapers because they work better for my brain.)

This post talks about products for people who pee themselves. I don't poop myself, so I don't know what products work well for people who do.

Some people pee themselves all at once. I am one of those people. Usually those people need the kind of diapers that have tapes and can hold a lot. Some stores call these "briefs".

But other people only pee themselves a little bit at a time, or pee themselves a little bit and then go to the bathroom. These people might not need briefs, and can use something else instead. Two things they can use are pullups and pads.

Pullups

Pullups are diapers that you can pull on and off like underwear. You don't need to tape them on. The sides are stretchy, so they hold themselves on.

Pullups don't hold as much as briefs, and they leak more easily. But you can put them on more easily, you can pull them down to use the toilet easily, you can exercise in them more comfortably, and they cost less than briefs.

Before I started wearing briefs full-time, I wore pullups. They were helpful, but not as helpful as briefs.

I usually pee myself because I'm focusing on something. When I'm wearing a pullup, I can pee a little in it before I need to stop what I am doing and go to the bathroom. But I can't ignore needing to go to the bathroom completely.

Pads

Pads are smaller than diapers or pullups. You need to put them inside other underwear to hold them in place.

Pads hold a lot less than briefs or pullups, and leak much more easily. But they are even easier to put on than pullups, you don't need to pull them down to use the toilet, they are even more comfortable to exercise in than pullups, and they cost even less than pullups.

Before I wore briefs or pullups, I wore pads. They were helpful, but not as helpful as briefs or pullups.

Sometimes a little extra pee comes out after I pee in the toilet. Pads absorb this so my underwear and pants don't get wet.

If I am focused on something, a pad will absorb the first squirt of pee. But then I need to stop what I am doing and go to the bathroom immediately.

What should you wear?

If you pee yourself all at once, or you can't change promptly, you will probably need to wear briefs.

If you pee yourself a little bit at a time, and you can change promptly, you may be able to wear pads or pullups instead.

If you don't pee yourself, but a little extra pee comes out after you pee in the toilet, you can probably wear pads.

Sometimes, after you start wearing pads or pullups, you will start peeing yourself more at once. This might make your pad or pullup leak, and you will need to switch to something that holds more, like a bigger pad, a pullup, or a brief. This is okay. It means your brain is learning it doesn't need to worry a bunch about going to the bathroom.

An update on diapers

Hi folks! Sorry I've been quiet for... ages. tumblr isn't the place I normally hang out, and life's been busy.

Diaper-wise, I've been trying to work on worrying less about leaks, so I'm trying to wear plastic-backed diapers (currently MegaMaxes) whenever I can. that's not always possible, since I overheat easily, but I'm hoping I'll get used to it over time.

So far, they seem great -- I could never get away with one-diaper workdays in Abenas, but MegaMaxes can seemingly pull that off sometimes!

I've also been experimenting with booster pads (currently the XL EternaDrys, though the 2XL is my favorite so far) for night diapers when I've had a lot to drink and don't want to worry about leaks or needing to change.

#actually autistic #actuallyautistic #autistic diapered and proud #autisticdiaperedandproud

An update on followers

I just went through my followers and removed accounts that posted NSFW stuff, for a couple reasons:

I want this account to be SFW and all-ages, so the widest audience can benefit from it, and that includes my followers list.

I don't *want* "diapers as a voluntary, neuro-affirming choice" to be limited to ABDL spaces and treated as NSFW/18+ material!

So! This account is SFW, and talks about diapers from a disability perspective -- if you'd like to follow, please have the courtesy and courage to do so from your own SFW account.

diaperedautistic

im afab and get frequent vaginal infections, thinking abt diapers but worried ill get more infections from it

I don't have experience with AFAB hardware, but I would hope that with prompt changing it wouldn't be a huge deal.

doctorrat

As an afab that wears diapers here are my tips

Moisture fosters a good environment for bacterial growth so change as soon as you can after noticing you’re wet and use baby powder to limit sweat

Keep your vulva clean(use a fragrance free wash every once in a while)

Use a barrier cream to reduce irritation in the area(i use vaseline on the area around the vulva)

Know the warning signs of infection so you can stop them before they get bad

Try to take a break every once and let things air out

I dont have a lot of experience with vaginal infections but as an afab that wears diapers and someone in the medical field, here’s my advice

dizzeeflower

I guarantee you there is one manifestation of disability that almost everyone on this planet has actively laughed at and made fun of. yes, even you

can you guess what it is?

it's something there are constant gags about in media, something people mention in passing as a joke

something that if it presented itself in a public space i guarantee in most situations would be openly and loudly mocked (and if not humour, most people would at least express disgust)

don't believe me, do you?

✨ incontinence ✨

yep, it's incontinence. (get your giggles out now folks)

I am partially incontinent due to a fun cocktail of mental and physical disabilities and i know for a fact this is where people will stop reading, have a little laugh, and move on thinking this isn't worth the read anymore

but please, if you want to be a true disability ally, stick around and listen.

5% of the world population is estimated to be incontinent to some degree. 1 in 20 people (and no, that is not just elderly people)

so yea when you're in the grocery store, or at the gay bar, or seeing your college theatre's rendition of Grease - chances are there's a good handful of people in the crowd who struggle with incontinence.

it might be just someone who has minimal stress incontinence - something very common in people who have been pregnant - or someone who has adhd and forgets to go to the bathroom, missing the cues from their body that they are desperate, or yea it could be the 85 yr old grandma who wears diapers.

the point is, all of these people deserve respect for their bodies. everyone does. and this includes bodies that malfunction sometimes.

'omg thats so funny im gonna pee myself' 'reddit boys can go piss in ur little baby diapers' - great comeback bestie, but can we move on from them now? im gonna be honest these don't offend me personally, but it's worth being aware of where the humour of these comments comes from. its rooted in ableism

but something that does offend me and something that genuinely triggers me to have panic attacks and can push me into an anxious depressive state for days at a time, is when a character wetting themself is used as the butt of a joke on screen.

i'm thinking season one of stranger things. yeah, most of us know the scene right? when eleven forces a bully to pee his pants in front of the whole school? yep, triggers my ptsd right good that one does. and my siblings ptsd. and im sure many many many more ppl with incontinence (or even ppl without it who had the unfortunate experience of an accident in school)

if you found it funny, i dont care at this point. keep doing you. i dont blame you, okay? but i just want to ask that you reconsider WHY you laughed. 'because he pissed himself' okay but WHY is that funny? 'older kids and adults arent supposed to piss themselves' yea well it happens sometimes to most people at least once, and to 1 in 20 people much more often than that. so WHY is that funny?

keep asking why why why... and if in the end you can't think of WHY, then maybe there isnt a reason for you to laugh at it except that you've been taught to by osmosis. because everyone else laughs

dont give up here, because this is where i want you to really think. is it worth it?

is it worth laughing at something just because everyone else is, and risk 5% of the population going into a self conscious spiral, a panic attack because of your mocking, making them think they will never be accepted?

obviously u making a "im gonna piss myself" comment while laughing does not put 1 in 20 ppl into a panic attack, but u get where im coming from now i hope

so if you're still reading, im guessing you want to reconsider some of your behaviours and comments about this subject. thank you! now that you've realised where these jokes are rooted, you're going to start noticing a lot more often just how much this disability is mocked in society.

but what else can you do to help?

consider sticking up for us because understandably incontinent people dont tend to stick up for themselves lest it out us as incontinent. because admitting that is still met with laughter and disgust. help us jumpstart the incontinence acceptance by speaking up for the silent minority whenever an incontinence joke comes up in class/family gatherings/general conversation (this is my opinion, any other incontinent folks are v welcome to challenge this if u would rather ppl didnt for whatever reason!)

another thing you can do is - you won't like this - dont call ppl disgusting for buying adult diapers with silly animal characters on. unpopular opinion here on tumblr dot com, i know

but listen: incontinence products are disability aids! pullups, incontinence pads/pants, adult diapers, these are all disability aids. not products of k!nk, not things to snigger at in the pharmacy.

and would you complain about someone putting hello kitty stickers on their walking cane? would you think it gross for someone to doodle little stars and affirmations on their wheelchair armrest? is it wrong if someone wants pink hearing aids instead of a nude coloured ones? no?

then don't laugh if someone wants lil hearts on their pullups, and don't fake gag if you happen to see purple patterned adult diapers on ur dash. sometimes humans just like to decorate their bodies and extensions of their bodies. this is just that. and lets be real, plain white nappies just aren't the vibe sometimes

~ while we're at it, ppl with stoma bags are beautiful and deserve to wear whatever they want to feel comfortable and handsome as hell 😘 ~

and let me address the elephant in the room. yeah, some people have a f3tish for this stuff (just like anything can be made into a f3tish). whatever. if ur against that stuff then idc pls dont talk abt it in the tags and comments. anyway it is NOT an excuse to find actual disabled ppl disgusting for needing these aids.

and heres the funny thing: you usually can't tell if someone uses diapers for a f3tish or for their disability, or possibly both!

so you're gonna have to not attack random ppl on the internet bc you don't know what their life is like (what a shocking new hot take)

if a 46 yr old balding man with a beer belly and chest hair who isn't visibly disabled mentions he uses diapers, don't assume he's a creep and its a k!nk. it might be, sure, but it might be a condition or disability that you have no right to comment on or judge him for.

so if youre squicked by it just block and move on, don't send anon hate, dont make a post about how these types of people make you sick. you might just lose a valued mutual who was secretly incontinent and thinks you hate them for it now (whether this is right or wrong, its often how these things come across)

(btw if anyone fuckin talks abt k!nk on this post im going to scream directly in ur ear :) make ur own posts and don't bring any f3tish discussion onto mine)

had to get that out of the way unfortunately because this is a condition that is so unfortunately overrepresented by the f3tish side. i wouldnt have to talk abt k!nk on many other posts about disabilty aids but this one unfortunately was necessary

it's exhausting

imagine having a disability that requires aids thats almost EVERYONE winces at, laughs at, mocks loudly. and then to come on tumblr, the place that is meant to be full of acceptance from strangers in similar circumstances, queer and disabled and poc - but the moment your aid is brought up in discussion its seen as something disgusting and the property of freaks and creeps and people who are evil and want to do children harm

it's exhausting, like i said

i dont have much else to add honestly, im shit at writing cohesive posts (especially when im physically shaking with anxiety bc woohoo announcing to possibly thousands of ppl that im incontinent) but if anything i just hope you will question yourself if you laugh at this stuff in future

im going to go back into my little anxiety hibernation hole and never open up about this condition again ✌🏼

as for the incontinent population, we’re pretty silent about this condition so it’s easy to forget abt us. but please just keep us in mind and stick up for us when u can

— for clarity: incontinence is not ALWAYS a disability, it is a condition that can affect ppl on a sliding scale. for some it is a mild inconvenience, for some it severely impacts daily life. for some it is the only physical condition their body experiences, for some it is a symptom of a predetermined mental or physical disability such as generalized anxiety disorder or paraplegia. whether or not it is considered a disability, acceptance of ALL incontinence is a good step to eradicating this source of ableism —

no one has to reblog this but pls consider it if this has opened ur eyes a lil and u wanna open some more

As an autistic diaper wearer, have you or anyone you have known as autistic had any spasms type disoders that responded well to using diapers for thier intended purpose.

The reason I ask is that has been the case for me. It has also helped some with anxiety as well as had huge impact on lessening my extreme startle response.

I haven't experienced this, and I don't know anyone who has, but I'm happy to share in case anyone has.

#autism #diapers #incontinence #actually autistic #autistic diapered and proud

hi!

i am an autistic in my 20s (maybe adhd, i have a diagnosis for that but the situation in which it was given was pretty messed up tbh so while i can kinda see it, i'm not really sure) with hypermobile ehlers-danlos syndrome.

i've experienced some of what you talk about with focus and proprioception for a very long time, and recently have found that (i believe due to my hEDS) those issues with proprioception have worsened, as well as finding that i have almost no actual bladder control even when i am paying attention. because i also struggle with mobility due to EDS, i've recently (~6 months) started using diapers. i was wondering if you had any thoughts on what a starter guide would look like, since i've basically just been going with what i can find doing my own research. my GP's response when i brought the EDS symptoms to her (this kind of thing is pretty common, from what i understand, with EDS patients) was just to order a urine test, find that it looked normal and send me on my way, which is about what i expect from most doctors at this point, but it was no help. most of what i've found has been kink content, which i guess is fine for those folks but does not actually help me.

because of the nature of struggling with incontinence and the social stigma, i find this exceptionally difficult to talk about, or request help with, hence this being anon. apologies that you seem to be the best resource i can find; any help or advice is greatly appreciated. thank you.

hmm, a starter guide is a good idea! I don't know of one, but off the top of my head, here's what I'd put in it:

shapes of products available (pads, liners, pull-ups, diapers, plastic pants, diaper covers, etc.)

grades of products available (drugstore, medical, premium)

pros/cons of various products (price, discretion, cuteness if that's your thing, etc.)

other supplies needed (wipes, disposal bags, rash cream)

considerations for changing at home (where to change, standing up/lying down, trash can/diaper pail options, etc.)

considerations for changing elsewhere (how many spares to bring, what to bring, how to handle disposal, etc.)

considerations for skin health (changing promptly, using wipes, using rash cream when needed)

other treatments for bladder issues to consider (pelvic PT, bladder training, timed voiding, etc.)

pros/cons of embracing diapers vs. using diapers while pursuing other treatments

and a lot of reassurance that wearing diapers is okay and valid

let me know if you'd like more information (insofar as I have it) on any of those things!

#autism #diapers #incontinence #actually autistic #autistic diapered and proud

im afab and get frequent vaginal infections, thinking abt diapers but worried ill get more infections from it

I don't have experience with AFAB hardware, but I would hope that with prompt changing it wouldn't be a huge deal.

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