Diary of a Domme

Tales from a 24/7 BDSM lifestyle.

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A Day in the Life

I thought that today I would run you guys through what an average day in our lives is like. Obviously not every day follows this exact schedule, but it’s a pretty good representation of what our lives are like from day to day.

Around 7am, Steven wakes up, takes a fast shower and then starts to prepare breakfast for us by 7:20. I get up around 7:30 and he serves me breakfast. He then kneels down to kiss my feet. (As the day goes on, I allow him to kiss further up my body. If he’s good all day, he gets a proper kiss). If he’s been misbehaving or I feel the need to reassert myself, I’ll make him wait until I’m finished to eat, or make him eat from the floor, but most days we share a meal.

I take a shower then while he cleans up and finishes getting ready for work. We both need to be out of the house by about 8:30. If he’s fast or there’s not enough to do in the meantime, I give him free reign to do what he likes until he leaves for work. When it’s cold out, I have him warm up my car for me. When we’re ready to go, he opens the car door for me like a proper gentlemen and earns a kiss on my ankle. Then we go off our separate ways to work.

While at work, I occasionally give him tasks via text message or email. The tasks vary from day to day, and I don’t give him one every day. It could be something like having him go and edge in the bathroom during his break or sending him to the car to fetch his butt plug and wear it for the rest of the day. It can be non-sexual too, like to write me a short poem or devotion. Other times I just send him a message reminding him that he is mine.

We get home around 6pm and I’ll often have him give me a quick massage, although not every day. Then it’s dinner time and so he gets to work again while I relax and unwind from work. We repeat a similar routine as we did for breakfast, with him earning a kiss on my thigh.

Oh, this is turning out to be really long! I’d better cut it short here while it’s still readable. I’ll tell you the rest next time! 

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Torture

CBT – that’s cock and ball torture – is something pretty new on the plate for Steven and I. If there’s one thing that’s taken me the longest to get into as a domme, it’s inflicting pain. And inflicting pain on his most private areas is especially touchy for me. I’ve seen some pictures and videos of some real pros doing it to submissive men, and it even makes me cringe. Steven has said that he doesn’t want anything up to that level, but that he is interested in experimenting with some light pain in that area.

One helpful tip that we’ve picked up in our exploration so far is that the ball sack isn’t really as sensitive as it might seem. As long as you steer clear of attacking the testicles themselves, you can inflict some pain without it being overwhelming and sending him into the fetal position. For right now one of our punishments of choice is some number of clothespins on his ball sack – more clothespins the worse the crime. I should mention that you want to get the nice plastic clothespins for this. They have a stronger bit, which is helpful when you’re trying to grip onto a thin piece of skin like that.

Aside from that, we’ve introduced a variety of other tortures into our regimen. Clothespins have always been a handy around-the-house item, so we’ve used them on everything from his nipples to his tongue. Eventually we started investing in some real BDSM toys, but before that I learned that you can accomplish quite a bit with just your own body. Fingernails and teeth can cause some damage and still be very erotic.

Another useful tip – almost any activity, done long enough, can be painful. Sometimes I’ll punish Steven by using him as a foot rest or even a chair. It doesn’t hurt much at first, but give it 10 minutes and he’ll be struggling to stay upright.

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Denial Training

One of the earliest things that we explored in our BDSM relationship was orgasm denial. From what I’ve read, for many dommes this is really the core of the power exchange. The theory goes that men are ultimately controlled by their libidos, and so if you control the orgasm, you control the man. Personally I find the idea a little overblown and even a little offensive. Sure, men may be more sexual on average than women, but that doesn’t mean that they are like mindless animals. Shh, don’t tell Steven I said that!

Anyway, while orgasm denial may not be all that it’s cracked up to be, that doesn’t mean that it’s not a fun and useful tool to have in your toolbox as a domme. There truly is something magical about bringing a man to the point where he is literally begging to cum. And not just because he’s playing the submissive role or whatever. To bring a man to the point where he is physically and mentally uncomfortable without that feeling of resolution that comes with orgasm, to really hear desperation in his voice, is quite a rush.

It works especially well after multiple days of teasing. Sometimes I’ll do the teasing myself, but other days I’ll order Steven to edge himself several times without cumming. Edging, if you didn’t know, is masturbating up to the point where orgasm is imminent, and then stopping. Hearing him moan and struggle not to cum always turns me on.

Steven submits willingly to this denial, though he has expressed some interested in us buying him a male chastity device. He says that he often feels too tempted to masturbate to orgasm in secret, and that he would enjoy the additional level of control of me literally having the “key” to his orgasms. I admit it is a delicious thought, but at the same time I’m a little paranoid that I’ll lose it! Plus, honestly, the whole thing does kind of seem like a hassle. You have to open it up nightly to clean it, or so I’ve read. We’re already busy enough to day to day without that extra step.

For now, I think we’ll stick with doing it this way. I believe that if Steven were to orgasm without my permission, he would still be good enough to tell me and receive a proper punishment for his transgression. 

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The Mindset

Early in the evolution of our Master/slave relationship, I didn’t fully understand the implications of the power exchange. In essence, Steven had to train me on how to be a better dominant. One thing that he explained to me early was the importance of keeping him in the submissive mindset. When we were first starting, I’d often lapse out of “Domme mode” and let him get away with breaking our “rules” or ignoring the rituals.

After a time, this would upset Steven. I asked him why he couldn’t just adhere to the rules and rituals without me having to remind him all the time. He explained that while it was in his nature and it was his desire to submit, he still needed the expression of dominance from me in order to submit. Psychology is a funny thing, isn’t it? Maybe it was something ingrained in him from childhood, but for whatever reason he could not submit of his own “free will” – he had to be forced, or at least reminded of why he chose to submit.

Once I understood this, I began to be much harsher on him than I’d originally ever thought that I would. Then I began to understand what he meant by the “mindset.” I found that the more assertive I was in expressing my dominance when he made a mistake, the fewer mistakes he made. I had to spend a few weeks chiding him for forgetting to say, “Mistress,” but once I started keeping on top of him about it, he quickly became “trained” and even started saying it at times that I wasn’t even expecting him to!

It took some work, but it’s now second nature to me to keep Steven on his toes and subtly (or sometimes not so subtly) remind him who is in charge. It really doesn’t take much to keep him in the mindset. A simple text message or email at work instructing him to fulfill a task or telling him what I’m going to do with him when he gets home is usually enough to ensure that he’s ready and willing to submit when he gets home – even if he’s been going toe-to-toe with his business contacts all day long.

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Diary of a Domme

Well, here we are. You’ve found the online home of Mistress Deidre. Of course, you aren’t serving me, so just Deirdre will suffice. I’ve started this blog in order to share my thoughts and stories from a life of 24/7 lifestyle BDSM. My husband, Steven, and I are in a constant consensual master/slave relationship. If you’re a neophyte to the idea of BDSM, then you may not understand the implications of all that, so I’ll tell you what you need to know.

Before I do that, let me make clear that not every master/slave relationship works the same way. Steven and I have our unique arrangement and I’m sure that it wouldn’t work for most other people, just as most other people’s idea of what a M/s relationship is wouldn’t really work for us. Okay, on with it!

My power exchange with Steven is fairly absolute. He defers to me on almost all matters of the household – I control the budget, I control our schedules. I decide when he does and when he does it. Of course, this only works if I am respectful of his other obligations and prerequisites. I can’t forbid from going to work or anything of the sort. But by and large, the majority of his hours are spent doing what I tell him to.

That doesn’t mean I just use him for selfish needs. I also insist he spend time on self-improvement. He’d been telling me for years that he wanted to get in better shape. He also fancies himself a writer, but had trouble finding motivation at times. I’ve taken care of these things for him by setting aside time each day for him to work out and time for him to spend on writing.

Needless to say, I also control all things sexual. He doesn’t touch himself without my permission, and he doesn’t orgasm unless he’s earned it with good behavior. So far I’ve been satisfied with his restraint and haven’t had to resort to using a chastity device, but I have informed him that the option is on the table.

Aside from the big picture stuff, we have a number of smaller rituals that he must adhere to, but they are too many to list here. I’ll cover them as they come up in my stories.

This all my sound harsh to uninitiated, but rest assured everything that I do to Steven is in reality for Steven. He asked me for nearly every single thing that I do (aside from a few of my own suggestions which he enthusiastically agreed to). He thrives on the submission and swears it makes him a better person. I’m inclined to agree and while I wasn’t fully comfortable with my dominant side when we first began, I’ve come to realize that it really is a perfect fit for me. So we’re both quite ecstatic!