Lazarus Go Home

@diazepamalprazolam

Peter / 32 / D.C. I study mathematical logic, the intersection of theoretical computer science, philosophy (language, mathematics, the mind), and mathematics. I also study the quantum gravity of black holes and it's relationship to theoretical computer science. Leftist anarchism, avant-garde film and litearture, harsh noise, extreme metal and jazz music are my passions.

5,582 posts

Posts

I cannot do it anymore. I don’t know who I am and I cannot remember the last time that I did. Nothing feels real, I haven’t felt like a person in years, I don’t know what feeling like myself was even like. Everything around me is falling apart and there’s nothing left to keep me from letting go. It’s never been this bad and I have no reason to keep going.

mysticaleldritchpunk

fairycosmos

they should put me down they should put me down they should put me down

aspdist

sorry if I act so weird, I was supposed to die at 14

riotd

x

It hurts so fucking much, the burning in my gut every time I think of you, every time I see your face, every time I set foot outside of my dark, cold room. It doesn’t go away.

Everyone is telling me there was nothing I could do. But the only thoughts I have are running through the decisions I made trying to piece together what I could have done differently to save what we had. What I thought we had, what you told me we had.

What kills me is how easy it was for you to walk away, like nothing we did ever meant anything to you.

It’s the same story it’s always been. I’m not enough, I’m not the one, what I feel isn’t real, what you told me in the moment wasn’t true. It’s my fault for letting my feelings go, it’s my fault for believing you. It’s always my fault.