HE DRIVES A FORD PINTO?

[dickhazard]

           this dumpster fire has been brought to you by mal

[dickhazard]

[micro-usb-deactivated20230625]

[raudrfox-remaking-deactivated20]

Me making OCs

[memies]

INTRODUCTION/ICEBREAKER STARTER - Feel free to change pronouns, e.t.c. 

“Allow me to introduce myself, my name is…” 

“A new face, eh? Haven’t seen one of those in a while.” 

“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help but notice that you are crying. May I offer you a tissue?” 

“Do you know any good cafes in the area?”

“No, we haven’t met before. I must just have one of those faces, I suppose.” 

“That looks heavy - need a hand?” 

“Why don’t you want to tell me your name?”

“Hey! You can’t be in here!” 

“I seem to be low on cash… Would you mind sharing a taxi with me?” 

“What are you staring at?” 

“Would you mind sharing your umbrella with me? I forgot mine at home.” 

“Excuse me!” 

“Please don’t stand on that!” 

“I love your sweater, would you mind telling me where you got it?” 

“I know we barely know eachother, but I… I could really use some company right now.” 

“Get out of my way!” 

“Would you mind removing your arm? You are blocking my armrest.” 

“Excuse me, have you seen this dog?” 

“I think you dropped this.” 

“Is this seat taken?” 

“No, I’m *Name here*. I think you are mistaking me for someone else.” 

“I wouldn’t mind some company, I don’t know anyone here.” 

“May I borrow your phone?” 

“Could you help me with this?” 

“I need a stranger’s honest opinion… Which one of these dresses look best on me?” 

[dickhazard]

                                                 @stringedfangs​​

━ It isn’t as simple as a tinfoil hat. It’s a whole ass tinfoil cocoon! Dick is sitting wrapped in layers of aluminum and he looks pissed. He’s holding a sign in his hands, which reads in plain scrawl: 

                          THEY’RE FUCKING HERE, MAN

What is this, and who’s here? And what is this man doing on the sidewalk looking like a knockoff comic book character? It’s hard to tell. Beneath all that FOIL there is a man, for sure, who is wearing a cowboy hat. The outline of the cowboy hat is very evident. “They’re here,” he grumbles. “God damn it, I wish they WEREN’T!”

[dickhazard]

                                                @daevilhorns​

━ Bad news. Bad news indeed! He has his tiniest hat on, so he must be in mourning. In his hands he cradles something, but what is it? You can take a closer look. It’s a FROG. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s making noise and seems lively and cheerful. Dick gently places God’s creature on the lawn after he blesses it with a gentle kiss atop its brow. “Go on, get out of here! Get!” he cries mournfully. “Go on, you stupid animal! You’re free now!” But wait, what’s this? He’s not looking at the frog... He’s looking at YOU.

[dickhazard]

[dillyt]

well the horrors may be beyond YOUR comprehension, but I comprehend them perfectly

[wickedcoolshoes]

[hauntedearth]

[soulrph]

lines from 2021 that made me lose my mind

literally lines of dialogue from social media and movies and books and series that have made me laugh so hard i cried during this wild little year of ours!

" you are so intelligent. why do you do such stupid things? "

" we got the gouda governor over here! "

" you're my hoe. my heaven on earth. "

" well, here's another story about my kids roasting the SHIT out of me. "

" you beautiful savage. "

" cell phones on silent, and shut your fucking mouth. the show is about to begin. "

" you have the credit score of a homeless ghost. "

" 100% getting your dick sucked for that. "

" you were so close to a revolutionary thesis and then you betrayed me and every citizen of good standing. "

" every night i say good night to you, and every night you never say it back. what's the problem, NAME? do you not want me to have a good night? "

" that wasn't a cookie, man! that was a piece of his heart... "

" i'm just gonna say this; i find that arousing, and let's move on. "

" do you know how hard it is to be tough when you're holding a pink cupcake holder in your hand? "

" no, we can still salvage this. put on the mcdonalds uniform. "

" why don't you spend more time with bruce springsteen and find out how fucked up you are? "

" if his dick kills me, do NOT prosecute him! he caught ME slipping, that's on ME! "

" i feel uncomfortable around tall people, what if they try to lick my head? "

" there are at least three houses in new orleans. "

" WRONG! i'm right here, you fucking BRUSSEL sprout. "

" my heart was murdered by the word "from". nobody says "i from you". "

" i'd like to go on record as being opposed to the use of violence being used for purposes of conflict resolution, however-- "

" he may be a perv, but that's my dad. "

" hangers are for sunday school clothes. bring me a rock! "

" that goes in the buttbank. "

" i like you. you know how to laugh. "

" i'm pretty sure it's not supposed to do that. are your parents pelicans or something? "

" are you sure you're out of granddaughters? can you check in the back or something? "

" where's your fucking rage? where's your anger? RISE! RISE! RISE! "

" well, i don't know how to tell you this, but he went on a homoerotic voyage to the most dangerous place on earth. "

" the old heads do it right, you young bucks don't know. "

" you just called me a bitch? well bitch means dog, and dogs bark, and bark is from trees, and trees are part of nature, and nature is beautiful, so thank you for calling me beautiful! "

" no, no, no, no. i'm just drunk... aAHHHHHH! "

" i hope... that i do not live to see this. "

" no, don't embarrass yourself. i love you though. "

" you mean there's some kind of new pokemon called THERAPY?? "

" i'd kick a child in the face, for a piece of pizza like that, okay? "

" from the womb to the tomb, exhausted. "

" checkmate, boomers, we made it gay. "

" you want me to go to a meeting? the same thing that killed julius caesar? "

" this is the ass of a FAILURE! "

" it's officially none of your damn business, sir/ma'am! "

" you look divorced. "

" it's under the sauce. "

" get off the bus, you ugly bastard. "

" i want someone to see in me the same possibilities that ocean spray saw in cranberries. "

" i still love sharks! "

" i have avoided explaining this for over 25 years. i am not going to start doing it now. "

" in home alone 2 the dad screams bloody murder because kevin spent $967 on room service but he also abandoned his son twice so maybe time to shut the fuck up? "

" get out of there, he's a priest. "

" oh my god they were loot mates. "

[dickhazard]

                                                         taezr​:

🗲 IF DANNY HAD the wherewithal to be irate, he might have found this guy to be obnoxious. By the blessings of his own alcoholism, he was five drinks in and while the approach took him by surprise, he was ultimately delighted. Since he turned thirty, he had seen the amount of drinks he would get at Barracuda dwindle. A gay bar full of twinks, and twinks get the drinks, as was known. There were days he would get all the attention, long gone, and he missed it. After all, almost everything he did was motivated by his need to be acknowledged. “I’m Danny,” he responded, dazzled. 

The man in front of him seemed atrocious in all the right ways. Gathering his elbows beneath him and resting his chin on his hands, he downed the margarita as soon as it arrived. Yes, it took him no longer than ten seconds after it had been placed in front of him for him to just gulp it all the way down. To some it was impressive, to others it was horrible. “What’s yours? You look like a…” He paused, tilting his head. “Ted? Earl?” A solid blink. “Or something.” 🗲

━ If you looked away, and then looked back, you can see that now he’s wearing a smaller hat. That’s right, it was a normal sized hat moments ago, and now there’s a little one in its place. When did he switch it? No one knows. Dick watches Danny guzzle the margarita and he’s impressed. “You’re wrong, my friend, incorrect in all ways. I’m Dick Hazard, but you can call me...” He doesn’t say anything else, letting the anticipation build until he literally spits out “DICK”. “Another margarita over here, fruity as ever!” He calls to the bartender. “You can really drink, pal, you can really put it away.” Dick has the energy of a trickster fae, but is he one? Probably. Or probably not. “Tell me, my first wave friendo, what brings you to a place like this? Gay sex? Alcoholism? The drag shows? The fact that it’s named after a fish? A BIG draw.” 

[brittsmemes]

INCORRECT  QUOTES  GENERATOR  STARTERS. 

“i  am  going  to  defeat  you  with  the  power  of  friendship!” 

“goodnight  moon,  goodnight  tree.  goodnight  ghosts  only  i  can  see.”

“you  think  i  really  give  a  fuck?  i  can’t  even  read!” 

“you  wanna  see  how  hardcore  i  am?”   *punches  wall*  “…  take  me  to  the  hospital?” 

“if  you  can’t  beat  them,  dress  better  than  them.” 

“i’ve  come  to  a  point  in  my  life  where  i  need  a  stronger  word  than  fuck.” 

“i  identify  as  a  fucking  threat.” 

“so  apparently  the  ‘bad  vibes’  i’ve  been  feeling  are  actually  severe  psychological  distress.” 

“i  was  born  for  politics.  i  have  great  hair  and  i  love  lying.” 

“all  these  ghosts  and  i  still  can’t  find  a  boo. “

“fool  me  once,  i’m  gonna  kill  you.” 

“with  great  power  comes  a  great  need  to  take  a  nap.  wake  me  up  later.” 

“ha!  nice  try,  jackass.  next  time  give  it  your  a  game.” 

“you  seem  familar.  have  i  threatened  you  before?”  

“you’ll  have  a  hard  time  believing  this  because  it  never  happens.  but  i  made  a  mistake.” 

“some  of  you  may  die.  but  that’s  a  sacrifice  i’m  willing  to  make.” 

“you  can  de-escalate  any  situation  by  saying  ‘are  we  about  to  kiss?’” 

“oh  no…  (muse  name)  in  b -  flat.  you’re  disappointed.” 

“my  face  is  on  fire!” 

“i  became  more  evil  if  you’re  curious.” 

“i  slept  for  almost  twelve  hours.  but  i  might  still  be  tired.  let’s  go  for  twelve  more  just  incase.” 

“are  you  okay  with  constructive  criticism?  i  don’t  want  to  sound  mean.” 

“violence  isn’t  the  answer.  violence  is  the  question.  the  answer  is  yes.” 

“three  words,  say  them  and  i’m  yours.” 

“i  have  a  black  belt.  not  in  karate.  it’s  gucci.” 

“in  light  of  what  you  did  for  me,  you  can  hug  me  for  four  to  five  seconds.” 

“why  did  you  draw  a  pentagram  on  the  floor?” 

“i’m  ten  times  funnier  and  sexier  than  you.” 

“you  have  to  acceot  that  swear  words  are  necessary  sometimes.” 

“it’s  dark  in  here.” 

“i  prevented  a  murder  today,  using  the  power  of  self  control.” 

“is  letting  someone  win  in  chess  sapiosexual  bottoming?” 

“don’t  worry,  i  have  a  few  knives  up  my  sleeve.” 

“good  morning.  what  the  fuck  is  wrong  with  you?” 

[dickhazard]

                                                     @taezr​

━ “You have the gayest haircut.” Someone could say the same about him. “I like the pink though. Suits you lots. Got that first wave new wave eighties synthfucker vibe.” It’s a compliment, actually. “I’ll tell you what.” He touches his nose like he’s Santa Claus about to ascend a chimney. “I’m going to buy you a drink, sir, yes sir.” He raises a finger and calls to the bartender. “The fruitiest margarita you can make, pal! For my new friend, here.” He sniffs. “You look like a Dale or a Dave. What’s your name, buddy?” 

[dickhazard]

                                             @sleazygoing​

━ “You know... They say you can tell a man’s worth by the hat he wears, and that’s a mighty fine hat you have there, my friend. It’s got energy. BIG energy. Big, swinging dong energy.” Dick tips his own hat as a howdy-do. He isn’t a cowboy but he carries himself like one, and he has spurs that jingle-jangle-jingle. “A mighty, mighty fine hat.” Is it an attempt to embarrass? Here, and so loud, in the middle of the McDonald’s fast food establishment? Or is it a friendly gesture? Nothing betrays any true intent. You are left to guess.

[dickhazard]

Dick could have been a Rich or a Rick but one fine summer’s day in the early 2000s, he turned to his mother while drinking lemonade and told her he decided he was going to be a Dick. She cried.