Can you give us a quick rundown on your ouppies and their breeds? I lose track lol
yes!!!!! there are a lot of them but i am always happy to talk about them
the first dog i got was Noodle. Noodle is a four year-old Golden Retriever
he is the ultimate good boy but sometimes he wakes us up crying in the middle of the night and when you blearily walk downstairs to figure out why he's upset it turns out there's a single sock in the middle of the floor and he can't figure out how to walk past it
he likes to give hugs and also likes to convince people to hold his hands while he stares at them solemnly. his favorite trick is "kiss" where he bumps your face with his nose and he will offer it completely unprompted when he wants love.
he has some agility foundations and loves doing jumps/tunnels but he thinks every other obstacle is trying to kill him
skates by on his looks tbh but we love him very dearly
after Noodle came Boogaloo, aka Boo. she is a six year-old, off-brand, backyard bred Australian Shepherd. i got her off Facebook for free
Boo is freakishly verbal. sometimes Athena and i speak to each other in whole sentences and Boo deduces what we're saying and responds accordingly (like, "Can you put Boo away so we can go out?" and then she runs into her crate and waits for us to close it)
she believes that she caused 9/11 and feels very bad about it
she and Noodle are Besties Forever and their favorite game is when Boo jumps on him and chews on him while making mongoose noises
she's an incredible obedience dog with a killer heel and insane hind end awareness but she had to stop doing agility because she got so overexcited that she was literally going to hurt herself
she gets super hyped to take afternoon naps with me
then came PS5 the papillon. what can i say about PS5?
first of all, she is a tyrant. if she had thumbs we would all be in serious trouble. i have never met an animal so self-possessed. she tends to enchant everyone she meets and that's how she gets you to do her bidding. she had a fan club at my last workplace
PS5 is brilliant and obsessed with tiny squeaky tennis balls, but she incredibly stubborn and uninterested in cooperating with humans for basically any reason. so she does not do any sports right now lol
she steals things recreationally because she thinks our reaction is funny
when she is cross with us she stamps her little feet and says "wrrrrrrr!!!!!!!" until we figure out how to appease her
she came to us from a local oops litter and it's a good thing she happened to end up in a home with a professional dog trainer because she would have been an absolute menace in an average pet home
in conclusion, PS5 is a terrible little punk but we're obsessed with her
our most recent addition is Minion.
oh, Minion.
Minion is a 15 lb border collie/papillon cross whose parents did flyball and dock diving. she is simultaneously brilliant and incredibly stupid. she's a blast to train and picks up new behaviors quickly but she also thinks she can get inside the house by running underneath our porch and then she gets stuck and doesn't understand how to get out
she likes to follow me around and Stare at me like this O____O and lie her head in my lap when i sit on the couch
she and PS5 are best frenemies. Minion was a singleton puppy who has never fully grasped the idea that she is not the main character, and PS5 has never forgiven Minion for growing bigger than her
Minion is also obsessed with toys. her favorite thing in this entire world is squeaky rubber chickens. if she feels that you are unfairly ignoring her squeaky rubber chicken she may vigorously slap you with it until you acknowledge chimkin
her other hobbies include kind of looking like Scrat from Ice Age
honorable mention: Tortellini
after my last cat died i decided to cope with my feelings by volunteering at a cat shelter and predictably ended up coming home with a kitten because she was super chill and liked riding around in my sweatshirt while i worked
she is an absolute sweetheart who loves people and sometimes gets so excited about being pet that she drools
she is freakishly obsessed with dog food. i was clicker training her at one point and she was doing pretty well but now she crashes the party any time i use the clicker with one of the dogs
when she's not eating dog food, her favorite activity is slapping us until we let her crawl under the covers and then she sleeps under the blankets like a warm little lump
"at least be nice about-" no. Girl. Kill him over it. We're done. It's been centuries of this bullshit since time immemorial and he hasn't learned. Obliterate him.
someone on Reddit just smugly told me that "they" are recording all dog bite-related fatalities (or all pit bull-related fatalities?), and the fact that i called resulting child deaths "countless" meant that "big numbers must be hard for me"
so here's your reminder that absolutely no institution in the world is comprehensively tracking dog bite-related fatalities. not even child deaths. no institution. zero. none.
"Six weeks into the term, I assigned my rhetoric and writing students a 20-page article. It was the same length I had assigned for five years and the same length I had read without complaint as an undergraduate a decade ago. Not one student finished it.
When I asked why, a student answered honestly: It was too long, and she kept losing track of what the paper was about. This was not a remedial class: These were students who had cleared the admissions process and written essays good enough to get them here. Yet a routine academic reading assignment had defeated them.
Every generation of professors has complained that their students cannot read. The lament is usually overblown, but data have caught up to anecdote, and what I am seeing in my classroom is no longer a hunch. There is a measurable, generational collapse in sustained reading and writing, and the academy is responding to it with improvisation and exhaustion rather than the structural overhaul it requires.
In February 2024, Adam Kotsko, who teaches in the Shimer Great Books School at North Central College, wrote in Slate that students who once handled 30 pages of reading per class meeting now seem “intimidated by anything over 10 pages and seem to walk away from readings of as little as 20 pages with no real understanding.” Crucially, he added that this is “not a matter of laziness on the part of the students” but of underlying skills they were never given a chance to build.
The Chronicle of Higher Education’s 2024 investigation found the same pattern across institutions as different as the Stevens Institute of Technology and Wellesley College, where the average SAT exceeds 1400. Nicholaus Gutierrez, an assistant professor at Wellesley, told The Chronicle that the baseline for what students consider a reasonable amount of work has dropped so noticeably that he has cut his readings accordingly; a 750-word essay now strikes many students as long. At Stevens, the science and technology studies associate professor Theresa MacPhail described following the mantra of “meet your students where they are” for so long that she has begun to feel “like a cruise director organizing games of shuffleboard.”
Worse, the national data tell the same story in colder language. On the 2011 National Assessment of Educational Progress (NAEP) writing assessment, which is the most recent comprehensive writing benchmark, only 24 percent of 12th graders reached the Proficient level, and just 3 percent reached Advanced; another 21 percent scored below Basic. The reading side of the ledger is worse, and getting worse fast: The 2024 NAEP results released in September 2025 show 12th-grade reading scores at the lowest level recorded since the assessment began in 1992. Thirty-two percent of 12th graders now score below NAEP Basic in reading, meaning that, in the assessment’s own language, they likely “cannot draw general conclusions based on concepts presented explicitly in a text.” And yet more than half of these same seniors reported being accepted to a four-year college. That last sentence is the whole problem in one line: We are admitting a cohort that cannot read at a college level and are pretending otherwise.
Why is this happening? One reason, of course, is smartphones.
I came into teaching as a skeptic of the anti-smartphone argument: I had a phone in my pocket throughout high school and college in the 2010s, and I read long books anyway. I now think I was wrong, because the neuroscience has caught up. In a 2017 paper, Adrian F. Ward and colleagues at the University of Texas at Austin’s McCombs School of Business showed that the mere presence of a participant’s smartphone — whether that be face down, powered off, untouched, or across the desk out of vision — measurably reduces available working memory and fluid intelligence on cognitive tests, with the largest effects on the most phone-dependent users. A 2022 study by Motoyasu Honma and colleagues at Japan’s Showa University used near-infrared spectroscopy to compare reading on a smartphone with reading the same passage on paper, and found that smartphone reading produced overactivity in the prefrontal cortex, suppressed sigh generation, and led to general lower comprehension scores; the authors argued that the sigh inhibition and prefrontal overload were causally linked to the comprehension decline.
So when a student tells me they “kept losing track” of a 20-page article, I have to acknowledge that they may be describing a measurable neurological condition. The neural pathways that support sustained attention are built by use, and they atrophy without it. Your body is a use-it-or-lose-it system, and the brain is no exception.
Another reason for the decline in student reading capability is increasing reliance on generative AI. In June 2025, Nataliya Kosmyna and colleagues at the MIT Media Lab released a preprint titled “Your Brain on ChatGPT.” They divided 54 participants into three groups writing SAT-style essays — one using ChatGPT, the second group using a search engine, the last group using nothing — and monitored brain activity with a 32-channel EEG. The ChatGPT group showed the lowest neural connectivity of the three, with up to 55 percent reduced connectivity compared with the brain-only group, and “consistently underperformed at neural, linguistic, and behavioral levels.” Eighty-three percent of LLM users could not quote a single line from essays they had written minutes earlier. When the LLM group was forced to write without AI in a follow-up session, their brain activity did not bounce back to baseline; the researchers coined the term “cognitive debt” for the lingering deficit.
This is the first neurophysiological evidence that early reliance on LLMs measurably alters the brain’s engagement with writing tasks, and it is consistent with what those of us in front of classrooms are watching happen in real time. When I assign analysis, I am not trying to extract a polished product; I am trying to put the student’s mind through resistance in order to make it stronger. Offloading the struggle to a chatbot does not “free students up for higher-order work.” It deprives them of building the strength to do any substantial cognitive work at all.
There is a final factor that is contributing to this decline in reading skills, and that is that the students arriving in my classroom today are the first cohort to have experienced Common Core-influenced reading instruction across the entirety of their K–12 schooling. Whatever the standards’ original intent, the on-the-ground implementation in many districts replaced sustained reading with the practice of pulling “evidence” from disconnected short passages, the same format used on the standardized tests that increasingly determine school funding. The education scholar Natalie Wexler, among others, has documented this pivot in detail: Students drilled on “finding the main idea” in two-paragraph excerpts never build the stamina or background knowledge that longform reading requires. The pandemic then added fuel to a fire that was already burning. NAEP scores for 13-year-olds dropped sharply in 2022 and have not recovered. A 2023 EdWeek survey found that 24 percent of secondary-school administrators described pandemic learning loss in English and language arts as “severe or very severe.”
In July 2025, the journalist Mary Harrington argued in The New York Times that “thinking is becoming a luxury good.” The ability to read deeply and reason at length is fragmenting along class lines as ultra-processed digital media replaces text in everyday life, much as ultra-processed food has replaced cooking. Her longer treatment of the subject in First Things makes the more provocative case that we are witnessing the end of print culture itself, and with it the end of the cognitive substrate on which modern liberal democracy was built.
I see this stratification in the classroom and on the page every week. My students from districts that protected sustained reading through small class sizes, strict phone policies, and faculty who refused to teach to the test all arrive with their attention relatively intact. My students from districts that surrendered to devices and standardized testing arrive cognitively winded. A democracy that requires a literate electorate is now training one fraction of that electorate out of literacy while marketing to the other a “deep work” lifestyle as a luxury good. The students who cannot read a 20-page article today are the voters who will not be able to read a bill, or the jurors who cannot follow a closing argument, tomorrow.
I do what I can in my own classroom to address the problems. I break 20-page articles into two halves and assign the first half with explicit analytical tasks. I require exploratory writing before formal drafts. I model (visibly, on the board) how to track an argument across pages or distinguish a source’s claim from my own analysis. I make structured peer review explicit, because the workshop format I used to take for granted now collapses into “this is good” and “maybe add more details” the moment I step back.
But I want to be plain about the limits of what an individual instructor can do, and all of these solutions have costs. Scaffolding a 20-page article into halves compromises the integrity of the argument I am asking students to engage, just as modeling note-taking in a credit-bearing rhetoric course is using a college slot to teach a middle-school skill. None of the syllabi I teach are designed to deliver this type of cognitive rehabilitation, and pretending otherwise has produced credential inflation. We cannot keep conferring degrees on students who cannot do what the degree is supposed to certify.
I’m afraid I don’t have answers. I do, however, have some questions that may point us in the right direction. If higher education is going to respond to the reading crisis as a structural problem rather than a private burden carried by composition instructors and adjuncts, it has to stop avoiding the following questions: If a majority of incoming students cannot read at a level the curriculum requires, are we admitting students we cannot serve, or offering a curriculum we cannot provide?
Why are first-year writing and reading-intensive general-education courses still the most adjunctified, lowest-paid, highest-load corner of the university, at the precise moment when their work has become the most important work the institution does? What is the responsible institutional response for AI usage: Is it a syllabus statement, or a sequencing principle that requires students to demonstrate the cognitive work themselves before AI assistance is permitted?
Why are most college classrooms still phone-permissive by default? K–12 districts from Florida to California are now banning phones bell to bell; higher education has somehow lagged behind the public schools. Universities benefit from a pipeline they did not build and refuse to repair. What would it mean for a university system to invest seriously in the reading instruction happening in the high schools that feed it, rather than treating remediation as something to be quietly outsourced to first-year composition instructors?
The thing I am no longer willing to do is pretend this is a temporary adjustment period, or that “students will adapt.” They will not adapt on their own. The conditions that produced this collapse are still in place: the phones, the algorithmic feeds, the test-prep excerpts, staffing models that load the reading-intensive work onto the most precarious faculty, and now the chatbots that finish students’ sentences before they’ve even begun to think of them. If we want literate citizens, we will have to rebuild the conditions for literacy deliberately, against the grain of every incentive currently pointed the other way. I know the academy has the will to do that. It also has the obligation."
— Tyler Jagt, 1 June 2026, "My Students Can’t Read"
The generational collapse in literacy is measurable, persistent, and likely to get worse.
An archivist found a long forgotten 8mm film reel in an old metal box, marked "Philippines 1942". Thinking it was lost WWII footage, he sent it in to be restored/digitized. When he got the footage back, he found puppies instead
Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car.
at the risk of summoning the bone witch curse i need to tell you about this waxing jelly ad i got on instagram. it went on and on abt how u may be pressured to keep that hair by mean feminists but we know that you're only getting rid of it for sensory issues! buy our waxing jelly and stop looking ugly! naturally also the women pictured (not men tho, men don't have sensory issues) were skinny white women w barely any hair. bc even when selling hair removal jelly you still can't show the icky body hair
i want to shove their waxing jelly down their throats
fantastic. i love it. i posted this after my wife said it yesterday and as i was doing it i was like "this can't be an original thought. as soon as i hit post someone's going to say 'you stole this from a tweet from 2014' and i'll say 'no, i stole it from my beautiful wife.'"
forever thinking about that girl at my uni orientation who, after being told to pour out her water bottle before entering an event, looked at me and said "they tell us to stay hydrated and then make us pour out our water, this is like totally kafkaesque" and then poured out what was very obviously an entire water bottle full of whiskey. hope she's doing well.
the year is 2035. the new beauty standard is for women to cut their ears off, as ears are a masculine trait which make the face look too big and hearing isnt necessary as it doesnt align with being demure. evil feminists say perhaps this is unnecessary and ears are natural. women are agressively proclaiming they are cutting their ears off due to sensory issues
