DON'T LET IT CONSUME YOU.

independent multi-muse. developed by lara.

[diegrets]

i’m rebooting @survivis no i will not accept criticism

[withextra]

Never start with your final sanction. You’ve got nowhere to go but backwards.

[diegrets]

❛❛    NICK DIDN’T COME HOME LAST NIGHT.    ❜❜   your voice is softly spoken from the dining room table,   cutting across the silence that had settled in the sun streaked kitchen.  you try to remember the warmth that resided here once,  even amidst the bickering of your nuclear family.   [   they were a cursed thing from the start,  you should’ve known fate would have never been kind to you.   ]    ❛❛   or the night before.   i haven’t seen him since  . . .  since the funeral.    ❜❜    this,  your sisyphean battle    /    atlas-curse.   eternally fated to chase after someone who refutes the hand you offer.

❛❛  you know him and dad were close   ----------   whenever nick was actually around anyway.   if anything happens to him too,  i   . . .     ❜❜    voice caught in your throat,  eyes clouded with sorrow.  its a thought you can’t bare to dwell on.    ❛❛   we need to find him leon.    ❜❜     @nerfruin​

[bababoey]

tvd meme ♔ [5/6] quotes ↳ If I let myself care, all I feel is pain.

[nerfruin]

independent  &  private   multi  muse  blog,   written  by  gabi   —   sideblog  to  @lipwhip  /  @anarchicly.

                                 *   featuring  muses  from  euphoria,  detroit  become  human,  the  100,  &  resident  evil.

[diegrets]

nerfruin·:

@diegrets said  :  “i’m sick to death of everyone telling me how strong i am.”

A FLASK IN YOUR RIGHT HAND,   the opened rim is brought to your lips as you drain the remaining liquor, the liquid streamlining down the back of your throat. your comfort and security blanket, you never travel too far without it. you always opted for whiskey as your drink of choice in the past, now you’ll take whatever you could find in this soporific new way of life. today, it had been barcardi; you were unsure about what you would drink tonight or even tomorrow. you never planned that far ahead.

“you don’t have to worry about that from me.”

  eyes remaining straight ahead, you scoff as your digits shove your empty flask into your back pocket. alicia’s company was futile  —  an inconvenience, if anything. you’d eventually decided to tune out her ranting; something about madison, something about nick, a periodic mention of travis. recognized names and faces, yet something you could give two shits about. nothing truly mattered in this world anymore besides survival. even that was a struggling topic for you; it’s hard to survive when you’ve been surviving for years on end, doing the same actions repeatedly with no furthering outcome. everything repeated in a cycle  — survive, endure some more bullshit, watch some of your friends die, and repeat. nothing ever changed.

                   i wonder if ada’s still alive, though.

you can hear her boots pattering on the road with ever step, her huffing breath, the anger radiating off her. things you had picked up throughout your many years and stopped doing. it’s an image you recognize fairly well and yet could critique beyond belief.  “your stealth’s for shit, you don’t hold a gun properly, and you’re too emotional.”  you spare a glance behind you at the girl as you speak, noting the redness in her face. an evident sign of anger, one that most likely won’t disappear after your comments. teenagers  —  too sensitive for their own damn good. they use their fervor as a shield until you pierce through it, hurting their feelings if you dare to criticism them.

you would know; you dealt with it yourself back in raccoon city years ago.

                                                “that’s the stuff that’ll get you killed.”

YOU’RE A ROTTEN AND BITTER THING.   an open wound left to fester  :   raw at the edges but still brilliantly and achingly alive.   it’s a curse,  you know,   each breath you draw into your lungs a reminder of all you have lost,   all you have sacrificed,   the failure you have become in your mother’s image and want for your future.    you were to carry the legacy of the name clark,  the sole survivor of a family stolen by tragedy,   instead you carry the moniker of a monster.   your name synonymous with hunter    :   A PREDATOR TO THE VULTURES.   how do you survive with this darkness inside you?   how do you survive without drowning in this proliferating ache?   answer   :   you change,  you let yourself drown.

to his words,  the wave of your emotions comes crashing down,  returning to the sea.  there’s a stillness to you   [   a tempest calming her rage.  you tuck it between your ribs,  a safe place where it can’t leave you.  ]    a sigh is caught betwixt teeth and tongue,   hazel irises rising skyward in instinctual reaction.  you’re reminded,  momentarily,  of a sense of normalcy.  of reliving your silent resentment to the dulcet tones of madison and nick’s bickering.  the feeling dissipates as quickly as it arose   -----   that life is lost,  the only person before you now is this man as cold and weary as you.  it does no use to imbue halcyon to this moment.

 ❛❛     i’ve survived this long,  haven’t i?   besides    -----   it’s not like i had anyone to show me how to do all this.   ❜❜   you holster your gun, eyes scanning a barren horizon before your likeness turns toward him.  [   you’re safe,  for now.  ]     ❛❛   i know i’m not what you expected,  but we’re together now whether you like it or not.   if you don’t wanna be here i can do just fine on my own.   ❜❜ 

[lilithmemes]

𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒.

these  are  some  of  my  favourite  quotes  i  found  on   pinterest   ,   that  are  either  on  boards  of  mine  or  i’ve  seen  on  friends  their  boards.   feel  free  to  change  pronouns  if  needed.

❛   i  haven’t  met  all  of  me  yet.   ❜ ❛   you  can  forgive  yourself  now.   ❜ ❛   can’t  you  just  leave  me  alone.   ❜ ❛   you’re  really  cute   &   that’s  not  even  the  best  part  about  you.   ❜ ❛   i  wanted  him / her  to  kiss  me.   ❜ ❛   so  ,  good  news  - -   i  saw  a  dog  today.   ❜ ❛   she  didn’t  deserve  death.   i  did  -  i do.   ❜ ❛   i  wish  i  could  just  protect  you  from  everything.   ❜ ❛   you  feel  like  home.   ❜ ❛   i  look  at  you   &   i  just  love  you   &   it  terrifies  me.   it  terrifies  me  what  i  would  do  for  you   ❜ ❛   i’d  probably  still  adore  you  with  your  hands  around  my  neck.   ❜ ❛   no  one  would  hurt  you  again   ,   or  i’d  kill  them.   ❜ ❛   maybe  he  deserves  a  second  chance.   ❜ ❛   people  say  that  i  am  heartless.   ❜ ❛   i  would  destroy  myself  to  fix  you.   ❜ ❛   do  i  disgust  you  ?   ❜ ❛   i  am  not  a  stranger  to  the  dark.   ❜ ❛   i  would  destroy  myself  to  fix  you.   ❜ ❛   what  a  plot  twist  you  were.   ❜ ❛   i  really  just  want  to  lay  with  you   &   hold  you  so  tight   &   make  sure  nothing  bad  happens  to  you  ever  again.   ❜ ❛   you  don’t  know  what  you  got  till  it’s  gone.   ❜ ❛   i’ll  stop  wearing  black   ,   when  they  make  a  darker  colour.   ❜ ❛   i’m  depressed.   i  need  a  cookie.   ❜ ❛   am  i  supposed  to  feel  something  ?.   ❜ ❛   i  wanna  get  in  the  bed   ,   go  to  sleep   &   pretend  this  day  never  happened.   ❜ ❛   i  think  he / she’s  very  lonely.   lonelier  than  he / she  lets  on.   maybe  lonelier  than  he / she  even  realizes.   ❜ ❛   you  are  not  your  father.   ❜ ❛   he / she  is  not  a  villain.  he / she  is  just  a  boy / girl.   ❜ ❛   i  think  i’m  going  to  kiss  you.   ❜ ❛   don’t  give  up  on  me.   ❜ ❛   you  are  enough.   a  thousand  times  enough.   ❜ ❛   do  it  because  they  said  you  couldn’t.   ❜ ❛   you.   it’s  always  you.   ❜ ❛   i  thought  you  were  dead.   ❜

[rocincnte]

Oscar Isaac in A Most Violent Year (2014)

[diegrets]

harley quinn is a lesbian and jokerharley is comp het send tweet

[diegrets]

legiate‌:

❝    you  bore  everyone  like  this  when  they  buy  ya  a  drink?    ❞      scotch  cladded  tongue  spews  venom,  scarred  digits  circling  the  rim  of  your  glass.  a  glance  in  his  direction,  half-lidded  eyes  infused  with  ennui  exposes  it  all:    his  company  is  becoming  undesired.    bringing  the  glass  up  to  your  lips,  you  down  the  final  drop  of  liquor,  teeth  biting  down  on  the  inside  flesh  of  your  cheek  in  retaliation.    ❝    cry  me  a  fucking  river   —   you  saw  a  few  friends  die,  you  killed  a  few  people.    we’ve  all  done  it.    so  drink  your  drink  like  a  man  should,  shut  the  fuck  up,  and  tell  me  something  ya  haven’t  whined  about,  ugly  boy.    ❞

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐓 𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐒 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄     ;    you offer no icy rebuttal nor bittersweet sentiment.  you know both will only land upon volatile ears.  instead you choose the lesser of two evils   -   a too large sip of the drink she’s offered   [   not out of kindness,  you’ve since learnt   ]  and a chagrined smile pulling taut on your features.   the comfort of desolation is beckoning,  and for a moment you consider braving the aeviternal abusion of the mojave over the company is this rotting bar.    ❛❛   you buy every ugly boy that comes through here a drink?  or is that just every local’s way of  breaking the ice around here?    ❜❜  you raise a brow at her, somewhere between teasing and questioning.    ❛❛   maybe you like me a little more than you let on.   ❜❜  

[diegrets]

'i’m sorry. i can’t do this without you.' @ alicia

𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐚 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬.   perhaps it had been a mosaic at once,  beautiful and glimmering and luminescent.   that was too many griefs ago;   now all that’s left are the shattered remains  /  the ruined wreckage of you.   this rotten world swallowed a girl,  promised a grave with peace and absolution and spat back out this crimson soaked monster.  easier to be the wolf than the saviour,  you thought,  the blood on your hands will numb you to the ache.   

   [    Q.  what happens to the failed martyr?   what happens after everyone you have loved has died and you are left painfully alone?    A.  YOU BURN.   endlessly,  tirelessly,  without hope.   a barely flickering light against the stygian backdrop     /    an abyss that will only continue to consume.    ]   

a sigh falls listlessly from your lungs.  you are mouldered   /  entropy personified but, still, you acquiesce.   not because you want to   —   but because your mother would have wanted it for you.     ❛❛   i’m with you.   ❜❜   you attempt a smile for it to fall short,   the thought never quite translating into action.   ❛❛   i’ll help you,   but then i’ve got to find my people.   ❜❜   

————–    into the spiderverse starters.

[diegrets]

what happened to us being the good guys? / maggie to glenn.

𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧.   the shouts,   the gunfire,   the blood on your hands that blazed back at you.   you tried to scrub it away didn’t you?  scrubbed until your hands came away raw & rotten.  until you couldn’t tell if it was your own blood or anothers.   was it enough to absolve you?    you could force the image of those bloody & visceral polaroids into your thoughts & tell yourself that what you did was right.   but it’ll never make it any easier to breathe.  

the faux safety of the walls that surround you offered no solace,  nor the warmth of maggie beside you.   you know what you have done,   what you have had to become to survive.  an antithesis to your youth before.   innocence lost down the barrel of a gun & a knife at the temple.   you were naive once,   a fool to think this bitter world would have done less than take & take & take.   now you mourn the boy you used to be,   the man you could’ve been.

you rise to sit beside her,  the bed creaking ‘neath your shifting weight, & settle your palm on her back in a small semblance of comfort.   you think,  perhaps,  it’s more for yourself than anything.  a reminder that you’re not too far gone.   ❛❛    it’s still who we are.    ❜❜   exhale a breath,  pray that it lifts the weight that settled in the hollow points of your chest.   ❛❛   it has to be.   ❜❜   a beat,  voice barely above a whisper now.    ❛❛    ---------   it has to be.   ❜❜

---------    the 100 sentence starters.

[dailytwd]

(｡♥‿♥｡)

[diegrets]

i almost feel bad for you. / ada to ellie.

 ❛❛     𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐮𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐚𝐬𝐬.    ❜❜   to your words rest an ire you’ve learnt to find comfort in.  consuming,  gelid,   you’re suffocating in the rust it leaves behind in your lungs.  a wolf’s snarl evanescent ‘neath a faux sheep’s clothing.   [   you’ve played this part well    :    broken girl,  in need of a saviour.  but don’t let this act fool.   your teeth are sharp,   & you’d tear out her throat if she gave you the chance.   ]  

dirt-caked fingers push pressure into the knife inflicted wound ‘pon your shoulder,   still profusely seeping blood through the makeshift bandage.   ❛❛   i’m good.   ❜❜      your whole life spent living in the gallows,   one foot in an unmarked grave you’ve dug for yourself.   q.  what good’s a martyr when everyone you love is already dead?   a.   you will suffer,  tirelessly,  endlessly,  waiting for a match to light your pyre.   you pull a breath into your lungs sharp & jagged,  willing the pain to subside.   [   the attempt is sisyphean  & does naught to soothe you,  but you’ll swallow your blood before you swallow your pride.   ]   ❛❛   you should just go.   ❜❜   

god of war   for  @dragyne

[dvoyd]

you’re a mess of good intentions gone wrong. you strike a match on yourself to keep others warm, and now the whole goddamn world’s on fire. you try to put it out, and you try so hard. the dam breaks, and the waters of your sorrow pour free. you are sorry; so very, very sorry— and you will drown everyone to prove it.

the hero who couldn’t save anyone | m.a.w (via dvoyd)

[diegrets]

 muhnroe‌:

(             THE    URGE    TO    LET    OUT    THE    TEARS    AMASSING    IN    YOUR    EYES,      OF    SHEER    HAPPINESS   & ´   INCERTITUDE,      IS    EATING    YOU    UP    ENTIRELY.                            RETROSPECTIVE:           an     anonymous      letter      slid     throughout     your      door’s     sweep,        comprising     a     message     that      leaves      you       filled      with       doubt,          little      did      YOU      know     it     was     the     inlet     to      a       turning      point     you     have     attemped     to     overanalyze:         𝙼𝙴𝙴𝚃   𝙼𝙴   𝙰𝚃   𝙳𝙰𝙽𝚈'𝚂.      𝟾𝙿𝙼.     𝙱𝙴𝙴𝙽   𝙼𝙴𝙰𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙶   𝚃𝙾   𝚃𝙰𝙻𝙺   𝚃𝙾   𝚈𝙾𝚄   𝙵𝙾𝚁   𝙰   𝙻𝙾𝙽𝙶   𝚆𝙷𝙸𝙻𝙴   𝙽𝙾𝚆.                you     held     onto     that     piece     of     paper     with     the     wobbliest     grasp,         for     dear     life,        pondering     whether     you      should      comply       or       you      should     refuse.                questions,         questions,         questions           ;            CONTRETEMPS,           CONTRETEMPS,         CONTRETEMPS!                                                                            you’ve     been     sitting     on     this     couch     for          .   .   .       wait,          𝑤𝘩𝑎𝑡     𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒     𝑖𝑠      𝑖𝑡?                       ———–         you     check     your     watch:         𝑨   𝑸𝑼𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹   𝑻𝑶   𝑬𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻.               ❮    fuck,  fuck,  fuck,  fuck,  fuck   ❯             it’s      now     or     never         .   .   .                   ❮   fuck,  fuck,  fuck,  fuck,  fuck   ❯                      you     can     stay     here        &   ´         be     left     wondering     for     the     rest     of     your     existence       .   .   .               ❮   fuck,  fuck,  fuck,  fuck,  fuck   ❯               or     you     can       .   .   .                ❮   fuck,  fuck,  fuck,  fuck,  fuck   ❯               SCREW     IT,         FUCK     OFF,        FUCK     ALL     THE     WAY     OFF,          CURSE     THAT     FUCKING     BLASTED     STRING      OF     CURIOSITY     OVERCOMING     YOUR     OWN      WILLPOWER! 

     PRESENT:            your     heart’s      throbbing     to      the      rhythm      of     a        𝚠𝚊𝚛    𝚍𝚛𝚞𝚖,          🇩​🇷​🇺​🇲​🇸​🇹​🇮​🇨​🇰​🇸  ​ 🇹​🇦​🇵​🇵​🇮​🇳​🇬  ​ 🇾​🇴​🇺​🇷​   🇹​🇮​🇸​🇸​🇺​🇪​   🇳​🇴​🇹​   🇸​🇴  ​ 🇬​🇪​🇳​🇹​🇱​🇾​ ﹗                     you      wish      to     articulate     a     word      but     you’re     unable     to            .   .   .            seeing     is     believing     they     say,         but     what     if     -          what     if     she’s       .   .   .           what     if     all     this:                UGH!      YOU     JUST     WANT     TO     SCREAM,          YOU     JUST     WANT     TO     CRY,           YOU     JUST     WANT     TO     SMILE,          YOU     JUST     WANT     TO     LEAVE         .   .   .                a     self-fulfilling     synthesis     so     perturbing,        so      flawed.             it’s     your     dream       &   ´       it’s     your     nightmare,        all     combined.               you’ve     spent       🇼​🇦​🇸​🇹​🇪​🇩      ​  these     eight     years     regretting,        regretting,        regretting       .   .   .        wishing     to     have     done     so     many     things     to     keep     them         SAFE,        poor     hawk     that     couldn’t     fly     through     the     thunderstorm,       aching     are     your     wings.                 SOMEHOW,         now     you     got     a     chance,         a     gift     from     heaven:          you     don’t     care     if     this     is     your     own     simulated     reflection,          if     your     sanity     has     eventually     hit      rock     bottom         OR         if     this     is     truly     encompassing         .   .   .           YOU       can     see         HER.         )                                ❝       ASH      …       YOU   -       ❞

             (      come     on     michael,         𝐺𝐸𝑇    𝑌𝑂𝑈𝑅    𝐹𝑈𝐶𝐾𝐼𝑁𝐺    𝐴𝐶𝑇    𝑇𝑂𝐺𝐸𝑇𝐻𝐸𝑅!            first     things     first,        let       HER       know.            let     her     know     how     genuinely          𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥         you     feel     for     this     moment.              you     owe     it     to     her   /   she     deserves     to     hear     it     from    you.             from     the     fallen     savior,         from     the     faux     anchor,          that     one     that     made     the     whole     ship     wreck.      )              ❝       you    can’t    fucking     tell     how     FUCKING    GLAD    i    am    t’    see    you    𝔸𝔾𝔸𝕀ℕ.       ❞

@diegrets.

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐧     .    it’s worked it’s way into your bones,  your lungs,  shackled itself to the divots of your spine.   wintertide lives on within you   :   𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫𝐬.   their ruination was kismet  &  they defied all stars.   too stubborn to die.   maybe too stubborn to even learn.  there was comfort in your desolation   ,   a safety in withdrawal of the world.   you almost can’t remember what it’s like to co-exist.  to be human.   [   YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE RETURNED.  TURN BACK NOW.   RUN.   LEAVE.  HIDE.   ]   so,  what do you decide?  an uncomfortable booth seat  &  a mouthful of black coffee that scalds your throat the whole way down.   your note read eight pm.  two sentences that you poured over for days upon days,   wavering in your resolve to come back from the dead.   but the clock read six-thirty when you first arrived.   ever pedantic in your idiosyncrasies,  you noted each exit,  planned your words with meticulous detail,   imagined each potential outcome to this conclave.   [   you know the saying   :   old habits die hard.   ]    then the waiting.  a familiar agony.   dissonance inflected on your empathetic organ with each faint  (  tick, tick, tick  )  of the clock creeping ever closer.   porcelain fingers run along the cracks in the leather beside you.   your nail polish is chipped,   absentmindedly you wonder if you should’ve repainted them before coming.   like that was what truly mattered in this instant.

you’re grateful for his voice    :    how it pulls you from your reverie,   reminds you of an epoch when innocence had flourished.   for a fleeting,  ephemeral moment you’re seventeen again,   & winter fills you with warmth & an elation now long forgotten.  & then comes the crash.  dwelling on halcyon only leaves you with a bitter taste in your mouth now.   you clear your throat,  choke down the bile that threatens to rise,  & stand to greet your long lost friend.   ❛❛    hey    -------------   it is so good to see you,   too.    ❜❜   what do you do after eight years apart?  after all you have suffered together?  [   your legs ache to turn & carry you away.  your lungs constrict & you will yourself not to cry at the sight of him.  inhale & exhale,  you can’t disappear now!  ]      you bring yourself to embrace him,   briefly,  tensely.   devoured by aphotic seas,  an anchor in need of anchorage.   hope is ashen amidst this melancholy solace,  & a shiver settles on your skin as you lower yourself back in your seat.

❛❛    i didn’t think you’d come.  i mean   . . .  i couldn’t be sure.  after everything,  you know?   ❜❜    rambling to fill the empty space.  the silence is too deafening to bear.   ❛❛   how   -----------   how have you been?   ❜❜  

[diegrets]

if we couldn’t carry our dead inside us, we would be empty. / north to clem??????

❛❛    MAYBE IT’S BETTER TO BE EMPTY.    ❜❜     graveyard girl  ,  you have become a home for all the people you have loved  &  lost.   each name carved into your ribs    [     lee,  omid,  luke,  kenny, ,  the ones who died so you could live.   to the people with names she never bothered to know,  the ones you killed because they got in your way.    ]    this bitter world has left your hands stained crimson,   you scrubbed until they were raw,  scrubbed until it felt like you were nothing but bone  &  cartilage  &  this aeviternal ache.   you know now it’s a part of you,  in your steps  &  your breath,  there’s no oceans wide enough or lake deep enough to wash away your unholy deeds.

the toe of your boot presses an indent into the viridescence below   :   a dwindling remainder of life so carelessly snuffed out.  this standstill leaves you apprehensive,  a learnt disdain of this borrowed time  &  false peace.   [   you cannot rest,   monsters are nearby.   ]   ❛❛   at least you wouldn’t ended up hurting in the end.   ❜❜   you clear your throat,  a rough sound,  thick with a sorrow you have no energy to share.   ❛❛   it's exhausting.  ❜❜

a softer world   for   @dragyne