▓ ＰＬＥＮＴＹ.

[diisillusioned]

I Heard It All in the Hospital

[thchost-blog]

     An empty statement – she knew that. But she was right —- N O T H I N G      could prepare you for it.     FOUR years   –    he had managed going four years      without any of his boys getting seriously injured.  Sure, a bullet to the shoulder      or shin,   a broken limb when a German ‘sniper’      (oh, please   -  they called      themselves snipers, the fools) would shoot them out of their treetop post – but      all in all, all were well.

     Neither one of them knew;   but in two months, the war would end   –  six days      after the Sergeant’s twenty eighth birthday.     He had gone four years with the      entirety of his squad intact,   but couldn’t survive the last    three months.

                                                                                              Happy fucking birthday.

     How many men have you seen die?    A foolish question.    He wouldn’t ask      her that.

                                                                  Sergeant Morgan. Confirmed kill-count?

                                                                                                                Sir, 174, sir.

     ”Sorry I gave away all the chocolate.”

[diisillusioned]

   that’s the thing about the both of their jobs ---- having    a KNEE-JERK reaction drilled into them doesn’t quite    mean they’re prepared. but they’re impossible jobs    that need to be done by SOMEONE. there are days    when she’s proud of it; proud of contributing, proud    of working towards something bigger than herself.

          and then there are days where she thinks           it’ll never end; that she’ll just be stuck in           this traumatic routine every day for the           rest of her life. today? today, she feels           almost numb to it all. she hardly feels           like it’s possible to exist amongst all           this CHAOS at all.

      it’s preferable to ( F E A R ).

   when he speaks up again, she snaps herself back    into reality and gives a soft chuckle as she exhales    another cloud of smoke. then, she glances down.

          ❛ it’s all right. there’s more           where that came from.  ❜

[bxthory-archive-deactivated2016]

                                         PURE HEROINE.  

                   a meme inspired by lorde’s album pure heroine. contains                                      multiple themes ;; mostly angst & fluff. 

“don’t you think that it’s boring how people talk?” 

“we wouldn’t be seen dead here in the day.” 

“you are not a white teethed teen.” 

“i’m doing this for the thrill of it.” 

“i’ll be the beauty queen in tears.” 

“it’s a new art form showing people how little we care.” 

“let me kill it with you.” 

“everything’s cool when we’re all in line for the throne.” 

“but i know it’s not forever.” 

“we might be hollow, but we’re brave.” 

“we’re so happy, even when we’re smiling out of fear.” 

“i cut my teeth on wedding rings in the movies.” 

“i’m not proud of my address in this torn up town.” 

“it drives you crazy getting old.” 

“this dream isn’t feeling sweet.” 

“you’re the only friend i need.” 

“that will never be enough.” 

“we aren’t caught up in your love affair.” 

“we will never be royals.” 

“we didn’t come from money.” 

“i remember when your head caught flame.” 

“we’re on each other’s team.” 

“we can make it so divine.” 

“i’ll never go home again.”

“i’ve never felt more alone.” 

“everyone’s competing for a love they won’t receive.”

“i want them back. the minds we had.” 

“it’s not enough to feel the lack.” 

“i live in a hologram with you.” 

“laugh until our ribs get tough.” 

“but in the chaos, there is calculation.” 

“you’ve been drinking like the world was ‘gonna end.” 

“i’m little but i’m coming for the title.” 

“now we’re in the ring and we’re coming for blood.”

“you can try and take us but we’re the gladiators.” 

“only bad people live to see their likeness set in stone.”

“victory’s contagious.” 

“we let our battle choose us.” 

“glory and gore go hand in hand.” 

“i guess you’re lucky that it’s dark now.” 

“chance is the only game I play with.”

“no one round here is good at keeping their eyes closed.” 

“i don’t even think about death.” 

“i guess we’re really fighting ourselves.” 

“i wear the robe like no one could.” 

“i feel grown up with you in the car.” 

“we’ve got a million bad habits to kick.” 

“raise your glass ‘cos i’m not done saying it.” 

“you haven’t stopped smoking all night.” 

“i know we’re not everlasting.” 

“we’re a train wreck waiting to happen.” 

“people are talking.” 

[diisillusioned]

Apologetic Starters

"I'm sorry."

"I want to fix this."

"I need you."

"Can we talk?"

"I owe you an apology."

"I shouldn't have lied."

"I really care about you."

"I feel like I can't breath when I think of you hating me."

"I was wrong."

"I know I shouldn't have..."

"I promise I'm going to make it up to you."

"It was my fault."

"Do you need some time?"

"I messed up."

"I'll never do it again."

"I know I wronged you but..."

"I just can't stand being without you."

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

[diisillusioned]

                                                      ❛please, can you stop —-                                                        can you stop fucking talking                                                        for five fucking minutes on                                                       end?❜

                       ❝ —- i would stop, i would stop,                         i would stop FUCKING TALKING                          if i ever heard anybody else say                         anything worth fucking stopping                         talking for !

[fuckyesmerylstreep]

Meryl Streep and Tracey Ullman in Plenty (1985)

[diisillusioned]

[diisillusioned]

I Heard It All in the Hospital

[thchost-blog]

     She could call him STUBBORN, if she liked.  His mother used to call him      that too. Working by eight, living on his own by sixteen. Never went to school,      dropped out of the church choir by ten – all against her wishes    (save for the      school part,   which she simply could not afford when it was just him and her).      Call it stubborn if they will   -    he liked to think of it as INDEPENDENT.      He would make his own way in the world.

     With the slightest of curling at the corners of his lips,  he accepted the lighter      with a nod and brought the flame to the business end of his cigarette.   All he      ever had was a crumpled matchbox.         Made the cheap tobacco taste like      lighting fluid.

     ”I just…    I don’t know how you can STAND to be in there.    It’s all misery      and gore   –   ruddy depressing.”     He explained after a long inhale,   smoke      wafting from his lips as he spoke.         “I just had to step out before I lost me      bloody mind.”

[diisillusioned]

   ❛ somebody’s got to. ❜

          she nurses her cigarette and looks out at the           street in front of them. there’s more ACTIVITY           than usual, it seems; children running around,           adults in a rush coming and going in either           direction, elderly people on benches. it feels           like something of a COMFORT to her; she           can’t stand a D E A D street.

   she sighs, releasing a cloud of    smoke before continuing:    ❛ they train you, of course ----    but there’s no preparing for it. ❜

          no number of cadavers or simulated STRESS           could prepare her ---- or anyone, she supposes           ---- for the real thing. there is no comparison. a           simulation is very, very fake and reality is           always very, very terrifying.

[diisillusioned]

Put one of these in my askbox to see how my Muse reacts.

"My parents know."

"Don’t go."

"You’re under arrest."

"Just let me die."

"I’m pregnant and it’s yours."

"Make me."

"Kiss me you idiot."

"I didn’t do it."

"That isn’t mine."

"Marry me?"

"Truth hurts, don’t it?"

"Be mine."

"You owe me."

"Just relax."

"I already regret this."

"Where are my clothes?"

"You could have killed someone!"

"I think I broke it."

"Do you love me?"

"We need to talk."

"Never again."

"Do I know you?"

"How drunk are you right now?"

"Well that was unexpected."

"Have you ever even done this before?"

"I just want to cuddle."

"I can’t even look at you."

"What happened to you?"

"Don’t you dare."

"I missed you."

"This stays between us."

"I need a hug."

"I could kill you!"

"Kiss me."

"You’re so weird."

"Why are you wearing that?"

"You coward."

"You’re all out of ____."

"You. Come. Snuggle. NOW!"

"I think I’m forgetting something."

"This seems familiar."

"You lied to me!"

"Are you threatening me?"

"Is that my shirt?"

"Where did you find this?"

"Explain yourself."

"Where were you?"

"You drive me crazy!"

"I think I’m falling in love with you. "

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Just leave me alone."

"I need a drink."

"What were you thinking?"

"I dare you." or "I dare you to _____."

"I’m going to be sick."

"For you, I would _____"

"Just what did we do last night?"

"Give it back."

"I have to go."

"Shut up and listen."

"Do you remember this?"

"Want to hear a secret?"

"Take responsibility."

"Don’t look at me like that."

"Give me another chance."

"Don’t you dare come near me!"

"What the hell do you think you’re doing?"

"You mean everything to me."

"Why yes, I am as think as you drunk I am."

"What are you afraid of?"

"I miss you so very much."

"No, that can’t be my baby."

"Just five more minutes."

"No! You can’t die on me now!"

"That’s the cheesiest pickup line I’ve ever heard."

"Put. The. Weapon. Down."

"What are we doing here?"

"Do you trust me?"

"That sounds painful."

"Are you even listening to yourself?"

"I’m not speaking to you anymore."

"I can’t believe you missed that."

"That was a bad plan."

"That looked easier on TV."

"I’ve never heard that one before."

"I didn’t know you could do that."

[diisillusioned]

I Heard It All in the Hospital

[thchost-blog]

     She was right, he supposed. Here he was feeling sorry for himself when, all      in all, he was fine. There were plenty other men far worse than he – he was     ALIVE and still had all his limbs intact. His face – well, he was still better      off than most.   The beard would suffice,   he hoped, once the wound would      heal up entirely.

     ”Yeah.”   He muttered with a slight nod,   twisting his lips.      “You’re right.”

     He lowered his gaze once he felt it was safe again,    tawny eyes turning to      meet hers.   “I’m sorry. You must have to listen to blokes like me whine all      day long.”

     He had no right to complain,   after all.      He was alive   while Jimmy was     D E A D.     Could’ve tried to save him,   but he ducked for cover to save      his OWN ARSE.

     All he was was a dirty                                                  little                                                                              COWARD.

     And he didn’t have the right to   pity   himself for that,   either.     The only      thing he had the right to was be grateful and keep his mouth shut.

     The sergeant patted down the pockets of his uniform in order to retrieve a      crumpled pack of Player’s     (once a seaman,   always a seaman).     He      retracted two cigarettes,    placing one between his lips before he held the      other out for her.

[diisillusioned]

   ❛ not QUITE, no ---- you wounded men are all the    same. stubborn, the whole lot of you. i would    prefer to deal with complainers than HUSHED    && SOLEMN soldiers who climb out of bed    whenever they please. ❜ the blonde’s lips give a    slight upward kick.

          it’s not true for EVERYONE, of course. some           men are too depressed to get out of bed.           some cannot walk, see or even breathe           on their own. some are simply content to lay           around and be looked after by an army of         women. but most of them?

      most of them are just     STUBBORN.

   susan leans slightly to the left to let an    off-duty nurse pass before taking his    offered cigarette into her hand. ❛ thank    you. ❜

          she digs a lighter out of her pocket, slips           the cigarette into her mouth and lights it           before handing it over to him.

[diisillusioned]

I Heard It All in the Hospital

[thchost-blog]

     Nurse Traherne wasn’t particularly calming, truthfully – then again, he found      it was difficult to find serenity at all.      The remainder of his squad out in the      battlefield without him   –   four men without their sergeant.     They had been      assigned someone else,   surely   –   but they had been with him since basic      training.   Four years of taking the Huns down one bullet at a time – and now,      they were with someone else and he was here,      restricted to a bloody bed.      Before, he couldn’t remember what a decent mattress felt like.

     At her question,           he picked up one of the crutches that lay on the stairs      beside him and showed it to her.       “Thompson’s.”   He explained,   a bleak      smile on his lips.  Oh, such FUN they had.   “He’s asleep.”   Or, at least he      was when Galway left. “Wouldn’t know the difference.”

     With a deep and sharp inhale,          he turned his gaze to the sky when she      unraveled the wound. He didn’t want to see; didn’t want to know. The image      that was S E A R E D into his memory of blood and flesh and bone still      sent shivers down his spine,   still twisted his stomach and made him want      to throw up.

     ”It’s not   GOING   to get better,     what bloody difference does it make?”      Focus on your breathing.   Don’t look down.   Inhale – hold it in -   one, two,      three, four. Exhale - one, two, three, four.

[diisillusioned]

  she keeps her eyes trained INTENTLY on his   leg as he looks away. she’s surprised, she   finds, at just how well it’s doing. when she   saw it for the first time it was enough to make   her want to turn around and walk straight     in the other direction. it is still bad, but it   is nowhere near its original state ----  THANK GOD.

         IN FACT, she muses, it might be          just as permanently burned into          ( her ) brain as it is into his.

  ❛ yes, well, he’ll be missing it    S O O N. he never stays   asleep for long. ❜

         her gaze flickers up to his face ---- just for          a moment ---- as he speaks again before          dropping right back down to the TASK at          hand. ❛ not ENTIRELY, no. but you’ll          gain use of it again. that’s more than most          patients here can say. ❜

  she finishes up wrapping his leg then tucks   the leftover clean bandages into her pocket.

[fffcuk-deactivated20130422]

what doesn’t kill you fucks you up mentally and affects your ability to have stable relationships with other human beings

[diisillusioned]

( thxhost - from ( xx ). )

   ❛ well, susan, you’re on; looks like morgan    there is determined to have you start your    shift off strong. gênant.. ❜

          maggie, her fellow NURSE and dearest FRIEND,           jerks her head in the direction of the hospital           stairway as they approach from the street. most           off-duty caretakers spend their time SLEEPING;           that’s what they should do. it’s important to stay           rested - but her problem is that she can’t.

      she’s too Y O U N G, too       I N E X P E R I E N C E D.

          what she sees shouldn’t ( frighten ) her, but it does.           she is good at what she does, but the rush to           save a life always makes her too abrupt; too           short. she’s not the picture of serenity that she           should be, and it tends to make her less favored           among the wounded.

      a gentle personality is important,       and she was not created to be       gentle.

   and so, instead of sleeping, she ( w a n d e r s ).    not far, of course; they could need her ---- but    she enjoys the fresh air.

          a child scurries past her towards his friends,           waving his hospital chocolate at her with an        EXCITED grin. she gives a soft chuckle           as she passes him. ❛ bonjour. ❜

   finally, she reaches the food source.

          ❛ how did you get out of bed? ❜ she inquires           immediately, pulling some bandaging from the           pocket of her uniform as she sits down on the           stair beside him and begins unwrapping the           bloody rag on his leg. ❛ this won’t get better           if you keep STANDING on it, you know. ❜

[secondhandroses]

Meryl Streep in Plenty (1985)

[milusvery]

Meryl Streep in Plenty, 1985

[wordsnquotes]

I am selfish, private and easily bored. Will this be a problem?

Gaiman, Neil. A Study in Emerald. (via wordsnquotes)

[diisillusioned]

[diisillusioned]

;; nOBODY TOUCH ME I’M MAKING SUSAN EDITS