I woke up from my dream not knowing how to feel. The only thing i was certain was that this was a man i didn't know.
A man that doesn't even know that i exist. Yet for some reason, i felt like he had too. He was entirely random and yet he somehow made his way into my dreams. I had a good feeling that no matter how hard i tried today, i wouldn't be able to think about anything other than the dream i had last night. As if i didn't already enough things consuming my mind already.
I wasn't too sure what i was going to do today, me and my dad didn't have anything planned, he mentioned a hike, however there wasn't much talked about after that. Although i wouldn't mind a hike.
I made my way out into the hallway and found my dad getting his fishing equipment ready.
"Sorry dad but you're not fishing today" he turned around with a confused expression
"And why the hell is that?" he replied
"Because we're going on that hike we talked about. It's the weekend, you're not working and i'm not in school so it's the perfect time." just as i'd finished i looked outside and noticed the dark clouds circling in.
"Well Lils it's about to rain are ya sure we can't do this another time?" He said wearily, honestly afraid of my answer.
"No! Like you said we never spend time together, now get on your best hiking gear because we're going" I didn't give my father any time to argue before i turned around and marched back to my room.
My version of hiking gear was a flannel and a pair of overalls, so clearly not much. I pulled my dark brown locks back into a high ponytail and paired it with my glasses, since i can't see anything without them. I grabbed my backpack and threw all of my school stuff out of it. Leaving it empty incase there were things i needed to bring like water or some sandwiches.
I walked out of my room and met back with my dad. That's when i realized i was clearly unprepared. He was covered head to toe will gear, so much that i didn't even know half of what it was.
"Dad do you genuinely need all of that?" It may have come off as sarcastic but i was genuinely concerned.
"Yes! Especially if it's going to rain which is exactly why i'm hoping that you're not planning on leaving the house without a coat" I rolled my eyes and ran back to my room to quickly grab a black puffer coat i had stuffed in my closet.
"Alright you ready? Got water and food?" He asked and i nodded with assurance.
The ride there was rather peaceful. It was cold but nothing that couldn't be tolerated. Neither of us really bothered on making any small talk on the way there, it just more of a silent rise than a talkative one. As we approached the wooded area my father parked his car along side of the road.
We got out and gazed at the slope above us, covered in living cathedrals. It was intimidating, but nothing that frightened me.
As we started up the hill my dad started with it
"It's nice we're doin this Lils, good quality time together" he breathed as we walked at the same pace.
"Me too dad...i think it'll be nice"
Silence filled the air once more before the conversation continued.
"Any boys caught your interest yet?" He commented amusingly. Although, i couldn't tell if he was being serious or not.
"Are you genuinely asking or is this your idea of a weird joke?" I replied
"No..i'm serious Lils, if- if you got a boyfriend that's fine but i'd at least like to know who my daughter is spending time with" He was right, and entitled to how he felt. No argument there.
"I don't have a boyfriend dad"
"Besides, even if i didn't it wouldn't matter because even if i did it wouldn't last very long" I muttered the last part more quietly, hoping my fretful father didn't catch it. He caught a glimpse at me.
"What do you mean?" He spurted out quicker than i'd expected.
"Dad come on it's nothing. Don't turn this into a life season please" I gave him a look of hope, and which he obliged. I know he was only ever trying to keep me safe, guard my heart from any trespassers. However, there was going to come a day where i found love, that much i was hopeful for. I imagine falling in love would be like hearing a song you've never heard, yet somehow every note was like it was meant just for you, tugging at a hidden memory deep inside your core. I was all too unfamiliar with the feeling. Yet I somehow longed for it.
As we continued our way upwards we noticed that it was getting later by the minute. Soon the sun was already setting and it was getting around time to be heading back home.
"Well Lils, i'm sorry we didn't get as far as i'd wanted too but we can back up some other time yeah?" He said it in the tone of a question, but we didn't necessarily have a choice. Considering the sun was due to set soon and we would no longer be able to see where we were going.
As we started to head back i could hear the around of rustling from a far, the noise much too faint for my father to have heard. I squinted my eyes so much that anything i'd even attempted to make out would be nothing other than a blur. I straightened out my vision and continued to inch closer and closer. Normally a situation like this would be had my heart beating out of my chest. Except right now, in this current moment, i wasn't afraid or nervous. I remained entirely calm.
The sensitivity in the air surrounding me felt all too familiar. At this rate i was too far deep into the damp timberland, i'd lost complete eyesight of my father.
"Hiding isn't necessary you know" I whispered, I know that he's here, i can feel that he's here. I just don't know where.
"I know" I turned around to the sound of the most soothing voice i've ever heard. It was so calming, to describe the feeling i could only ever compare it to sitting at the beach, being consumed by darkness as the waves collided against one another in a burn of passion. It was something so beautiful, so tranquil.
It was him, the same tall, unnervingly beautiful man i had once met in a realm much further away. The same man that despite not knowing, i could feel him all too well. That regardless of being left in the darkness of his intentions, i felt safe.
"Who are you?" I murmured, hoping that the answer would be simple, though we all knew that it wouldn't be. The docile man moved slowly but surely closer to me, never changing the calming expression on his face.
"I said who are you" I said sternly, making him stop in his tracks. He stared at me, still extremely calm.
"My name is Carlise.. i live not too far from here with my family" He pointed his index finger towards the direction of his permanent residency. Although, i paid no attention in which direction he lived. I was far more interested in the word family.
I stood there for a moment as his gaze remained on mine, i couldn't tell if he knew how i was feeling, but it seemed like he did.
"I..i'm Lilian" I stated, never tearing my eyes away from his.
"Well it's nice to finally meet you Lilian..beautiful name" He could my nerves ease up and started to move closer again, but this time i didn't say anything. I watched as he got closer and closer.
"Finally?" i asked, obviously very confused on what the context of finally was.
But he didn't answer. What was he waiting on? I know there's something off about him, i just don't know what it is. I tackled with my brain for a moment, trying to figure out why this felt like something that was meant to happen. It felt like this boulder that was weighing down on me had been completely lifted, like i was free from a life i didn't even want to escape.
Before i could even register what was happening i was already face to face with the man. Our breath only a few centimeters away from each other. Our eyes locked on one another like it was the only
thing we knew to do, like it was the only activity we could partake in. Carlise was a man i could look at for hours, days, weeks, months, even years. His existence was poison and that was the beauty of it.
"Walk with me" He steered himself in the opposite direction as i followed suit. We walked deeper and deeper, him waltzing smoother than i was.
"Why are you taking me down here?" i asked, not out of fear, but genuine curiosity. He quickly turned around to meet my gaze.
"It's..a much nicer spot..somewhere that i can be honest with you" I just stared at him as we continued down the path. It felt like decades before we reached his sacred area.
As we approached, Carlise turned around slowly, resting a hand on my upper arm. I didn't flinch away from his grasp.
"This is my favorite spot whenever i feel lonely" He looked away, let his eyes focus on the area before him, the surrounding trees that weeped of air.
"Well you brought me" I interjected, Carlise turned his head towards me.
"Doesn't that defeat the purpose of being alone?" A sense of silence filled the forrest that caved us in.
"Not if i don't want to be"
His words echoed through my head, longer after they'd already been announced. What did he mean? Why was i the one he brought? He could've brought anywhere here why me?
"You're the man from my dream" I spoke softly, his eyes shifted to mine, golden and searching.
"Your dream?" He echoed softly, as if afraid of the answer.
For a moment, the air between us stilled.
He smiled carefully as his gaze remained on mine.
"Dreams are quite strange" He murmured, still never breaking his wavering gaze. The silence remained still for just a moment.
"So you believe in that sort of thing?" I asked, half smiling. Carlise didn't dare drag his eyes from me just yet in the next moment he found him gaze glued to the trees above him.
"I've lived long enough" He replied "to stop dismissing what i don't understand" The wind stirred through the trees, whispering secrets it seemed only Carlise could understand.
There was a moment of silence between the two of us, as we allowed the wind to pave its way through our conversation.
"Lived long enough?" There was something very different about him, something i couldn't place. I'd met a lot of men, men with a higher status and enlarged egos. However i had never cared for any, they were bland and arrogant. This man had only spoken a small strong of words and yet i didn't believe for a second he could be anything like those lords of their own ruin.
Just as the pale and beautiful man was about to reply. "Lilian!" I turned my head quickly to see my father running frantically towards me, as if he was a deer leaping across the pavement. For a split second i was distracted, but then i remembered. I whipped my head back in the opposite direction and he was..gone. Like a ghost in the mist he disappeared in plain sight.
"Lils! Sweetie are you okay?" I just stood there, still not processing that encounter. My dad shook me with a look of pure terror on his face.
"Lilian, do not sneak off on me like that again.. i was worried sick." I snapped back into reality as guilt felt over me. I never wanted to worry my dad.
"I'm sorry..i just.. i just thought i saw something" I pretended to shake my head as we walked back to the truck.
I turned around one last moment, feeling like he was still there..but just as i did it was still the same. Empty of him.
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