you show me what it feels like to be lost
Rating: General Pairing: Iyo Sky/Kairi Sane; side Rhea Ripley/Iyo Sky CW: N/A Wordcount: 6.3k
Summary: Justice for Kairi Sane playlist
Through glaring light cut across the windowpane, the sea doesnโt look like a real thing. Washed out and desaturated as it is, if Iyo captured the moment right there against her retinas, it wouldnโt look like much at all. A dispersion of colour in her periphery, but ahead, sunspots blur everything, overexposing her view forward.
Itโs not the right ocean, and certainly not the right shore. But maybe, maybe if she gazes hard enough east, her heart will carry along. Through the Atlantic, crashing upon the shore of Morocco, and on - traversing the Sahara, frantically taking speed through the Arabian Peninsula and the rest of Asia beyond, collapsing finally before the East China Sea, screaming out along the water the name that sheโs held back until this moment.
It exits her in a whimper, so far away in Orlando.
Kairi.
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Iyo was twenty-one years old when she met Kairi. Doesnโt seem that long ago, but time gets away from them, stubborn and ceaseless as it is. Over the previous four years, Iyo had met wrestlers of all sizes and shapes, but even so, her first thought when seeing the woman is, are we really training Idols?
She doesnโt get to saying that, though, because Kairiโs smile silences her first, gums peeking out behind pink lips. Kairi bows first. Io, stunned, followed late, the hesitance not seeming to perturb the trainee in the slightest. Then, she reaches out her hands to shake, and the rest of Io's composure leaves her in the slew of introductory formalities that follow.
They run drills, and over the course of them Io learns that Kairi is not, in fact, an idol-turned-wrestler. She's an actress-turned-wrestler, university-educated and scouted from a play about what Kairi describes as your art. Before then, Io hadnโt ever thought of what they did that way. Sheโs not sure how to take it, so she laughs it off, and takes her space to get her head together.
It doesnโt last. Io demonstrates her moonsault for the trainees, listening to the coos of amazement from children and young women who have no real comprehension of what it takes to perform that day after day, without incident or injury. When sheโs back down to earth, gulping water and listening to the chatter, still feeling so far away from herself, Kairi approaches her again like the tide.
โThat was so beautiful. You are very creative, senpai.โ
Io doesnโt know whatโs worse: being called that for the first time ever, when sheโs used to being the runt of the litter, the kid-sister, rebel-child, troublemaker tag-along; breaking the news that she did not, in fact, originate the moonsault as a wrestling move; or associating the word beautiful with herself in any context.
She chokes on her water instead. After sheโs done coughing, cheeks pink, a crowd of trainees and fellow wrestlers turning to stare her way, she instead decides on upsetting the pecking order back to something more expected.
โHow old are you?โ
From then on, Io and Kairi settle into an even keel. Four years or two, there doesnโt seem to be much sense in keeping to uncertain formalities.
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Despite the warring schedules they have going on, Rhea does her best to keep Iyo out of the funk. Every Friday, Iyo oversleeps, ignoring the buzz of texts from her tag partner - no, not that one. The blinds drawn, she wills the world away. With her eyes closed, the dark swathing her, she could be anywhere. Sometimes in her dreams, she reaches out for a bedside table that isnโt there, isnโt quite that tall.
When she wakes, and gives up on getting back to it, Iyo rolls her way out of bed, fumbling for a light switch thatโs a bit higher up the wall than feels natural. The burst of light hurts badly, dehydration and a habit Iyo isnโt used to keeping fighting her beleaguered mind. Impulse takes her to the phone - no, not that one, either - in search of messages from her tag partner - yes, that one.
For years, Iyo has kept to the strangest of split schedules to keep in touch with her family and friends back home. Now, doing so feels like torture, every moment that could be filled with Kairi and isnโt burning. She feels mad. Checking, re-checking so constantly that for the first time in her life, sheโs stealing away Rheaโs power bank regularly.
So sheโs shifted her hours, and now it feels more sane. Like theyโre pen pals, emailing back and forth across the globe instead of Iyo chasing a fix, her drug a human woman who is dealing with her own heartbreak.
Pirate Princess ๐โ๏ธโจ
I finally finished unpacking the last suitcase. How did I get so much stuff over the last three years? I thought I wouldโve learned after last time. Silly meโฆ all the things I left back there, too!
Still need to finish furniture shopping. First up: a rug. The floor creaks and everything echoes, itโs a bit creepy. What colour do you think? The walls are kind of dull. Maybe some paintings too. Iโll go to a student auction for that.
Remember the time we went to one together? Haha. Your face at the nude portraitsโฆ you always are cute when you decide to get shy.
Well. I guess Iโll hunt for the rug another day. I want your opinion first.
I love you.
Iyo sets her home phone aside, and picks up her American one in place. She pops open her messages, which she keeps meticulously cleared of everything except what she wants to see. Rheaโs right at the top. At the bottom, a thread of texts with a number that used to be Kairiโs.
Sometimes she thinks about being petty and deleting her messages to someone else to keep it in sight. The temptation is strong. But her sense of nostalgia is stronger, the rest of her most frequent and precious contacts holding conversations that stretch back years. Kairi wouldnโt want her to shatter those memories, despite how cursed some of them have become.
Iyo pops open her texts to Rhea, eyes glossing over at the new words that greet her, seeing but not reading. She thinks for a second about replying with a non sequitur, then gives up. Instead, she opens the contact, glancing at the time for but a moment - 3pm, right when Rheaโs bound to be getting ready for the night - before dialling. Let her be thoughtless and inconsiderate for once. If anyone complains, it wonโt be Rhea. Jett might, if Iyo gets her to feel emotions of any kind in the chair. Laughing and crying ruins makeup application in equal measure.
Rhea answers seamlessly. โHey, chipmunk. Whatโd you have for lunch?โ
Thatโs her way of asking if Iyoโs been up. Iyo doesnโt like lying to her. โYou know.โ
The Australian sighs gently, the sound warring with backstage chatter. Iyoโs not on speakerphone, she knows that much, but sheโs probably being held a good two inches away from the side of Rheaโs face. โEat while we talk.โ
โYup.โ Iyo pops the P, opening her bedroom door carefully like the creak of the hinges would disturb anyone aside from herself.
That is one thing she regrets about every weary depression coma she throws herself into. The rumbly stomach feeling is not nice to her. Itโs hard not to just throw herself into something ridiculously sweet right off the get go, throwing her blood sugar into a yo-yoing frenzy. She settles on a banana while she waits for a couple of eggs to boil and bread to toast.
Rhea doesnโt fill the silence. Theyโre good at keeping content with the sound of breath and the company of forever.
โWhen are you home?โ Iyo asks once her food is plated up and sheโs perched on a barstool.
She doesnโt mean that question as presented, exactly. What she means is-
โIโll see if I can swap to a red-eye after the show. Four AM, maybe?โ Rhea offers.
Quarter after four by the time Rhea gets in the door, exhaustion on pause. Regardless, itโs Rhea who nudges Iyo awake at 9am, pancakes in hand, with plans to go on a drive to nowhere in particular close behind.
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Kairiโs official debut goes par for the course. Once sheโs out of the ring and back in the locker room, sheโs a nervous wreck. Io doesnโt know what comes over her, but she texts her trainer, asking if he has any pictures from her debut.
Sheโs spent the last five years trying to forget that trainwreck, but a day later he finds the photographs, and even a bit of shaky camcorder footage thatโs barely suitable for match review. Io invites Kairi over to her place, the uncertainty of it causing a bit of awkwardness since Kairi doesnโt know the occasion.
Once Io gets the lot of it out on the kotatsu, though, all anxiety disappears in a flood of laughter at Ioโs expense. Sheโs not far behind Kairi in that.
โI only kept wrestling because I was so embarrassed. Oh, I only thought about quitting once I became somewhat okay,โ Io confesses between bursts of giggles, feeling for the first time like she and Kairi really are friends.
To that, Kairi goes moon-eyed. โYouโve thought about quitting?โ
Of course I have, who hasnโt? Io thinks, mouth opening before she remembers that this is her kohai, a freshly debuted wrestler who despite the sometimes gruelling realities of preparing to step into the ring, still is idealistic enough to find the idea of leaving behind the lights and the cheers absurd. Or maybe, sheโs thinking only of Io in that picture, wondering at someone whom she treats as a goal to aspire towards, thinking herself not strong enough to keep on.
After all, Kairi has researched what the industryโs like. Sheโs a much more studious person than first glances would suggest. A hard worker, clever, sweet, and a bit of a nut. Thereโs not much Kairi isnโt.
Io canโt crush that.
โOnce, a long time ago,โ she lies. The last time she thought about it was the previous day, watching Kairi perform, in fact. The older woman was such a natural personality that Io thought herself doomed. If that was what she had to compete with, seeing how innate the athletic portion of their art came to her, then Io would struggle to keep up, surely.
Itโs different when those she meets in the ring are true competitors, and those by her side are family. The collision of those two things is a rough adjustment to cope with. One day, her success might come at the expense of the woman sitting across from her, nibbling at the array of sweets Io had set out as a clumsy approximation of hospitality.
โWhen Iโm good enough we should pair up,โ Kairi suggests, โI think weโd make a good team.โ
Io doesnโt think so. She canโt imagine ever trusting someone like that who is, at the end of the day, her rival. Even if Kairi doesnโt know thatโs what she is, yet.
She canโt dim the light though. Kairiโs destined for greatness.
โIโd like that.โ
It might come in the form of running Io through, but Kairi is.
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Blue, like the ocean ๐ Get some plants too. ๐ฑโ๏ธ
I still have half your clothes, too. When you visit, bring empty suitcases. It might take years to get all of this across ๏ธ๐ You shop so much!!
I am at the beach with Dakota right now. The scent of the breeze reminds me of-
Dakota nudges Iyo in the ribs, disrupting her before she manages to say something incredibly embarrassing. Itโs taken her four days and change to respond, the guilt eating her alive the longer it stretches. She is such an awful friend. Itโs not like she can explain herself in any way, either. This shouldnโt amount to Kairi comforting Iyo, sheโs not the one whoโs had the world tipped out from under them.
Waxing poetic seemed like a good compromise for a moment, but nowโฆ
โWhat?โ Iyo says, flat as can be. She blindly presses backspace on the text, erasing it.
โYou havenโt done anything but look at that thing for half an hour, dude. It doesnโt count as going out if you donโt unplug.โ The Kiwiโs stretched out on a beach towel, the sun kissing her lovingly.
Comparatively, Iyoโs criss-crossed on hers, fully dressed with a cap on to block out the glare. She does have her swimsuit on underneath, but the further she had gotten from the familiar comforts of home, the more the will to actually fulfill their plans vanished.
Miss you.
She manages to fire off in place of anything about herself, or how sheโs doing. Thatโs the end of that. The phone gets thrown into her duffel, and the sun screen comes out. Behind her sunglasses, she glares at Dakota, who all-knowingly returns fire by sticking her tongue out at Iyo.
Iyo shifts her hat onto her knee, hucks off her sweater, puts her hat back on, and then loops the sweater around Dakotaโs neck like a garrote. The larger woman flops around dramatically, pretending to struggle with the predicament. โUncle!โ
This time, Iyo rolls her eyes and releases the half-assed hold sheโs got. โMy heart is shattered.โ
With Dakota, she can be as dramatic as sheโd like. This is a woman whoโs been through it all, and will give it back to Iyo whenever she deserves it. โGo put your feet in the water and think about all the poetry you could write about it, then. Youโre being a loser.โ
Iyo groans. โYou sound like Bayley.โ She does, however, pull off her boots, and then wiggles out of her jeans, folding it and the now-sandy sweater away into the duffel.
Sheโs not expecting a response beyond a reprimanding, โHey!โ, as Dakota sets about getting Iyoโs back for her, but midway through, the Kiwi continues to prod. โWe all ended up just fine, you know. Itโs scary as shit, but this is Kairi weโre talking about. Sheโs never been afraid of change.โ
Theyโve been down this road before. Different circumstances, though. It didnโt feel so final for Kairi last time around, being that it was her choice. On the flipside of things, Dakotaโs a reminder itโs not the first time that this has happened to her friends at an unexpected time. She wasnโt so in danger of being spirited across the Pacific for good, either.
And, of course, there is the truth:
โI am not worried about her.โ Iyo confesses.
Later, they poke through tidepools in search of interesting critters to occupy Iyoโs interest, telling stories from their respective homes to hold up for comparison. A hermit crab pinches Dakota, but crawls right up into Iyoโs hand without issue. To make up for it, Iyo offers up a small sand dollar sheโs found. Mostly, they just keep one another company. This isnโt easier on any one member of Damage Ctrl.
When Iyoโs in better spirits, she might even invite Bayley out for drinks. Or, rather, Iyo might invite herself along.
For the moment, though, she trudges out into the water. The waves should scare her, but dunking her head beneath the water only feels natural, the salt of her tears and the salt of the sea mingling as one. Iyo has never liked her friends seeing her cry.
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It takes almost two years for Kairi to start catching up. By then, theyโre able to stand in the same corner.
Over that course of time, Ioโs become more used to the idea of competing against friends. Kairiโs not the only one sheโs adapted to the presence of - it helps that both her occasional partners-in-crime are utterly goofy and idealistic to a fault. Neither Kairi or Mayu have had the benefit of their mentors drilling horror stories about cutthroat locker rooms into their skulls.
Io does her best to keep the illusion alive, endearing the three of them to their seniors. Downplaying herself in order to prevent their little corner of the world from being seen as a threat, being the quiet, diligent, good worker that sheโs needed to be.
Privately, her rivalry with Kairi is still more daunting to her than any of the backstage politicking at play. Thereโs only one singular thing to worry about with her, and itโs when sheโll be good enough to start besting Io. Success can change even the greatest of people.
They go to the hair salon together for their root touch-ups. Kairi always takes less time, so she spends the in-between showing Io pictures of a puppy sheโs intending on adopting.
While Io has always been more of a cat person, the older womanโs energy is infectious, and she finds herself volunteering to dogsit whenever needed. Heโs a cute little thing, and Io does love all animals, so itโs not a big deal. But as soon as Kairiโs back to smiling dazzlingly and thanking her, it becomes apparent that it wouldnโt matter if Io were the biggest dog-hater alive.
โI have to think of a good name for him.โ Kairi says on the way home, in the midst of a window shopping expedition that turned into an actual shopping expedition.
Io carries one of her bags for her, eyeing up another pair of acid washed jeans that she doesnโt need, but would fit right into her collection. Temptation nearly overcomes her until she checks the price tag, and decides on a trip to the thrift store, instead.
โIโm bad at namesโฆ I always end up stealing names from someone else for my pets.โ Io drags herself away from the jeans to flip idly through a rack of colourful shirts that she couldnโt see herself wearing in her day-to-day.
From the other side of the rack, Kairi muses, โYou like them, and itโs unique, thatโs the important thing. I want whatever I choose to suit him but also be something only I would pick.โ She stops, pulling out a shirt in nearly blinding shades of purple and green, zagged against one another like a lightning strike. โThis would look good on you.โ
Io laughs before realizing Kairiโs serious; sheโs never thought of herself as a vibrant person really. Ring gear aside, the monochrome has always been most comfortable. She reaches over the top of the rack to take the shirt from Kairi, wondering whether who she is might be closer to how Kairi sees her, or if the bright and lively woman is simply a hard influence to shake.
โYou should name him something cute,โ Io suggests, regarding the garish fabric in her hands, โthat way you two will match.โ
Lately, sheโs been saying things like that, and not realizing until the words are out of their mouth and Kairi is squealing at her. โFlirt!โ the older woman accuses, coming around the rack to shove Io towards the changerooms. โGet, before I drag you into mine, instead.โ
Sheโs joking. Maybe. Probably.
Io takes haste to get away, hoping that by the time she exits to Kairiโs kind, evaluating gaze, that her blush will have settled.
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If thereโs a combination of people Iyo never wouldโve expected to be at a pub with, itโs Bayley, Dakota, and Rhea. On a Wednesday, no less. Iyo doesnโt even like wings, so the special is lost on her. She settles for a taco bowl instead, thinking itโd contain some assortment of rice and veg, but itโs really just a mountain of ground beef and melted cheese. Americans are so weird.
Rheaโs spooned some of it out onto her fries to help out, arm extended behind Iyo on the bench comfortably. Dakota's tucked into the other corner of the booth nursing something on the rocks that Iyo didn't catch. Bayley's already on her second margarita, which might account for how not terribly awkward this is, in combination with their mutual friends acting as a buffer.
โYou gonna tell me why you two are crashing my pow-wow with Dakota, or what?โ Bayley asks after polishing off another wing for the pile. So much for the not-awkward peace. Her tone is jovial enough, albeit a bit barbed. Par for the course with her.
While Iyo didnโt tell Rhea they were uninvited, per say, the Australian swivels seamlessly into a careful deflection. โThought you might miss our sunny personalities.โ
โRiiiiight.โ Bayley says. Iyo glares at her bowl of ground beef.
โI invited them,โ Dakota cuts in before anything can go sideways, forever acting as the in-between to her friendsโ hotter running personalities. โDamage Ctrl reunion, you know-โ
โWhereโs Asuka then?โ Bayley counters, yelping a second later when she gets a kick in the shin for her sass. "Fuck, okay. I get it, touchy."
Iyo takes a long draw from her highball, already regretting trying to mend this bridge. She feels Rhea squeeze her shoulder reassuringly. Despite her impulses at certain points, this wasn't her idea, it was Dakota's. All Rhea's actually there for is as a support point. Safety blanket, Dakota had called her. Which, yeah, with Iyo nudging her way closer into her partner's side, is accurate enough.
"I don't want to regret things," Iyo offers up with the rum warm through her chest and gut. "You're annoying sometimes, Bayley, but I miss you."
Bayley blinks in shock, picks up her empty drink and looks at it like the alcohol's making her dream up a reasonable Iyo. When she realizes it hasn't, she waves a server over for another, before turning her focus back to Iyo and saying with stone-sober seriousness, "Huh."
Then she smiles, the warmth that makes so many love her filling up the space.
"You're a real pain in my ass, Iyo." She starts, leaning across the table with a mischievous look in her eyes, "But yeah, I miss you too. Why'd you have to wait til we're all fucked up for that?" Itโs a rhetorical question, really, since Bayley's not made any strides either and they all know that. "Next roundโs on me, let's get shit started! Rhea, you DD?โ
Rhea nods, and Dakota whoops, and Iyo regrets her choice of drink having such a high ABV. Why couldn't she like beer?
They talk, reminiscing - about Damage Ctrl, with Rhea the odd woman out, about NXT, with Bayley the odd woman out, and about that weird time after things started to break down and get tough, with Dakota the odd woman out. Most of it leads to laughter, some to melancholy. Iyo slips back into the feeling of having a family.
As Dakota tells them a story about her time in Japan when she met Iyo and Kairi for the first time, Iyo feels Rhea's hand on her thigh. When her head whips up, Rhea's still paying attention, but she squeezes gently in support, knowing the memory will sting. Iyo's not quite drunk, not nearly to the degree Bayley and Dakota are getting, but a sense of dizziness still overcomes her.
Iyo turns back to the group, slipping her way into the story from the opposite perspective like sheโs told it a million times before. How after Dakotaโs first training session at the dojo, Kairi had taken Iyo aside and reminded her that she has the tendency to look scary if sheโs not smiling. So next time, Iyo had made a certain effort to smile at the gaijin - and frightened her even more, somehow.
Dakota curses Kairi then, recalling Iyoโs maniacal grin through the entirety of a five-minute handstand that everyone else collapsed less than halfway through.
For the rest of their time out together, Bayley keeps on poking fun at Dakotaโs apparently less than stellar form. The Kiwi takes it like a champ, though, giving as good as she gets, the pair of them settling back into the rhythm that had once defined them. They don't, however, opt into Bayley's suggestion to hit up a karaoke joint after the pub starts to close up shop, because that is still one stride too far for their relationship as it stands.
After dropping the elder two off, Rhea takes Iyo back home, helping her up to the front door. The Australian looks exhausted, as dead on her feet as Iyo feels, but still, Rhea smiles down at her.
It's only worry that prompts her to invite Rhea in, Iyo tells herself.
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One more year, and it happens. Ioโs not mad about the lost title, curiously enough. Kairiโs enthusiasm more than makes up for the absence of weight around Ioโs middle, and, more importantly, she doesnโt change one bit.
She doesnโt become an egomaniac. There is no bragging or condescension. She is, still, simply, Kairi.
Io changes, though. Everything does, actually. More responsibility than ever lands on her shoulders, because suddenly they are at the top of the mountain. The old guard is gone. Between the three of them - Mayu, Kairi, and herself - the belts pile on, until everything is within Ioโs grasp.
Kairi sees the stress mounting before Io does.
โIf itโs too much, thatโs okay. You shouldnโt have to worry about the tag and trios titles at the same time, Io-chan. The red belt is the most important-โ she starts softly, one night when theyโre on their own at Io's apartment. She'd waited until Mayu had said her goodbyes for the night for a reason, clearly.
"You two are important to me. I can handle it. We'll do this together." She counters. Io doesn't want to hear anything more about dropping belts to make life easier.
Kairi doesn't seem convinced. โYouโll get burned out."
She keeps seeing right through Io in a way that Mayu doesn't, too aloof and enthused about life and their friendship, rose-tinted glasses muddling her view of Io and the battered psyche that's starting to plague her. All her fears about Kairi have been re-attached to the young woman that she now calls a tag partner. Yes, Kairi's her rival, but Mayu is her aching weakness, the idealism holding Io down like a trap snapped right through her ankle. Io can't fail, but she sees the end.
"What are you trying to prove? You've already won it all," Kairi presses, her hands on Io's shoulders and a concerned frown marring her pretty face. "We'd love you even if you hadn't."
God, that word. Mayu doesn't know - it might crush her even more than losing their tag belts would, if she knew.
Kairi, on the other hand...
Io can't hide.
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They meet at Asukaโs place on their way home from the airport following a show. Iyo doesnโt plan it out, an impulsive, Can I talk to you? fired off from her phone before she can think about it. Itโs been over a week since Iyoโs had anything she felt like she could say to Kairi, small talk driving her mad. They feel like strangers already.
Itโs transforming into the same sort of feeling she has about Asuka.
Fifteen years ago, they had turned in opposite directions and walked firmly away from one another with the intention to make it, and hard feelings about the otherโs method of trying for it. A wonder, then, that on a globe like the Earth, walking in opposite directions ends up in a collision course halfway across the world. Asuka begrudges Io for how she got there, sheโs certain - even though Kairiโs walked the same paths, and itโs never felt like that between them.
As people, they're just too different. The brief snippet of time that their paths re-aligned together was not meant to be permanent, held together by paste and Kairi Sane. And, now...
"I'm proud of you." Asuka tells her as they settle in her arcade room. All the flashing lights and noises are overwhelming for Iyo, but they're comforting to Asuka. Even so, Iyo has to squint her eyes and repeat the words in her mind to be sure she hasn't misheard due to the tinny, overloud 8bit warcries that are emitting from the Street Fighter cabinet.
"What?" She says.
"I'm proud of you," Asuka repeats, annoyed. She gestures to the open spot next to her on the machine, then to Iyo, then to the character selection screen. "Play me while I talk. Don't be weird. Try to put up a fight."
Iyo has never played Street Fighter in her life. She picks the first girl character she sees, who looks familiar enough that Iyo figures she has to be a pretty good selection. Asuka picks some big green guy. Once they're in, Iyo sets to work buttonmashing and trying in vain to run away from Asuka's sadistic focus.
"You are so stubborn. You never listen to people who have your best interests in mind. For whatever reason, you feel like it's not enough to hear other people's mistakes and difficulties secondhand, you have to experience it yourself for it to matter," the older woman rattles out, her accent thick underneath the gruff grunts of exertion from her character. Iyo gets caught in some kind of uppercut, and then slammed down into the ground, the sound effect of bone snapping accompanying the move. Asuka keeps on, berating Iyo as she beats her into a pulp on the screen. "And you're a hypocrite, because you did exactly what I tried to do for you for Kairi. You tried to keep her safe from everything, even at the expense of yourself, and when it came time for her to shine, you let her."
Iyo's character staggers back onto her feet for a moment. She mashes buttons again, one strong hit sending Asuka back a step before the older woman responds in kind, knocking Iyo out entirely. The whole round took thirty seconds at most.
She'll do better the next one. "You wouldn't have taken me seriously if I just kept following you. I was already your friend's dumb kid sister who only tagged along because I wasn't good at anything else. I wanted respect. I wasn't getting it from you, so I found it somewhere else. Does it upset you that much that I went into the exact system you said you hated and came out on top of it? I made something better."
On screen, Iyo's character comes back for Round Two. This time she gets some actual offense in, maybe only because Asuka takes her eyes off the screen for a second to stare Iyo down. When Iyo knocks Asuka's character down, she whoops.
"Cocky," Asuka reprimands, "Good. Don't forget how to believe in yourself like that. In this world, you'll always lose people close to you. Not everyone can do what we do - but we have to do it for them, you know?"
Asuka gets back up, beating Iyo back into a corner in short order. She's mashing just one button, keeping Iyo's character ping-ponging between the edge of the screen and her fists. Cheap tactics.
"It shouldn't have to hurt." Iyo grits her teeth. A slight flaw in Asuka's timing presents itself, and she slips out, driving Asuka back down before charging up an attack that KO's her.
Round Three starts up, but Asuka makes no move this time. Neither does Iyo, just staring at the two characters bobbing back and forth in tandem, eternally at the ready. "I love her too, Iyo. When it comes to this, I'm with you."
"I know." She's never doubted that. For however their fights might play out on screen, the reality isn't so dramatic. They're all just playing their parts, and Kairi's - well, Kairi's part wasn't appreciated enough by any of them. "Thank you for trying to make a path for me."
Asuka smiles sidelong at her, unnerving even without her paint and her garb. It's weird, playing video games with someone who in Iyo's mind, looks exactly like she is - a mother, and a mentor to a bunch of kids who don't take her seriously in the least. With neon hair, but still. "Silly kohai. Ignoring it's part of the test. You really don't pay attention to anything I say, do you?"
While Asuka's still talking, Iyo takes advantage of the opportunity to sucker-punch her. Ten seconds later, Iyo's eating humble pie.
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It was supposed to be them. Ioโs neck has bothered her for a long time, but she doesnโt really remember when it started. A nuisance, she had thought, and shelved it in favour of worrying about keeping a company afloat, and then elevating it to the top of their industry, and then maintaining her position on the top of that.
Figures.
Ioโs been to North America plenty. Mostly Mexico, and mostly for short stints of time - a month or two at most. She helps Kairi pack to the best of her ability, though it's slow going since they keep having to stop to cry it out.
Whenever Ioโs not over at Kairiโs place helping her prepare to leave her life behind for who knows how long, sheโs at physio, doing her best to forget why sheโs stubbornly trying to get medically cleared in the first place. Stardom was prepared to lose them both, so Io going down to a part-time schedule isnโt the biggest issue for them to accommodate. Shame itโs for a far less happy reason than she had hoped for.
"I'll make it to you," Io promises at the airport terminal, hugging Kairi goodbye like it's for the last time. For her part, Kairi manages not to cry even when Io starts up again, rubbing at her eyes in an embarrassed flurry. Kairi smiles at her, and presses a kiss to the crown of Ioโs head.
"It won't be long, Io. I always liked being in the ring with you best." Kairi says, "Just let me chart our course!" She salutes, unable to pass up a good pirate pun when given the opportunity.
Despite herself, Io smiles, warming up her rusty English for a bit of cheese back Kairi's way. "The tide is high, but I'm holding on."
Kairi laughs at that one, bringing her own clumsy language skill to the fore. "You're my number one."
The airport announcer interrupts them to inform them of the imminent boarding process, so Kairi picks up her carry on and gives Io a final smile, marching off proudly into her future with her head held high. She's Io's captain, alright, even if she doesn't fully know it.
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Everything's been upended, so Iyo genuinely has been absurdly busy, with all the higher-ups stressed out of their minds by the changes they made and acting like that's anyone elseโs fault.
Mostly, though, she just hasn't made the time. It scares her, the days trickling by. Every time she feels like she needs an excuse, and then something to capture Kairi's attention with so the conversation doesn't become short, dry replies amounting to nothing. This is not how they normally interact with one another, but...
Pressing the call button terrifies her. What will she say? What if they lapse into an uncomfortable silence the same way they do by text? Iyo isn't sure that her heart could handle the pain of knowing Kairi's grown to feel disdain towards her, after all the hurdles they've managed to surpass.
She commits before she can psych herself out about it. It rings once, then twice. Then three times, and then keeps on. When Kairi doesnโt pick up, Iyo stares down at the phone, a mixture of guilt and relief flooding through her. Fine then, another time. She's not prepared, however, for the immediate beep of the voicemail box - no preamble message leading it. Oh, she hadn't thought of what kind of message to leave her.
Iyo breathes into the phone, then hangs up.
A split second later, her phone is ringing. A picture of her and Kairi that was set years ago pops up on screen, her heart fluttering at it.
She picks up, tongue-tied.
"Iyo?" Kairi says in that soft, familiar way, like she's standing right beside her, and not miles and miles away..
Iyo can't help herself, the tears welling in her eyes before she's gotten out even a single word. "Moshi moshi," she says, wetly. "Why is this so much harder than last time?"
The older woman breathes gently into the receiver, cooing comfortingly at Iyo. "I know. Every other time I've had a map of where I'm going, but now..." Kairi's voice trembles, but only barely. "I don't want you to be sad."
"I don't want to be happy without you to share it with." Iyo sniffs, thinking about how every disruption to the plan of what their lives and careers should've looked like feels like a failing of hers. If she had only done better, gathered more attention to them all, then maybe. Maybe...
"Stop being mad at yourself. You didn't do this." Kairi chastises her, tongue clicking along the top of her mouth. From the get-go, she's had the nerve to make it anywhere.
There's many nights Iyo's wondered why this industry, for all its uncertainties and ingratitude. The unknown is the grandest adventure there is to offer. That's the truth that kept Kairi going, travelling to unknown places all alone. She's braver than Iyo is by spades, trudging through prejudice with a stubborn constitution, rebounding from injuries that Iyo would've considered packing it in over, and always smiling in the end, even when blood drips down her face and no one even appreciates it.
The truth is, if Kairi isn't good enough, then Iyo is terrified for the rest of them.
"I asked you once what you're trying to prove," Kairi nudges against the silence. Iyo blinks herself out of a trance of her own making. Her stomach rolls, knowing already what she's facing down. The same thing Asuka had tried to remind her of, nudging her into the old stubbornness that kept her on when she was just a kid, disregarded by the world. "Well?"
Io Shirai knew the answer then, and didn't have the strength to voice it.
Today, Iyo Sky does, emboldened by the very pains that had silenced her in the first place. This canโt all be for naught.
Effort matters.
