100% canon dan and phil quotes

posts happen, um. occasionally. quote sources can be provided upon request (mostly. sometimes i gorget) --- send in your favourite quotes via asks! (i'd appreciate if you could match my formatting or at least include who said it) --- my main blog is @i-am-just-a-skeleton

[dip-and-pip-said]

P: Are there any snacks in the fridge? get some Funyuns out

D: Who the fuck stores Funyuns in the fridge? What is wrong with you

[dip-and-pip-said]

D: There's a line

P: What's the line? Let's put our eye against it

*dan moves the game character to look into a gap in the wall*

P: That's the backrooms slit

D: *laughs* I don't like that at all!

[dip-and-pip-said]

D: Should we be doing this in an organized manner? 'Cause I've been haphazardly walking along-

P: No. The way they say to get out of a maze is to just walk in a random direction

[dip-and-pip-said]

P: We're not doing more pet play, it's-

D: *meows*

P: It's Over! Bad dog!

[dip-and-pip-said]

P: My two favourite things: knowing where to go, and Weapons

*dramatic pause*

D: *to the audience* I'm scared, are you scared for me?

[dip-and-pip-said]

D: Dan and Phil, hard objects, and knives, what could go wrong?

P: Everything

[dip-and-pip-said]

D: Are you excited that it's my birthday?

P: I'm so fucking birthday

[dip-and-pip-said]

D: Everyone's gonna die 'cause they drank the poison soup, and you'll be the only one left

P: Exactly!

D: Unfortunatley you'll then have to asexually repopulate the world, so-

P: I'd quite like to do that

[dip-and-pip-said]

D: If you leave Phil alone.... Phil just starts fucking biting people

P: I know, it's a problem

[opaloctober5892]

IF THERE WERE NO BILLIONAIRES, WE COULD HAVE THE FOOD AND THE HOUSES AND GO TO SPACE -dan howell

[dip-and-pip-said]

P: Let's say something wholesome

D: Hole??

P: ...Bible

[dip-and-pip-said]

D: We gotta get through the stress of the pre-holiday experience though

P: You are so annoying in an airport

D *ignoring him*: Phil is so stressed in an airport for no reason

P: No-

[dip-and-pip-said]

D: Okay, fine, fine, easy warm up

P: We're moistened-

D *overlapping*: We're slippin' in

*both pause*

D: Oh, god

P: We both shouldn't have said either of those things

D: We should just not speak at the same time

[dip-and-pip-said]

D: Thank you, Jesus, for being on my side and wasting Phil's time

P: Jesus does not like you, Daniel

D: *several seconds of silence* What the fuck, Phil?

P: He told me

[dip-and-pip-said]

P: It's one of the words I can't say very well. Accurate

D: What words can you say well?

P: Dan is a little bitch

[dip-and-pip-said]

P: And this [pocket] is filled with my secret... things

D: Ibuprofen and eye drops?

P: Wouldn't you like to know

D: You've probably got eye drops on your person right now, I bet if-

P: Of course I do! *pulls eye drops out of his pocket*

D: I was fucking joking-

P: I've got my eye drops ready to go at all times, I've got dry eyes!

[dip-and-pip-said]

D: We've done some bangin' merch over the years

P: We have

D: Pay respects

P: Tit wig

D: Not... that one