Agent.

Fyr ey/em. 21+ rp blog for Phil Coulson. canon-divergent. oc-friendly, multimuse-friendly. not mutuals-only. side blog to @fyr-rphub.

[prplhawk]

"stop pushing me away. it won't work." ~directorsonofcoul

@directorsonofcoul

Natasha and Phil where probably the two that worried the most about Clint since he had come back from his last mission. Because Hawkeye had missed and that never had happened before. Hawkeye never misses. It was simply not possible.

Clint was trying to play it off and act like it didn'teven happen. But it clearly was getting on him and giving him a growing self-doubt.

"Phil, I'm pushing no one away. I always have been training so much and I always liked to do that alone sometimes."

[directorsonofcoul]

"Of course," he responded. "In that case, I'm concerned and I'm here." And whether or not Clint trained alone sometimes, Phil wasn't going to let him this time. Still, perhaps a little distance. For a few minutes. Phil checked out his own equipement and set up a target at a much more reasonable distance than Clints.

[prplhawk]

"stop pushing me away. it won't work." ~directorsonofcoul

@directorsonofcoul

Natasha and Phil where probably the two that worried the most about Clint since he had come back from his last mission. Because Hawkeye had missed and that never had happened before. Hawkeye never misses. It was simply not possible.

Clint was trying to play it off and act like it didn'teven happen. But it clearly was getting on him and giving him a growing self-doubt.

"Phil, I'm pushing no one away. I always have been training so much and I always liked to do that alone sometimes."

[directorsonofcoul]

Phil blinked. Clasped his hands behind his back. Waited a beat. "I'm sorry, was that meant to be believable? You push people away like breathing. The fact that you aren't an ass about it doesn't mean it's not happening." And now... Now more than ever. "I'm going to ask you a genuine question and I'd like you to answer in kind. Would you prefer to speak with a phychologist? Or to put up with Natasha and I nagging? I would be happy to schedule you an appointment if that would be more comfortable for you."

[prplhawk]

“I need to be able to trust you to tell me when you’re hurt.” ~directorsonofcoul

"You mean physically or mentally?"

[directorsonofcoul]

He supresses the urge to snap 'both.' That wouldn't be helpful. "At least physically. And that question wasn't at all reassuring."

[directorsonofcoul]

So guess who's coming back to life because I said so?

Everyone come say hi to Phil!

[seafoamsthetic]

what is your muse’s eye color?

put it in the tags!

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

directorsonofcoul‌:

“Alright then, we’ll sort that out later. Maybe it’ll be a nice distraction from all the schoolwork.” He offered Clint a genuine smile and then asked, “Will you tell me about your life before the circus?” This might be pushing towards something he really wouldn’t want to talk about, but if nothing else, maybe it would be a chance to confirm to Clint that saying no wouldn’t be punished.

Clint returned his smile a little shyly, but it dropped off when he asked about his life before the circus. He fidgeted a moment, trying to think of a way to describe it. “I think it was worse, maybe,” he offered after a moment, not looking at Phil. “I mean, the circus isn’t nearly as great as kids think it is when they talk about running away to join it. But, I mean, I never went back to the orphanage or foster system.” Maybe he would’ve been better off, but he’d also have never learned archery or knife throwing or any sword tricks or any acrobatics. 

“Before before, when my parents were alive? I dunno. My mom… my mom was nice. Bit… dunno, empty? but nice. My dad… well, if my mom was nice, he was evil.”

“But then he wrapped the car around a tree with both of ‘em in it, so, doesn’t really matter,” he shrugged the shoulder attached to his less-damaged arm. 

[directorsonofcoul]

Phil ached, his heart squeezing uncomfortably at the thought of what life must’ve been like for this child to feel safer on his own, working for his food and shelter, than in the system. And even before that… He knew that kind of thing happened, but it was never easy to confront it.

“Thank you for telling me. I’m not going to waste both of our time today making promises you don’t have any reason to believe yet, but I certainly plan on providing you a better home than that, even if it’s just as temporary.” He patted Clint’s leg again, hoping that repeating the gesture would help it feel safer. “What about in the circus? Can you tell me about some of the acts you did? Some of the things you enjoyed?”

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

Clint gave him a tentative smile, not even tensing up at this pat to his leg. It was actually very nice, to have it repeated so that he could start to expect it.

Still, the question if what the circus was like had him anxious before Phil specified what he did, and Clint gave a hesitant smile, though it was far less convincing. “I uh. I was a trick archer, and knife thrower, mainly. I can hit pretty much any target, even if I’m moving and it’s moving. Even if I’m on the back of a horse that’s at a canter and I’m firing an arrow at a little sack of confetti that got shot into the air.” There was a hint of pride in his expression and a lot of joy. But then he hesitated. What did he like about the circus? “I like being good at things. More than one thing. Both, uh, trickshot, an Archer, and the swordsman, both of them… Wanted me for an apprentice.” Mentioning them took the joy away, replaced it with fear, so he took as deep a breath as he could manage and focused on the good again. “Because I was good at both of their skills off the bat.”

“And all the animals were awesome. I used to sleep in the house trailer because it was always warm.” He said it before he realized that admission was probably not something Phil would enjoy hearing. “I liked learning, too, as much as I could. It maybe wasn’t the best things to learn, but… It was fun.”

[directorsonofcoul]

“There are physical rehabilitation programs that use horses. I can look into that to see if there’s one nearby that might work for you,” he suggested carefully. “If you enjoy working with animals, there’s no reason not to use that. And once you’re healed up enough, I’ll make sure you have some access to an archery range. Maybe I can get you a darts set in the meantime. I want you to practice the things that you’re good at and that make you happy.” Phil gave him a sympathetic smile. “But we’re going to try to find other things you’re good at as well.”

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

“That’s good, sweetheart. Tears are release. That’s exactly what I want from you right now,” he praised, not slowing his strikes. When he’d finished and rubbed that side, he started again on the left, not going quite so far down his thigh as the first time, but not hesitating to lay extra stripes down over his sit spots. He didn’t stop to rub again until he’d evened Clint out, then he kneaded both cheeks at once. “Twenty two more, sweetheart. You’re more than halfway.”

Clint cried harder at the encouragement, going limp over Phil’s lap for the first time, taking the pain as best he could, and not even sure why he was crying so much, because it wasn’t the worst pain of his life. 

Well, not physically. He felt pretty horrid mentally, though. And he’d not only upset Phil, he’d scared him. That was a pretty good reason to cry. 

He nodded slightly but otherwise didn’t acknowledge Phil’s words, not having the energy to try and say anything or move too much just then. He didn’t even tense up when Phil finally resumed, though he also didn’t notice the remaining 22 hits too much, all of them kind of evening out in his mind, and he stayed limp over Phil’s lap even when they ended, mostly cried out, just a few tears rolling down his cheeks every so often. 

[directorsonofcoul]

Phil tossed away the paddle as soon as he was finished and immediately set to praising and comforting. “There you go, baby. All done, sweetheart. Come here, Clint.” He helped him into a more upright position, straddling his lap, then pulled him in close so he could tuck his nose into Phil’s neck.

Phil rubbed his back and nuzzled his head and shoulders and gave him a low, comforting growl. It had helped him, to have Clint crying out all his guilt under Phil’s hand, giving up all control like that. Now that it was over, Phil felt like he could breathe again–the worst of the fear and worry finally passed and order fully reestablished.

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

The instant the paddle went away, Phil was praising him, and that helped more than a little, though the tears resumed in earnest. His head felt like someone had stuffed cotton wool in it, and the pain was more dulled than it ought to be. He might’ve even been shaking, as he gave a quiet little sound, but quite pained nor content, as Phil manhandled him upright. The instant he could, Clint scented Phil, probably more obnoxiously than strictly necessary, greedily taking the comfort.

“I’m real sorry,” he whispered quietly, into Phil’s neck. He sounded calm, but genuine, but not guilty or upset, though his grip on Phil was extremely tight, like he was afraid Phil would disappear.

[directorsonofcoul]

"I know, Clint." Phil slid his fingers into Clint's hair and held him even more securely, waiting to move until Clint's tears had petered out. "What do you want right now, sweetheart? Anything. You've more than earned a little reward, taking your punishment so well. I'm very proud of you."

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

“That’s good, sweetheart. Tears are release. That’s exactly what I want from you right now,” he praised, not slowing his strikes. When he’d finished and rubbed that side, he started again on the left, not going quite so far down his thigh as the first time, but not hesitating to lay extra stripes down over his sit spots. He didn’t stop to rub again until he’d evened Clint out, then he kneaded both cheeks at once. “Twenty two more, sweetheart. You’re more than halfway.”

Clint cried harder at the encouragement, going limp over Phil’s lap for the first time, taking the pain as best he could, and not even sure why he was crying so much, because it wasn’t the worst pain of his life. 

Well, not physically. He felt pretty horrid mentally, though. And he’d not only upset Phil, he’d scared him. That was a pretty good reason to cry. 

He nodded slightly but otherwise didn’t acknowledge Phil’s words, not having the energy to try and say anything or move too much just then. He didn’t even tense up when Phil finally resumed, though he also didn’t notice the remaining 22 hits too much, all of them kind of evening out in his mind, and he stayed limp over Phil’s lap even when they ended, mostly cried out, just a few tears rolling down his cheeks every so often. 

[directorsonofcoul]

Phil tossed away the paddle as soon as he was finished and immediately set to praising and comforting. "There you go, baby. All done, sweetheart. Come here, Clint." He helped him into a more upright position, straddling his lap, then pulled him in close so he could tuck his nose into Phil's neck.

Phil rubbed his back and nuzzled his head and shoulders and gave him a low, comforting growl. It had helped him, to have Clint crying out all his guilt under Phil's hand, giving up all control like that. Now that it was over, Phil felt like he could breathe again--the worst of the fear and worry finally passed and order fully reestablished.

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

“Alright, then. On my lap, please. I’m giving you sixty tonight,” Clint could take that. It would be miserable, but he’d given him longer spankings, “then 20 every morning before your training.” He set the paddle on the cushion beside him, then helped Clint with his clothes and kissed him before helping him down over his knee.

It was a lot, and Clint was going to be sore for days with Phil continuing to add on to the bruising every morning, but he deserved it. “Yes, sir,” He agreed because while it hadn’t been a question, acknowledgement was always better. 

The kiss helped a little bit, but not much, and anticipation weighed heavily on him as he settled over Phil’s knee, trying not to wiggle too much. Then, all he could do was wait.

[directorsonofcoul]

Phil just rubbed Clint’s bared skin for several long moments, taking the time to try to find a center calm, then he picked the paddle back up and rested it against the top of Clint’s left cheek. “You don’t need to count, baby. Just take in the pain and let it force out the guilt. I’m correcting you. It’s no longer your responsibility to feel badly–just to do better, and I’ll help you with that too.” Then Phil started, hitting fairly hard, and making it worse by overlapping his strikes. He worked his way slowly down Clint’s left cheek and midway down his thigh, then rubbed and soothed the skin before starting on the other side.

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

“Thank you, sir,” Clint replied quietly, some relief washing over him at the fact that Phil tried to calm him before they started. It was nice to hand over the responsibility, too, at least a little bit. It was still going to suck, but Phil was doing this to help Clint better, not to make things worse. So, he relaxed as best he could, to focus on taking the hits as best he could, without doing more than whimpering. He didn’t want to cry, but he only lasted a little longer than Phil starting on his right side before he started quietly crying, not quite sobbing, but definitely more noticeable than he’d like. 

[directorsonofcoul]

"That's good, sweetheart. Tears are release. That's exactly what I want from you right now," he praised, not slowing his strikes. When he'd finished and rubbed that side, he started again on the left, not going quite so far down his thigh as the first time, but not hesitating to lay extra stripes down over his sit spots. He didn't stop to rub again until he'd evened Clint out, then he kneaded both cheeks at once. "Twenty two more, sweetheart. You're more than halfway."

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

“Alright, then. On my lap, please. I’m giving you sixty tonight,” Clint could take that. It would be miserable, but he’d given him longer spankings, “then 20 every morning before your training.” He set the paddle on the cushion beside him, then helped Clint with his clothes and kissed him before helping him down over his knee.

It was a lot, and Clint was going to be sore for days with Phil continuing to add on to the bruising every morning, but he deserved it. “Yes, sir,” He agreed because while it hadn’t been a question, acknowledgement was always better. 

The kiss helped a little bit, but not much, and anticipation weighed heavily on him as he settled over Phil’s knee, trying not to wiggle too much. Then, all he could do was wait.

[directorsonofcoul]

Phil just rubbed Clint's bared skin for several long moments, taking the time to try to find a center calm, then he picked the paddle back up and rested it against the top of Clint's left cheek. "You don't need to count, baby. Just take in the pain and let it force out the guilt. I'm correcting you. It's no longer your responsibility to feel badly--just to do better, and I'll help you with that too." Then Phil started, hitting fairly hard, and making it worse by overlapping his strikes. He worked his way slowly down Clint's left cheek and midway down his thigh, then rubbed and soothed the skin before starting on the other side.

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

“I hope so too.” Phil held him as tightly as he dared–tight enough that he was sure Clint could feel his heart, still beating faster and harder in his chest than it had any business doing. “In a week, when your punishment is over, you’ll be fully forgiven. In the meantime, you are still deeply, deeply loved.” He wound his fingers into Clint’s hair again, in order to hold him even tighter, and kissed his temple. “We’re just going to sit here now, for a little while.”

“Thank you, sir,” he replied quietly, full of emotion, because having the possibility of earning forgiveness was easily one of the best things Phil gave him, even when disappoint him was one of the most painful things. He sighed quietly and settled into be as comfortable as possible before murmuring a quiet agreement to the idea of just sitting there for a while. It certainly wan’t hard, not when he still felt  off kilter too and Phil’s presence helped. He’d just stay quiet while he waited for his next instruction. 

[directorsonofcoul]

Phil didn’t have the strength to return Clint to the ground. He held him even as he resumed work–even as his legs went numb beneath the weight. When it was finally late enough they could go, Phil carefully shifted him back down. Then he kissed the top of his head. “Alright. I’ll untie you, but you’re going to stay on your knees. Promise me?”

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

If Clint hadn’t been in Phil’s lap, he probably would have been significantly more upset about being tied up and vulnerable as long as he had been. But, this was his punishment, and he’d be good. He was determined.

He tried to help Phil put him down as much as he could, which wasn’t much. “Yes, sir, i promise,” he agreed quietly, vowing to himself not to stand without very express permission. He bowed his head, focusing on looking as submissive as possible.

[directorsonofcoul]

Phil cut the twine, gave Clint a minute to stretch his legs as much as he could without getting up, and then fixed his public, neutral face back in place. The walk to the parking garage was an ordeal, with plenty of staring and leering alike, and the drive was tense, but finally, Phil closed the door behind them. “Go to the bathroom if you need to, Clint. You may stand when you reach the tile, but not a moment before, and I want you back on your knees again before you reach the hallway. Fetch me your paddle on your way back.” The had a very specific paddle for punishment, and although he rarely had to use it, he was confident that Clint knew what he was referring to.

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

Crawling to the car was a truly awful experience, but he refused to let it show, until they reached the car. Even then, he didn’t want to to let it show, but his hands, which he folded in his lap, were shaking the entire drive home, and he didn’t dare speak because he wasn’t sure what his voice would do.

“Yes, sir,” Clint replied quietly,v hanging his head as he crawled to the bathroom. Once he was allowed to stand, even briefly, he shook out his limbs properly, before using the toilet, washing his hands, and opening the door, before resuming crawling all the way to the closet their implements were kept, before taking the paddle to Phil. He laid himself at Phil’s feet, with the paddle held out in offering, looking miserable and guilty the entire time, none of the feeling of being exposed and too vulnerable having faded in the short time between the car ride and fetching the paddle, even though Phil was the only one who could see him now.

[directorsonofcoul]

“Look at me, Clint.” Phil took the paddle, then tapped his chin up and met his eyes. “What you did was serious. You have never disobeyed me in such a dangerous way before. I can see that you’re miserable already, but you’re going to have a sore butt and well-used knees until I’m satisfied it won’t happen again. If you have some compelling reason for me to reduce the punishment I laid out for you earlier, now is the time.”

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

“I accept my punishment, sir,” he replied quietly, because he had absolutely no reason it should be lessened. If anything, arguing that would only make him feel worse. “How d'you want me, sir?” All disobedience had left him, and he wasn’t trying to be helpful to reduce his punishment, merely because stalling would make it harder for him to break away from the guilt when Phil decided this phase of the punishment was over.

[directorsonofcoul]

"Alright, then. On my lap, please. I'm giving you sixty tonight," Clint could take that. It would be miserable, but he'd given him longer spankings, "then 20 every morning before your training." He set the paddle on the cushion beside him, then helped Clint with his clothes and kissed him before helping him down over his knee.

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

“I hope so too.” Phil held him as tightly as he dared–tight enough that he was sure Clint could feel his heart, still beating faster and harder in his chest than it had any business doing. “In a week, when your punishment is over, you’ll be fully forgiven. In the meantime, you are still deeply, deeply loved.” He wound his fingers into Clint’s hair again, in order to hold him even tighter, and kissed his temple. “We’re just going to sit here now, for a little while.”

“Thank you, sir,” he replied quietly, full of emotion, because having the possibility of earning forgiveness was easily one of the best things Phil gave him, even when disappoint him was one of the most painful things. He sighed quietly and settled into be as comfortable as possible before murmuring a quiet agreement to the idea of just sitting there for a while. It certainly wan’t hard, not when he still felt  off kilter too and Phil’s presence helped. He’d just stay quiet while he waited for his next instruction. 

[directorsonofcoul]

Phil didn’t have the strength to return Clint to the ground. He held him even as he resumed work–even as his legs went numb beneath the weight. When it was finally late enough they could go, Phil carefully shifted him back down. Then he kissed the top of his head. “Alright. I’ll untie you, but you’re going to stay on your knees. Promise me?”

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

If Clint hadn’t been in Phil’s lap, he probably would have been significantly more upset about being tied up and vulnerable as long as he had been. But, this was his punishment, and he’d be good. He was determined.

He tried to help Phil put him down as much as he could, which wasn’t much. “Yes, sir, i promise,” he agreed quietly, vowing to himself not to stand without very express permission. He bowed his head, focusing on looking as submissive as possible.

[directorsonofcoul]

Phil cut the twine, gave Clint a minute to stretch his legs as much as he could without getting up, and then fixed his public, neutral face back in place. The walk to the parking garage was an ordeal, with plenty of staring and leering alike, and the drive was tense, but finally, Phil closed the door behind them. “Go to the bathroom if you need to, Clint. You may stand when you reach the tile, but not a moment before, and I want you back on your knees again before you reach the hallway. Fetch me your paddle on your way back.” The had a very specific paddle for punishment, and although he rarely had to use it, he was confident that Clint knew what he was referring to.

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

Crawling to the car was a truly awful experience, but he refused to let it show, until they reached the car. Even then, he didn’t want to to let it show, but his hands, which he folded in his lap, were shaking the entire drive home, and he didn’t dare speak because he wasn’t sure what his voice would do.

“Yes, sir,” Clint replied quietly,v hanging his head as he crawled to the bathroom. Once he was allowed to stand, even briefly, he shook out his limbs properly, before using the toilet, washing his hands, and opening the door, before resuming crawling all the way to the closet their implements were kept, before taking the paddle to Phil. He laid himself at Phil’s feet, with the paddle held out in offering, looking miserable and guilty the entire time, none of the feeling of being exposed and too vulnerable having faded in the short time between the car ride and fetching the paddle, even though Phil was the only one who could see him now.

[directorsonofcoul]

"Look at me, Clint." Phil took the paddle, then tapped his chin up and met his eyes. "What you did was serious. You have never disobeyed me in such a dangerous way before. I can see that you're miserable already, but you're going to have a sore butt and well-used knees until I'm satisfied it won't happen again. If you have some compelling reason for me to reduce the punishment I laid out for you earlier, now is the time."

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

“I hope so too.” Phil held him as tightly as he dared–tight enough that he was sure Clint could feel his heart, still beating faster and harder in his chest than it had any business doing. “In a week, when your punishment is over, you’ll be fully forgiven. In the meantime, you are still deeply, deeply loved.” He wound his fingers into Clint’s hair again, in order to hold him even tighter, and kissed his temple. “We’re just going to sit here now, for a little while.”

“Thank you, sir,” he replied quietly, full of emotion, because having the possibility of earning forgiveness was easily one of the best things Phil gave him, even when disappoint him was one of the most painful things. He sighed quietly and settled into be as comfortable as possible before murmuring a quiet agreement to the idea of just sitting there for a while. It certainly wan’t hard, not when he still felt  off kilter too and Phil’s presence helped. He’d just stay quiet while he waited for his next instruction. 

[directorsonofcoul]

Phil didn’t have the strength to return Clint to the ground. He held him even as he resumed work–even as his legs went numb beneath the weight. When it was finally late enough they could go, Phil carefully shifted him back down. Then he kissed the top of his head. “Alright. I’ll untie you, but you’re going to stay on your knees. Promise me?”

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

If Clint hadn’t been in Phil’s lap, he probably would have been significantly more upset about being tied up and vulnerable as long as he had been. But, this was his punishment, and he’d be good. He was determined.

He tried to help Phil put him down as much as he could, which wasn’t much. “Yes, sir, i promise,” he agreed quietly, vowing to himself not to stand without very express permission. He bowed his head, focusing on looking as submissive as possible.

[directorsonofcoul]

Phil cut the twine, gave Clint a minute to stretch his legs as much as he could without getting up, and then fixed his public, neutral face back in place. The walk to the parking garage was an ordeal, with plenty of staring and leering alike, and the drive was tense, but finally, Phil closed the door behind them. "Go to the bathroom if you need to, Clint. You may stand when you reach the tile, but not a moment before, and I want you back on your knees again before you reach the hallway. Fetch me your paddle on your way back." The had a very specific paddle for punishment, and although he rarely had to use it, he was confident that Clint knew what he was referring to.

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

“I hope so too.” Phil held him as tightly as he dared–tight enough that he was sure Clint could feel his heart, still beating faster and harder in his chest than it had any business doing. “In a week, when your punishment is over, you’ll be fully forgiven. In the meantime, you are still deeply, deeply loved.” He wound his fingers into Clint’s hair again, in order to hold him even tighter, and kissed his temple. “We’re just going to sit here now, for a little while.”

“Thank you, sir,” he replied quietly, full of emotion, because having the possibility of earning forgiveness was easily one of the best things Phil gave him, even when disappoint him was one of the most painful things. He sighed quietly and settled into be as comfortable as possible before murmuring a quiet agreement to the idea of just sitting there for a while. It certainly wan’t hard, not when he still felt  off kilter too and Phil’s presence helped. He’d just stay quiet while he waited for his next instruction. 

[directorsonofcoul]

Phil didn't have the strength to return Clint to the ground. He held him even as he resumed work--even as his legs went numb beneath the weight. When it was finally late enough they could go, Phil carefully shifted him back down. Then he kissed the top of his head. "Alright. I'll untie you, but you're going to stay on your knees. Promise me?"

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

“Thank you, Clint. That will be a problem for tomorrow, when I’m thinking a little more clearly.” They would have to delay until at least after Clint’s punishment, then he’d do his best to give Clint an opportunity to prove they didn’t need to do it after all. “If you can show me it isn’t necessary, we won’t do it. I’d rather almost any other way, sweetheart.” Phil went back to stroking Clint’s cheeks for a moment, then tugged him up and into his lap and wrapped his arms tightly around him. “I love you. I’ll protect you no matter the cost. You know that, baby?”

Clint nodded slightly, leaning into Phil’s touch before moving easily and clinging to him. “I do know that. I love you too. I hope… I hope I can be better for you,” he was barely whispering it but they were close enough that he trusted that Phil would hear him. “I want to be good. I’m sorry I wasn’t today,” he added, plaintively, grip on Phil tightening a little bit in the process. He didn’t thank Phil again, but it was probably called for, given that Phil was willing to let him try and make things right. 

[directorsonofcoul]

"I hope so too." Phil held him as tightly as he dared--tight enough that he was sure Clint could feel his heart, still beating faster and harder in his chest than it had any business doing. "In a week, when your punishment is over, you'll be fully forgiven. In the meantime, you are still deeply, deeply loved." He wound his fingers into Clint's hair again, in order to hold him even tighter, and kissed his temple. "We're just going to sit here now, for a little while."

[directorsonofcoul]

@starofhonor

It was an uncomfortable situation. The both of them had been exposed to an unknown substance, and since then, they'd been experiencing symptoms of aggression, arousal, and restlessness, as well as increased blood pressure and heart rate. So, logically, they'd been quarantined. Less logically, they'd been quarantined together. Nobody was allowed to do more than speak to them through the wall, pass through food, and monitor their vital signs, and even that was limited to a select few.

After a day, the symptoms had only built, and it became rapidly obvious what was happening. Still, the fear of it not being as simple as it seemed kept them locked up together. "Steve," Phil started again. "We aren't going to get through this without relieving it somehow."

[starofhonor]

“We’d be able ta relieve it plenty if they just let our boys come through ta us.” He snapped and struck the wall again.

Sighing he rubbed his forehead. “Yer right. I’m sorry. Didn’t mean ta snap like that.” Sighing he plopped down on the nearest surface. “Right... look Phil I gotta ask, you ever taken a knot before? I mean I know Buck an’ I swap back an’ forth all the time. Comes from pre serum days when my lungs were too shit ta do much a anythin’ useful... I won’t lie, it’s a hell of an experience. Not bad, jus’ intense if ya ain’t prepared for it.”

He sighed again “though who knows how long this’ll last. Maybe it’ll break after the first coupling... I doubt it but still...” blue eyes looked up at the other man and flushed cheeks highlighted just how much that spray had done to him. “I’ll be first then huh? Since I done it before.”

[directorsonofcoul]

Phil growled when Steve hit the wall. He wasn't particularlyone for disorder or rudeness on his best days, but now... It was taking about all he had to not try to force Steve to submit to he could reclaim some kind of order in his environment. He desperately wanted Clint, who would be so happy to kneel politely and give him what he needed to feel in control.

Steve pulling it together made him feel worse about his own lapse, but soon he was flushing with embarrassment, which was, at least, a distraction. "No. I haven't. Are you sure you want to go that far?" He wouldn't lie and say the fantasy of forcing Steve down to take his knot hadn't occured to him I the past few hours, but awkwardly and aggressively rubbing off on each other had seemed more in the realm of possibility. "I won't attempt to force you into anything."

[starofhonor]

“I’ll be honest.” He said through a soft pant “I don’t think anything less is gunna cut it.” He admitted, fingers already working at the clasps on his clothing.

Looking up he motioned to the cameras “those- off. Mics-off. You’ve got readings for our heartrates if you need to make sure we’re okay but otherwise any other monitoring system off” He wasn’t speaking to Phil of course but to the health team that had been watching them for hours.

He sighed as the cooler air struck over heated skin. “Oh that’s better.” He slurred softly “look, I don’t wantcha ta worry okay? It comes time an it still hasn’t broken then I promise I’ll make sure it don’t hurt.” He didn’t need the same assurances after all. “Let’s jus’ take it one step at a time. Go on then-“ usually sharp eyes were dulled with hormones and lust. “Tell me how you want me, let’s start gettin’ at least one a us some control back.”

[directorsonofcoul]

Phil was feeling just as uncomfortable in his clothing, his throat dry and his hands shaking as he itched to just take what he needed. "You're sure? We don't-" the passage through which their food had been delivered clunked, and Phil opened it to find a bottle of lube, a box of condoms, and more water. Phil flushed with both anger and embarrassment. "Well. We do. Alright." He took off his clothing carefully, almost violent in his rigidity now, every fold made with barely-controlled force. "Am I allowed to bite you?"

[thedeafavenger-deactivated20230]

“Good.” Phil sighed as soon as he saw Clint’s eyes, nearly sagging with relief. “There you are.” He stroked his cheek, then ran his hands all over him, checking for sore spots or anything else out of place, as he did after a mission or a rough training. “We really are going to have to work on obedience, Clint. If you can’t think though better options in the face of danger, I need a way to get you to obey without thinking. Do you consent to that?” Another alpha would likely never ask that, but it made Phil feel less like a villain when he at least had Clint’s consent to put him through something terrible.

He let Phil look him over, waiting patiently, even docilely. He considered Phil’s demand, of a way to make him obey without thinking about it. He was asking Clint’s permission to break him, ultimately. After a brief moment, he slumped just slightly. “Yes. I consent.” It was the safest way– Clint wouldn’t accidentally risk everything by being bad. “I need to trust you.” 

It didn’t mean it wouldn’t be one of the worst experiences of his life. He was fully anticipating that.

[directorsonofcoul]

"Thank you, Clint. That will be a problem for tomorrow, when I'm thinking a little more clearly." They would have to delay until at least after Clint's punishment, then he'd do his best to give Clint an opportunity to prove they didn't need to do it after all. "If you can show me it isn't necessary, we won't do it. I'd rather almost any other way, sweetheart." Phil went back to stroking Clint's cheeks for a moment, then tugged him up and into his lap and wrapped his arms tightly around him. "I love you. I'll protect you no matter the cost. You know that, baby?"